


In Our Nature

by Saralis



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, BDSM, Blaine Friendly, Blow Jobs, Dom Kurt, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, Slow Burn, Sub Sebastian, dub-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:45:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 134,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6245923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saralis/pseuds/Saralis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>D/S AU. Written for the Glee Prompt Meme. Sebastian was born a sub but he's convinced something must have gone wrong with his results since he doesn't feel like one at all, and so he deceives everyone into believing he's a dom. That is until his sickness comes and he has to face the reality. That he’s a sub. And he has to find a way to continue lying and make sure nobody finds out. All while he manages to get out of his sickness. Kurt Hummel may be his only chance. NC-17 for explicit sexual content.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if I have one or two (or probably more) grammatical errors. I'm new writing in English and in need of help so I did the best I can. Feel free to point out any errors so I can correct them.  
>  

Here he was once again.

Dalton Academy.

The big, elegant luxury building that was one time his refuge from the real world was now right in front of him, making a bunch of mixed emotions shake deep inside his chest. He thought he wouldn't need to return, at least not in the short term, and not for a reason so vain like this.

"Come on, Kurt. The Warblers practice should have already begun." Rachel said, passing hastily by his side, a bewildered Blaine being dragged by his right arm.

He couldn't keep his frown to decompose further. This was not something he wanted to be doing; back to this place, with Blaine, or 'with Blaine' in quotation marks, as it more than three weeks had passed by since they were physically unable to talk to each other. Anyway, it wasn't like they were here by themselves, of course there were five other people so they could politely ignore the other at all times, even so, he couldn't help the atmosphere to brought memories of his days in Dalton; looks, laughter, flirting in the middle of the hallways, the first kiss that he ever shared with anyone. Well, someone besides Britanny.

A hand on his shoulder distracted him from the strange memory of lipstick all over his face and neck. Mercedes smiled sweetly at him and Kurt suspected he had left too much of his emotions to show on his face.

"You alright, boo?"

Kurt nodded without much thought.

"Yeah, just you know, nostalgia"

She gave him a small pained smile. "You know Blaine is really sorry, don't you? He just won't stop looking at you with those big puppy eyes whenever you're near him"

"He didn't seem so sorry when he sang that song about expanding his horizons" Kurt felt the need to point out as he and Mercedes began walking towards the building. He already could see Mercedes searching for something nice to tell him but he stopped her before anything could get out of his mouth. "It's okay, I'm much better now. But I can't help Dalton to removes many things." He admitted.

He shouldn't even have agreed to let himself be dragged into this. Rachel's version of 'evaluating the competition' wasn't much better than espionage, but it had meant a source of distraction rather than an evening at home alone, with his father in Washington for the weekend, Carol and Finn busy with their own things and his girl friends entertained with their boyfriends there was not much to do at home beside his homework. So it had seemed like the logical choice. He just didn't know Blaine would come too.

It was enough to have to always see him in Glee Club, he didn't need more guilty looks sent to his way to remind him how sad he must be.

It had been five weeks, plenty for him to accept the facts. The news was old story and even Santana seemed have forgotten about it by now and Rachel -thank God- had ceased insisting on serenading Blaine so they could get back together.

They were all almost normal again, even Mercedes didn't speak much with him on the subject, which he was grateful for. She must have seen something different in his face this time if she had dared to broach the subject.

"Fine. I didn't mean to make you feel bad." Mercedes said, looking away as they approached the building, but Kurt could see in her expression that she, like everyone else, thought it had spent enough time to overcome it.

"You didn't," He lied. She had in fact made him feel worse, but that would be rude to say.

What could he do? He was not like most guys in Glee, he couldn't mourn all his misery in a week and a couple of songs and return to normal the next.

He wished he could be like that, but he wasn't. So what? It hadn't been even a month, it wasn't as if a whole year had passed. He was working on it, and didn't like being judged by anyone, not even by Mercedes.

Rachel's voice raised above his thoughts. She and Blaine stood a few feet away from the main door now, Blaine looking mostly restless while Rachel was adamant in what ought to be a strong pose and seeking to project leadership, Kurt supposed.

"Alright guys, this is what we're going to do."Rachel yelled. Kurt fought the urge to roll his eyes. He hated that absurd habit she had to treat them all as subordinates to make it clear that she was in charge. "Blaine and I will guide you. He's good friends with the Warblers and knows how they think so he'll know how to deal with them in a way we will not raise suspicions, and well, I'm the lead singer, so it's obvious that I should be the leader. "

There was a group sigh and four pairs of eyes rolling. Rachel did not even bother in looking offended.

"Whatever" Santana snorted, passing her and walking in front of the rest of them with Quinn at her heels.

Rachel opened her mouth, her face contorted in a huff, but only lasted a second before she tried to compose her face into a cool expression. "Oh-I, yeah go ahead, if you want."

"Rachel" was Blaine who spoke this time, his voice low and insecure but high enough so that he could listen from five feet away. "Umm, no offense but I don't feel right doing this to my friends." He said. Rachel stared at him intently, her eyes becoming smaller at Blaine.

"You aren't thinking of betraying us, are you Blaine  _Warbler_?"

"What? No!" Blaine exclaimed, suddenly nervous about all the attention he was now receiving. "No, of course not," he added at the insistent gaze of the dom.

Kurt buried his head between his shoulders. Now that  _KurtandBlaine_  had stopped being a thing everyone was kind of tense about whether Blaine would go back with the Warblers now that he had nothing holding him in New Directions, and in Rachel's biggest concerns was that no one found out what they planned for the competition, the same way it happened with Vocal Adrenaline in their Sophmore year. Not that they had some real plan yet, noteworthy.

"Are you sure Blaine? Because I need to know where your loyalty is, if with them or with us." She hissed. Kurt saw out of the corner of his eye Finn frowning just behind them.

Rachel was using her dom voice to get information from Blaine and Kurt knew exactly how it should be affecting him.

_That's not your problem. It's not your fight. Not anymore._

"No- I, okay. Let's- Let's do it" Blaine stuttered a little and Kurt clenched his jaw, but remained silent. He honestly couldn't care less what the Warblers were doing for sectionals and, in his opinion, instead of worrying about any of that they ought to pay more attention to their own sectionals, it was not like they have much time left, but if Rachel was paranoid and was so worried about losing Blaine's talent she still shouldn't take advantage that way of the vulnerability of a sub. It was just ... wrong, in so many ways.

Rachel looked more than ready to start a discussion when Santana's voice came from the building's door. "Hey losers! You have to hear this."

Kurt, just like everyone, turned his attention fully to Santana, though he vaguely could hear a slight sigh of relief coming from Blaine's direction. Good thing that hadn't gone further, he didn't want to deal with his stupid hormones telling him it was his job to defend Blaine. It wasn't.

Rachel hurried to get where Santana was waiting, Blaine being rudely dragged behind her by his arm again. As Kurt, along with Mercedes and Finn approached the same place, they could hear the faint echo of a few voices carry a tune.

There was no one around in the hallways, Kurt assumed that there wouldn't be. At this time of the day most of the students were already on their own, away to have fun somewhere or just getting some sleep in their bedrooms, and the few people who were around was, as in the case of the Warblers, at some club or team or something like that.

They followed the echo of voices directly to the Warblers rehearsal room. Now that the sound was clearer he could hear perfectly the treble and bass that gave life to the song being integrated as one. Kurt had to admit that had improved a lot since it was something that had caused them some trouble during his time with the Warblers. Maybe Rachel was right to be worried after all.

Blaine mumbled something, taking a few hesitant steps forward but stopping occasionally.

Santana, on the other hand, didn't wait for anyone before entering alone into the room. He could see Rachel making funny faces and pouting and muttering nonsense while reached the door, four curious eyes peering through the doorway before following Santana's example, in a much more aware of themselves way.

The scene was the same that Kurt remembered from his days at Dalton, although it was also completely different. Boys in uniform dancing in synch around the room, singing and smiling when they saw them walking through the door. Though Kurt found it odd to not see Blaine as the center of all the choreography. Instead there was Thad, Nick and another boy that Kurt had never seen before. A new addition, apparently.

The boy was tall, probably about three or four inches taller than Kurt, he had brown hair slicked back but unlike most guys in Dalton he didn't seem to use so much product to comb it. His body was slim and the few moles spread out across his face, and down his neck contrasted his clear skin. It wasn't necessary to say that he was really good-looking, though what really caught Kurt's attention the most about him was the arrogant look that framed his emerald green eyes as he looked towards them and begun to sing, moving perfectly in time to match the rest.

Santana, Rachel and the rest of New Direction exchanged worried glances.

Okay so, the new guy could sing. Like, really sing. His voice was low and melodic and reached the right notes just at the right time. And he knew how good he was. It was not easy to miss from his defiant gaze and supercilious smile.

Santana made his best attempt to match the smile, as haughty as the boy himself, and he could see several Warblers cheer up at the exchange of glances. But well, they've always loved to show off.

Finally, when the song ended, after two full minutes of exchanging defiant glances, they all were surprised when the vast majority of the Warblers jumped on Blaine for a hug.

Kurt felt the sudden need to step back. Among the lots of smiles and eager gestures guilt began to flood his head. After all it was because of him that Blaine wasn't with the Warblers any longer, he had asked him to leave them so he'd come with him to McKinley. And now they didn't even talked to each other anymore. It was obvious, at least in his eyes, that Blaine missed his old school just as much as they missed him and Kurt couldn't believe that at some point he had been so selfish to ask Blaine to leave his friends so he could be with his. Of course it had always been his decision, he would never have forced him to leave Dalton, but still. Right now, all he wanted was to go home and watch some TV trash.

"Kurt, hey how are you, bro?" Kurt was taken off guard by Jeff who approached him and wrapped him in a careless hug. Kurt smiled at the sub uncertainty of what to say and beginning to formulate a response when Trent launched to give him a stronger but shorter hug.

"Kurt! Is good to see you, I kinda thought that we would never see you again." He smiled and Jeff agreed with a nod.

"It's just ... I almost haven't had time" he lied. He was a bit shocked actually. When he was in Dalton he didn't associate with many people besides Blaine, of course he had a cordial relationship with all the Warblers and Jeff and Trent were the closest he'd been to build a relationship of friendship, but he felt like he never had really fit, he hadn't expected anyone to feel his absence, on the contrary, he thought they'd be resented for taking Blaine away.

Apparently it was not the case.

The murmur was interrupted by the new member -and so lead singer by what he could see- of the Warblers. He stood in front of the bustle, smugly looking upon them as if they were worse than the plague.

"So, I guess you came to evaluate the competency," He said, an eyebrow lifted in questioning and a sly smile never leaving his lips. Kurt saw several members of the Warblers roll their eyes. "I hope we haven't disappointed you."

"A little bit, yeah" Santana said quickly, but the other guy just smiled wider.

"Well I am too Lupita Gomez. If this is going to be our opponents it's kind of sad to think in how easy it's gonna be to win That trophy." Santana almost lost in  _Lupita Gomez_ but Rachel grabbed her forearm and stopped her to pounce on the boy. Who, by the way, was staring shamelessly at Blaine up and down like he was a piece of meat. Oh god, no. It made something move inside of Kurt, something that was definitely not nice, but he immediately controlled it. He could not lose the limited control he had left.

"Sebastian, you don't have to be rude" Nick scolded him but the boy -Sebastian- barely recognized him. "Can you behave, at least once?" The boy sneered, and Nick turned his attention back to them. "New Directions, this is our new lead singer, Sebastian Smythe."

Finn moved forward and raised his hand in a friendly greeting but instead Sebastian just raised an eyebrow petulant, leaving Finn with his hand hanging in the air until Rachel forced his arm down.

"He may seem a little ... bitter, but he's only like that 98% of the time"

Jeff chuckled. "Nick, honey, you're not helping," Nick shrugged his shoulders.

Meanwhile Sebastian was too busy looking at them as if they were some kind of waste. As if they didn't even worth him to spend his time talking to them. Kurt could not stand doms like that, stupid full of themselves believing they are better than others just because they think they deserve everything for being born in a golden cradle and have never had to fight for anything in his life because everything had always been close at hand.

"Anyway, you just have to ignore everything that comes out of his mouth and you can even get to like him" there were some hidden giggles around the room. Sebastian put a cold face and pretended to not hear a thing. Nick gave him a couple of nudges on the shoulder. "Just joking, Seb."

"Boys" Thad jumped impatiently "If you want we can give you a tour, you know to prove that we have nothing against you. Nobody will say the Warblers are bad hosts."

Mercedes was about politely declining but Rachel spoke first. "Sure, we'd love to."

"Excellent."

Kurt was not so sure that was a good idea. Nick, Jeff, Trent, they were all so ... nice. And of course they wouldn't be suspicious of his dear friend Blaine who was visiting them for the first time since he left. All that Rachel was looking for was the weak point of Dalton, these guys could be too kind, he knew it very well, they wouldn't think twice to give all the answers the girl asked, and not that Kurt didn't like winning as much as her, in fact his NYADA application depended on this competition, but he couldn't stand the idea of cheating, let alone the Warblers, although he had never felt completely comfortable with them, they had always tried to make him feel at home.

"I don't think it's a good idea," the boy Smythe expressed his thought, a little rougher than he would have done himself, however. You could tell a mile away that the new lead singer of the choir was anything but naive, Kurt could not blame him, besides, he was right.

"You don't have to believe anything, Sebastian. You can stay here if you want." Nick said condescendingly.

Sebastian frowned. Actually, it made Kurt sort of amused that rough attitude of the boy. The Warblers should know him well despite not having much time in the group, they treated him the same way that New Directions treated Rachel most of the time.

But truth be told Kurt did not want to spend the next hour wandering the halls of Dalton and remembering  _'Oh that was where I first saw him' 'There he kissed me for the first time'_  No, he wasn't ready for that. Besides, he didn't want to witness how Rachel embarrassed herself by asking questions out of place, nor wanted to see the confidence in her good intentions.

Thad, Nick and Jeff began to guide New Directions outside the choir room, talking about the history of the Warblers, in which year had begun, how many regional and national tournaments had won, how many views had reached in Youtube with her performance in 2007 and many things that Kurt knew they might regret later. He made a sign to Mercedes that he'd wait for them out before they finished leaving the room. She sent him a smile and a thumbs-up and when they turned to go to the classrooms hallways Kurt changed his way to the parking lot.

And while he was resting against the cement wall of the back of Dalton Kurt suddenly remembered the thing he missed the most about going in here.

And it was the beautiful car models that every student had.

Ridiculously expensive, especially if you considered that they were just students; Porches, Aston Martin, there was even a Lamborghini parked a few cars away from Kurt. He could only imagine his father's expression if he could see all that sophistication in engines.

He was so distracted by the image in his head that almost didn't notice when someone bumped into the same wall. Oh, and that that someone was not less than Sebastian Smythe.

He remained strangely standing about ten feet away, looking a little uneasy, breathing restlessly again and again as if he had been running for a long time, but Kurt knew it couldn't be, it hadn't passed thirty minutes since he had seen him perfectly calm in the choir room. Maybe he was just... _anxious,_ he thought when he saw the boy take a lighter and a box of cigarettes of his pants and awkwardly taking one and putting it between his lips. Kurt stared as the new Warbler struggled to light the cigarette, his hands shaking slightly. Then he took a long inhalation of nicotine and sighed heavily, holding it in for a few seconds and then expelling the smoke through his mouth.

Kurt had always hated the smell of cigarette. Horrible, penetrating odor of burned cardboard. But for some reason he didn't feel the need to leave. He knew it was rude; to keep staring like this, but there was something that kept him looking. Besides Sebastian didn't seem to even notice his presence, he clearly preferred to ignore him. There was something else in that awful smell though, something his brain was trying to place and couldn't get himself to find what was it.

Sebastian's anxiety wasn't going anywhere, despite he had almost finished with half a cigarette. So it might be another cause that wasn't simply the need to tobacco. He didn't seem like an addict either. Kurt wondered what could bring someone with such an arrogant attitude to this trembling guy with an indifferent expression on his face. He argues about whether he should ... but the guy really looks bad, and he can't just ignore him.

Kurt hesitantly approaches to where Sebastian continues smoking, the smell getting stronger with every step but he ignores it. And just like before, Sebastian doesn't seem to notice his presence at all.

"I didn't know smoking was allowed in Dalton," he said, in a way that made it clear that he wasn't really judging, and granting him a friendly look. The boy turned his head toward him, giving him a brief glance before returning his attention to the cigarette between his fingers. "I'm Kurt" He tried again, not getting any response this time. "You're Sebastian, right?"

"What do you want McKinley loser?" The other man spitted, his voice was husky and rough, very different from the way it sounded when he was singing. Kurt did not let himself be insulted by the comment, he have had much worse, and no matter how antipathetic this guy seemed to be, something was urging him to help him.

"Are you okay? You look kinda ..."

"I'm perfect, now go away." Sebastian interrupted, still not looking at him.

Kurt's determination decreased a bit and he was almost about to really go when he saw Sebastian's hands as he took another drag of the cigarette. "You're trembling"

Sebastian looked at his hands out of the corner of his eyes, then finally met his eyes."That's not your fucking problem." He said. His eyes were a cold, angry, spiteful green. "So, why don't you keep your damn lesbian face, go back with your little friends and leave me the fuck alone?"

Well, now that was a worst insult.

Nevertheless he still didn't feel the instant hatred he felt for each McKinley athlete who called him similar names. He cared enough to still be here, and he didn't understand why. Maybe because this guy seemed to be having a real crisis right now.

It didn't seem very good idea to leave him alone.

"Didn't you heard me? Go away!" Sebastian said again, standing more firmly on his feet and clenching his jaw, glaring at him, "Why are you still here?!"

Kurt frowned, "I'm not a sub, you can not give me orders."

"You aren't ... oh that's the last straw!" Sebastian's voice sounded coated with bitterness as he dropped the cigarette between his fingers and pulled out the box to take another.

"Why do you say that?" he asked. It wouldn't be the first time a dom felt insulted that someone like him was a dom as well, but if so he wanted to hear it firsthand.

Sebastian lit his second cigarette (At least it was the second to what Kurt knew) and shook his head as he inhaled, a mocking smile making its way into his features. "Forget it. Just leave me alone, would you?"

Kurt hesitated, he still was not so sure. "At least let me take you to the infirmary" offered.

"I-Don't-Need-You" Sebastian remarked every word. His head hit the hard wall as he leaned back on the surface, closing his eyes and inhaling the cigarette even deeper. He looked tired and though Kurt knew it was negligent of him he turned around, face wrinkled into space.

"Fine" He said, before slowly walking away.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt had really expected a quiet evening. Like, doing his homework, maybe watch some funny videos on youtube or a relaxing coffee to calm his nerves. For his bad (or good, he doesn't know anymore) luck, he’d decided for a coffee at the Lima Bean, his homework  _and_  some funny videos on youtube.

It wasn't so hard. He'd only wanted a coffee. For God's sake was that so much to ask for? He didn't expect to enter the coffee shop and see Sebastian Smythe flirting with his ex.

His ex, currently sitting there with that stupid shy smile and flushed cheeks. Kurt could hear the  _'-this whole thing bashful schoolboy. Super hot_  'part of the conversation. Blaine's cheeks heated up even more and Sebastian got that smug look on his face, the same he wore when they'd entered in the middle of the Warbler's practice. And Blaine only smiled as if he had been told a particularly sweet thing instead of a lame excuse of a compliment.

But it wasn't his place to interfere.  _Blaine wasn't his sub anymore_ , he repeated to himself for what seemed like the tenth time in a week. Blaine could have other relationships, he was aware that would happen over time. He had accepted it, even. Then he shouldn't get so jealous that Blaine was moving forward, while he was not. Of course, it's not that there's a long line of suitors waiting for he to be ready to start a new romance. Apparently the lack of gay men in Ohio wasn’t an impediment for someone like Blaine.

He couldn't hold a grudge against him, it was just obvious that will happen.

The barista girl yells 'next' just when he turns his eye back to the front. He recites his order and pays it quickly, moving aside to wait for it to be done. It's a full minute after when he sees the hunched, tall figure of Sebastian taking long and fast stomps out of the men's bathroom and through the Lima Bean. He looked a little unfocused on his way out, in fact, if it wasn't for the Dalton uniform Kurt would never have imagined that was the same cocky guy that had received them in the rehearsal room of the Warblers with a scornful attitude. But he certainly looked like the nervous and snuff addicted boy he'd known moments later.

He blinked and frowned as he saw him tripping over the steps once he was out the door and awkwardly walking away. The boy obviously wasn't in good health, Kurt knew. He knew it that day at Dalton, but Sebastian had rejected his attempts to help. He hadn't seemed so unstable on his own feet, though. And of course, he hadn't been throwing himself onto the road, where so many things could happen in such a short time... all the people with bad intentions that were out there, thieves, criminal gangs, reckless or drunken people driving every moment, constantly putting others' lives in danger, so, so many dangerous scenarios that could happen to someone in desease—

"Kurt?"

"Y-Yes?"

The brunette girl behind the counter looked at him suspiciously. "Your coffee,"

"Oh," He said, taking the coffee cup from the girl's hand and trying to achieve an apologetic smile on his face. "Thank you"

"Not a problem," she said before returning to her workplace.

Kurt gave a brief nod and walked away slightly embarrassed. He was just overthinking. Maybe Sebastian wasn’t even as bad as he thought. Maybe he just was in a hurry to get out of here and had become a little awkward. He didn’t seem so bad when Kurt had entered the shop. Of course, it was only a view from afar. And that didn’t explain the tremors, and the way he was hunched and he still didn’t know what had caused his discomfort a few days ago.

Ugh. Kurt groaned internally. He couldn’t believe he was seriously considering the idea of going after Sebastian Smythe, king of the  _'you're nothing but garbage to me'_  look to help him. Why should he? The other boy had been anything but rude to him and had already made it very clear he didn’t need, had made a point of it actually. He owes him nothing. And even while he knows all that…

Sometimes he really hated having a conscience.

He stepped out of the Lima Bean, trying to ignore the little selfish part of his brain that told him he was being an idiot and Sebastian could perfectly take care of himself. It wasn’t as if he didn't know. He did. He just wanted to make sure everything was fine. That was all. Really.

It doesn’t take too long to find him.

The Dalton uniform making him jump to view as a neon sign. Kurt sees him from afar, leaning over a trash under a Street lamp, vomiting, hunched and trembling visibly. Quite unfortunate that there was no one around to see him, he thought bitterly as he hurried to reach the boy.

"Are you okay?" He asks, getting close enough to be heard, but trying to keep his distance not to invade his personal space.

When Sebastian looked up and noticed him his brow furrowed, just a little, since his face was already a disaster, and rolled his eyes so subtly that if he hadn't been so focused on his facial expressions he wouldn't have given account of it.

"What do you want McKinley loser?" Sebastian muttered in a low, tired voice, but no with less disdain.

Kurt sighed, clenching his jaw to not show his irritation. "I'm Kurt, in case you forgot. Kurt Hummel." Another stream of vomit shoots out into the trash can. And by the sounds Sebastian made as he tried to stop it he supposed it was no time to be irritable.

"Hey, really I don’t want to discuss. Let me help you. You look like you could have vomited half of your intestines."

"That a person can't have a fucking day of stomach ache?" Sebastian asked ironically.

"It doesn't seem just that." He pointed out.

Then Sebastian recomposed himself in an upright position and pulled his most condescending smile, raising both arms in the air. "I'm fine! I couldn’t be better." He said, just before make another undignified sound and lean down to vomit again, though this time not much came out.

"Yes, I can see that," said Kurt slowly. Sebastian looked at him from the corner of his eye and glared.

"Go fuck yourself, would you, Bummel?"

"Hummel"

"Whatever" Kurt rolled his eyes. Sebastian was looking into the dumpster, as if waiting for something particularly interesting to come out of it.

"You're done throwing up?"

Sebastian made a threatening sound, almost like a growl and Kurt didn't know whether to feel exasperated or amused by the attempt.

Well, it had been pretty obvious from the beginning that Sebastian didn’t want his help, so maybe he shouldn't complain about being treated badly, he hadn't exactly been expecting to be greeted with endless gratitude to his humanity and benevolence, not from Sebastian surely. He had done it for... truth to be told, he still wasn't sure, but seeing the scene before him he knew it was the right thing to do.

Sebastian wouldn't say it but he'd have to be an idiot not to realize that he didn't happen to be  _fine_. He wasn't in a position to walk around all alone, much less drive to Dalton.

Either he didn’t think the same or didn’t care. After spitting a couple of times in the trash and clean his mouth several times he turned around, starting to walk away, Kurt was almost considering leaving, just then in that moment Sebastian tripped and fell on the ground when a car passed too near the sidewalk. Kurt's face crinkled in guilt and rushed to help the boy to his feet.

"It's okay. I'm okay." Sebastian said quickly, pulling Kurt's hands away from his body before he could even touch him. "I'm just a little dizzy and... I think my blood pressure is low, I don't see very well and I... I need to go back to Dalton..." He said, looking a little overwhelmed by the environment. "I guess... could you, perchance, call me a taxi, maybe?"

"Yes. Yes, of course." Kurt nodded really quickly, looking for his phone in the pockets of his pants. Umh… uh, oh! "Umm, I think I forgot my phone."

"You  _think_?" Sebastian said, almost incredulously.

"It's just a minor setback. It must be in my car, we just need to go back to the parking and-"

Kurt stopped himself, looking to where Sebastian was half sitting on the pavement and trying to stand up. "Oh, let me help you."

"No, no. I can." Sebastian moved away again, but this time, Kurt doesn't back off as he did before. Ignoring his words he approached the other boy and took him by the arm before he could say anything else. "Don't be proud. It's just a couple of streets."

As he put Sebastian back on his feet, positioning his arm over his shoulder and lifting him up he felt the other man’s body growing tense with every move until he was completely rigid on Kurt's shoulders.

"What’s wrong?" He asked. He heard Sebastian make an ugly sound, though at the moment it was impossible to see the boy's face, hidden as it was very close to the back of his neck.

"Nothing, nothing, just... let's do it quickly."

 _What a way to thank._ "Sure."

Sebastian didn't say anything more so Kurt decided to ignore it, probably it was just Sebastian being a whiner, even if he felt so bad as he seemed a little awkwardness for being carried for about ten minutes was not that much problem.

He begins to consider his thoughts again a few minutes later, when the state of Sebastian seems to get worse with every step he takes.

Kurt holds him with all the strength he has, grasping his waist against him and keep him walking by himself, even if he is doing almost all the work. Sebastian doesn't seem inclined to cooperate however, in fact, every time Kurt holds him more tightly to help him, Sebastian seems to try to get away from him as much as possible, to touch him as little as possible. Kurt doesn't understand it but he's not one to judge; he had a big problem with personal space for many years, still today it was difficult to leave someone too close.

Thinking a little about it, and now seeing the real state of Sebastian, he didn’t believe that sending him to Dalton with a taxi driver was a good idea anymore. But... perhaps it was better to handle it one step at time.

They walked past the Lima Bean to where Kurt’s car was. Kurt struggled to find the keys and opened the car with a touch to the remote of the keys. Rear door open, he more or less threw Sebastian on the back seat. To his surprise the boy didn't even try to resist, falling into the moderately comfortable surface and breathing deeply to control himself.

Kurt couldn't help but sniff. There was something odd in the air. Something... peculiar. It reeked of cigar and sweat and vomit but it wasn’t quite that. It was something much more... appealing.

"Your phone?" a small voice came from the interior of the car. Sebastian was hardly looking at him but he was trying to. Now Kurt could see him better, back there it had been dark, been barely visible to the other. Under the car’s lighting Sebastian’s face looked haggard, his eyes tired and sunken, pale, his chapped lips and his hair looked like straw instead of perfectly comb over as he was sure had been less than an hour ago. His clothes were stained with what looked like coffee and some residues of his vomit and the little of his skin that could be seen under his shirt was bruised and limp and he was so thin that Kurt was sure that if he could see it his ribs would be visible.

"Ahh you… You aren’t on drugs are you?" he heard himself asking.

Sebastian intended to mock but the sound came out more like a whimper. "Oh come on stop being stupid. I'm just a little sick"

Kurt doesn't point out that "a little sick" does not cover everything he had mentioned earlier. Instead he gets into the driver's seat, reaching for his phone in the places where he usually puts it.

"Here it is," he mumbled after he found it forgotten between his seat and the shifter.

"Please, tell me you have battery."

It indeed had, but after all that Kurt wasn't likely to call a cab. Not yet anyway.

"Um, no. I think I leave some application open and it died." He lied. Looking at Sebastian Kurt knew he wanted to complain but something stopped him to say any sarcastic comment he was thinking. He had to take the fleeting moment of tranquility. "You can’t go to Dalton like that." He said. "And I'm not going to take you."

"I think we agreed on a taxi. I'm sure there must be one around here somewhere."

"It's too dangerous," Kurt replied.

"How is it dangerous?" Sebastian squirmed in his lying position. Perhaps not so much for the discomfort but for the unpleasant argument. Sebastian didn’t seem the type that gave in easily.

"And what will you do once you get there? Crawl to your room and hope that no one will notice and try to help you? There's not even need to see you right now I think I could smell you a mile away. "

Sebastian was starting to object when he suddenly froze. " _Smell_  me?"

Kurt didn’t have to respond, Sebastian was sighing heavily with an air of defeat. It gave him a good feeling.

"Fine" Sebastian mumbled, and his tone wasn’t morose as Kurt would have thought, strangely it sounded urgent. As if now that he had decided it the option wasn't even worthy of consideration. It wasn't the first time he heard the words of Sebastian today, but it was the first time it felt like a real victory.

"Co- Would you take me to a hospital, I don’t… I don't feel well right now."

"Yeah, I've noticed." He almost smiled, even though he knew that it wasn't the right time for it.

He got out of the car until he was back in front of the back door. "There is one not far away. Get in correctly so I can close the car."

Sebastian did, not without complaining in the process. And he Complained all the way to the hospital.

Kurt doesn't know if he only is being fussy and whiny or if he really can't help the small noises of pain coming out of his mouth every time the car changes direction or moves a little rough. But if he feels like he looks, probably he was doing a great job keeping the noises low. Kurt can't help thinking that there's something terribly familiar about this.

He still remembers the first time Finn got his sickness. It happened just over a year ago; not long after they had moved out into a new house. It was very late at night and his new step-brother had been feeling listless all day. First he'd taken it as a simple discomfort, but it had continued to worsen for several hours despite medication. Being both Burt and Kurt doms they hadn't understood at first, and when they began to suspect something strange Burt called Carol to the hospital. Being a nurse, and especially a sub she confirmed that this must be it. She had asked Finn to calm down on the phone and that same night they had taken him to a specialized clinic in helping the submissive population in such situations.

When a sub starts a new cycle, a process by which their bodies pass to absorb all the endorphins necessary for the proper functioning of their bodies, and at the end of which these were discarded, they would need domination, would need to submit to someone, to a dom, who can help them to release those endorphins. Cycles were different for each sub, but normally would last between 24 and 30 months to complete one. The first was the hardest, he'd heard, although it wasn't scientifically proven to be more physically painful.

When a sub was in need there were always these clinics, they weren’t pleasant for anyone, at least Kurt doubted it. But if there was no one available it was the most logical choice. The clinics were all perfectly clean, have professional staff and the guarantee that no one would take advantage of the situation, but Kurt was aware of how depressed it made some subs being forced to use one. It was a reminder that nobody wanted them enough, that there was no one in their life they could be good for. And only that knowledge depressed a lot of doms as well.

That night Finn had made no protest, it wasn't like he was in a very favorable position. He and Rachel had broken a few weeks ago and Quinn was now with Sam. Kurt had wondered days later if Finn was sad, if perhaps he would've preferred to call and ask Rachel, but they haven't had time for that.

Finn had stuck to his hip as a gum, all the way from his room to the hospital his hardly overcame crush had been touching him all over, making him horribly uncomfortable. Finn was so tall, so big, and he was acting like he wanted to make himself so small that Kurt could completely cover him, touch him on all parts that he could not for their height difference, looking at him as if expecting him to say something, anything, whatever to give him a clue how to act, how to be what he wanted him to be... It'd driven Kurt crazy.

He was always aware that all that was completely platonic, Finn was his friend, his brother now, he was only seeking relief in the closest dom he could find. It wasn't as if the sickness completely clouded the ability to decide for oneself. Finn was still his brother, just a little more clingy. The whole experience itself had been disturbing.

Kurt knew that Sebastian was a dom, but seeing him gasp and fall apart in the back seat of Kurt's car he couldn't help to associate the two cases.

He inhaled, remembering the striking– and yes, luscious,– scent that had flooded his senses and made him slightly dizzy, but when he tried to find the same smell he just found a musty smell combined with cigarette and... he shook his head, just something that must be the remains of Sebastian's cologne.

Kurt parked the car as close as he could from the Hospital's door and despite the negatives of Sebastian his feet were still unreliable and with the vertigo of the road was no surprise that he fell once or twice in the attempt to stand up. When he almost fell for the third time on his way to the building Kurt ignored all complaints and dragged him to the emergency room.

Two men helped him climb a stretcher while a nurse asked him to go to the waiting room. He frowns all the time since Sebastian is carried away, feeling anxious as the memory of the boy disappearing behind the small door doesn't leave him.

…

Kurt looked at his watch for the fifth time in ten minutes. It was over eight now, and outside the night was all its glory.

He'd been waiting here for about an hour and no one has approached to say anything and he didn’t know what to do. Leaving would be the most logical thing to do, Sebastian had asked him to bring him here, not to wait for him like his babysitter. But it seemed so irresponsible, he couldn’t just leave him here, maybe he had something serious, perhaps he had lied and right now they were giving him a stomach pumping for some kind of drug and... the thought made him sick.

He didn’t understand why he cares so much; he barely knew the boy, he had not said a single kind word towards him since they met, and here he was, looking a thousand different scenarios of what could happen, and God, what would have happened if Kurt didn’t come in that moment to get him out of that dustbin where he was throwing up.

He sent a message to his father about half an hour ago, saying that a friend had a medical problem and they were in the hospital so it was possible he couldn't come at the curfew. Sebastian wasn't exactly his friend, but that was irrelevant.

Burt understood but he did advise that the most prudent would be to notify the parents of the boy. The problem was that Kurt had no idea how to contact Sebastian's parents, so he'd ended up staying.

He looked at his watch again and grimaced when only three minutes had passed. He sighed.

"Smythe?" Kurt looked up to see a dark-skinned, middle-aged man in a white coat holding a clipboard with several sheets and looking around with an expectant look.

Kurt stood up from his seat, approaching the man that noticed him immediately and put a neutral but cordial smile on his face.

"I'm with him. How is he?" Kurt asked directly, without offering a greeting, nor a name, but that didn't seem to be something important at the moment.

The man nodded, looking back to the sheets on his hands without bothering with courtesies more than Kurt had. "Are you his dom?"

Kurt blinked at the man, confused.

"What? I’m not, I don’t-what?" He was expecting some kind of correction, something that indicated that the Doctor had realized his mistake and corrected himself, but that never happened.

"Sebastian is a dom why would I…" he struggled with his words, his frown under the doctor's skeptical look.

"Well, if we're talking about the same kid, Sebastian Smythe, he is a sub."

Kurt shook his head, unable to believe the man's words. "There must be a mistake, that... that can’t be true." Kurt said, his mind going to every conversation he had with Sebastian since that day at Dalton; all the times when Sebastian had tried to give him orders...

And then he remembers the tremors.

He felt his whole face decompose and a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as the realization came to him. He tried to look less overwhelmed, but inside he was still not sure he could believe it. "Are you sure?"

The doctor took a deep, almost compassionate breath. "Like 110%. His records and the blood tests we did to him assure that. What he's experiencing are the reactions to his sickness. From what we could observe it must had started some time ago, two, three days maybe. He's lucky that there hadn't been major consequences. "

For a moment Kurt feels so shocked by the idea he is unable to say anything coherent. Sebastian was a sub? Sebastian, arrogant, stubborn, and insolent Sebastian was a sub?

It was like imagine Santana as a sub, it was... bizarre. And Blaine, he'd been clearly flirting with Blaine at the Lima Bean, at Dalton, it wasn't Kurt's imagination...

The other man waited a moment, perhaps for Kurt to accept or deny the facts, but when he said nothing the doctor returned his gaze to the sheets on his hands and continued.

"Mr. Smythe is already better. We gave him a tranquilizer for emergencies; it might serve him for the next few hours but I highly recommend take him to a specialist clinic as soon as possible. "

"Yes, sure," Kurt said calmly.

The doctor nodded. "As the dom who accompanied you must sign some papers, then you can go immediately."

"Okay. Thank you, doctor." Kurt smiled, or at least tried to. He was still a little dizzy from the new amount of information. The doctor returned the faint smile and walked away by the same door he'd come.

Kurt followed one of the nurses to the main office of the hospital, where he was handed a couple of sheets billing charges for medical care and the sedatives they injected Sebastian and requiring his signature as dom responsible for the patient leaving the hospital.

Kurt signed everything without stopping much in the small letters, his nerves were too high to concentrate on reading. He paid the charges and the nurse incited him to sit in the waiting room while they discharged Sebastian.

When the other boy finally walked out the door of one of the rooms was with a smug smile and a prideful step. He didn’t look much better than when Kurt found him throwing up in that dumpster but Kurt could see again the Sebastian he knew days ago, and he couldn’t decide between being happy that he was visibly better or irritated that his fastidious personality was back.

"As good as new, uh?" Kurt said, a persistent serious grimace on his face. Sebastian shrugged and kept walking towards him, the triumphant smile on his face wasn't giving him a good feeling.

"Let's go Hummel, get out of this dump." Kurt opened his mouth in dismay when he walked past him, working his way toward as if he owned the place. Kurt didn’t find anything else to do but to follow. The air outside was cold the only lights illuminating the venue were the few lamps of the hospital.

Sebastian kept pace, walking down the large steps to the sidewalk with Kurt three feet behind him trying to reach him. He still was smiling when he started to talk.

"Hey, I don’t know what they gave me but I feel fantastic." He said in a high, joyful voice, as if suddenly all his problems were gone to not come back. Which was so not what was really happening.

"Sebastian, they drugged you." he declared, but Sebastian didn't look one bit annoyed by this fact.

"Yeah? Well, they should pass me the recipe. I feel amazing. It is quite useful."

Kurt frowned, he didn’t think Sebastian truly understood the situation.

"The relish won't last you. The effect will pass after a few hours, tops."

Sebastian raised an eyebrow, thoughtful. "You think I can come back for more?"

"No, you're not understanding me." Kurt came to grab him by the arm but Sebastian jerked away. "Sebastian why didn't you tell me you were a sub? We could've skipped all this and go directly to a specialized clinic."

The skin around Sebastian's eyes tensed, but it was only a split second just before he let a nasty laugh out of his mouth. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You don’t have to lie to me anymore. The doctor told me. How could you? You’ve been ignoring your sickness for too long, don’t you know it could kill you?"

"Listen, I don’t know shit about what you’re saying, so shut the fuck up," Sebastian said, his voice much louder than it'd been before. Kurt noticed that his feet were beginning to give heavier steps as he walked and his shoulders looked tight, as if trying to look taller or stronger. Kurt though he only looked... forced.

He could now recognize it for what it was, he'd seen Dave Karofsky do something like that at the beginning of last year, especially when talking to other members of the football team and a couple of times when he tried to intimidate him not to tell anyone about the kiss he had given him in the locker room. But for some time, since he and Dave had fixed their differences he had not seen the boy do anything like that if anything he rather tried to shrink in the presence of Kurt every time he had seen him since. But that was because of… other reasons.

"I think you do" he murmured reflectively, but Sebastian seemed to take it as an attack, because he immediately turned on his feet, facing him and looking daggers at him.

"Hear me princess. This has nothing to do with you. You can now disappear to you insignificant life and forget I exist, that I’ll do the same. I don’t know what stupid things that mediocre doctor told you but I'm perfectly fine, and as sure as the sky is blue I’m not a sub. "

Kurt sighed, perhaps the best way to take this was calmly. "Well, your records don’t say so."

"I don’t care what the fuck my fucking records say. Haven’t you see me? I’m nothing like a sub, I’m nothing like a sub is supposed to be, anything that says otherwise is bullshit."

"You can say that but the fact that you’ve got your sickness say something else." He says once Sebastian has turned around again, continuing to give heavy steps ahead of him.

"Please, my blood pressure decreased only a little but I'm perfect now so go to hell,"

Kurt paused, reminding himself that hitting a sub in his sickness wasn’t something ethical to do, but Sebastian was crossing a line and despite his resolve to be calm about it, he could not help thinking that the boy needed to be taught a lesson.

"That's because you were given a sedative  _for subs_ " Kurt stressed the word. It wasn’t technically true, Kurt didn't know if what they gave to Sebastian was exactly for that, it could quite be just a side effect, but he wouldn't clarify that point.

Sebastian snorted anyway, incredulous and as arrogant as ever. "Don't make me laugh, princess. Come on now, give me an order, I guarantee you I won’t move a finger."

And oh-oh, he really didn't think it was a good idea. Not that he had a great experience on the subject but he remembered something like him and his father dragging Finn out of bed, Kurt nervously saying ´ _You'll be okay, don’t worry, you'll be okay_ ´ before he realized that his brother was hyperventilating for failing to meet what his instinct thought were the demands of the nearest dom.

Oh but it was tempting, he had to admit to himself. It would be a quick and easy way to prove his point, no possibility to any discussions. All he had to do was say something, anything, and he would have won the argument.

But no, no. He wasn’t going to be that kind of guy.

"Hey," Sebastian says a few moments later when it becomes obvious that Kurt is not trying anything, but he still refuses to stop following the other boy. "Stop it, yes? Thank you for helping me and bringing me here, I guess. Now I'm better so leave me alone."

Until today Kurt didn’t know it was possible to sound so insolent while saying  _thank you_ , but apparently Sebastian could handle it perfectly, even make it look like an art.

"The effect is going to pass in a few hours, you understand it right?" He had to check, because there's no way someone who knows all those things would agree to ignore the reality. "You’ll return to be the same or worse and that will continue until you're-"

"I said enough!" Sebastian spat the words through clenched teeth and Kurt shivered in the hostile tone in his voice. "Listen, no one in Dalton can know that I am-- no one can find out what my records say okay? If I go to a clinic they'll send a notice to Dalton, who are sure that I am one hundred percent a dom and that my records attest that information."

"You gave them false records?!" He asked impressed, he wasn’t even sure that was legal. In fact, it probably wasn't.

"-and it will not take long before everyone knows it." Sebastian continued, without taking importance to his intrusion. "It's that what you want? Me being kicked out of school for such a stupid thing?"

He quietens his protests that this is without a doubt not a stupid thing, they are talking about Sebastian's physical and mental health for the love of god, but he didn't want to sound like a broken record.

"I cannot risk it. Even if they took pity on me enough to not kick me out I don’t… I can’t have everyone knowing… I just can’t." He ends with a stubborn look on his face, but his voice does not sound angry anymore. It sounds almost pleadingly, as if he can not bear further discussion about this.

_Oh, sure he can’t. He’s been in sickness for three days, how do he manage to even stand still?_

"And you really prefer to go through all this, risking your health just to not have anyone knowing you're a sub?" He says it as it's something ridiculous, he can't imagine someone to deny so deeply his own nature to not care about the pain, the permanent burn that he knows extends beneath his skin.

He needs more than dominance, he needs someone to take care of him.

Sebastian puts an ironic and nasty grin on his face.

"It's easy for you to say it princess, you were lucky."

"Luck has nothing to do with it. We are what we are, period. And you are a sub."

"Shut up!"

Kurt actually swallowed down his speech, divided between being shocked and worried about what that comment may be doing to Sebastian's body right now. He can see his muscles tense up even more, his arms trembling just a little at his sides and the corner of his mouth jump a few times, but besides that there is nothing showing any pain. He could tell himself it was just the drug, keeping Sebastian of feeling too bad at the moment, but he knows that if he has spent the last four days in this situation he must be a hell of an actor if no one had noticed until now. Even he had only had a passing thought of the idea before discarding it as impossible.

"I can’t let you do this,...." Kurt says softly. "I have to take you to a clinic."

"Why do you have? Why do you care? It is not any of your business," Sebastian says, much less surly this time. He's not fighting him back, he's just saying what's on his mind. Kurt wonders if it is because he begins to understand, or just because he doesn't know why someone would insist so much on helping him. The thought makes him squirm with sadness.

"I am a dom." He responds, as if this fact alone should explain, but Sebastian is still looking at him in confusion. "I can't let a sub do these things, to hurt oneself this way... It goes against everything I believe."

Sebastian looks for a moment as if he couldn’t understand what kind of creature he was.

In fact he hadn’t questioned this a lot, despite the two hours stuck in the waiting room. It had simply been something obvious, what he was supposed to do, not only because he was a dom but because he was a decent human being. You don’t find someone dying in the street and then leave them to their fate as soon as you can. Well, he certainly does not. At least he'll ensure that the other guy is totally fine before allowing himself to get back to despise him for his dreadful personality.

"Hey, Let's make a deal." Sebastian says suddenly, his expression something like a mixture of apprehension and hope. "I invite you a coffee and we talk about it."

"No, I'm taking you to a clinic." Kurt didn’t hesitate, he was tired of this senseless fight, Sebastian wasn’t going to recover from a drug dose in a hospital in the suburbs and much less based on denial.

He moved to reach Sebastian's arm, but he pulled away as if the touch had burned him, even over the thick fabric of his jacket.

"Then I don’t go with you," Sebastian argues, glaring at him, his arms crossed over his chest in a distrustful gesture. "You agree to talk to me or no deal."

Kurt rolls his eyes, expression denoting disapproval, but there is not much he can do against it. He's not Sebastian's mother, not even Sebastian's friend, he can offer help, but if the other guy doesn’t want to take it, all he can do is try to convince him.

"Fine. Deal." He accepts.

Sebastian tightens his eyes suspiciously. "You have to promise me."

Kurt tried to smile but the gesture only came flat. It wouldn't be a terrible idea; make Sebastian get into his car and take him to a clinic despite everything. But that would be unfair. And again, he wasn’t that kind of guy. "Fine, I promise." He looks into Sebastian's eyes. "But after, I'm taking you."

"We'll see" Sebastian mutters, a little sly smile showing up, making him doubt for a second.

Then he bowed his head, telling Kurt to lead the way.

...

The café located around the corner was rather lonely at this time of night. Strange, considering the size of establishment you'd think that would have a great demand. It was quite nice, with round tables of different sizes that matched the brown carpet and pale walls all over the place. Only a few of them were occupied, an old couple sitting near the window in a much larger table they needed, a group of five nurses talking and laughing loudly and a man in his thirties reading a book on a sofa away from the counter.

Sebastian rushed to a small table with two chairs more or less away from everyone, flopping on the red cushion on wood and spreading his legs wide as if wanting to occupy all the available space, giving Kurt one expectantly look.

He raises an eyebrow but didn’t take much importance to it, walking away to go to the counter.

The only barista in sight, a boy with dark hair and big glasses with headphones about the size of his head looked up to see Kurt walking toward him. He seemed to have much better things to do at the time since it would not stop making faces and irritated noises when he was forced to remove his headphones from his ears while Kurt dictated his order. He didn’t know how Sebastian took his coffee so he ordered a black coffee and milk powder for him and his regular order.

After another short moment of ignoring the impatient sighs as he paid Kurt went back to the table to wait for the coffee to be ready.

Sebastian was almost exactly the same when he returned, except now his arms were crossed over his chest again and was looking down at the battered table material. Kurt said nothing and pulled the chair back and sat, staring at the front door not wanting to bother Sebastian with his gaze.

After a few minutes drawn into silence though, Kurt couldn't stop himself from being a little curious.

"You don’t smell like Finn," He said thoughtfully, daring to take his eyes from the door to look at the other guy across the table.

Sebastian barely moved his eyes, "Thank you? And who is Finn exactly?" Sebastian asked, slightly knitting his brows and mouth.

Kurt blushed a little on the cheeks, embarrassed by his foolishness.

"Finn's my brother. I... Well, he's a sub." Sebastian made a vague gesture with his hands that clearly meant  _and...?"_

"He uhh, he smelled kind of… different, when he got his sickness."

Sebastian mocks, though he looked vaguely satisfied. "That’s because I obviously don’t  _smell_. I'm telling you princess I'm not what they think I am."

Kurt doubted it, but he made no further comment on the subject of the smell.

"How have you managed to lie to everyone? It’s… it makes nonsense,"

Sebastian shrugged. "It's not that difficult."

His eyes had returned somewhere where they wouldn't meet Kurt's. His green eyes moving up and down as he watched something in the distance. There was something particularly strange about this boy and it wasn't just his rude attitude. Kurt can't decipher it but something stops him from running away and leave him in front of a clinic whether he want's to use it or not. It is not just his conscience, either. He'd like to know what it is, it stirs something uncomfortable in his stomach and he has to stop thinking about it before it gives him nausea.

Eventually, the thick and unsteady barista's voice called his name and Kurt goes to the counter to pick up the two cups of coffee. When he returns he put Sebastian's coffee right under his nose, not bothering to sit down again.

"You have your coffee now. Time to go." He says as he takes his bag from the chair and throws it over his shoulder, watching Sebastian's eyes open comically.

"Hey, wait! We agreed that we'd talk about it, remember?" He says, suddenly looking a lot more nervous.

"It makes no sense. Unless you have someone who can take care of you should go to a clinic."

"You said we'll talk and we are going to talk. Sit down..." Sebastian hard tone faded with every word that came out of his mouth. He looked down and his hand that trembled a little when he moved to hide it under the table. "You... would you?"

Kurt realizes then why his sudden change of mood. It wasn’t even half an hour since they injected him the serum in the hospital, it was hardly time for the effects to disappear. But he wasn’t helping very much, trying to force Sebastian to follow him.

He flopped down in the chair again, slightly embarrassed by his behavior, but still determined to do what he had to do. Anyway, he could see Sebastian relax a little when he sat down.

"Why do you insist on prolonging this? You’ll have to go anyway." He makes sure the last part didn't sound like an order, he really didn't want to make this worse. Normally, a sub wouldn't be forced to follow any order, they could feel the urge but it was never forced. However, he knew that the sickness could significantly lower the ability of a Sub to resist any kind of order, intentional or not.

It could become rather dangerous to ignore it more than a few hours, he didn't want to think about what it would be for someone with more than two days exposed.

Sebastian settled in a more casual position but he still could see the stiffness in his body by the way his arms seemed static.

"You're being quite insistent. It is impolite. What happened to all that 'is my body and I decide what to do with it?' Was it just cheap propaganda to make us believe a lie about an evolution that we are not having?" He asked sarcastically. Kurt looked away momentarily, ignoring the comment. He remembered the commercial, it had drawn much attention last year and set up great polemic. In his point of view, although the heart was in the right place the short film was very inaccurate. Of course every person should have the right to decide happened with his body, but in the case of the sickness... well, sadly there wasn’t much that could be done.

Sebastian looked just as happy not to have an answer. He remains silent as removing the lid of his cup of coffee and reached for the sugar packets. He carelessly rips the yellow paper and pours three... four... god, six envelopes sugar on his coffee, he tastes it and takes two more envelopes and  _damn_ that's a lot of sugar.

He is so stunned by this act that he almost misses the hands Sebastian's hands start to tremble again when he cuts in the last envelope and put the lid back in place, spilling a few drops of coffee on the table in the process .

"The effect is passing, isn't it?" he asks defiantly, seeing the perfect opportunity to make a point.

Sebastian hissed, hiding his hands under the table again. "Don’t mock Hummel. You have to understand my reasons. Nobody knows that I'm... not exactly a dom okay? And I want to keep it that way."

 _Not exactly a_   _dom. Nice._

"Why? What's wrong with being a sub?"

Sebastian made an impatient noise. "You obviously wouldn’t understand. As a dom the only thing you know is to command and automatically expect that what you say is law. Just like now."

Kurt was hit momentarily by the acussatión, but he wouldn't let Sebastian divert the conversation that way. "It's not about you obeying me is about saving your ass." He answered impatiently.

"My ass is pretty fine, just in case you haven't noticed." Sebastian gave him a careless wink and Kurt was divided between ignoring it and roll his eyes, but he was too tired to make even that effort.

"Anyway, I'm not being arbitrary. Didn't I act fair with you? Haven't I agreed to bring you here?"

"Yeah but you keep insisting."

"It's for your own good." Kurt retorts and he's starting to really lose what little remains of his patience with this guy.

"Let me worry about my good, yes?"

"Yes, and what am I supposed to do, leave you here to your sickness to come back and get hit by a car on your way to Dalton, or worse." He couldn't even start thinking about all the things that could happen, not again, not after all that time he had had to imagine it in the hospital.

"Nothing will happen to me, I'm perfect."

"No, you're not. And you don't know what may happen."

"Yes, I am and yes, I know, just like I know I'm not a damned sub so you can take your dom bullshit and stick it up your ass." His hand hit the table between them with a muffled thud. Sebastian did not have a good temperament, he was confirming quickly. His dull skin flushed with anger, eyes displaying rage, irritation, contempt… all just there.

Kurt felt something heavy settle in his chest, causing an ugly feeling by an irrational desire to take care of this person.

He let out a long sigh, his eyes falling down to prove he wasn't in for a fight. "Look... I'm really sorry that you’re something you don’t like to be," Reaching across the table he tried to grab one of Sebastian's hands but stopped, distressed, when Sebastian shuddered away. "But you still need to take care of yourself, of your needs, it’s only once every two years or so, is that too much to ask to keep you healthy enough?"

Anger washed off Sebastian's expression, immediately replaced by a look of sorrow.

"You just don’t get it," He mumbled, and he looked like he was wringing his hands under the table.

"Maybe not, but... I can help."

"I'm not made for this. If your little subs want this shit well, but I will not be part of this twisted society." hi lips curled in disdain.

"And what are you gonna do? Let yourself get worse and worse until... I won’t leave you."

"I’m not asking for your permission. And besides, I don’t need your pity." Sebastian's voice was low and dismal.

"I don’t have you pity. In fact, I think you're really stupid."

Sebastian saw him then, a new expression that Kurt had never seen showing on his face. It seemed like... incredulity, although there was some sort of judgment there as well, and for some strange and perverse reason all his body smoothed.

"Fine." Sebastian said, not meeting Kurt's eyes.

One of his eyes shrank into a frown. Had he heard right? "Fine?"

"Yes, fine," Sebastian repeated in a flat voice. "You're right. I can’t drive back to Dalton, so you'll have to take me."

"What? No. There's a clinic less than forty minutes away from here, it’s time enough."

Sebastian sighed, regaining some of her self-irritant. "If you want to help me so much take me to Dalton. I have a friend there, maybe he can help me."

It was being too easy, he was too willing. It made sense, after everything they had said and the visit to the hospital. But he still, for some reason, suspected it shouldn’t like this.

"I thought you didn’t want anyone to know." He observed.

"Better one than everybody right?" Kurt wasn’t sure what to say, this new easy attitude taking him by surprise. He knew what he had to do, what a responsible dom would, but he wasn’t just a dom, he also was a person with feelings and Sebastian’s aversion for clinics and everything to which they could lead it was impossible to ignore.

"Okay, I'll take you, but I'm not leaving until you're better." He said and this time he wouldn’t let Sebastian convince him otherwise.

"God Hummel who made you my babysitter?" Sebastian asked, looking pleased for having gotten away with it.

"I found you this way and it’s my responsibility to look after you until you're in the hands of someone competent."

"Whatever you say, deal?" Kurt turned his gaze to Sebastian’s arms, he didn’t know if his hands were still shaking but his muscles were stiff, perhaps voluntarily, as a way to avoid the trembling and maybe now that he didn’t have to worry about going to the clinic he was less nervous . He was doing the correct thing, he tried to convince himself.

"Yes, okay. Deal." He accepted, a little hoping Sebastian would take his hand from his lap to shake his but he knew it was unlikely.

He didn’t, instead he rose from the chair, picking up his coffee with a much more stable hand. "Now change that face and let's get going. It's a long way."

…

The hallways of the dormitories at Dalton were, rather, one long and elegant corridor with red carpet and blue details to match the shield of the school, white walls without imperfections and art paintings hanging on them adorned by frames that if Kurt didn't know better he would think were actual gold.

Kurt had been so impressed by all this the first time he was here, he knew the kind of people that attended to Dalton, but he hadn't stopped to think about what this meant. No wonder why he'd felt out of place here. Burt earned a considerable sum of money with the shop, sometimes even enough to give him the satisfaction of some of his more extravagant tastes, but yet he still was only the son of a mechanic, these people were children of politicians, successful businessmen and who knows what else. The whole time he was here he had been waiting to do something wrong or reckless and as silly as it seemed he preferred to be high class at McKinley to rabble at Dalton.

Although it has its advantages. Behind the wooden doors at the sides of the hall the rooms were tasteful and spacious, maybe not as much as their students could be used to but it was exactly the same size Kurt's room at home, with the difference that here wouldn't be allowed to remodel every year to match the new trends of Vogue.

So yes, he could miss some things from Dalton but he was quite satisfied with his decision to return to his normal life. He wouldn't have lasted long without redecorating anyway.

He didn't realize until they went through a certain door that he knew the place too well. That used to be Kurt's room. Which meant, they were in the doms dormitories.

Sebastian's room should be here somewhere too, he'd been very clear on the fact that everyone was sure he was a dom, the most logical thing was that his room was here somewhere. The bedroom of Sebastian's friend was close to his, Sebastian assured him and both agreed that Kurt would leave him as soon as Sebastian was safe with him.

Speaking of Sebastian... he hadn't said much, to not say anything in his way here, he'd been limited himself to look at the road through the window while Kurt drove.

Kurt hadn't commented again about his condition but it was good to see that Sebastian could walk without problems, it had been two hours so it was good that the drug was still taking effect.

It was also good that the prefect wasn’t in sight, otherwise he'd been escorted out as soon as been seen in the halls, possibly he'd decided to go to bed earlier today. Sebastian, he noticed, was as surprised by this as he was.

They stopped just around the hall, first door to the left.

Sebastian turned to face him, his face educated on a nonchalant expression. "Done. It's here, you can go now. I'll see you in another life Hummel." He said, making a point of heading toward the door.

"No, wait, I want to talk to your friend," Kurt argued, his voice just a matter-of-fact.

"For what?" Sebastian asked, ogled towards him, without waiting for an answer he leaned near the door again.

Kurt raised his hand abruptly, the gesture meant to drawn Sebastian's attention. "I want to see if he's competent."

Sebastian pinched the space on his nose between his eyes, showing exhaustion.

"Let it go Hummel, go home, take a bath, relax." Sebastian said, his face turning languid as he reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a small, silver key and proceeded to insert it into the lock.

Kurt frowned. "Why do you have the keys?" Of what he knew Dalton had enough funds to give every student a private dormitory.

"Because this is my room." Sebastian said in a dry tone, pushing the door open and getting in, closing the door right on Kurt's face.

Kurt stood there, wide-eyed, lips slightly parted, looking at the thick wooden material.

Sadness was the only thing Kurt felt at this moment. There was no anger, not even disappointment that came to him.

At least he tried, he told to his destroyed pride. Walking out of Dalton he thought he maybe overestimated himself. Sebastian was a strange sub, even in his sickness he didn’t feel the slightest urge to follow orders, any advice he could give would mean nothing to him, Kurt could very well let him take his own decisions and face the consequences.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for any grammatical mistake I could have.


	3. Chapter 3

''Alright New Directions please be quiet! Be quiet, New Directions!''

Kurt rolled his eyes, realizing that he was the only one, besides Finn who had automatically responded to the call of his Dom, who was paying any attention to Rachel. Of course, everyone was too disturbed by the story of the visit to the Warblers and their improved skills and too worried about who would get the solos for sectionals to listen to Rachel and her weekly speech of why she ought to be the only protagonist.

"Nobody cares, man hands," Santana shouted over the scandal. She and Mercedes were having a fight over who deserved more the main solo and Rachel looked at them as if they had grown another head.

"Rachel, I don't think this is the best moment," He said, already dazed with all the shouting coming from the back of the choir room.

It had been several days now and Mr. Shue didn't seem to have any interest in stopping the constant fights that took place in the classroom, to what Kurt knew, he was busy chasing Ms. Pillsbury and trying to fix their relationship problems to pay attention a choir competition.

As for him, he was in no mood to remain part of a never-ending war. He'd been interested in marking some important points on the first day the issue came afloat, but now it just seemed pointless.

He still felt a little turned down for the break-up with Blaine. Blaine, whose eyes Kurt could felt right on his neck from two rows behind. But maybe that had more to do with Kurt's activities in recent days, which had consisted in watch romantic movies and listen to music so loud he was sure that his neighbors would have the chorus of  _'My heart will go on'_  stuck in their heads at least a week. Of course, none of those things meant that he was still mourning his loss. Not at all. It was just that it was difficult to do any of those things without thinking about Blaine. Even if it had passed 6 months instead of one he would probably think of him. It was completely normal and something that everyone did, right?

At the other hand, Kurt's thoughts had been divided between his current romantically frustrated life and Sebastian Smythe.

It wasn't on purpose. His hormones had remained afloat all the next day after their encounter. And then he simply hadn't been able to stop thinking about the boy; if he had gotten help, if he'd be better or worse by now; at least that had distracted him from other things, it was the only positive thing about all this situation. But Sebastian would be forgotten sooner or later, he doesn't really think the guy is stupid enough to allow himself to become worse than he already was.

Rachel cleared her throat so hard that in fact several people turned to see her. "Guys, sectionals are just around the corner, instead of fighting amongst ourselves don't you think we should be doing a strategy that can lead us to victory?"

"Oh yeah right! As give you all the solos, huh Berry?" Quin said ironically, raising a challenging eyebrow and Santana was about to shout something else when Rachel spoke again.

"Well! As a matter of fact, that would save us a lot of time in discussions. But it's not that. "A collective whimper was heard in the choir room but suddenly everyone seemed more interested in the conversation. Rachel smiled and continued. "I was thinking of getting real professional help. We can't risk losing the regionals, we barely won last year."

"It's noteworthy that now that we have Kurt and Blaine we have some advantage," Artie said.

"And what does it serves us for?" They're no more than background singers like the rest of us," Tina snapped, pointing to everyone sitting in front of Rachel.

"I don't want to start a fight but that's true," Mike agreed, shrugging. "I mean, I'm perfectly fine just dancing, but we have excellent singers and is not as if we took advantage of it a lot."

"Okay!" Rachel exclaimed, annoyed with everyone blaming her because no one got to sing. "But we're not talking about that. My dads know someone and-"

"That sure would give you all the solos," Someone, Kurt believed was Sugar, shouted.

And so it went more or less all the hour.

They hadn't really come to anything, the conversation practically a waste of time. He had thought that Glee Club could help him to relax but at the end of the hour Kurt was just the same or more tired than he was at the start of it. At least his home was a quiet place these days, with Finn at soccer practice or at Puck's or Rachel's almost all the time and his father in Washington the weekend and working in the shop and his work in the Congress all the other days he had the house to himself. It had been useful in past months, when he and Blaine would use the chance to spend time alone, but now he was mostly lonely most of the time. But he could appreciate the benefits of loneliness now.

He warmed himself remains of yesterday's lasagna and ate it watching an old episode of Friends on TV; he did his homework and changed channels alternating between a program and other for hours. Outside it had already started to dusk and he was seriously considering walking to the bakery a few blocks away to buy a slice of something sweet and full of calories that'd make him feel more alive when his cell phone, buried somewhere behind the cushions began ringing, filling the room with the voice of Britney Spears.

He frowned when he saw the number on the screen, it was nothing like any number he knew. He kind of had expected it to be Mercedes or maybe Rachel but it that wasn't the number of any their phones or houses. He wasn't going to answer, it wasn't like a lot of people called him on a regular basis, not even to offer things. His cellphone conversations covered his father and a few kids of Glee whose with more than anything exchanged messages instead of calls, yet his curiosity got the worst of him and he touched the green icon on the screen to answer.

"Hi, who is this?" He asked, holding his phone tighter than it was necessary against his ear, uncertain.

 _"Hu-Hummel?"_ A dry, broken voice said at the other side of the line. Kurt gulped, thinking of hanging up just then. He was not a coward but that was a stranger with a creepy voice and that also knew his name. Anyone would be scared by that. It was probably the theme of at least 30% of the horror movies in existence. But this wasn't a movie and he wasn't going around giving his phone to any vagabond on the streets so he didn't dare.

"Who is this?" He repeated instead, in a challenging voice.

The voice on the phone took a while to answer, although he could hear the heavy breathing on the other side all the time, that made him even more nervous and he was starting to feel really paranoid. The person cleared his throat a set of three times before speaking again.

_"Sebastian. Sebastian Smythe, the guy of Dalton?"_

Kurt opened his mouth, then stopped, letting out a random noise. "Ahh, Sebastian? Did you- How- How did you get my number?" He asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

_"B-Blaine Anderson."_

Kurt's eyes opened. Oh. Did Blaine and Sebastian... well, it didn't matter. "Why would he…" He shook his head. "I mean, what happens? You sound terrible, something happened?"

 _"I need help,"_ He said, quickly, though difficult to understand. _"I need you to get me something... from the pharmacy."_ He groaned, and a noise was heard in the background, then he groaned deeper.

"Are you crazy?" Kurt asked, he really couldn't believe this was serious. "To Dalton? You've got to be kidding me, it's more than an hour from here."

He could hear the hesitation in Sebastian's voice much better than he could understand his words and he knew where he was going with all this. _"I- Please?_ I-need _it. My sickness, it got worse."_

Kurt sighed, covering his eyes with the hand that wasn't holding the phone. "Sebastian, I can not believe you've been so irresponsible." He said, hoping that Sebastian was here to give him a good kick in the ass. He let go the scolding, however, in order to hit his own head against the back of the sofa.

Apparently Sebastian was too desperate to discuss anything anyway.

 _"Will you bring me what I'm asking or not?"_ he demanded and Kurt's eyebrows lifted almost to the birth of his hair, even though Sebastian could not see him. There was something like a sigh out of the phone and Sebastian was talking again. _"Please?"_ he asked, not very happy to has to do it. _"Kurt if I don't take something soon..._ I'm _scared okay? My heart is beating too fast, my sight is blurred and I'm sweating and I think I'm going to explode soon, I don't know how long I can hold out like this..."_ he admitted and Kurt could hear the truth in his words. And if Sebastian Smythe was degrading himself enough to ask for help from the prole, well, he assumed it was an emergency.

"Ok, ok. I'm coming." He declared. "What do you need?"

He heard the sigh of relief at the other side of the line and a few things moving. _"Shit, okay, is called_ vitrofilina _, it's sold on the road from Lima to Westerville, but you need your ID."_

"Why do I need my ID?"

 _"They need to check that you're legally an adult and a_ dom _."_ Kurt thought he heard a growl in the voice of Sebastian. _"It's a very strong drug, used to sedate animals with some problems with... uhh, I don't remember now, but I've read that it has some components that can turn off the symptoms in of the sickness."_ He explained.

Kurt didn't think there was such a thing, if it did, it wouldn't be used for that purpose already instead of having the government spending so much money on special clinics?

_"If I hadn't bought it's because I can't, my fake ID wouldn't work for that, but I promise you I'll pay you as soon as you arrive. It costs about 85 dollars, by the way."_

"You're sure it's safe to take it, it won't do you any harm?"

He hesitated. " _Not if I take it in small quantities..."_ he muttered under his breath. _"Hey, just hurry up,_ allright _?"_

Kurt sighed, sure this wouldn't lead to anything good. "Okay, I'll be there as soon as I can," he said anyway, because he couldn't just ignore the issue, just as he hadn't been able to just ignore the issue a few days ago. He hung up without waiting for Sebastian's response and hurried to find the car keys, wherever he'd left them.

…

Sebastian looked at the superficial crack on the white wall, trying to focus his eyes on that one thing and failing miserably. He could feel his eyes straying without permission no matter how much he tried to keep them still, wandering all over the place as a looking for something, anything to help him escape this fucking hell. His head ached as if and anvil had just been dropped on top of it and his eyes were sore, and hot and swollen and if it wasn't completely illogical he would think that his intestines had been replaced with hot metal. He couldn't breathe and was sure he was hyperventilating.

He ran a hand across his forehead removing the strands of hair wet in sweat stuck to his skin. He was being burned alive. In fact, every part of his body felt as if he were in a sauna.

A loud noise echoed in his ears and through his head, startling him and making him jump from where he was humiliatingly lying down after he'd slipped and fallen into the tub shower. His body moved by itself in panic and another noise even stronger filled the bathroom as more things began to fall to the floor and on top of him, causing his body to react in alarm and get himself out of the tub, freeing his leg that had been trapped under him for at least twenty minutes.

It was embarrassing to admit that even the strong and fast beats of his heart in his ears made him feel more and more anxious every second. One shouldn't be able to hear internal organs, not like that. Everything around him was so quiet that any sound made him lose his head, everything seemed to happen in slow motion, a gray mist clouding his vision and making him more paranoid than he already feels, his heart pounding wildly in his chest as he tried to process what was happening every moment.

He tried to balance on his own feet, failing a few times but eventually succeeding and forcing himself to walk out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Too fast. Dizziness made his eyes spin again, made him want to vomit a food that wasn't there. He hadn't eaten anything in days.

A strong knock filled his head and Sebastian almost screamed that moment, desperate and tired and scared.

Then the noise repeated itself, followed by a voice and his eyes finally managed to focus on something for the first time in almost an hour.

"Sebastian. Sebastian it's me, Kurt."

He took advantage of the sudden blow of clarity to throw himself toward the door, not caring that a shooting pain struck his head as soon as he took the first step. He removed the lock as fast as he could after two failed attempts and ripped the door open.

Kurt looked at him, eyes opening wide when he noticed his state. He knew he was... pale wasn't enough to describe the color of his skin right now. Yellow would be a better description. Yellow skin, red eyes, white, chapped lips and covered in sweat. He wasn't exactly the image of health.

"Fuckin-g finally," He said as Kurt entered the room and closed the door behind him, taking deep breaths to take strength for what he was about to do. "Did you b-bring what I said?" Sebastian stuttered.

Kurt quickly removed his shoulder bag, dropping it on the floor, and glancing sideways around the room. It smelled like cigarettes and rotten food, he didn't it'd been cleaned in quite some time. "No, I did not."

"W-What?" Sebastian demanded, shaken as he saw his last chance be thrown out the window. "Then what the hell did you come here for your fucking piece of-"

Sebastian didn't even get to finish the sentence. Kurt's hand dashed so fast he didn't see it approaching until it crashed into his mouth, pressing firmly and making the slightest possibility of emitting any word out of his mouth impossible. Anger was replaced by surprise and distress and he felt his eyes go fuzzier and fuzzier until he could only see Kurt, suddenly much closer to what he remembered he was.

"Don't talk. From now on you're not saying anything unless you have permission."

Sebastian barely managed to hear enough before his blood pressure increased so much he could hear it within his ears. And he was so faint at the moment, but not enough to stop him from biting the hand in his mouth as soon as he understood the meaning into the words. Kurt didn't react much to it, besides taking his hand away.

"You're crazy if you think—Go. Go-. Out." He struggled to get anything out of his mouth, the pressure in his chest becoming stronger with every second. It felt as if the air couldn't pass through his lungs and he had it all stuck in his throat, making him choke on his own words.

Kurt hesitated. For an irrational moment he considers leaving, fulfills Sebastian's wishes and left him to fix his problems. But he can't, not seeing how the other guy is. He doesn't know what to do, ignore Sebastian's request, or demand was more like it, to leave was wrong, but leave him to his fate in something as serious as this for the second time... No, he couldn't do that.

He was right there. He didn't know what he was supposed to do but he… he knew, somehow, that he could do it.

Out of nothing but mere instinct Kurt walked toward Sebastian in a predatory way, making the other boy awkwardly backtrack, but Kurt didn't stop chasing the shivering body until he was pressed on the wall, setting Sebastian against it in a cage formed with his arms and approaching until their chests were less than three inches away, only separated by the distance of his arms between them.

Sebastian's breath strangled in his throat while he stayed completely still, green eyes looking into the blue ones illuminated by nothing more than a small lamp in the room.

It took Sebastian a few seconds to finally react, grabbing one of Kurt's hands holding him in place and pulling to get rid of it, to get free. Turned out to be worse. Kurt put his hands back around him, just that this time they were not at his sides, they were trapping his wrists against the wall, keeping him from moving even less than before.

He made a broken sound, one that for his horror sounded too much like a moan. Kurt didn't seem to notice it because his eyes softened, as if he had just noticed something he hadn't seen before.

"Shh, shh, Sebastian, calm down," Kurt said in a new soft controlled voice that sounded more like one of those ridiculous infomercials of green té, than to what Sebastian remembered was his voice. God, he had asked for help to a serial murderer. "Stop moving. Listen Sebastian, try to breathe normally, yes? You can do that for me?"

Sebastian practically snarled at him, the veins in his neck showing. He could feel his face turning red from lack of air and rage but Kurt didn't flinch, the grip of his hands didn't weaken in the slightest, on the contrary it seemed to grow stronger with each passing second and Sebastian was too weak to try something that required more effort than just stand. Then, as if it were an act of magic his throat cleared, allowing the air run down his chest. He didn't realize that he was hyperventilating again until Kurt made a point of it, 'Hey, slow down' Sebastian heard him whisper, letting go one of his wrists and placing a heavy hand on Sebastian's chest.

He inhaled and exhaled deeply, struggling not to let his hysteria force him to go crazy. He tried to do the best he could, regulating his breathing as much as he could, leaving aside the fact that it was practically defenseless at the mercy of someone else.

"Yeah, just like that, go on like this, good boy."

Sebastian almost vomited to the word, ignoring the strange pleasant warmth spreading all over his chest. He writhed at the thought. He did not need this. He didn't need anything from anyone, much less of Kurt, all he had asked for was a stupid medicament and he hadn't been able to even do that.

"Breathe, Sebastian" Kurt repeated, more firmly this time and Sebastian reluctantly did. The hand on his chest loosened and so did the pain in his head. "See? Your brain just needs a little oxygen. Just keep like that now."

To be honest, there was nothing that Sebastian wanted more at that moment that to punch Hummel in the face, but it was kind of hard to really do it at the time, especially when he had his face so close that he could feel the heat emanating from his body, his smell filling his nostrils and God, Hummel smelled like heaven right now. Sebastian shook his head as soon as the thought hit him. This actually was affecting him more than he imagined.

"Okay, now I really need you to put attention to what I'm about to say, do you understand me?"

Sebastian felt his muscles tense under the scrutinizing gaze. He felt like Kurt was seeing inside him and it make him utterly uncomfortable. He resisted to met his eyes, even if he was too weak to escape his grip he hadn't have to do what Kurt said just for the sake of it.

Kurt's both hands move to cup his face, lifting it by the jaw and forcing him to look in his eyes. He sees the dark blue in those eyes before his vision clouded again, his limbs suddenly losing all the stiffness and his legs trembling briefly before bending under his weight, his butt smashing painfully against the hard ground making his legs slip between Kurt's.

"Oh my– are you alright?" Kurt knelt before him, clear concern in his eyes and he put his hand back in his jaw. Sebastian refused to rely on the touch. "You can't even stand for yourself"

Sebastian couldn't bring himself to say something. His heart was pounding against his chest too hard and his temples were pressing painfully on his head, even his eyes ached in a disturbing way.

Damned legs that wouldn't be good for anything just when he needed them. Damned all his flawed body that has always been useless for everything from day one.

"Come on. I'll help you get in bed."

Sebastian didn't understand the words. Nor could gather enough ability to read Kurt's lips, even being so close. He frowned, trying to hear something more but Kurt didn't say anything after that. The other boy just wrapped his hands around his torso and lifted him from where he laid on the ground. He thought he heard something with the word 'heavy' somewhere but he didn't lend it too much importance. Just before they come near enough to the bed, though, he was able to gather enough strength to shake Hummel off and maintain himself, before returning to pitifully falling to the floor beside the bed.

Kurt leaned down to help again but Sebastian yanked away.

"Fuc-ck off, princess I can handle myself"

"No, you can't," Kurt told him, as if to explain something obvious to a little child. He rolled his eyes but didn't make much effort to pull away when Kurt lifted him again, helping him on the bed and moving away all the blankets and pillows in sight.

The bed was hot. Too much, too hot. Too smooth and soft, too... comfortable. His room in Dalton seemed much smaller now, the walls suffocated him, he felt locked up, everyone outside and him inside, always, always alone, all the time. He hit his head against the surface (too soft, too soft) of the bed a total of three times before his head cleared up. He was going crazy, damn it.

He rolled to try to get back on the floor (stupid, stupid bed) before being returned to his place nd there was suddenly a strange weight over his body and cold hands wrapping his wrists, pulling his hands over his head. He whined and as soon as his hands were free he tried to move away but there was something that kept them attached to the headboard. He didn't have enough energy to investigate what was it, but he knew he wanted it off. Now.

"Would you stop moving. I can't do this if you keep that."

"Let me- go!"

"I will! I just need you relaxed for five minutes."

He was very fine one moment ago, thankyouverymuch. Ugh. Just that he knew that wasn't true. He wasn't fine. He was collapsing. Literally collapsing. He had reached the bottom and now he couldn't see a way out. He should have listened when he was warned. One of those thousands of times... he just wanted to be fine again... just wanted to be able to sleep and think, and eat like a normal human being. And it hadn't been even a week yet, he just... he felt so impotent.

"Are you better now?"

Oddly, no, he wasn't. Not really, but he had no energy to continue fighting. He said nothing though. It was not necessary either, apparently.

Kurt got out of bed, releasing Sebastian's arms and sitting on the floor right next to him, raising both hands in surrender. Sebastian suddenly felt very strange. For more than one reason. As he looked down on Kurt he noticed the worried look on the expression of the dom. He couldn't remember the last time someone had worried about him, hadn't been in a long time that's for sure. He must look really bad for someone who barely knew him to look at him that way.

"Okay grumpy, you have two options here," Kurt said, with a soft but firm voice that left no room for discussion. "Either I can call an ambulance to come and get you and take you to a clinic,"

"F-Fuc-"

"Or..." he cut him off. Sebastian had the feeling that Kurt was trying to stop himself from insult him. "I can help you get better. Just a little. And just enough to give you time to find a better option. This time for real." He warned him. Sebastian's eyebrows rose up in question.

Kurt. Kurt could help him. He could make him better. Maybe he couldn't fix him but… for now, it might be enough.

He writhed in his place. He really wasn't looking forward to it. To any of those. Feeling humiliated, degraded, beaten and ridiculed giving in to something that he had tried to escape his whole life... but turn everything he had achieved with so much effort into ashes, just for a stupid biological condition... it was a nightmare. He wasn't ready for any. He had not had time...

"Sebastian..." he felt the ghost of the fingers on his cheek and his stomach clenched painfully. "You'll be fine. I promise."

And for some reason, Sebastian believed him.

"No drugs either. You have to do it the right way, yes?"

Sebastian didn't realize he was nodding until the hand still on his cheek stopped the movement. Kurt looked like he was about to move but then stopped, hesitating before his next words.

"Tell me you want me to." Sebastian frowned again, tempted to try to hit him seriously this time but the thought was quickly forgotten and replaced with anticipation. Apparently his body was much more willing to go through with this than he really was because he could feel the beginning of his arousal against his boxers when Kurt's hand fell from his cheek down his neck, to stop right in the pit of his stomach. The movement was not sexy in the slightest, just a careless movement like any other, but his head was spinning as if on a roller coaster.

"Sebastian" Kurt repeated and waited until he had Sebastian's attention to continue.

"I need you to tell me to do this, I need your permission, other way I won't do it."

Sebastian opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Strange the will he had to throw insults but couldn't bring himself to say anything more. Either way he was going have to do it, before he ends up in a hospital room with his parents staring judgingly at him and a lot of explaining to do...

"Would you prefer if I called someone else?"

"No!" his voice came out hoarse and cracked and he had to clear his throat a few times before he could say anything. Kurt didn't do more suggestions, though, he stood still while waiting for him to continue. "No, I… You. You're okay. Just… help me. You… I want you to."

Kurt let out a long sigh, "Fine, but if you really are willing to do this you have to stick to the rules."

He held Kurt's eyes, blue and honest and felt himself go all weird inside. If that made sense.

Kurt seemed to be waiting either for an objection or approval, but eventually seemed to understand. He was too weak, he couldn't keep this conversation for much longer and, even if he could, he wasn't sure he would.

Sebastian didn't notice when it happened, he only knew that one second he was looking down to Kurt who was sitting on the wooden floor, legs crossed under his body and hands on his ankles, and then he blinked and Kurt was on top of him, as if a piece of time had cut off right before his eyes. He tried to hold on to something, anything around him as he moved desperate in bed and tried to pick up anything to get away but he just doesn't have the strength. The weight of Kurt was keeping him down, making him bend under the sensation, hot, hot, hot, everything was too hot, and then a strong, hot hand was on his lips again, silencing the noises that he hadn't realized he was doing.

"Shh shh come on now, don't freak out, hey, look at me, hey."

Kurt holds his face still, preventing him from moving more, leaving just enough space between his hand and nose to breathe and he really, really doesn't like this. Sebastian finally relents, stopping to raise and lower his chest in protest and letting Kurt's body cover him everywhere from the waist up, allowing himself to look at the dom's face, flushed entirely, perhaps by the effort to keep him down or perhaps of annoyance by his constant insults, although, seeing the situation, it might well be because his eyesight was a mess these days.

Kurt spoke then, his face just five inches away from his.

"Okay, now don't play fool. I know you can understand me and I need you to pay attention to what I'm about to say. You have to cooperate with me Sebastian, I can not do this alone. Now I'm going to release you." Kurt moved back and he squirmed a bit in his place, causing Kurt's gaze. "And you must lie still and put your hands above your head, crossed, no more insults, no sarcasm, this is serious."

Slowly, the hand around his throat was disappearing, and against everything that Sebastian believed and wanted for himself he obeyed the command. His hands raised above his head, struggling a little with the pillar of the headboard of the bed and before he realized what was happening Kurt had pulled a thin rope of a black material and tied his wrists together.

"We're going to use the standard safeword system. You know it?" In Sebastian's confused look, Kurt continued. "You use" red "to stop whatever we are doing if you feel too uncomfortable. Use it only if you really need it and if it's impossible to you to speak hit the bed three times with your foot." Sebastian made an attempt to nod, eager to finish the chatter. "Use yellow to slow things down and green for go on. If it's not to use any of these don't speak."

Sebastian grimaced. Hummel didn't get to tell him when and when not to speak, what he thought he was doing? First coming to scare him to madness, then tying him to bed like a madman and now telling him not to speak.

Kurt seemed to read his thoughts because he immediately pulled him back by his hair forcing him to look into his blue eyes, which in turn looked at him disgruntled.

"Stop thinking so much, just listen," he said, pulling the strands of hair on his nape harder, almost as if to take revenge on him for haven't heard his warning that night outside the clinic. "This won't last long, I'll help you and maybe you'll feel better for the next 24 or 48 hours but you have to find a way to help yourself before that time, because I'm not driving another night of Lima to Westerville at this time of the night. Go to a clinic, ask someone for help, I don't care but do it, understand?"

Sebastian nodded, ignoring the pain of his scalp. "These things don't leave at once, it's likely that even if you treat yourself it still appear for the next few weeks, several probably, so it's good if you always do it with the same person, even if it's a professional. Now, are you really willing to help me through this and to obey everything I say or do you prefer if I take you to a clinic now? Blink once for the first option and two for the second "

Sebastian hesitated. What was he supposed to do? What he less wanted was to have to put his name on a stupid list for some stranger to come around and tell him not to open his mouth and do everything he wanted, everything so that they'd also send a letter to Dalton and everyone could found out that he was... that he was a  _submissive_. On the other hand, he also didn't appreciate Hummel feeling with the authority to treat him that way. But he was not a stranger and Sebastian knew he could get him not to tell anyone. And if this was to ease the pain, well, it could be worse.

Sebastian blinked once. Kurt nodded.

"Well, then pull apart your legs." he didn't wait for Sebastian to fulfill; he drew back and picked up something from the floor beside the bed. Sebastian had barely moved when Kurt began to wrap his ankle with a black rope, similar to the one he had used to tie his wrists, but these were thicker, stronger, and there was some kind of metal lock on the other end of the tip. Kurt made a strong knot on his foot, not strict enough to hurt but he certainly could feel the uncomfortable constriction. Kurt then grabbed the rest of the rope, the part with the metal lock and moved until his hands were working the rope around the leg of the bed. Sebastian's chest gave a painful blow and he fought the tug of the rope, pulling back his legs closer to the rest of his body and making the buckle slide from Kurt's hand.

Kurt looked at him, judging him. He took the buckle again, pulling Sebastian's leg to its initial position and trying to get back to what he was doing before. He could hear the sound of the rope in Kurt's hands and he felt himself freak out a little. With just one free leg to move Sebastian resisted. Squirming a bit he managed to move up in bed, pulling his locked leg multiple times until the rope slipped from Kurt's hands again and he put himself into a half-sitting position, only his hands still tied on the headboard of the bed.

"What the fuck?" Kurt said, his voice almost a scream as he grabbed Sebastian's ankles and yanked him back down so he was on his back again. "Did you even listened to anything I just said ?!" he asked angrily. He had never heard Kurt cursing before, that couldn't be good.

Sebastian tried to say something but his voice was so erratic that almost nothing came out. Kurt still looked angry and it frightened Sebastian. He pulled his legs up but Kurt still had them pressed down on the mattress.

"You know what this is over, I'm not the idiot who will—"

Kurt stopped then, his voice dropping to a doubtful whisper until he couldn't understand him anymore. The pressure in his ankles disappeared and the next thing he knew there were two hands on his face, slowly pushing away tears from his eyes with his thumbs. He hadn't realized he was crying, his face so wet with sweat that he doubts he would've noticed if it wasn't for those hands. He kept the sobs that were struggling to break in his throat and swallowed them down.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Kurt mumbled over him, his expression went down and he didn't look angry anymore. "I'm sorry, I'm an idiot, God I am an idiot,"

He wants to say something, anything, he wants to say that he is afraid, that he is terrified, but he knows that even if he could he'd probably never admit it, he'd been scared for days, months, years and he had never admitted it, not even to himself, let alone someone else. But now he just wants to tell Kurt to stop apologizing, because it makes him anxious, because it shouldn't be him apologizing and because in some way Sebastian wants to say yes, he's an idiot, but that wouldn't be fair, because Kurt has done nothing but help him and he is aware of that, it's just that Sebastian can not stand him, but it's not his fault, he doesn't stand almost anyone, in fact, he doesn't stand anyone.

"What… Why do you…? Help me here, please,"

He tried again, tried to explain but his lips didn't move enough and only a strange sound came out from his mouth, but Kurt still waited, gently putting away the tears from his face and Sebastian tried harder.

"Pain" he gasped out, and he tried to touch Kurt but his hands were still tied. Kurt nodded, encouraging him to say more. "It- It hurts... It hurts so much,"

"Okay, okay" Kurt muttered. Sebastian wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself. "What do you... what do you need?" Sebastian shook his head. "What does it... Come on, you have to feel  _something_ , besides pain you-"

Words escaped Kurt's mouth the second Sebastian's hips rose up in a sharp blow, colliding with his leg and letting Sebastian's half hard cock press against him. It was just one second, right before his hips fell on the bed again and Sebastian whole body shuddered.

"Oh"

Kurt didn't know if Sebastian would have flushed if he hadn't been already red all over his face, but he sure looked mortified now. His body had gone totally still as he panted under him, making poor attempts to get his hips to rise again, squirming on the bed to reach any friction against his crotch.

Kurt didn't move, remaining in the same position where he had been before Sebastian impulse, a little in shock maybe, because it wasn't just Sebastian half hard already but because all of sudden his body was reacting too enthusiastically to the smell flooding the room. Sebastian's body was starting to release one alluring, glorious, sinful scent, giving him goose pimples, and Kurt whined a bit in response. It was a smell a thousand times stronger than Finn's had ever been. Soft and intense and penetrating. It was, it was like he could drown himself in this, as if he could fill his body with the aroma, as if he could never get enough, like he could, he could...

Sebastian cried out, drawing Kurt's attention back to him. He looked so tired, squirming senseless in the bed. His skin was pale and yellowish and his lips dry and wrinkled, and he was all covered with tears and sweat, making him look even more sickly. Kurt felt a pang of guilt in the chest by being distracted by the smell, by how it was affecting him instead of concentrating on Sebastian and the pain that he was going through.

And what was he supposed to do now? On one side he could completely ignore Sebastian's actions, go back to what he'd planned and tie him hand and foot to the bed despite his obvious past reluctance to him trying to. Ignore his own instincts as well as Sebastian's and become everything of what he'd accused him, just another dom, believing he could do whatever he wanted, just because he was in charge. He didn't want to be that. But on the other...

What would that make him? A good person? Or just an irresponsible idiot trying to make the job of a real dom?

Well... Maybe he didn't know what he was doing, maybe he was irresponsible, but he had a little practice on domination and he'll make every effort to pull this off, no matter what he had to do.

He took a last breath of air, taking to his lungs that intoxicating scent, and proceeded to lower his body further into the mattress, his chest and Sebastian's almost touching, breathing so close to each other that he almost felt his body recognizing the sub, connecting them. Kurt pressed his knee between Sebastian's legs, causing his hips to move violently.

An agonizing noise came from his throat.

Kurt was about to start to apologize for his idiocy again when Sebastian moaned pitifully, trying to reach Kurt's knee now that he'd moved it.

"Too much?" he asked, just to check, but Sebastian was shaking his head furiously and so he lowered his knee again, this time down between Sebastian's legs, aligning Kurt's left thigh with his groin, allowing him to rub himself up and down, again and again and again for what seemed like an eternity.

Kurt was now fully aroused, his hard cock thrusting insistently against the rough material of his tight jeans every time Sebastian moved closer, Kurt looking astonished as he was making these little noises of pleasure while riding Kurt's leg. God just the thought of it was embarrassingly turning on. Kurt shouldn't be enjoying this so much, it wasn't right, if he did it would be like he was taking advantage, what he was not.

Sebastian kept that way a while, quietly groaning, his head thrown back in bed, eyes wide open as he looked deep into Kurt's.

Sebastian was not crying more, but his eyes were still wet, red, totally spellbound like he could not stop looking in his eyes.

It felt too intimate, he had not planned things to be like this and he was not quite sure how they ended up in this position, with the legs of Sebastian around him and grinding desperately against him... but he needed to stop before this went any further.

Sebastian's actions proved him right when a minute later he began thrashing in the ropes that keep his wrists tied, throwing himself against Kurt, frenzied, sucking in desperate gulps of air his whole body shaking as he moved hopeless in the mattress.

"What's the matter?" Kurt asked, trying to keep Sebastian's body under control but the other boy wouldn't stop squirming.

"You... clothes..." Sebastian muttered and Kurt frowned. Really? This wasn't the time to criticize his wardrobe. He shook his head, that was ridiculous.

"Uh-huh clothes, what about them?"

"Want... them off," Sebastian said, moving so his head was just below Kurs, pressing his nose against his neck and moving further. Kurt felt himself blush to the ears. Sebastian wanted… no, he couldn't do that… he, he shouldn't, he wasn't ready for that and neither was Sebastian.

"Need… more skin, please,"

Oh well, he wasn't ready for that.

Kurt pulled away a little from Sebastian's panting body, looking him struggle with his bonds to follow him. His movements became lethargic when he didn't reach him, his hips moving on their own as if looking for something to keep grinding. Sebastian had been close he knew that, perhaps if he could get him to come...

Inhibited, Kurt approached as much as was prudent and leaned over Sebastian, a little embarrassed by the whole situation. With his ears and cheeks still red by the shame, he squeezed his hand over the bulge between Sebastian's legs and he heard the other boy scream, either in pain or pleasure.

He took his hand away and Sebastian whined.

"Are you okay?" Kurt used his hand to move the strands of wet, straight hair off Sebastian's forehead. His eyes were swollen and bright, with dark circles underneath and dry tears on the sides. "You have a fever," he declared, touching the hot skin under his fingers, that temperature couldn't be normal.

Sebastian shook his head. "Just… keep doing… what you were doing… damn!" he stammered fiercely.

But Kurt didn't listen, he got up and ran to the bathroom, hearing the sounds of protest Sebastian made. He came back with a piece of wet cloth in his hands, which should've been an old shirt of Sebastian. He sat on the edge of the bed and pressed the material against his forehead. Sebastian shuddered at the coldness of the fabric and the water dripping in his hair. It was too cold, but it was good, cold was good, it was too hot anyway. Kurt pulled the cloth off his forehead, proceeding to press it against his cheeks, neck and the bit of skin exposed of his collarbone. He couldn't complain, it felt very good, the cold contact of the water and Kurt's soft fingers against his face and neck. He looked somewhat neglected, compared to how he looked most of the time, less composed, probably due to the fatigue, but he looked so concentrated, so meditative as he cleaned his face of sweat and tears. He felt a little dazed by the attention.

"You are better" Kurt smiled, rubbing the cloth on his neck. He looked quite proud of himself, Sebastian supposed he had a good reason to. He did feel better.

Sebastian made a strange move, because his voice still feels unstable and he has to swallow with difficulty whenever he's going to say something. Kurt smiles wider then.

Sebastian felt the need to insult him, or say something completely inappropriate or rude and if it weren't for the pain in his throat he was pretty sure he would have.

Kurt ran his fingers through Sebastian frown, smoothing the wrinkles on his forehead, not pushing or insisting on talking things Sebastian didn't want to think of. After several minutes like that Sebastian began to calm down, Kurt's hands traveling all over his face was kind of relaxing, it made him feel less conscious of the whole thing around.

Everything was still too hot, too suffocating and he was wearing too many clothes. Kurt didn't seem to mind though; he remained there in the same position for what to Sebastian seemed like hours and hours, just touching him gently on the forehead, cheeks, the back of his ears, and for a small period of time, he felt as if everything was fine; his muscles did not hurt so much now and although his cock was still hard and aching between his legs it was not nearly as painful as it had been before.

Exhaustion drew his face down, he was slowly falling into the unconsciousness of sleep when he felt Kurt getting up from where he'd been, startling Sebastian. He was still a little out of focus so he barely managed to understand enough to know that everything was fine but he felt confused, the way one feels sometimes when is suddenly awakened by an alarm and does not have much idea of why or what to do at the moment. He moved a little forward, or at least tried to, just to be reminded of his wrists still tied to the headboard above his head. He moved from one side to the other, teasing the strength of the strap when something cold and crystalline pushed between his lips.

"Drink" The object pushed again but instead of rejecting it again Sebastian opened his mouth to let the liquid pass, his throat feeling immediately better at the cold, fresh substance sliding down his windpipe. "Better?"

Sebastian nods with his lips still in the glass, spilling some of the liquid on his shirt but he continued drinking to the last drop. He feels a hand running through his hair and he involuntarily groans when the hand disappears behind his head to rub on the lingering knots in his neck. It only lasts a few seconds and Sebastian looks up to see Kurt's face crooked as he frowns, moving to untie Sebastian's hands.

Just after he finishes to undo the knots, Sebastian looks at his wrists red and marked by the rope. "That was it?" something within him forces him to ask.

"Yes," Kurt doesn't look very convinced but helps Sebastian to sit properly on his bed before continuing. "Or all I could achieve at least."

"What do you mean?"

"You're not very submissive, to say the least," Kurt smiles kind of amused, almost like it were a joke. "But you knew that already of course,"

Sebastian has the urge to blush. Kurt is right, he already knew that so why do he feel like he has to be ashamed of it?

"Of course," he echoed, trying to follow any joke that Kurt is trying to do.

"Still I'm sure that being tied for more than two hours will have to help in some way" two hours? Was that the time that had passed? "Maybe not much as you didn't make a big effort to help me but perhaps you'll be good for the next few days while you get someone to help you"

Someone. Fuck. Sebastian swore mentally. Is that this wasn't even finished yet? He would have to spend the rest of his week looking for someone to do things to him that he don't even want so he wouldn't end up in the hospital again. Why didn't someone just invent a medicine to stop the damn sickness and end of the problem? Was that so hard?

"Hey, promise me you'll find someone, okay? Sebastian, promise me," Kurt said looking at Sebastian as serious as he could handle. He had to resist the initial urge to feel ashamed by the things he'd just said and did.

"Why did you do it ?" he asked instead, ignoring what seemed too much like a command to his liking. "Why did you help me when I haven't been anything but rude to you?"

Kurt shrugged. "I'm a dom," he said as if that was enough reason, but seeing the persistent confusion in Sebastian's face he added. "I guess I just can't stand the idea of a sub hurting this way."

Sebastian considers it. "That's not because you're a dom, is because you're a good person," he said, realizing shortly after that sounded too much like a compliment. "Doms don't care about subs. All they care about is feeling powerful and getting their rocks off."

Kurt smiled, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he looks at Sebastian in the darkness of his bedroom lit only by a small nightlight.

"For some, maybe. But there are others of  _us_  and we actually care about our subs, you know,"

"Then you're saying that you wouldn't force your boyfriend to kneel at your feet and obey everything you say?" Sebastian questioned, really interested in the response, in his opinion all doms were the same and it was very difficult to believe the things Kurt said.

"Well..." Kurt mused. Of course he had to be lying, Sebastian thought. Kurt's face perfectly showed off his aversion to letting those things go. "It is not so easy, Sebastian"

"Look Kurt, I think it's very clear here that you're just talking for talking's sake, but deep down you are like that too, you want the same things," he argued, watching Kurt's frown pronounced even more.

"I told you it's not like that. What happens is that because you are a sub you might not understand what I'm trying to say."

"What, you're saying that because I'm a sub I'm stupid?"

"What-? God no. Not at all what I meant, but it is a fact that subs and doms, we fail to fully understand the nature of each other by our own."

"Try me" Sebastian challenged and saw Kurt sigh, struggling for words in his mouth.

"Okay look to begin with, and I'm being completely honest here, I wouldn't like to force anyone to do anything, ever."

Sebastian snorted in disbelief.

"I know you have a very bad opinion of us, I don't know why but it's obvious that you got a bad education about it and don't look at me like that," Kurt said pointing him like an angry father to his teenage son. "I don't know how you were raised or the relationship your parents had but if you think all this thigs about doms, you surely didn't have a very functional family. And everyone here in Dalton thinks you're a dom, Jesus! Even your bedroom is in the area for doms! But what I mean is that your experiences do not speak for everyone else's."

"Great Sherlock, you can now stop doing of my psychiatrist and drop the monologue."

Kurt threw his head back, frustrated with Sebastian's attitude.

"I'm trying to be honest here okay? And I'm totally honest when I say I would never force someone to do something they don't want." Sebastian looked at the door instead of Kurt, upset that he almost believed him. "And knees and commands and all the other things have to always be by mutual agreement. And forgive me for the way I got here and practically throw myself over you. That wasn't right, but we agree it was an emergency."

"It's okay," he said simply, because he knew that if this conversation keeps on he'd end up thanking Kurt and his pride could not endure so much in one day.

"Understand Sebastian, subs and doms, they-we complement each other." Kurt continued. "Subs need special attentions and care, and doms are able to give them that and also enjoy doing it. It's a relationship of equals, or at least it should be, that is why there are contracts that must be updated and are always different in every relationship,"

"Ha!" Sebastian scoffed. "Relationship of equals? What's about equality in kneeling? "

"Do you have a specific problem with kneeling, Sebastian?" Kurt asked, genuinely concerned. It was, in fact, one of the things subs loved most about presenting to someone.

"Yes, I don't like feeling inferior. I am not inferior. I am not a lackey. Just because I was born like this I'm not less than you," he declared, his eyes finally meeting Kurt only to throw daggers to him.

"Well, that's the only thing you've said in what I agree" Kurt smiled despite his gaze. "Being a sub does not make you less, on the contrary, I think a person must have great strength to trust someone like that," Sebastian shook in incredulity.

"Kneeling is supposedly... nice, from what I've heard from some friends, don't know why I'm telling you, really."

Curiosity got the better of him. "What do they say?"

"They don't really explain a lot, it's like a universal truth that no one dares to question, and the only times a dom had asked they always tell us that we wouldn't understand, see? It works both ways," Kurt joked.

"Then I'm more of an idiot because I don't understand one side or the other," he concluded morosely. He doesn't understand, he wasn't a dom, and he couldn't be a normal sub. "And I don't like anyone to give me orders, I will not be used as a sex toy just to be left thrown away like garbage or-or something disposable."

"Have you considered talking to someone?" Kurt offered. "A psychologist or-?"

"I'm not crazy," Sebastian said but his voice betrayed him breaking right at the end, he took both hands to his head and rubbed his temples violently.

"I'm not saying that you are, but maybe it's good that someone explains you all these things because it seems that neither of your parents bothered." Sebastian almost laughed, his parents barely spoke to him about something other than business or school, it was as if instead of being his son he was just another of his clients.

"I don't need any of that, I don't even know why I'm going through this, I have sex regularly, shouldn't it be enough?"

Kurt looks surprised at his statement, not bad surprised, but still.

"You mean you've been with a dom and...? Oh Sebastian" he murmured, compassion in his voice loud and clear for anyone to hear it.

"Don't start Hummel. And no, I haven't had sex with a dom for a long time,"

"But- you, don't you mean-"

"Yes, you can say it, it's not a crime, I have sex with submissives." He knows that's a taboo very rarely mentioned in society, but it's nothing that someone of Kurt's age had never heard before, he doesn't understand why so much fuss; sex is sex, it's okay, but it's nothing out of this world.

Kurt seems to think differently and there's something hidden in his expression that Sebastian can't figure out but he doesn't think much about it either. "Okay, is not in my judgment your decisions, but what I can tell you is that no matter how much... intimacy you have, your sickness will come at least once every couple of years, so..."

Couple. Of. Fucking. Years.

The only thing missing.

"It's pretty late," Kurt said looking out the half closed window in Sebastian's bedroom. "I have to go back if I want to get there before my dad realizes that I'm not sleeping."

Kurt got up from the bed, leaving Sebastian in the same place where he'd been the last two hours. He tried not to get stressed when he remembered that in a few hours he'd have to be in class and go to the practice with the Warblers. All he wanted at the time was to sleep a whole month, with a warm and cozy weight above him, preferably.

He didn't know where that came from.

"I'll see you... later Sebastian," Kurt said goodbye when he was already at the door, Sebastian said nothing more until the door closed behind him.

Now came the hard part. Finding someone to help him out of this hell in his pants. He feels himself falling against the mattress, soft, comfortable, perfect mattress, weariness filling his body so fast that he almost didn't notice when he fell asleep. It'll be another day then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and for the comments they're absolutely wonderful. Also, I'm trying to find someone to help me with the grammar in case there's anyone interested.  
> Above all I hope you liked the chapter :)


	4. Chapter 4

Sebastian had spent all day long half-dizzy walking by the halls of Dalton. It was rather a sad perspective compared to the 48 hours prior to that. Well, maybe not so much the day before, but the day before that had certainly been a breath of fresh air. Damn he missed feeling like a normal person. This stupid sickness had been on for more than a week now and he literally wouldn't remember what it felt like to be sane if it wasn't for that little time after... the thing with Hummel.

So, he had used that time the best he could. Like, he had even tried, like really tried to find someone, because the clinic continued to be not an option. One or two of the pubs in Westerville that were well known for containing some bi-curious guys here and there had been his first thought but... that didn't finish very well. Turned out a guy saw him eye-fucking some fake-blond with a Justin Bieber haircut on the dance floor and he and two of his friends started throwing not so subtle threatening looks so he ended up leaving. Then he tried for Scandals, it wasn't of great help either.

And then it was over and he was again the needy idiot he'd been all week. It wasn't the same, thank God, but it still was affecting his concentration in class, not to mention his performance with the Warblers. Besides, his permanent erection was quite difficult to hide.

There was no way out. Soon he'd end up back in the hospital. He had masturbated so many times this week that he had already run dry and it didn't help him at all, it still hurt like hell. He was so desperate he even had tied himself his own feet to the desk in his room one afternoon while doing homework, he'd gone so far to try one of those virtual doms videos on youtube. Useless.

He was running out of options. The Warblers kept asking if he was okay and meddling in his affairs. Sebastian only wished they would stick their noses into their own business. He knew this was going to cost him his place in the team if he didn't do something soon. More than one teacher had sent him hints that if he was on drugs they wouldn't hesitate to inform his parents, and he has the impression that several other people thought alike from the way they looked at him from afar.

He hated having to resort to this. He really, really hated it. But he had no choice.

He looked at the two completely filled cups of coffee resting right in front of him on the table of the Lima Bean. Not that caffeine was something he really needed at this point, he had two days without more than four hours of uninterrupted sleep and actually, almost anything caused him to throw up lately. Things were getting worse and worse every day and he'd cursed the day he was born a sub so many times he didn't even have the spirit to do it again.

The bell over the door caught Sebastian's attention and as if it was a sign his... little friend, gave an excited jump in his pants when he saw Hummel entering the coffee shop wearing a pair of skintight leather pants that hugged his legs in a way that Sebastian would've been very contemplative at any other time, because although Hummel does make him lose his temper, he has to recognize that he hasn't seen an ass like that in years, not that he would ever admit it.

He held his breath as Kurt's eyes met his and tried not to look as desperate as he actually was as Kurt started walking in his direction.

 _This is the right thing,_ Sebastian told himself. Hummel was not a sadistic freak, or at least he didn't think he was, and he'd already promised not to tell anyone. He had nothing to lose. Besides his dignity.

"Sebastian" Kurt nodded his head in acknowledgment, stepping around the table to sit in the empty chair across from him. "If you don't mind could we do this quickly? I have a compromise later."

"Yes. Yes, of course. Umh… then, I went forward and ordered coffee for both of us. He pushed the cup of liquid almost boiling towards Kurt and Sebastian could see his expression twisting slightly at the edges as he took the cup and carried it to his mouth.

"Thanks," he said simply, looking suspiciously.

"First of all," Sebastian began, not quite sure how to explain his situation. "I want to thank you for agreeing to meet me here."

God, he was so desperate.

"Hmm," Kurt muttered with a small smirk on his lips. "You're being very nice, you haven't insulted me and you're actually being grateful. Good, I like it. What you want to ask me must be very important."

Sebastian frowned.

"Okay, you got me. The truth is I don't know how to start— "he cut himself. Kurt was looking at him in a way... it wasn't an expression Sebastian knew how to identify, his eyes were sad but at the same time, there was a kind of force on them. Not entirely unpleasant.

"How have you been?" The dom asked and Sebastian got momentarily confused by the change of conversation. His head wasn't entirely clear these days. He knew the question had a different significance coming from Kurt than anyone else, honestly, he never thought he could give a damn, but there was a sincerity in him that Sebastian didn't dare to question.

"A little disoriented to tell the truth; It has been a while since, well, you know ... "

"Three days" Kurt corrected.

"Yes, three days, I know. What we- well what you did, it..." hell he was a man, not the shy sub cheerleader that all the movies try to sell. "It helped, a lot, but only for a little more than a day."

"I told you it wouldn't be definitive, I also told you that the effect would be short."

"Yeah, I know, I know, but I didn't think it would be sooooo short" he grumbled a little angry about that fact. Kurt let go his defensive pose, but that didn't stop him from laying eyes on him. "I mean, after spending two hours handcuffed and with you over me I thought it should work for at least a week."

"Sebastian" Kurt exclaimed, exasperated, staring at the ceiling dramatically and raising his hands to his head. "I think you don't have an idea of what submitting to someone means; it's not just stay down and endure whatever comes, it's not about that. "

Well, that was exactly what it seemed to be for Sebastian.

"The point," he said, playing with the cup of coffee in his hands. "It's that ever since I'm... a little..."

"Sick" Kurt finished for him. "For something is called sickness, you know? You really didn't get someone to help you? I repeated it like a thousand times!"

"I tried, I swear," he defended himself. Kurt was upset, really, really upset. Sure, doms didn't like to be disobeyed, of course Kurt wouldn't be an exception. "I've been going to Scandals every night since then and it's impossible to find anyone." It wasn't technically true, he had gone to other places as well, but that was irrelevant. He continued quickly. "I even tried with one of 40, Hummel, 40! But you have to understand that the guy seemed crazy."

"Scandals?" Kurt questioned in a shout, prompting a couple of people to turn to look at them. "Scandals, the gay bar? Are you kidding me? Were you going to let a stranger dominate you? And in your first sickness? Are you crazy? Anything could have happened. It's not safe . Never, never do that again Sebastian!" He growled and now a couple of the baristas were watching too.

Sebastian felt a strange weight fall on him and suddenly he felt so, so sad. Humiliated, mortified, why is that he couldn't do anything right? Why had he to always be a disappointment for anyone who got in his way? Always, from the moment he was born, and now everyone could tell. _He_ had always told him, no one would ever want him, no one would see him as nothing more than an object to be fucked and used to discard when they got bored of him. Trash, that's what he was.

"Seb-Sebastian, I- I'm sorry, I overreacted, it's not your fault, please look at me."

He looked up, afraid that what he was going to find were the disapproving eyes of his nightmares as a child, but instead he saw Kurt's compassionate blue eyes and he had to restrain himself to get carried away too much and talk more that he should.

_God what was going on with him?_

Sebastian tentatively opened his mouth to say something but was interrupted by the sudden presence of a girl, between 18 and 22 years old, blonde and wearing an orange shirt under a blue apron, looking embarrassingly between him and Kurt, but finally getting to touch the dom's shoulder when he doesn't seem to notice her presence.

"Uhh, excuse me?" She murmured in a low, soft voice, obviously trying not to disturb more the mood. Kurt turned his head to face her and his gaze was pure bewilderment. "I'm sorry, hi..." she continued. "I don't want to disturb you but do you think maybe uh you could take care of your sub outside?"

Sebastian sank in his seat as best he could, wishing his head would disappear between his shoulders. Great, he couldn't come here anymore.

Kurt reacted at the same time as him, only that instead of trying to disappear he got obfuscated.

"Oh no— he's not my, I mean he and I, we—"

"It's nothing personal, but you're attracting the attention and I wouldn't like to happen anything serious." She smiled a little after stopping Kurt's stammering but he still looked troubled. "Sorry, I just work here."

Sebastian was going to tell her to go, but Kurt spoke earlier.

"It's okay, I understand. Umh I promise you nothing's gonna happen, okay?"

She nodded, apparently as eager to leave as Sebastian. "Okay, thank you."

When the girl had finally gone, Kurt looked at him again, apparently completely forgetting that there was ever someone there and continuing as if nothing had interrupted them. He tried to follow his example.

"Sorry, I keep doing that." Kurt said, calmer now. "But- why you didn't you ask a friend, it would have been the best choice."

"What friends?" Sebastian said, his hands shaking over his legs. "The only thing I have are the Warblers and they are hardly acquaintances."

"What about the clinic? That's another good option."

"They are strangers too," he argued.

"But they are professionals. They do this every day for people who need it, like you."

"But they'll notify Dalton, and in less than 24 hours everyone will know that I'm a sub; they'll take away my place in the Warblers." he said, looking directly at the boy, hoping that the fact that he was using his name would help on something. "It's all I have."

"That is not true. And they wouldn't do that." He discussed, not as sure as he wanted to sound.

"You think so? A sub has never been the leader of the Warblers. The further they came was with Blaine Anderson, but not really, Wes was the leader all that time, he just preferred to be away from the spotlight. Besides I kind of think they were all in love with him, I don't know, it must be in a regulation or something. Subs are not leaders, Kurt."

The dom remained silent, biting his lower lip in his attempt to focus on something. Anything. Anything that could help the guy who only a week ago was flirting shamelessly with his ex.

"I'm going insane," Sebastian confessed. "My grades are plummeting, yesterday we had a test and I'm sure that if it was possible to get less than zero, probably that would be my note. I've been going around and around in my head the last two nights and I already considered all options in this and other universes... And this is my last chance if I don't want to end up with a stroke, or worse."

"What?" Kurt asked, shrugging slightly.

Sebastian sighed.

"That _you_ do it."

Kurt's eyes opened wide, his eyebrows rising almost to the hairline and his mouth opened wordlessly for a second. Sebastian was looking at him expectantly from his side of the table with nervous urgency coursing through his body.

"Your— are you—" Kurt stammered, totally incredulous for the words that were still hanging around his head.

"Do you realize what you're asking me, right?"

"Yes, I do," Sebastian said quickly, then looked away and shook his head, as if trying to remember something himself. "I mean, you did it once, didn't you? You can do it again. "

"Yes, I did because it was an emergency and if I hadn't intervened you would've drugged yourself to nonsense," he said, reluctant. "I'm not a professional like the people at the clinic, I barely have some knowledge about the subs nature from what I remember from my classes more than two years ago."

"You wouldn't do it without anything in return; I can pay you every time you have to help me." the sub offered without listening to anything that Kurt was saying. "A little bird told me you need a job to raise funds for the place you'll live next year in New York."

"Where did you get that?" Kurt questioned. His face growing incredulous at every moment. The only ones who knew about it were his father, Finn and Rachel.

"I have my contacts." Sebastian shrugged, but his dismissive attitude wasn't working today.

"It's not about money," Kurt assured him.

"First of all, you have big problems regarding submission, which I think is something you should talk to someone, besides you don't even bother to listen to what I'm saying, how am I supposed to accomplish something? If you are not willing—"

"Oh no, I am, really, I promise I am willing," he assured at the verge of panic when he saw Kurt starting to stand up from his chair. "I'll try, I'll do everything I can, I'll do whatever you say. I can't lose all I have, I need the Warblers and I need good grades if I want to get into a good college and get out of this dump."

Kurt thought about it. If anyone understood what it was trying to escape at all costs from Ohio was him. Sebastian and he had more in common than it'd seemed at first, and well maybe they barely can put up with each other, but they both knew what it was like to feel like an outcast, what it was not fitting in with the world. But Kurt was lucky enough to have learned to ignore the stares and become immune to the ridicule, while Sebastian had to face not feeling comfortable in his own skin, to risk his health to preserve an illusion, to what Kurt would never agree. Still, it wasn't his place to take that away from him.

"I'm not saying yes," Kurt said as a warning but as usual Sebastian seemed not to understand the meaning because he was already smiling like who gets everything they want. "But even if I accepted, I can't help you in the right way."

"Why?" Sebastian questioned exasperated.

"I don't have enough time. Sebastian, we live about two hours away and I have things to do, classes and assignments, besides Glee Club, rehearsals, and help my dad in the shop on weekends, and believe it or not, I occasionally go out with my friends." he said seeing the face of the sub decompose.

"Well one of those things can be me. Just make a small space from time to time for me, I'm not asking you to be my bodyguard or anything,"

"Subs must be dominated on a regular basis, Sebastian." Kurt said wryly. How could one sub know so little about his own nature? "A sub completely healthy must be dominated from three to more times a week, for a sub on sickness daily would be the ideal."

"I never said I wanted to be 'completely healthy' I just want to think properly." Sebastian folded his arms, this was being more complicated than he initially thought it would be. "Only until the sickness goes away, okay?"

"Even if I do, your sickness will keep coming back again and again for the rest of your life, and give thanks that it's only every couple of years and not more often." Sebastian was going to throw up at the prospect of having to live this again from the beginning.

"Like heat," he joked darkly, he was not an animal, he was a damn human being!

"Or like the period," Kurt offered in exchange, the clear mockery in his voice. Okay, maybe he did deserve that.

"Well played Hummel" he accepted his loss. He could give him that, but he wouldn't give up so easily to his status in Dalton, he wasn't going to lose this fight. Kurt shrugged.

"Thanks, but that's not the point."

"Look, I'll see what I do next time. I'm asking for your help now, will you give it to me?" Sebastian questioned. He knew that Kurt was one step away, only one step from accepting; he saw it his expression, though he couldn't be sure which was the reason behind it. It didn't matter at the time, all he needed at that moment was to get rid of the huge pain in his crotch, at any cost. Even if it meant having to bow before Hummel.

Kurt let out a sigh of surrender, unable to believe what he was about to say.

"Okay," he muttered barely loud enough for Sebastian to hear. The sub looked satisfied as Kurt seemed to want to hang himself after the words came out from his mouth.

"I knew you'd accept," he gloats, even though all he wants just now is to make Kurt take him to a more private place and relieve the latent pain between his legs. He was suddenly much happier than he was before.

"This must remain very clear; the only reason I agreed to this is because, in some way, I feel responsible for you." Kurt warns menacingly, still without being very sure of his earlier words.

"And why is that?" he pries stupidly, it's obviously not with the brain with what he's thinking if he'd left this conversation go beyond what it was necessary, what mattered the reason Hummel had to accept their deal? The important thing is that he gets the release that he's been waiting for, but he has the feeling that it wouldn't sound very elegant to just suggest a quick session in the bathroom of the Lima Bean, not that he'd mind normally, but he has to take care of Hummel's temperament if he wants to have him available for every time this... thing, comes up to bother him again.

"Why? Because I'm the only one who knew what was going on and I should have taken you to a clinic when I understood what you were trying to make and I just, I was so careless, I let it go too far!" Kurt exclaims, both hands covering his face to hide his anger toward himself and Sebastian just wants to tell him to stop being an idiot.

Of course it was not his fault, he had already gone too far before he found out anything, the only fault was of the stupid nature that had been so wrong with him, and Sebastian never, he would never have forgiven him if he'd given his consent to the hospital to take him to a clinic. Sebastian knows that as the only dom in his care at the time, Kurt could have done just that, actually, he's pretty sure that's what most people in his situation would have done...

"But you'd never do anything with what I wasn't comfortable." Sebastian realizes, watching Kurt's pupils widen a bit to his words, and suddenly this doesn't seem like the world's worst idea ever anymore.

"Yeah, well" Kurt shifted in his seat uncomfortably "That doesn't mean it wasn't irresponsible, I assure you I won't make the same mistake again, so, or we find a way to make this— whatever, work or I'll take you to that clinic, without complaining. that's my price."

Sebastian pouts, he hates even the thought of failure.

"Okay, I give you my word" that wouldn't happen anyway, he would make sure of it. "Anyway I want to pay you," he insists.

"I don't accept it." Kurt refused and Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"See it as a job, okay? you lend me a service and I remunerate—"

"It wouldn't be right"

"It's an agreement that benefits us both, I get rid of this nightmare and you cover the expenses of the horrible place in which you'll end up living next year," He stops when he sees how Hummel is taking a more serious expression. He's not sure it's because of the mockery, or for the insistence that he was putting on the subject.

"No, Sebastian." A shiver ran down his spine as Kurt's voice becomes severe and imposing, it makes something within himself wants to become smaller under the accusatory gaze. "I know you have a problem with listening, and is something we'll have to work in the future, but for now I've already given you an answer, and I'm not willing to change my mind."

Sebastian says nothing in return but his silence only translates as a humiliation to his brain. He'll have to get used to it, because if this is Kurt, in a public place in the full view of everyone, he doesn't want to know what will happen when they are finally alone and have to find a more effective way to end his sickness than only ropes and ties.

"Okay. My dad works weekdays and rarely gets home until I'm asleep so it'll have to be one of those days. Give me your home address."

Sebastian is a terrible sub. He has always known it, but that is only confirmed by the tremendous need to discuss everything that comes out of Kurt's mouth, -he is already feeling the gentle relief run through his limbs at the small orders, but his muscles tense when the aftershocks reach his head like raindrops-. He doesn't understand why they have to wait, they are here, they are together and there is nothing that prevents them from doing the dirty work now.

"We can't use my house," he says instead, because he's not willing to admit that he can't wait that long for Kurt to touch him— it's not about that at all, he just wanted to move without his cock getting in the way of his legs. "I mean, my parents aren't in the city and they didn't let me a way in. I stay in Dalton on weekends, so they never leave me a key." He explains, pretending not to see the surprise in Kurt's eyes.

"Nor will it be in my house, my brother stays with me and it'd be impossible for him not notice your presence." Kurt argued, frowning slightly and placing both hands on the center of the table to lean on his arms.

"We can meet at my bedroom in Dalton. The keeper is an acquaintance of mine, he'll let you in for a couple of twenties, and I'll manage with the prefect." Sebastian thinks aloud. It's not as if he'd never had to get someone snuck into his bedroom, that would be the easy part.

He carefully scrutinizes Hummel. He's not very comfortable with Sebastian's recent proposal. His eyes are lost somewhere behind Sebastian's shoulder, and his cheeks are a little pink behind all that pale defect free skin.

"Are you a virgin?" The dom chokes with coffee, which he had only just bring to his lips, coughing a little as his cheeks finished dyed red and he looked at Sebastian with bewilderment. If they were in another situation, any other that didn't involve Sebastian asking Hummel for a favor, he would probably laugh at how ridiculously young that expression made him look.

Seriously, how it is that Hummel had been lucky enough to be a dom but he hadn't? The universe was a bitch.

Kurt cleared his throat, which attracted his attention back to him. "No, as a matter of fact I'm not, but that's none of your business"

Sebastian shrugs innocently. "Okay, it's just good to know that you have dominated someone before. You know I wouldn't like to be in the hands of a beginner." He says, very sure of himself even though he knows that's not true at all. He had just been curious, Hummel looked so... innocent, it was hard to imagine him being the dominant in any relationship, but from personal experience he remembers how severe those eyes could become at the right time, it made him get on his nerves.

"If you don't want my help..."

"No, no. It's fine." Sebastian said quickly. Kurt narrowed his eyes at him, suspicious and sighed deeply.

"Listen Sebastian, I think there's something we haven't made clear." He said, putting both hands together in front of him again, giving an appearance as if they were discussing something much more serious than it was, at least in Sebastian's opinion. "I'm accepting this because I see that you really need it and because I feel like it's my duty to do so... but sex isn't going to be involved at any point."

Sebastian's eyebrows rose in disbelief until the middle of his forehead.

"No sex?" It sounded stupid even from his own mouth, ridiculous even, in what way Kurt expected to help him without sex?

Domination revolved around sex, how did he expect to exert any kind of it then? What would he do? Order him to clean his room until he could see his reflection on the floor? Order him to cook as a subhouse of the 50s?

"I am aware that we'll have to have some intimacy so that there is a significant effect, but of course there will be a limit." He clarified, again using that clinical language that Sebastian didn't like it one bit.

"It's fine, I wouldn't mind, you know. Sex is easy, and it may help me. Not big thing." he glosses it over with a hand gesture. If Hummel wasn't a virgin and he obviously wasn't either, then he doesn't see what the problem is, nothing new for either, yet that doesn't stop Kurt's expression from saddening at his words for some reason.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, for me it is a big deal." he said, his eyes alternating between Sebastian's face and an unknown place in his hands. After a moment like this he seemed to remember something important because he immediately began picking up his bag, throwing it over his shoulder before standing up. "Now, I have to go. I already stayed more than I was supposed to." He explained, also taking his cup of coffee in his hands.

The lower part of Sebastian's body moved in disappointment.

"Umh, wait" he hesitated, which was very uncommon on him but he quickly composed, clearing his throat. "We're here, couldn't we just...? You know... now?"

Hummel wrinkled his nose, making him look like a seven year old boy who had been asked to eat his vegetables. Sebastian's ego prevented him from considering it an insult, because he was so not vegetables, ever.

"No," Kurt said, leaving no room for complaint. "I said I had a compromise. Moreover, it's not as easy as you think." This time he couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes, what could be so complicated that he couldn't do something for him for about ten minutes so he didn't have to spend another night sleepless?

"I'll call you tomorrow. Maybe then." The dom smiled a little, and when Sebastian said nothing, still upset by another 24 hours of physical torture, —minimum, if Hummel didn't put more excuses tomorrow— he turned and left, giving Sebastian one perfect view of his ass in those pants that left nothing to the imagination.

_They'll be some hard 24 hours._

…

Sebastian hadn't been wrong. From the moment he'd left the cafe shop and made his way back to Dalton until the next day as he waited as a condemned man Hummel's arrival every second had been nothing but hell.

He hadn't slept 30 minutes straight throughout the night, he had vomited the whole breakfast as a bulimic teenager and jerked off three times today already. At least Kurt's message that morning ensuring he'd come, helped him to calm a little bit. He had tried to dress correctly so to not show how really affected he was while walking as if nothing through the halls of Dalton, incredibly grateful that there wasn't Warblers rehearsal today, so he wouldn't have to deal with anyone telling him to stop going to nightclubs and instead get some sleep to fade the dark circles under his eyes. They didn't know they were so far from the truth.

He also didn't bother to pretend to pay any attention during his math and English classes, he knew it was pointless anyway, any thought that wasn't related to a dick passed his mind in seconds. He finished his stupid classes just so no one could suspect that something was going on with him. He said goodbye to the few people who spoke to him in his last class, —always with his backpack in front of him, covering what would be a very embarrassing boner if anyone could see it— and retired to his room without making any attempts to eat something again since he knew it would end in a bag or in the toilet by the way.

So now he was alone among these four walls, circling over the small area of space in his room at Dalton like a caged animal, waiting for Hummel to decided to show— if he even was going to...

No. No, Kurt said he'd be here, he will be here.

Sebastian knew he could call him, just ask the exact time when he'd arrive so he could stop torturing himself with doubts, if Kurt wasn't coming he would already send him a message right? But he didn' want to expose himself like that, didn't want to seem like the desperate sub waiting for his dom like a bitch in heat.

But he had too little willpower, without sleep or eat anything and waste it all just walking in his room.

One day the universe was going to pay for this.

 **To Princess bitch (5:48):** Where are u?

It takes too long before Kurt is answering anything and Sebastian startled when he feels his phone vibrating in his hand.

 **From Princess bitch (5:56):** Can't talk. Driving. I'll be there in 15.

Instant relief fills Sebastian's body. At least now he knows there is less than an hour to wait ahead. His dick, which hadn't stopped being hard since three days ago was very happy too.

 **To Princess bitch (5:58):** fine. my room is the A-3

Exactly 12 minutes later, another message enters his inbox, he guesses Kurt had finally finished driving.

 **From Princess bitch (6:10):** Yeah, I remember.

Oh, right. Stupid. Kurt had been here before, twice, that day Sebastian had tricked him about getting help from a friend, and of course Hummel had fallen easily like the innocent twink he was and that other in which he'd tried to tie him to the bed like in one of those bad pornographic films. His brain was being less useful with every minute and at least it's good that Kurt's text sounded amused instead of judgmental.

He doesn't answer the message, deducing that Kurt would arrive soon anyway, he'd paid the guard very well to turn a blind eye to that. As he thought there is a knock at his door less than five minutes later and he cannot help how his body responds to the sound as if it were the gates of paradise despite how much his brain really has.

"It's open" Fortunately, his voice comes out controlled enough to not give himself away, but as soon as the door is moving to let Hummel in a small shiver ran down his back and arms.

Kurt looks at him from the door frame, soft blue eyes inspecting the room and then slowly turn to him before taking a step forward and shut the door behind him. He's wearing one of those tight pants that Sebastian appreciated so much in his body, a white, long-sleeved shirt and a black vest with silver buttons. In short, too many layers. His cheeks are flushed as they are most of the time and his lips are pursed in a hesitant expression. But Sebastian doesn't have time for a staring contest.

"Well, you finally show up!" Sebastian exclaims, raising his voice and pretending not to notice as Kurt's cheeks turn scarlet as his gaze travels down Sebastian's body to meet the boy's raging hard.

He doesn't understand, it's not as if he hadn't seen it before. "I've been waiting here for over two hours, I was about to put the rope around my neck"

Kurt tries to recover the composure. It's not an admirable job, however.

"I had to take my father to the airport. I have other things to do, you know. Remember that I told you," he points out, using the defiant tone that is becoming quite typical of him. Sebastian decides to change the subject since the direction it was taking wasn't convenient.

"Yeah, whatever, it doesn't matter just ... can we, get it all over at once? I even changed the sheets for your little annoying internal bitch so you don't bother me for any residues that it might have so it would be really great if we got in bed already—

"NO! Wait!" Kurt interrupts him startled. Sebastian holds his impulse to joke at his childish attitude when he's had Sebastian's hard dick against him because Kurt looks suddenly alarmed by the situation.

"What?" he asks, feeling more than a little intimidated himself. "You're not having second thoughts now, do you?"

His breath caught in his chest when he sees the doubt in Kurt's eyes, but his expression changes immediately and Sebastian calms a bit.

"No, it's not that," he clarified, and Sebastian knows he's being honest, but that doesn't stop him from hearing the lump in his throat as he speaks. "But... before we start anything, there are many aspects that I think we both need to revise and agree on."

"What do you mean?" he asks, feeling really confused. His body isn't in the best condition now to make riddles, it'd be much easier if Kurt just spoke to him plainly. "I think everything is very clear, you help me, you can forget your fault for something I don't understand and I stop being horny against my will at inappropriate places, and everyone happy." He sums. It was, more or less, what it was all about in the end.

Kurt shakes his head, crossing his arms. "I'm sorry. If I'm going to do this thing, this is something I need to do. It's a way to ensure the interests of both, and I think it would be good for you too."

"Fine" Sebastian accepts, since he has given up so many things to get out of this purgatory one more wouldn't hurt. "What do you want, Hummel?"

He smiles, satisfied, and begins to rummage inside what Sebastian is starting to think like the surprise bag. After the great amount of ropes he'd seen come out of that bag the last time Kurt had been here, he certainly didn't expect that all that comes out from there was a pen and a purple notebook.

He frowns as Kurt opens it and looks for a blank page, dropping the rest of the bag on the floor.

"I want us to write this together," he says, taking a couple of steps to sit on the bed, almost two feet from Sebastian now, completely ignoring the state of his groin. "It's an agreement that will stipulate the duties and limits of each other while this... well, as long as this lasts."

"Like a contract?" he asks ironically, because no matter how little he knew about formalities, he's not as stupid to not know the implications of a bonding contract, his parents are lawyers for God's sake!

"Yes, um... something like that," Kurt hesitates. "I know this is probably new to you, I don't have much experience either; I've only been bonded once and only know the most basic things of what my dom classes taught me." Sebastian doesn't say anything to that, surprised by the new information that Hummel had really be bonded before.

When seconds pass and Sebastian is still wordlessly Kurt continues. "It wouldn't have a legal value of course, since we aren't in a real relationship, but just to have something to backup."

He does not know what would be the point, nevertheless whatever Hummel said is what will be done right? Wasn't it like that in any instance?

"I hardly find that necessary,"

Kurt glared at him.

"Yeah, whatever you say," he says, because he knows it would be ridiculous to discuss now, he just wants to do this as quickly as possible, so he can finally get a decent night's sleep.

The corner of Hummel's mouth rises, but it doesn't become a smile and then his hand is flying through the paper, writing with a small and clumsy letter. Sebastian leans closer to read what it says.

_Temporary Domination-Submission Agreement_

Kurt writes in the top of the paper, Sebastian frowns at the domination-submission part but he tries to hide it when Kurt looks to check his reaction.

_This agreement establishes that the dominant part, Kurt Hummel, undertakes the responsibility to help the submissive part, Sebastian Smythe, through his sickness by the necessary means until it is completely finished and the aforementioned is free of sequels and able to remain healthy by himself. Likewise, the submissive agrees to obey the dominant, as long as this agreement lasts to ensure the effect of it._

"Is it good for you?" Kurt asks, raising an eyebrow at him and this time Sebastian can't hide his scowl.

"Yeah, it's just... it's very formal," he tries to explain, he didn't think this really would be like a contract, in every sense of the word. Maybe it didn't truly matter what his parents were, he was still ignorant about a lot of things of this nature. Especially when most of these... protocols, had begun to exist only a few years ago.

"I'm just trying to make it clear enough without being too long, so it's easier to understand."

Sebastian nods, leaving aside the subject and letting Kurt continue writing.

_1\. Safewording_

"You're all right keeping the same safeword system? Or would you like a more personal one?" Kurt looks genuinely interested in his answer, but the truth is that Sebastian doesn't understand very well the objective of safewords so he just nods in agreement.

_The safewording system will be the standard: green, yellow and red. It's expected from the submissive to see for himself and use the safeword with intelligence at the moment he feels threatened physically or psychologically. The safeword may be used at any time during a scene._

"Is that clear?" Kurt interrupted his writing.

"Pretty" Sebastian mutters, sitting on the smooth surface of his bed. "I have a doubt."

"Witch one?" Kurt asks, and not exasperated or angry, on the contrary, he seems perfectly willing to answer any question Sebastian might have.

"This... safeword is...? I can stop you, when I want?"

"When you need to" Kurt corrects.

"It's the same,"

"No, it is not," he leaves the notebook on his lap, giving the sub all his attention. "To want and need is not the same, especially not for a sub. You may want an ice cream at mid-winter, but it doesn't mean you should have it."

Sebastian's brow is beginning to be tired of so much pucker. How was he supposed to know the difference? When he wants something he usually gets it, he doesn't stop to think about whether it's good or not, he just does it.

This is turning out to be more complex than he expected.

_2\. Honesty_

_The submissive is committed to being totally and completely honest with the dominant while this agreement remains valid and know that the same can be expected back._

"All right?" he nods in response to Hummel. He is many things, but not a liar.

_3\. Punishments._

He swallowed. He knew it would come, even if a small part inside him hoped Kurt would forget so he wouldn't have to think about it, but now it was here, practically being displayed before his eyes.

_Any punishment that takes place during this period of time will be previously talked and discussed by both parts before made without exception. If the submissive part doesn't agree or thinks he doesn't deserve the punishment that has been imposed he must inform the dominant. If after speaking the disagreement continues a different form of punishment will be sought. In case the punishment surpasses one part's hard limits it can always safeword and the punishment will be forgotten and talk about, at the end of the discussion all will be forgiven._

It didn't sound so bad, he had to admit, but he knows that doms can be very fickle about punishments, he better than anyone was aware of it, and he cannot rely too much on the kind words of a piece of paper, not if he was to be helpless at the mercy of a whip later.

_4\. Respect and Obedience._

_As already mentioned at the beginning of the contract the submissive agrees to obey all that the dominant deems appropriate, as well as the dominant agrees to see for the interests of the submissive all the time while this agreement lasts, all with due respect to the other part and respecting the stipulated limits._

"This rule is more for me than for you, but I still wanted it in writing," Kurt says, but Sebastian is so mesmerized by the paper and his brain is unable to pay attention to more than one thing at a time so he didn't even bother to move his eyes to Kurt.

"What limits?" he questions, intrigued, and he would have laughed if he wasn't so tired when he saw Kurt scribbling a little below:

5\. _Limits._

"Something you have in mind?" Sebastian's gaze gets lost in the words of the page and knows that Kurt can tell. God this was taking too long. "Okay, I'll start"

_Bloodplay._

Sebastian begins to shake a little on the mattress and Kurt is watching him suspiciously when it leaves his mouth without hesitation. "Knifeplay" the dom's eyes narrow but he doesn't protest as he writes the word down and then another.

_Knifeplay._

_Breath control._

"Anything else on your mind?" Kurt asks, and instantly many images fill Sebastian's head, making his breathing even more difficult than it already was.

"Heat plays, needles, burns, nothing permanent,"

_Needle play, games with fire, intentional creation of permanent marks on the skin. Painplay._

He looked at Kurt who only shrugged. "You don't look like a fan," he said and wrote something on the paper.

_Public play._

As if it was in discussion. Never, for anything in the world he'd let Hummel do anything to him in public. Despite the enormous sexual frustration this was bringing him, he had to admit he was starting to like it. It would save him a lot of time refusing to do things later and thus Kurt couldn't say that he wasn't clear from the beginning. He saw his chance and took it, even if he knew any word in that agreement could be ignored or evaded from one second to another, seeing it written on a piece of paper soothed him.

"Infantilism, no baby-boy or any of that shit," the corner of Kurt's mouth rose gracefully as he writes. "Humiliation, double penetration, fisting,—"

"Wow, wow, wow stop right there," Kurt interrupted and Sebastian was suddenly scared that Kurt would refuse to any of its limits, which were so many he knew but he just couldn't stand the thought of someone doing something like that to him, but Kurt's eyes were soft and calming with nothing more than a little confusion shining on them.

"You don't agree?" his voice went hoarse and maybe a little inconsistent. Kurt shook his head quickly.

"It's not that, your limits are fine but I think you've forgotten that among us there will be no... uh any kind of, you know."

"Oh" Actually, he didn't think Kurt was serious that day at the Lima Bean.

"Yes, then I don't think those last two will be necessary to stipulate, regarding the humiliation..."

Sebastian was nervous again, that was a weak point. "Just, don't call me a whore, yeah?"

"I wouldn't—" the dom starts but stops abruptly at some thought. Sebastian knows, he's aware that's what most people think when they met him, it's not a secret and no one in the past has made efforts to keep it away from his ears but he just couldn't bear to be called that during a... scene? Was that what Kurt called it?

 _Humiliation (Slut-Shaming),_ Kurt writes without further comment.

"Anything else?"

Only one thing is still hanging around Sebastian's mind and after all he's said he doesn't have anything left to lose.

"Whips" he mutters softly and Kurt's hand is flying back to the paper when he stops and turns to look at Sebastian again, both eyebrows raised.

"Really?" he asks, almost in disbelief and seems more intrigued than anything.

"Why?" Sebastian doesn't want to think that Kurt is acting by a wish rather than considering his discomfort, but it's hard when he feels he's being judged by his choice.

"No, nothing, forget it" Kurt half-smiles at him and to his relief his hand is already gripping the pen. "I was going to say most subs this and that, but it's just fine."

He won't take risks. He nods, and Kurt writes it in the last point of the list.

"I'm not most subs" Sebastian snorts, once the relief is filling his body seeing the written word. Kurt's smile doesn't drop even a little at his peevish tone and his hand is still moving.

_This agreement will always be available to changes at any time required._

Kurt stares at the paper now completely filled in his lap, inspecting it carefully. Sebastian thinks he has read it at least four times when his eyes finally separate from the notebook.

"Okay, so I think that's all for now." He says as he removes the paper of the notebook and gives it to Sebastian, who looks at it like it's a potential bomb.

"Read it," Kurt instructed him, he isn't sure whether it's or not an order, "make sure there is nothing you want to add, if so you can write it."

It's torture, in every sense of the word. Sebastian has to try to make sense of each pair of lines that his eyes pass and every couple of minutes he loses the reading, having to return and realizing he doesn't know where he left off. It takes too long but he tries to do it right, don't want to miss anything of what the stupid agreement says, especially if he can use it in his favor at some point. He doesn't find anything he wants to add, however.

He gives it back to Kurt, looking just the same as it did before, and says nothing in return. He hopes Hummel is able to tell how little he can handle this situation because he knows he's about to pass out any time.

"Can we start now?" he strives to ask, exhausted. Kurt doesn't make him wait much longer.

"Yes"

Sebastian feels the world stop spinning. Kurt has risen from bed and slowly, very carefully moves a few steps forward to position himself between his knees, looking directly at his face from above. Sebastian can't focus well the image but he knows his eyes are wide as Kurt examines him and then there's a cold hand touching his face, he hadn't noticed he was sweating until now.

"Look at me," Sebastian looks up to find Kurt's big blue eyes. They aren't cold as the first time he'd helped him out, but neither were they the insecure and shy eyes of the Kurt he had met in the parking lot outside Dalton; It was a strange mixture of humanity and determination, and Sebastian's body couldn't help but react to the sight.

"Listen to what I'm about to say, I'll only say it once, so pay attention," Kurt said, applying a firm grip on his face, but it didn't hurt, it only felt solid. "You're going to go to the bathroom and take a shower, as long or as short as you want it doesn't matter, but clean yourself as good as you can, then dry yourself from head to toe and get back here, am I being clear enough?"

He nodded in the haze of his head and stumbling a bit he stood up from his place on the mattress and started walking toward the bathroom. Once inside he got into the shower, not even taking the time to take his clothes off before opening the tap, letting the water soak his body.

It was cold, it was the first thing he noticed when some clarity came to his mind at the contact with the water. He heard a quiet chuckle from the room and found Hummel looking at him through the open door. He couldn't have felt more stupid there, standing under the running cold water fully clothed. But Hummel seemed to have a little mercy, because he came in and closed the bathroom door to give him some privacy. Sebastian let out all the air in his lungs.

He got rid of his shirt and shoes, throwing them out of the shower and let them soak the floor, then also the pants and underwear were gone but for some reason Sebastian continued feeling stupid. Perhaps it was mostly because Kurt had seen him, he had seen how lost and incoherent he was, and it was so humiliating.

It's hardly surprising that he also takes a long time to clean himself properly, despite the cold water it helped his head to remain lucid at a certain level. There's not much difference, really. His muscles were reluctant to relax, even after his body had gotten used to the temperature. His right leg is trembling and he has to concentrate to stop it before the rest of his limbs follows the example. Every nerve, every pore, every drop of blood in his system is pulling him out, begging him to leave his fears behind and succumb to the desires of his body.

Because if he was going to start being honest, he had to admit; it scares him. It frightens him what might happen out there, once he steps out, and Kurt is there, all his famous dom hormones emanating from him and with the permission to do anything, whatever he wanted with him, and he's not a man easily frightened but this particularly terrifies him.

He recognizes he has some security right? Hummel's not a bad guy, he knows that at some level, and he couldn't do anything that'd been written in that agreement, it was a deal, if so, he didn't have much to worry about, right? A part of him, however, couldn't be completely sure of anything.

But it really doesn't matter what he believes or thinks in the end, what will happen will happen, whether he like's it or not, and at this point, with his body burning under the cold water and his heart beating a mile a minute just at the thought of what might happen, Sebastian wants it, subconscious, almost against his will but he can't deny that's all he wants for the time he takes the courage to close the tap of the shower and wraps a towel around his hips.

He takes a second to look at himself in the small bathroom mirror of his room in Dalton. The man who returns his gaze is pale, tired, confused, but mostly sick.

His hands, trembling and thinner than he remembers them dry him the best they can; from his short, thick hair without need of much attention, to his legs dripping water on the white tile floor.

He faltered on the bed clothes he rarely uses when he's alone, unsure about whether he should dress or just go out like this. Kurt never said anything about putting clothes, but he can't imagine Hummel, Hummel innocent little baby cat, wanting him to come out completely naked neither.

At the end he decides to put on only his underwear, likewise he supposes that anything else would go away too soon to worthwhile put it over, but coming out completely naked could well scare Hummel's interior prude.

He gives a last look at his reflection in the mirror.

He sighs. There was no turning back.

His hand spins the doorknob and it opens by itself, revealing an empty room.

...

Sebastian was tense again when he realized Kur's absence.

His room is as he left it, the rumpled blankets in a corner on his bed, some of his books under the desk, part of his clothes lying on the office chair, the paper Kurt had written a few minutes ago resting on his nightstand. But nothing... no sign of Kurt.

What had changed? Could it be that he'd got tired of waiting? He'd heard doms are terrible at waiting, that it makes them grumpy and even bitter, yet he found it hard to believe that just waiting for a shower would have made him give up... he had told him to take his time, he was sure, then... it was him? Perhaps Kurt had thought it better and regretted it all, decided he wasn't worth it, that Sebastian was nothing more than a lost cause and that everything would be just a failure...

Sebastian felt like a castaway on the ocean in this small room, feeling as if the air was missing, as if what he needed was so close to his reach but he was too weak to get it, as if he were to drown any time and there was no escape, no place to go.

He was so busy going crazy about his breath stuck in his chest and his head spinning that he almost didn't notice when there was a crack in the door. Kurt slipped through the entrance, both hands full carrying a tray of food with what appeared to be fruit, cereal, and juice. He took a moment before noticing Sebastian's presence but when he did, when blue eyes found his Sebastian held on that look as if it was the only thing that kept him alive.

The dom's eyes never moved below his neck and Sebastian wonders in the silence of his mind whether it is on purpose, to not offend him, or if it's so little his interest in Sebastian's body that he didn't have to make any effort. He doesn't know why this make him so upset but when Kurt left the tray on the desk next to the door and suddenly is one step away from his own body all his problems disappear. His expression is consistent and inflexible, he looked as if he wanted to comment on something, rebuke him for some reason, but he doesn't, and won't from the soft glow that fills his eyes, the one he is being hypnotized by without his consent.

"Kneel,"

His knees touched the floor before he even finished to understand the phrase, restoring his fast and heavy breathing. He doesn't try to discuss even if the small part still conscious of his brain winces at the words, because Sebastian Smythe would never kneel to anyone. Or at least the old Sebastian, the one that wasn't being attacked by countless damned chemicals wreaking havoc in his body would never accept it. But this was only Sebastian, the needy sub who was lost in the need to get his body stop hurting.

It was outrageous, for his body to betray him that way. Kurt smiled as the child who has his whim fulfilled.

"Good boy" He shudders at the name.

His eyes fall down, knowing of the sharp eye on him. Kurt short boots wandering around him, the sound of his slow steps being the only sound in the room except for the pounding of his heart against his chest, he really hopes he's the only one who can hear that. Sebastian felt like he was being examined somehow, judged.

Suddenly he was all too aware of his nakedness. Or half nakedness. He shivers again.

"Is something wrong?" Kurt questioned, still walking with that evaluative step. Sebastian felt his already hard cock squeezing against the soft fabric of his boxers.

"Yo-u w-weren't-" He hates how his voice doesn't seem his at all. Words hurt in his throat and he doesn't know if it's for fear of what might happen or because his sickness barely lets him control his body anymore.

"I went to get some food," Kurt says casually, as if they weren't in the situation they are, as if they were gathered for nothing more than some homework, rather than what it really was. As if Sebastian wasn't half naked and hard in front of him. God, he hated being ignored like this. He had a great body, amazing if he had to say it himself, even if it was slightly damaged by his feeding last week and he didn't like the way Kurt just... unnoticed him, as if he wasn't big deal.

"Are you going to eat while you do this?" He tried to sound mocking but his voice came out too serious, even timid. When the sound of laughter reached his ears he could feel the heat start crawling up his neck.

"Is for you" Kurt clarified, and Sebastian saw his boots positioning again before his eyes. "You don't look very well, it's like you haven't eaten in days."

And that was it, the confirmation of how horrible he must be in the dom's eyes that made him lose the last gram of self-esteem he had left in his body.

"I'll vomit," he told Kurt, it didn't make sense to forced him to eat all that if it'd just end up on the floor.

"No, you won't." Kurt's hand grabbed his chin forcing him to look straight into his eyes, big, blue and still kind enough to stop him from freak out. "Your position is wrong," Kurt held his head high, even when Sebastian tried to pull away, he kept him there. "You must be high and proud, not ashamed. Your knees together, firm, your back straight, hands on your thighs, your head up,"

Sebastian opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out of there. Kurt helped him settle in the "correct" position. His back and knees complained about the effort that the position demanded, but the contemplative look on Kurt's face was worth it; it made him feel seen, attractive and sexy again. Appreciated.

"You have a gorgeous body" Kurt murmured, so, so close ... he wanted to be touched, wanted to touch so bad... "You are beautiful, inside and out. Never let anyone make you feel another way, not even yourself. Subs lesson, 3 and 4, I think. Basics."

Sebastian felt a little twinge of disappointment fell on his chest. He didn't know the words and knew the expression on his face gave him away. Kurt sighed and moved Sebastian's hands forward and then backward. Sebastian sighs, unsure if he should touch or not, and he wanted to do it so much, so much...

"In this position you won't hurt yourself," Kurt said instead. "You'll wait for me like this from now on, in this same place, you can use your clothes if you want to, though, do you understand me? Every time I come here."

Sebastian nodded despite himself. "Yes"

"Yes, what?"

His stomach tightened restlessly and he felt bile climb his throat.

"Yes... Sir"

Kurt smiled subtly. "Good" then his gaze traveled down and Sebastian knew he was looking at his cock, hard and eager for attention. He swallowed, which brought Kurt's gaze back to him.

"I'm sorry I made you wait so long. I know this must be painful for you," _So, so much_ "and I doubt the ropes would do something for you right now, so we'll have to do... something else."

A mixture of fear and pleasure filled completely Sebastian's body. He couldn't say which was stronger than the other, but he didn't exactly care that much right now.

"Sit" Kurt's voice came from above, much closer than Sebastian expected him to be. Sebastian licked his lips, trying to understand. He pulled his legs in front of him, leaving his butt crash on the cold floor and he licked his lips again while waiting.

He saw Kurt walk to stand behind him and heard objects moving on the floor. He wanted to turn around and look at what Kurt was doing but he was afraid that if he did something wrong Kurt would change his mind and let him suffer through the pain alone.

"Okay, I promise I won't see anything alright? You can lean back if you want." Sebastian hesitated, but eventually complied, waiting for his head to collide with something flat and hard.

That didn't happen.

Inadvertently, his head was now resting right on Kurt's back like the other guy sat behind him. He couldn't stop himself from turning his head to take a look. Kurt was legs crossed, staring out the window of the room and although his gaze slid away a little when he realized Sebastian quick look he returned his eyes to its place.

He moved, slightly displeased with the unusual position but forced himself to relax, letting his head drop a little on Kurt's shoulder and into the fabric of his shirt. he smelled quite good so he let the perfume cover him all over in a way he had to stop himself from sniffing the collar of the shirt. _Fucking hormones._

"Are you comfortable?"

Sebastian cleared his throat. "Y-Yes?" he could almost see Hummel rolling his eyes behind. The Sir wasn't a thing for him, like whips, or kneeling, or any of this crap that was so, so hot at the moment.

"This is how it'll work, you take yourself on your hand, and you don't come without telling me" Sebastian choked with his own saliva. He didn't think...

"It won't work," he said and heard Kurt make a tired sound. "I've jerked myself off fifth times a day since Friday and it's not helping at all, I-"

"It'll help now," Kurt insisted. "Do you want to do this or do you want to do what I planned last time?"

Sebastian frowned, in the situation he was now whatever Kurt had wanted to do with those ropes wouldn't serve him for three hours. And who was he fooling, he wanted to come.

"Fine" he put his hand into his boxers and proceeded to pull out, sliding the fabric a little down his legs, for more easiness. He took himself in hand carefully, tensing in the way his cock ached at the touch, and when he began to move Kurt's fingers touched the side of his neck, moving slowly to his nape, creating delicate patterns on his hair that had nothing to do with what they were doing.

"Slow, Sebastian" Kurt commanded and when Sebastian didn't obey, too focused on the pleasure of his hand, Kurt tightened his grip on his hair in a way that made Sebastian let out a little cry. "You want to do this or not?" Kurt was rigid against him and made Sebastian realize how irritated he was. For some reason he thought that as Kurt wasn't able to see what he was doing with his hand in this position he would have no way of knowing his exact movements, but he was obviously wrong; Kurt was perfectly able to feel his arm move behind him, from the movements of his back, he guessed. And he wasn't happy about it. "I remind you it was you who asked me to do this, if we do, we'll do it well, and since I don't think you're in the mood for your first punishment I recommend you to behave, do you understand?"

"Y-Yes"

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, Sir." Sebastian said, the words being forced from his mouth. Kurt was right, he wasn't ready for a punishment and try to evade any order he give him wouldn't be on his behalf. And wouldn't encourage Kurt to stay.

"Okay, so... slow." He lets Sebastian take himself in hand again and begins to move as slowly as he can, it feels good, _God, it feels so good,_ he can't help moving faster, just a little. "I said slow." Kurt doesn't shout, doesn't even say it in a very loud voice, but Sebastian feels the demanding tone go straight to his cock. His hands are going slowly again and hips protest, rising to meet his hand, a warm hold stops them to do so once more and Kurt's fingers curl in his hair again.

"Good boy" Sebastian whines, and his hips do that again, his cock spasming in his hand.

"Don't- call me that" he pants. Kurt's fingers curl again, this time in his shoulder.

"You sure?" He says, quiet, not really seem to care how restless his hips had gotten in the last seconds. "You seem to like it,"

Another moan escaped Sebastian's mouth, a mixed sound between embarrassment and pleasure. _Fucking hips._

"You go slower" Kurt instructed him, pressing his thumb in the hollow of his neck, making him contain another desperate whimper. "Yes, like that, good. Now you go fast. Faster. Yeah, that's okay."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It felt too good, too, too good, definitely much better than anything he had done to himself this week, hell much better than any other hand had ever felt and this was only his.

Damn. He wondered how it'd feel when Kurt touched him, when the soft hand stroking his hair was on him, moving to his will, having him completely at his mercy, making him feel so good it hurt.

His hips moved in sync with his hand and his face puckered in agony trying to keep his hips tied to the ground.

"Don't try to control anything," Kurt's voice, a voice he had never heard, whispered in his ear, hoarse and imposing. "I'll take care of that for you, it's my job. You just have to do what I tell you, and enjoy."

He was so fucking turned on, fuck.

"I'm- I—"

"Shh," Kurt whispered in his ear conch. "Slow"

It wasn't a great effort this time, Sebastian's hand obeyed without much protest and he was waiting for the "good boy" to come again. That didn't happen, however. He slowed more his hand, so he was barely moving anymore, but nothing.

"Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, why?"

"You didn't call me—" he stopped when he realized his mistake.

"I thought you didn't like it when I did"

Sebastian swallowed. "I don't, I just..."

"I think your body doesn't think so," he hated the damn superior tone with which he said it, he knew he was right, his body was enjoying this more than he thought he would, but that was no reason to embarrass him. "Faster"

Without expecting anything this time, he let his hand do the job. He could feel the orgasm building on his belly so fast that he hardly had time to notice.

"I'm— close, god I'm so close,"

"Slow" Sebastian let himself rest against Kurt's back, feeling the dom stretching to give him more space to lean. "What do you say?"

"Thank you, Sir" he let out without thinking too much about it and Kurt smiled as having won the battle.

"Faster" Sebastian left his face hide in Kurt's neck, trying not to make very evident how he was inhaling Kurt's smell like an addict. So fucking good.

One of Kurt's hands, the one that until a moment ago was still wreaking havoc in his hair disappears without warning, leaving only the ghost of his fingers and making Sebastian moan again for the loss. He'll regret so much what he's about to say. Later.

"I'm so, so close... I can't— I, please, please,"

"Shh, It's okay, It's okay. You've been okay. Faster. Just a little more and then you can let go." Kurt says to his temple making Sebastian writhed in silence, gasping as his hand gives the last blows, fast and urgent and when Kurt gives his approval his orgasm hits on his stomach.

He is ready for the usual sense of emptiness that follows the orgasm, and is surprised to discover that this never comes. His cock falls limp against his thigh and a heaviness settle on his eyelids as Kurt let him rest his head against his shoulder. His breathing is constant for the first time in days and his chest doesn't hurt with the effort. Kurt doesn't move either after he came and Sebastian knows he still has to finish this, but suddenly it's so difficult only the prospect of getting up from his place and as Kurt doesn't force him to do so he lets himself seize this moment, letting his eyes have the rest they hadn't had in weeks.

…

His eyes flickered open in the blur of his room, the only light in the place being the lamp on the nightstand. He tried to move to adjust in his bed when there was a groan he didn't recognize as his and a soft chuckle on his forehead.

"You woke up. Good, my arm was starting to hurt,"

Everything came to his mind like a whirlwind of memories. The contract, the shower, the discussion, his incredibly satisfying orgasm. Kurt's body was now completely turned so Sebastian was lying on his chest, warm and soft, rather than against his back, his throat hurt a little when he swallowed and he had dry come in his stomach but his body couldn't feel better if he tried.

He leaned on his hand to sit up, instead of keeping crushing Kurt's body with his own. He let out a whimper as he stretched his limbs, he suspected he'd been sleeping for a while.

"Sorry," he apologized, that was so unusual in him.

"It's okay, it's only been a few minutes," Kurt assured him, shaking and stretching a bit too to stand up. "I thought you'd want to rest."

Sebastian feels the need to thank him, he knew that must have been a very uncomfortable position for Kurt, and he still hadn't made him move when he was falling asleep. Sebastian didn't understand why he'd done that, but it made him feel kind of warm inside.

"Go to bed, I'll be right back." Sebastian didn't think much to do just that and get on the mattress, indeed the exhaustion was killing him, so much that he was already falling asleep again when he saw Kurt come back from the bathroom with a pair of cloths and approaching him without warning to press the hot and wet material against his stomach.

Sebastian tenses when Kurt cleans the come off his stomach. It's not something he lets someone else do for him normally, but Kurt is doing it so delicately, almost as if he was afraid of hurting him with the slightly rough cloth, and he relaxes when he realizes that there's no disgust or revulsion in his eyes, only that kindness and grace that he's getting used to being so typical in the dom.

He thinks it's strange how comfortable they both are with his nudity, though he's still keeping his underwear Kurt remains fully clothed, and it's not uncomfortable at all, at least not for him. Sebastian always felt better naked than dressed, he has never known why, always gave credit to his undoubted promiscuity, and Kurt is so normal about it, he don't know if it's a dom thing or a Kurt thing ... but he kinda likes it.

Kurt smiles when he catches him staring between him and his hands, finishing cleaning him up with the cloth.

He opens his mouth, absurdly looking for a way to thank him, in his own way of course, perhaps hidden behind a pair of scathing comments, but Kurt is already turning around again to pick up the tray of food he'd left on his desk, simultaneously throwing the dirty cloth in a pile of stacked towels. Kurt installed the food on his lap, he looked serious but he could also say he wasn't as severe as before.

"Eat something," he says, pointing to the tray. He doesn't have to tell him twice before Sebastian is attacking the plate of fruit, dropping the yogurt on top of it. His stomach rumbling approvingly as he devoured the food in a way that must be very unappealing. He can't find himself worrying.

"Slow" Sebastian shudders and he can't help his cock from hardening a little. He should be embarrassed that Kurt can see his reaction so easily. He's not . Yet the older boy gives him an apologetic look. "I mean, It's not good for you to eat that fast, you don't want to risk throwing up again."

"I'm hungry," he replied, wincing. Besides, his stomach seemed to accept the food happily, unlike before, he doesn't think he'd throw up anything. Suddenly something comes to his mind. "How did you know how to find the cafeteria anyway?"

"Oh, well, I came here for a while." Kurt looks surprised and puzzled by the question but he doesn't seem reluctant to talk about it.

So Sebastian questions, "Really?"

"Umh, yes. I stayed for a while but eventually decided to return to McKinley."

He shuddered again, this time the reflex had nothing to do with arousal.

"Iuk, public school, I'd rather pass for an extra month of unassisted sickness than had that looser smell on my face all the time." he says and Kurt throws his eyes to the ceiling as if to say _''and you're back''_ but he knows he's kidding. He wouldn't even be alive after another month on unassisted sickness. He looks at the fruit in the tray, next to the cereal and juice. "You should have brought a hamburger, this crap won't end with half my appetite."

Kurt shakes his head. "You have to eat light. It's your first decent meal in days I'm sure, anything heavier would make you stomach sick."

For fuck's shake, sick, sickness, he just wanted a burger was that so much to ask for?

After a while, when Sebastian has gobbled almost all the fruit and part of the juice Kurt's hand reaches his arm, which is immediately removed when Sebastian realizes it but the dom is still looking at him. "How do you feel?"

On stupidity impulse , Sebastian decides to answer truthfully. "Better"

"I'm glad," Kurt smiles. Sebastian didn't know what to think. Something felt out of place but he can't place what it is, not until his head falls a little and he sees a small, almost nonexistent stain of his come on Kurt's tight jeans.

God, he has been so ungrateful. And that was something that doesn't go well with him.

If there's anything he's proud of is that he was very good to give back what others did for him, and he owed it to Kurt.

The older boy makes a gesture of bewilderment when Sebastian gets off the bed, leaving the rest of his food forgotten, and when he fell on his knees between Kurt's legs where he sits on the edge of the bed and began working on his belt the dom stops him, alarm evident on his face, hands moving Sebastian's fingers away from his belt as much as possible, with the boy scurrying and trying again and again.

"What are you doing?" Kurt asks boggling.

"It's your turn," he said the obvious, he didn't understand why Hummel seemed so shocked with his answer.

"Oh Gosh no, no thank you," Kurt was blushing from his neck to his cheeks, which gave him an appearance a little too innocent for the guy who was telling how to jerk off twenty minutes ago.

"But you did something for me, I think fair I do something for you too," he bit his lip seductively, leaving his tongue out and in playfully, his fingers searching for the buckle of Kurt's belt again. He didn't like being rejected, no matter by whom.

He could feel Kurt getting half-hard underneath his pants.

"This was about you," Kurt reminded him, moving away his hands completely, Sebastian looking defeated. "I don't- need, anything, in fact It's late, I have to go home." He gets up from the bed, leaving an annoyed Sebastian on his knees, didn't Kurt want him? He was just trying to be thankful for what he was doing for him, why didn't he let him?

It was really because he didn't need it, or because he didn't like Sebastian enough?

"I'm leaving now. Sleep, recover your forces, eat something later, do your homework and call me tomorrow, I want to know how you feel... and clean your room, it reeks of cigarette."

And it was all. Kurt was out as if Sebastian was some kind of creep who was stalking him. Well, he certainly was not. Hummel wanted to play hard to get, well, he could play hard too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think ;)


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt arrived home ten minutes before 11 pm, adrenaline a little too high running through his body and without the slightest sign of sleep. It was sort of exciting, having all these endorphins moving through his head and body like, like… god, he had missed this so much. It had been months since he'd felt this good, this... right.

He'd felt something similar the last time he tried to help Sebastian, although there was no comparison, that time he hadn't been much in control, not really, he could have appeased Sebastian's sickness for a while but the truth was, inside his head, he didn't have much idea what he was doing, most of what was going through his brain was anxiety combined with embarrassment and concern; now however, he felt like everything was good in the world.

Of course, he's not going to lie, dominating Blaine used to be a lot more pleasant and stimulating than dominating Sebastian, but that was in the past, Kurt had accepted that there was nothing he could do about it. Though this wasn't bad either, more difficult certainly, but it was amazing to be able to feel this again. It seemed as if it'd been years instead of a couple of months, but it was hard to let go of something you never thought you would have to let go.

Letting that aside, he wasn't in a very good mood. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about Sebastian since he left Dalton to take the road back to Lima. He was no fool, he knew that the... dynamic, if it could be called that, they both shared a few hours ago would also affect him; it was obvious that he wasn't going to remain intact while all the toxins accumulated in the body of the sub and the endorphins emanating from his body were set free to call to his instincts.

He sighed while walking up the stairs to his room. He just wishes he could've stayed a little longer, just until Sebastian went to sleep, make sure he didn't do anything stupid, but then he wouldn't be home until a lot later, and he didn't know if Finn had already returned home from Puck's. He didn't want to risk of he telling Rachel something and then the next morning get caught off guard by endless questions that he didn't want to answer. He could only hope that fatigue would make Sebastian go to sleep early.

On his way to his room he walked over to Finn's, trying to hear any sound, but nothing. He opened the door as calm as he could but it became clear quickly that the room was empty. He closed the door and looked at his phone to see if there was a message from Finn, telling him he'd spend the night at Puck's or something. There was nothing there neither. Kurt dialed his brother's number and waited four rings before Finn picked up.

"Hey, dude, you know I was just gonna call you—"

"Save it Finn, where are you? it's almost midnight." He asked, closing Finn's bedroom and continuing walking toward his.

"Puck and I were watching the game and lost the sense of time, we're playing video games. His mom says I can stay."

Kurt narrowed his eyes, even though Finn couldn't see him. He wasn't very sure about this. Normally if he were at Puck's home there would be a lot of noise around, the background now was too quiet.

"Are you sure you're not with Rachel?"

"What? Dude, no! Seriously I'm not lying," Finn sounded offended, Kurt didn't know what to think, when Finn lies he usually just gets alarmed and talks more than he should, this didn't seem to be the case.

"Really Finn? If you're with Rachel it's okay, I won't accuse you, I just want to know."

"I swear I'm at Puck's, he's in the bathroom but I can let you speak to him when he returns. Or with his mom, she's in the kitchen." Well, that explained the silence. "But since you mention Rachel I—"

"Okay Finn, see you tomorrow."

"Hey, but I—"

"I don't want to know. Bye." Kurt shook his head as he hung up and dropped on his bed with his eyes closed.

Having a sub for a brother was too much like babysitting lately, especially with an overprotective stepmom like Carol. Although he supposed she had her reasons, with all that about Quinn's pregnancy and Santana taking advantage of him to take his virginity... in fact, Kurt hoped Carol didn't know about that last one.

He shifted in the bed, but only managed to evoke thoughts of either Finn leaving Rachel pregnant, which was the last thing he wanted to think about, or Sebastian. Then he got up, deciding that the best way to get to sleep would be with a hot shower, his routine of skin care and something sweet and light to drink.

He didn't have dreams that night, but woke up more rested and lighter than he had in months.

...

Sebastian didn't think it would be so difficult, that of playing hard.

He had woken up at twelve o'clock, all his classes of the morning hopelessly lost and still willing to keep on with that to recover all the sleep he'd lost that week, but it turned out after a while it became terribly uncomfortable. He was just lying there with his eyes open staring into nothing. It got boring really fast. So he got up from the bed, took his phone and started making plans for tonight with a couple of acquaintances. Now that he was finally okay he'll have to regain some of the lost time.

After some monotonous greetings and promises for an amazing night Sebastian left his cell phone on the night table, considering seeking a clean shirt to go down for a slice of pizza, or well, four, when Kurt's voice echoed in his head.

_"Call me tomorrow, I want to know how you feel..."_

No. No, no, no and no! What did it matter what Hummel wanted? Now he was fine, it shouldn't matter how he felt, the red code has passed and everything was fine, he'd again be the same as always, the one who doesn't care what a Dom says, because he didn't need one. He didn't need someone to annoy him, telling him what to do, he can very well take care of himself, thank you very much. However... he had to admit that it moved him, that Hummel cared, although he wishes he didn't, Sebastian likes thinking there's someone who cares.

There have been so few people who care about Sebastian's life…

His fingers are moving across the screen before he can do something about it, but at least he can say he wasn't so weak to follow the instruction to the letter.

 **To Princess bitch (12:32):** so, I'm planning on having a romance with a whole box of pizza, aaanndd since you are almost one hundred miles away you CANT STOP ME!

A few minutes later the sound of a message rang on his phone.

 **From Princess bitch (12:35):** you do like to provoke me, don't you?

Opps. He gave a slight laugh, Hummel was not a fool.

 **To Princess bitch (12:35):** Caught :(

 **From Princess bitch (12:36):** Anyway, I'm guessing you're only making fun of me and not really thinking of doing that, right?

Sebastian winced.

 **To Princess bitch (12:37):** What give you such a wrong idea? Come on man! There's no way I'm not having a pizza after all I have to suffer last week

 **From Princess bitch (12:37):** Well, I am touched by your ability to recognize that I am a man.

Sebastian opens his mouth in bewilderment. He wants to hit himself in the face for not noticing his mistake before. He is about to reply with a sarcastic apology when Kurt sends him another message.

 **From Princess bitch (12:38):** but despite that I'm expecting some consideration for your own health, and I have to say that you are not allowed to eat something like a whole box of pizza, at least If you want me to keep doing what we agreed on

Was that supposed to be a joke? Sebastian couldn't be sure,

Kurt could well be playing with him or being completely serious, although he doesn't believe a pizza could make him change his mind so drastically on help him, right?

Right?

 **To Princess bitch (12:39):** Jeez, calm your panties, Hummel! Fine, but only because I have a night out tonight and I can't risk getting stomachache

There. Nailed it.

 **To Princess bitch (12:39):** Also, I don't wanna go around vomiting on people

It takes a while for Kurt to answer him, and Sebastian thinks for a minute that this is the end of the conversation when the phone buzzing startles him.

 **From Princess bitch (12:44):** You're going out?

He raises an eyebrow in question but his fingers move across the screen almost immediately.

 **To Princess bitch (12:45):** Yes, to Scandals. I do it every weekend but, I haven't been enjoying it a lot lately, so

 **From Princess bitch (12:46):** Oh. Yes, sure, just… you know, be careful

 **To Princess bitch (12:46):** Don't I always am?

He laughed a little stupidly to himself. If he couldn't do that when he was alone and feeling better than ever, then when?

 **From Princess bitch (12:46):** I couldn't tell

_Huh, was the slut joke missing?_

**To Princess bitch (12:47):** Right

 **From Princess bitch (12:48):** And are you feeling good enough to go out?

 **To Princess bitch (12:49):** Fresh and new ;)

 **From Princess bitch (12:49):** Good.

_Good. Like that. Good boy._

Sebastian's legs trembled with the memory, and the smile fell from his face with the realization of his cock growing hard in his pants. He swore on the pillow and began to palm himself, none of the feelings he'd had the night before and he whined helplessly to the ceiling, grabbing his phone again once he realized that it was senseless.

 **To Princess bitch (12:52):** So, any extra comments before you have to suffer through days without seeing me

He tried to sound relaxed and playful, but as the seconds passed he started to imagine Kurt knowing, knowing how it affected him the memories of yesterday, knowing how his cock grew more and more in the privacy of his room, knowing how Sebastian was palming himself right now just for a stupid text.

And it was hot as hell.

But he certainly wasn't prepared for the reply that followed.

 **From Princess bitch (12:53):** Sure, you should rest, you're not an easy job, but I'll give you something so your suffering doesn't go too far. Eat something light, Sebastian. Take a shower, go for a walk, do some exercise, and assuming you've met my previous indications, maybe tomorrow you'll be able to eat that pizza :)

Sebastian left the sight of his hand curving on the bulge in his groin to look at his room, so dirty and messy as it'd been the night before when Kurt came.

 **To Princess bitch (12:53):** Tease

 **From Princess bitch (12:54):** Don't say I didn't warn you

Fucking Hummel, he thought as he folded his hand on himself to ease the aching.

...

Sebastian looked from the bar to the other three guys with whom he had come to Scandals

make his way to the dance floor with some friend of his he'd never seen before. Tonight was uncharacteristically full of quite a few young guys -acceptably young, at least- and he could see a couple of which he'd have no objection to fuck against a wall. In addition, music was much better than it normally was in this obsolete, moss-grown bar, so the night could be considered as good as it could get.

But for some reason he felt just a tiny bit anxious. At first he thought it was because he'd lost the mood since his thing, sickness or whatever showed up, despite having been there over the weekend, but as soon as he entered the establishment his feet walked by their own will to the bar and had not moved from there since.

It was something physical, literally he couldn't help but feel bad every time he tried, or even thought of going to any of those guys, like he was doing something wrong or... he's not sure, but he needed the weight of his body to disappear if he was going to get laid tonight.

He took a long sip of his vodka-based drink and after overcoming the known stinging in his throat he sought a possible candidate on the dance floor. He found it in a short time; tall, dark, brown eyes and a beard that made him look more interesting than Sebastian was sure he was, talking to a couple of drag queens and drinking something with bubbles.

Now he just had to see how to ignore the thing inside him that wouldn't let him step forward, then, came the easy part.

...

His hands were burning cold at the contact with the dirty bathroom wall, the man trapped under him moaning deep on his skin covering in sweat because of the sweltering heat of the small space where both men had entered a minute ago.

The brunet didn't wait long to get his hands under Sebastian's shirt, moving all over his chest and rubbing furiously against his crotch while Sebastian kissed languidly between his neck and collarbone. The other man gasped and took his hands off Sebastian's chest, what he interpreted as it was time to move faster, so he pressed against the thin body who complained immediately and Sebastian felt the man's knees trembling briefly against his legs.

Sebastian froze for a moment, the small amount of oxygen and heated air not letting him think clearly. Or maybe it was just him. Fuck, maybe that stupid sickness was coming back. But it didn't felt completely like it, there was not desperation, just a horrible, horrible feeling that everything was wrong, that everything he did was a mistake, that it was wrong, wrong, wrong.

The guy launched himself at him, trying to return to what they were doing a second ago, sticking one single finger down the waistband of his pants and spreading kisses with his mouth open under Sebastian's chin.

 _Bad boy_. Bad boy Sebastian.

His eyes cracked wide open as Kurt's voice filled his head, and oddly enough, his ears.

He was well aware that it was impossible that Kurt was here, calling him that. Kurt knew he was here, Sebastian had told him and he didn't say no, he knew what Sebastian came here every week for, he wasn't hiding anything, he just...

_"Scandals? Scandals, the gay bar? Are you crazy? Anything could have happened. Never, never do that again Sebastian!"_

Fuck.

No, for fuck's sake no! This wasn't what Kurt meant, not at all, he does not have to feel this suffocating sensation in the throat by the distorted words of a dom who didn't even meant this.

Sebastian felt his stomach move painfully, probably irritated with the too strong drink he'd taken not twenty minutes ago. He looked at the mess of lust he was facing, flushed and smiling and his eyes almost completely filling his iris. This man was not a dom, he may have a different face but Sebastian has met him hundreds of times and it's always the same, they drink, they fuck and then they never see each other again, that's the way it is with him and they can take it or leave it, he's done it over and over for too long and Kurt never said he'd have to stop, he never even asked. Sebastian knows what Kurt meant by those words, it was stupid to let any idiot dominate him, yes , he understood, but that was not what this guy was, he was just another one night stand, just like any other that he's had before.

He just doesn't know why it makes no difference.

The shrill whine over him brought him back to reality to see -whatever his name was, he'd already forgotten- eagerly protest because of pause. His hands were above his head, tightly clutching a pair of metal tubes protruding from the wall, and his breathing was forced as his eyes darted everywhere.

Sebastian didn't say anything for a while, enough for the other guy to let go his hands over his head of the tube and slide them with a look that he supposed was meant to be sexy to the belt on his pants where his boner was dying every second, as discontented as Sebastian felt inside.

"Let me, yeah?" the man murmured against his neck. Sebastian had the impression that he wasn't thinking quite correctly either because he almost collapses on the floor in a feeble attempt to kneel in the tiny space. Sebastian didn't let him fall, holding him from both arms. The man groaned, biting his lower lip and alternating his gaze between his face and his crotch. "Want you to, gonna—"

"You're too drunk," Sebastian said, trying to put the brunette on his own feet but the man's body seemed to be made of gelatin.

"You didn't seem to mind that two minutes ago" he protested, but there was a carefree smile on his lips. Sebastian knew he was right and he wasn't much soberer indeed, but his cock had lost any interest he had in the man, and just being in his presence made him want to throw up all the alcohol he had consumed.

"It's better if you call a taxi, tell him to take you home."

"What if you take me home, we'll have some fun when we get there. I have a magnificent rope that feels so good when you squeeze it against my throat..." Sebastian couldn't hear more, he shook the man as best he could, trying to get him to shut up, he wasn't very successful, as he kept babbling nonsense in his drunkenness. There was no doubt that the man was too intoxicated to have a filter, but the mention of the rope only made Sebastian's stomach squirm harder as the man cupped his soft cock.

"No. I just remembered I have something to do right now."

The brunet deflated against him as an inflatable doll, seeing the battle rolled his eyes, violently opening the useless bathroom door to throw both of them out of the cubicle. He left him sitting against the wall next to the sink and left. A guard looked at him and Sebastian made a sign to the bathroom. The man nodded and walked past him, a few bucks slipped from Sebastian's hand to the man's who went to the bathroom to take the boy out and put him into a taxi.

Sebastian just wanted to be out of this place as soon as possible.

...

Three days after the last time they meet Kurt isn't quite sure yet to be ready to go back to see Sebastian. Actually, he doesn't have much idea what to do, he read some articles and tips on the internet but still didn't feel completely sure, nothing seemed very appropriate for them, Sebastian was not like most of the subs and they weren't even in a relationship to begin with, which ruled out like 90% of the options he had. Not to mention the possible hookups he might have.

Kurt doesn't want to meddle in his life, he really doesn't. But it is very easy to get involved every time he thinks about the different ways in which the sub could hurt himself without the basic knowledge of what was happening with himself, especially in such a vulnerable period as which he was going through, or worse, that someone might take advantage of the situation to...

But what was he even thinking? Someone, take advantage of Sebastian Smythe? Please, in any case, he would be the one taking advantage. Maybe he was just being silly, Sebastian was a pretty big boy to make his own decisions, he didn't need someone to remember him what is and is not right to do. And it was quite clear that he didn't want anyone to try to.

Sometimes Kurt thought he was being too unfair. Sebastian had every right to want to be in charge of his own life, it was a horrible thing that he was forced to do something he didn't want to just for a medical situation. He felt like a jerk when he ignored Sebastian's texts asking about when he'd have time to see him again, it was even worse after a couple of hours of looking for the right answer and giving an excuse about some homework and he had to hit himself against his pillow when he received Sebastian's next text.

It hadn't been sad, angry or much less imploring, it'd been a simple 'alright' but for Kurt, it was worse than if he'd insulted him a thousand different ways by being an inconsiderate idiot.

He knew he couldn't avoid it for long, he had said it himself, a sub, especially one in sickness needs all the domination he can get, and he already committed to this, he could very well do what he had to do. Whatever that was. He really needed better advice than from a bunch of fools with a computer.

…

"Sebastian! I was looking for you."

Sebastian spun around to face the sight of the irritant sub-boy who hurried to reach him in the middle of the corridor of Dalton . Thad stood before him, putting on that presumptuous pose he did whenever he was anywhere near Sebastian and cleared his throat while Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"Fuck off, weirdo. I have no time for your dumb attempts to get me in your pants. I'm not in the mood." Sebastian said, turning around and keep walking down the hallway.

He truly had no patience for this right now. He was tired, hungry, he had a headache and a heap of overdue assignments that were due to next week and which he couldn't bring himself to concentrate on. And there were still five whole fucking hours until school ended. If it wasn't because it was Friday Sebastian would seriously consider jumping off a bridge right now.

"That's not why I am here." Thad's tone was low with disgust and maybe just a touch of anger but Sebastian did not flinch, continuing walking more and more slowly as he tried to ignore the best he could the annoying voice when a freshman walked right in front of him obstructing his path, time Thad knew how to take advantage of to catch up with him.

"The council of the Warblers sent me. You've been distracted in our last rehearsals." Sebastian's body went still. He stopped to face the thin jet-black haired boy who looked at him from less than two feet away now.

"What?" Sebastian asked, not as confused as dazed by Thad's words.

The idiot made the smallest of the mocking smiles Sebastian have ever seen but he hid it under a facade of compassion not two seconds after. "You see, we cannot have our lead vocalist distracted while we perform. Sectionals are in a couple weeks. I hope you understand that."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes in disbelief, looking almost threatening toward the other boy.

"Is this supposed to be some sort of what? A threat?" He scoffed.

"Oh, no, no, you don't have to take it that way. I just express the dismay of the other team members."

"Yeah, well tell them I'm fine, I just, have been going through some stuff lately but I'm getting over—"

"All right!" Thad interrupted him, nodding in a way that made it clear he was not as convinced as he was saying. "We will pick the songs and start practicing the routine for sectionals tomorrow. We expect your best behavior, and commitment." He sighed, taking a few seconds to choose his next words. "Now, I know you don't take life seriously Sebastian, but this is important. At least for some of us. "

Sebastian looked with a resentful expression as Thad walked away without giving him at least a last look. It was proving to be a shitty day. That he wasn't committed? He was practically walking dead, those assholes should kiss his feet for the things he did for that stupid chorus.

"Thad can be a little harsh, don't give it much importance." Sebastian didn't have to look aside to know that it was Nick leaning on the wall where Thad had been a second ago. He recognized the voice quite well, not precisely because he was his second vocalist but because most of the time he and a certain blond would stick to his back the whole practice.

"No, he's right, They gonna throw me the fuck out." he admits and leans against the wall next to the other boy. He refuses to let show how bad he feels by Thad's words, but he doubts he's doing a good job.

"No, don't say it like that," Nick says and Sebastian wants him in the face for the lousy job he is doing at cheering him on. "We all have our moments, and he's just angry because you won't go out with him. What we must admit is a great offense considering that you slept with almost anything with a penis and a pulse."

"I suck." He bit his lip when he realized he had said that out loud. Besides the possible innuendo he'd left in the air. God, it wasn't supposed to be like this, stay cool Sebastian, you're fine, you're gonna be fine. This stupid shit won't matter in three years.

"You're amazing." the boy comforted him, daring to lay a hand on his shoulder. "And if you don't feel good you can excuse yourself, I'm sure they'll understand."

"No," he refused immediately. "I- I'll try harder. We're going to win sectionals." Nick smiled excited and then he remembered something. "By the way, where's Jeff?" Sebastian asked. "You two lovebirds seem to be attached at the hip." Nick's expression decomposed.

"He's mad at me because, apparently, I asked him for some time and won't talk to me until I apologize. "

"The blonde is cheesy, isn't he?" He tried to joke. Nick and Jeff were like, the most irritating couple he'd ever met. It was well known for everybody that the couple was inseparable from the first day Jeff was transferred at the beginning of last year and they were rarely seen away from each other since.

"Yeah but I like him cheesy." Nick assured, causing Sebastian to roll his eyes.

"So, why did you ask him for time?" he asked, falsely intrigued and internally longing that drug to sedate animals that no pharmacy would sell him.

"I didn't- Well, I guess I did, but it was just a time to spend the weekend with my family, I didn't mean to break up but now he won't believe me, it was all a misunderstanding. "Nick started babbling nonsense next to Sebastian, who was barely listening anymore. Okay he wasn't a great listener, but at least he tried not to be so obviously disinterested. The boy finally stopped when the tall, slim figure of his boyfriend moved down the hall accompanied by David and Trent, who seemed uncomfortable when they saw Nick staring at them while Jeff deliberately ignored him and passed by without a glance.

Jeff was, in every sense of the word, everything that Sebastian never wants to be. He never liked sappy people, but sappy subs were a new level of annoying; he was not like that, he was a sub who never wanted to be a sub, but he had nothing to do with it, in fact if it weren't for his sickness Sebastian would be ready to sue the hospital that gave him the blood tests wrong five times.

"Damn I miss him." Nick murmured dreamily, Sebastian frankly didn't understand how he could miss someone whose greatest aspiration was to become his shadow.

"Why don´t you just take another guy and, show him around? Make Jeff see he's not the only fish in the water."

"It doesn't work that way. There's no one else for me."

"Eww" Sebastian groaned letting his head fall against the wall.

"Come on, Seb. You just act like this because you've never been in love, but—"

"Blah, blah, blah, I've heard that before." He said bored. The endless talks about true love were something he'd heard since his 3 years old and stopped believing at 9. He'd plenty of time to get used to the idea that he would never get anyone to change his opinion on these things just as nobody would change his.

"I don't want to make him feel bad, but Trent and David won't leave him alone and I don't know what to do." Nick continued.

Sebastian pushed him away from him, since he was invading his personal space. "I'll tell you what to do, stop sighing and take the bull by the horns, are you his dom or not?"

"Ye-Yeah," he said, not sounding very sure of himself.

"What if he doesn't love me anymore and is just looking for a way out of this?"

"Don´t be ridiculous. The guy took the director off the stage in an assembly to ask you to be his dom, I doubt he's changed his mind so stop being an embarrassment and just, I don't know, order him something."

"I don't want to use that power on him. I'd like him to talk to me because he wants to, not because I ordered him to."

"Well, you're the only one." Sebastian muttered darkly in a low voice. He knows how it sounds; as if these were his own thoughts instead of the expression of intense contempt he felt for those of his designation, but that was okay, because no doubt Nick would be very confused if he realized his feelings on the subject. "In that case, I don't know how I can help you Duval, you and your little prince will have to fend for yourselves. "

"You're right" Nick jumped, looking at Sebastian as if he saw him for the first time. "You're too of the macho-dom anyway, I'm not like that, it'd never work for me the way it does for you."

"So stop talking to me," he said irritated, looking away, he didn't even understand why he was still here.

"You think he'll accept talking to me if I sing him something?"

"Ugh, I don't know, but I will not be your showgirl."

"You're mean," Nick complained, doing something very much like a pout that made him look like a ten year old boy.

Sebastian smiled, almost funny. "Are you new here?" He mocked.

His cell phone vibrating in one of his back pockets distracted him from the grimace Nick was giving him. He took the device, confused when he saw that it a message from Hummel.

 **From Princess bitch (8:56):** You're okay if I go to see you later?

Sebastian had to check twice if it was really a text from Hummel before allowing himself to feel the relief spread through his body. Finally, something good happened to him.

Sebastian hadn't wanted to talk to Hummel since their last texts on Wednesday and even less after his bizarre episode in Scandals that same night. Although he had to bite his tongue and write a couple of times in order to check for his meetings a little while after arriving at Dalton. He made every effort to completely forget the subject, which was difficult considering his condition, two days in this thing could be quite exhausting. That Kurt gave him the option to see him even before he asked him again was a point in favor of his pride, he wasn't looking forward to it.

"Something wrong?" Nick asked, leaning a little toward the front to try to see the message. Sebastian put it out of reach, tossing one apprehensive look.

"No, why?"

"You frowned."

"I did... I did not." he said, turning his gaze to the screen. Nick snorted at his side.

 **To Princess bitch (8:57):** Yeah, that sounds good.

 **From Princess bitch (8:58):** Sure? You don't have any plans or anything? It's Friday night.

 **To Princess bitch (8:58):** Yeah I know it's Friday night, I'm free.

 **From Princess bitch (9:59):** Great. I'll drop around five then.

"Well, I think it's time for me to go to my Spanish class alone, since I'm being ignored."

"Yeah, goodbye." Nick made a frustrated noise but he left anyway, leaving Sebastian alone.

He glanced up furtively but no one was looking in his direction. His phone vibrated in his hand again at the same time the bell announcing the start of his next class rang.

 **From Princess bitch (9:00):** Bring food.

…

By the end of the school day Sebastian felt as if he could be drowning in himself. Sitting, listening, writing, reading, standing, walking, sitting and everything over and over again. All a dreadful routine that repeated itself over and over again, every day, every week, every month. Submissives are supposed to like routine, to love it even, to have an objective set, have a purpose and a clear way to achieve it, in addition to standards for meeting and surpass was of the things Sebastian knew adapted to the personality of it. But for Sebastian it was something suffocating, oppressive, as if he were surrounded by too many responsibilities , too many expectations, obligations, commitments, chains tying him to something that he wanted desperately to get away of.

Plus, it was awfully boring. He couldn't stop his mind to travel to what would be his next years of life. Was this all there was? An education and later a steady job that would consume all his life? Get up, get dressed, work, eat, sleep. He had to loosen up the knot in his tie to breathe properly again. A mediocre life, average, that was what awaited him? A big empty house to fill with eccentricities and one night stands. It didn't sound so bad, not for anyone else. Routine. Sebastian hated it.

He wasn't sure why he suddenly felt this way, he'd always been aware of what his future looked like. An important career, perhaps a doctor, lawyer or head of a major company to please his parents, he doesn't even know if he'd choose something different if it wasn't for them, somehow he doesn't see himself wanting to be something else, he doesn't see himself wanting to be anything really. He normally wouldn't be carried away by these things, they are stupid emotions and they should have no impact on his actions.

It was probably this stupid sickness messing with his head. It already had made him do so many stupid things it wouldn't be a surprise if all this confusion in his head was also because of it. He really hopes it doesn't last too long, he needs to return to normal life, the routine that hates and needs if he wants to have a life at all, Sebastian thinks as he pulls out the key of his room and put it in the hollow of the lock, struggling with the stuff on his left arm.

He gets inside and locks the door and as he turns around he feels his heart leap of shock and momentary panic when he looks forward. Kurt's there, sitting on the edge of his bed, staring right at him with perfectly crossed ankles and supported in the palms of his hands while an amused, guilty smile, extends on his lips.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." He said, and Sebastian ignores the heartbeat too inconstant in his chest to straighten up again.

"You didn't scare me, I just- was surprised. How- How did you get in? I thought you'd come after five, I "Kurt was watching now completely amused, then he realizes that he's babbling. He ignored that, too." No, seriously, how did you get in? "

"I thought on coming earlier. My classes ended a few hours before, so I thought it'd be good to use the time. I hope you don't mind." He says and Sebastian stares wordlessly so Kurt continues. "Your prefect opened your room. I said I was your tutor and as I am a dom he didn't put much resistance." Kurt shrugged carelessly.

Sebastian nods, still a little affected by the surprise, which he won't admit. Dropping his keys on the desk, his eyes fell on the heap of clothes on the chair and the open books beside the computer. Hell, he was supposed to have everything clean.

He saw Kurt watching too.

"I, I was just" He tries to excuse himself but Kurt already was interrupting him with a hand gesture.

"It's okay, I'm not your mother. I'm not scolding you, it's your room, not mine. While it doesn't smell bad I won't complain."

"Oh. Okay" Sebastian said, appeased by the words of the other boy. He feels a little awkward and then he remembers the content inside the black plastic bag he still carried on his arm. "Here," he said, pulling out the content of the bag and putting it in the little free space on the desk, setting the differents white containers together as Kurt got up out of bed to see them.

"I didn't know exactly what you meant with food, so I brought fries, biscuits, cookies, sandwiches, sodas, all I could take of the cafeteria. And uhh, I think that is a salad or something, I don´t know why it's purple." Sebastian said when he saw Kurt looking inside one of the containers.

"It's purple cabbage." He stated.

"I don't know, it looks gross I won´t eat it."

Kurt giggled. "Okay, don't worry, I'll sacrifice myself for you." He said looking down to the cookies with a strange expression.

Sebastian frowned but immediately smiled.

"I should've imagined you'd be one of those." Sebastian said, smiling knowingly, almost superiority.

"One of what?" Kurt asked, returning his gaze to him and his expression wasn't so amused anymore.

"One of those..." He made a funny gesture with his hand, twisting and stretching it a few times.

Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh. "Oh sorry, maybe I have the wrong room or I am talking to Sebastian Smythe?"

"I mean one of those. You know the kind of who look to junk food as an insult to humanity and only eat salads, vegetables, and that stuff, though I should've had a clue from the way you dress. "

Kurt narrowed his eyes. "Oh look at that, aren't you a hypocrite?"

Sebastian shrugged, trying to look indifferent. "I'm gay, not a queen."

"So you're saying that I am?"

"Well, more like a princess, I think." He said, a little smile sliding across his features.

Kurt clucked his tongue. "Lovely,"

"You have to admit you're a little uptight."

"Uh," Kurt says nothing more after that. Sebastian is waiting for the inevitable fight, insult, and physical smack that should come later, but nothing. Kurt turns, leaving the salad bowl on the desk and walking back to sit on the bed. He grabs his phone and after a few seconds looking at the screen he starts writing something.

Sebastian has the feeling that his last joke hadn't been any funny for Kurt. He knew it hadn't been anything close to polite but he was perfectly willing to let Kurt insult him a bit too.

He went to bed too, leaning on his elbow in a corner of the bed and trying to look relaxed.

"Did I get you angry?" He asks, with a small smile that could pass for distressed.

"No." The other boy said without hesitation. Sebastian represses his need to sigh. Hummel was no fool. He typed some more words on his phone and after too many seconds in silence Sebastian purposefully relaxed his muscles even more, falling a little deeper into the bed but still holding onto his elbow.

"Who are you texting to?" He questions, an easy and playful smile on his lips and raising the hand that is not holding him up in bed to play with his hair, the way he knows he looks attractive when doing it.

Kurt looks at him and his eyes stop for a moment on his face.

"My step-mom" He answers, pressing one last button and leaving the phone sideways. He still sounds too serious but he's looking at him.

"Do you live with her?" He asks again, combing a short strand of hair near his eyebrow.

Kurt blinks at him twice.

"You look tired." He says and Sebastian dropped the smile.

"What?"

"Tired. Aren't you? Your eyes are red all over and—"

"Well yes but it's because of the sickness, I haven't—"

"Exactly." Kurt got up from the bed. "Maybe a bath will help you. Come on. Go to prepare the tub."

Sebastian presses his lips into a tight line, he knows that is embarrassment tensing his body knowing that he'd tried to look attractive to get away with it and hadn't succeeded. That he, again, was not enough. He feels humiliated by it, for having even tried. But even above the embarrassment and humiliation, he feels angry by Kurt's command, though he knows it's irrational, he already feels a slight weight get out of him, as if a stone had fallen from a bag he was carrying on his back. And he knows that it's because of it. He also knows that in case he doesn't comply that little weight on his back would double.

Kurt pointed to the bathroom with a flick of the head and Sebastian followed the gesture.

"Fine." He says, accepting without more complaints. Kurt's face didn't move when Sebastian stood up, in the same way it did not when he walked past him to get to the bathroom, walking through the barely adequate space and opened the tap of the tub, awaiting for the hot water to fill it.

"Get in the tub," Kurt said, his voice authoritative even from the distance, somewhere outside the bathroom. Sebastian takes a breath, letting himself accept the command. "And you should take your clothes off this time."

A wrinkle formed between Sebastian's eyebrows remembering the day he got in the shower with his clothes on the first night Kurt came after their agreement. He said nothing, however, he was still a little embarrassed about it, and started pulling his clothes off, dropping them carelessly on the bathroom floor.

He puts one foot on the tub and then another and start to lean to submerge the rest of his body in the water when Kurt's voice, much closer than what Sebastian expected it to be startle him.

"Are you done?"

He stumbles, one of his feet slipping in the surprise and causing him to fall and splash water everywhere. He can feel his eyes wide and his agitated chest . Kurt's there, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom staring at him, his lips arched at the corners as if he wanted to laugh, but he doesn't.

"What the- hey, what are you doing?" Sebastian asks, his tone not quite composed as he would like as he sees Kurt getting fully into the bathroom, giving him a superficial glance.

"My work." He says, moving his shoulders and hands to get rid of his white jacket.

Sebastian's jaw trembled a little considering the words and a sensation like stage fright spread through his stomach.

"Umh-How?" One of Kurt's eyebrows rose almost to the middle of his forehead. The image of Kurt completely naked getting into the hot water of the tub while he was still in there was all he could think about as he looked away to his knees, bent to his stomach to hide his crotch.

Kurt put his jacket over the sink and walked calmly towards him, stretching a little too close the tap in his way.

It only was required a few steps so that he was right next to his head and Sebastian was tense, even knowing that he had no reason to. "I'm gonna give you a massage. Move."

Oh. Well, that was… a good option too.

Kurt squat on the floor so his clothes wouldn't get wet by water splashed there and looked expectantly at Sebastian.

"What for? If I can ask." Sebastian muttered, moving in the way that Kurt told him so he was turning his back completely to the dom.

"To help you relax," said Kurt quickly. "I got the impression that you are quite tense."

He swallowed his protest to the term as Kurt's warm hands fell on his shoulders, one on each side of his neck and pressed there. Hard.

"Ouw," Sebastian complained, shaking a bit on the shoulders to try to get rid of the pain. "Are you sure you know how to do this?"

"Yeah, I'm one of those, right? I know how to give a massage. Maybe I'll even start working at a spa." Kurt's voice was full of false enthusiasm and his hands moved on his skin again, squeezing more than it was necessary.

Sebastian frowned, pressing his lips and endure the pain running through his shoulders to his neck even if he couldn't help contorting his features every couple of seconds.

"It wasn't an insult, you know. I just... always speak my mind I guess." He tried to excuse himself. He knew Kurt was still upset about his comment of the salad and all that. He just hadn't really seen it as that offensive. So what if he was the typical TV gay? Fuck what everyone thought, he shouldn't care for any of that crap.

"It's okay," Kurt said woodenly.

Sebastian did not want to apologize, he really did not. It wasn't fair, he didn't mean any harm, besides it was a ridiculous reason to be mad at.

Although he didn't want to appeal to the wrong side of the dom, he was barely making any progress so he didn't need more traps along the way.

"I'll shut up from now on." He decided.

"No," Kurt said. Sebastian could almost see him frown. "I- I don't want you to. You can say whatever you want." That, contrary to what anyone might think, just made him feel worse. He didn't need Hummel to be a perfect little sensible gentleman, he could stand a bit of rudeness.

"I know I have a big mouth, I should think before—"

"Yes, you should, but… I suppose I like your sincerity. It's just... I don't like being stereotyped. "

Stereotyped. Yes, Sebastian knew a little about that. He should know better than anyone what it feels like not wanting to be what everyone already thinks you are. What he thinks it means he should know better than to make offensive jokes, he wasn't very good considering other people's feelings, though.

He heard Kurt take a long, heavy breathing. He couldn't see his face, but he wished he could, but at least this way he didn't have to deal with the guilt.

The hands on his shoulders had moved a bit further down, kneading the warm flesh, causing a pleasurable pain throughout his back. He let out the air in his lungs and tried to relax as much as I could, closing his eyes and feeling each finger move on his back in sync.

"You smell so much like cigarette you could be and ashtray," Kurt said, his voice much calmer now, even gentle, throwing more water over Sebastian's back with one of his hands.

It was clearly a criticism but Kurt's light tone told him that the anger had passed. Kurt was now giving small blows with his fist on his back and he was feeling lighter himself. "Is it an anxiety problem, anyway? Or you've always had that taste?"

Sebastian kept his gaze fixed in the water around his legs, still as tight as possible to his body. He sniffed a little in the air, at this point he could barely recognize the cigarette smell on his skin.

"The odor covers my scent. You know, so doms don't know I'm on sickness. I read it somewhere. But it also relaxes me. It's kind of a… combo."

The movements on his back stopped. He could physically feel the look Kurt was giving to his neck, since he couldn't see his face.

"What?" He asked, scowling.

"Nothing it's just… curious." Kurt muttered returning to his movements. "I wondered how you did it but..." Sebastian shrugged his shoulders as Kurt paused, clearly unsure of how to proceed.

After a while Sebastian just forgot about it, instead he focused on the firm but delicious movements on his back. Now that most of the initial pain had passed he was able to enjoy this much better. I hadn't had a massage since, well, never, if you didn't count the ones he probably received as a baby in order to 'stop his incessant and infernal screech' as his parents had put it.

He leaned back, relaxing his position and letting his head drop a little as the hands returned to his shoulders. He could get used to this. A hot bath and a nice massage after a horrible, horrible day. Which, if any, would be more or less every day.

"Anyway" He began. "There's a laundry basket under the sink that can be used as a seat." He reflected. It couldn't be very comfortable squatting for so long, he could also hear Kurt's feet moving every few seconds since a while ago. He didn't seem to react to his words, however.

"Kurt?"

Sebastian turned his head to the side so he could see Kurt's face and finding it much closer than he expected. His eyes took too long to realize Sebastian's movement, though, stuck on his body as they were, looking at his chest and below, a dark brightness Sebastian had never seen in them take control of all his expression. He couldn't help but preen a little as he watched Kurt get all red for being caught watching, Sebastian stretched and settled himself in a more comfortable position, but also a much more revealing one.

"You know, you could have just said you wanted to see me all naked and wet, you didn't have to come up with all that about massage. "He said, his ego feeling much better now that he knew that at least Kurt considered him attractive. Not that he ever doubted it, he was incredibly sexy, Hummel would have to be blind not to find him attractive. Even so, It was nice to have a confirmation.

"Don't flatter yourself." Kurt huffed, apparently exasperated, but it was too late, he already felt like his egocentric self.

He bit his lip, trying to turn his head and see why Kurt had stopped squeezing but seeing him getting up from his place, walk to the sink and reach for the basket Sebastian told him about. He could see the scarlet flush spread on his neck, disappearing into his shirt and his permanent as he took it out of his place. It made Sebastian want to smile. The boy was adorable, and fuck Sebastian didn't often think of things, much fewer people, as adorable.

When he came back, putting the basket upside down next to the tub, Kurt was looking anywhere but at him and Sebastian found out he liked it much more when Kurt was gazing shamelessly at him.

He made no attempt to continue with the massage after having sat in his old place. Sebastian almost protested, but Kurt was suddenly looking restless.

"I thought this was to relax me, not to disturb you," Sebastian says half joking-half serious, hoping to get at least a reaction from the dom, but he didn't get much, in fact he didn't even get a glance.

"I don't want to make you nervous," Kurt said, with his eyes fixed on his knees. Sebastian almost mocked at him.

"You should've thought about that before scare me nearly to death by appearing in my room out of nowhere."

He laughs and this time he can see a little smile show up on Kurt's lips.

It's a tiny and a pretty one, perhaps one that he's trying to stop. Sebastian licked his lip. "You know I don't mind you looking..." His voice came out hoarse and slow and he could see Kurt's cheeks go red all over again.

"Can we talk about other things?"

Sebastian sighed. "Like…?" He drawled.

"Like, how was your week?" Kurt asked, daring to look up, but focusing only on his face.

Sebastian tutted. "Pretty shitty, actually. Thank you for asking."

"Mhm," Kurt muttered. "Did you have any problems?"

"My entire life is a problem." He said bitterly. He hated that he was back thinking in his problems; in his sex life, in classes, in the Warblers, everything spinning around like a whirlpool of problems in his head.

"Something in particular that is bothering you? "

"Fuck off," Kurt gave him one of those looks and Sebastian had to sigh again. "It's just some idiot that doesn't leave me alone."

"Hum, you must've done something to him," Kurt said in a mocking tone, half smiling. The joke was unexpected but Sebastian welcome it. It was better than the awkward atmosphere. Sebastian pulled out a hand from the tub where he'd been playing distractedly with the warm water and splashed a little on Kurt's face. The dom complained, laughing freely now but reaching for a towel to dry himself. "Come on, did not you?"

"I did nothing to him, I just didn't want to go on a date with him and now he's the bane of my existence." He explained, sinking more in the tub.

"And why you didn't? No offense but you don't give the kind of being one who rejects an insistent offer." Sebastian didn't leave himself feel bad about it, it was true, and, for once, the person who said it didn't seem to be judging him for it.

"Too cloying," Sebastian replied frankly. "He'd pass all the time attached to my hip, he'd begin to think we're boyfriends or something and he'd kiss my ass 24/7. No. I better keep away from that. "

"Not your type huh?"

"Not at all."

Kurt nodded, not exactly processing new information, he didn't think he was very surprised by his words, but he seemed to be meditating on something.

"And this guy is a sub or..."

"Yeah, but he thinks I'm a dom so,"

"Of course. I forgot." Kurt shook his head slightly, as if incredulous of himself.

The admission still felt strange Sebastian's mouth. No one in the world knew he was a sub except for his parents, and well now Kurt, and probably all of the five doctors who made him blood tests in recent years, but they didn't count. He'd never openly admitted his condition to anyone since he was twelve, if he remembered well.

"What about you?"

"What's with me?"

"Tell me about your problems," Sebastian said, looking between Kurt and his own feet moving lazily in the water. "So I can forget mine."

"My problems are nothing like yours."

"Exactly." He pointed out.

The skin around Kurt's eyes tensed and he shifted in his seat. "I don't think you want to hear about them."

"Truth. But well if you're obligated to hear mine the least I can do is let you pour your heart out while I get bored. "Sebastian flashed a smile to Kurt.

Kurt still locked sort of apprehensive but he eventually loosened, though he still hesitated to speak.

"Well ... I'm kind of postulated in a candidacy for president, to help me earn points to get into the college I want and yeah... I'm being brutally crushed. "Kurt wailed, though he never lost his smile, small, perhaps forced to show indulgence or nonchalance. Nevertheless, Sebastian realized that it never reached his eyes.

"Sorry." He said, the words almost as strange in his ears as the admission of his designation. Kurt smile became smaller, but this time he looked more confused than anything. "Why?"

Sebastian looked aside, struggling to get the words out. "I guess I'm not being very helpful, making you come here and all."

"Dot worry about it. It's better if I have a distraction."

He smiled then, his gaze falling on his chest. "Distraction huh?" He ran a hand through the wet and shiny skin, stopping on his abdominals and moving his hand over there a couple of times. When he returned his gaze to where Kurt was the dom was watching the movements of his hand, quite intensely. "Seem something you like?"

Kurt's jaw tightened and soon enough he was being repeatedly hit by the towel that previously rested on his legs. Sebastian breathed out a short laugh, moving to dodge the blows and unintentionally spattering more water on the floor. "Hey, that's my only towel," He yelled, still smiling, but irritated when the cloth began to get wet. Kurt stopped, and when Sebastian looked at him again his cheeks were going even rosier.

"Seriously now, I know this isn't something you'd want to do on a Friday afternoon." Sebastian continued, taking the wet material and thrown it away.

Kurt shrugged. "It's not so bad. I like taking care of people. I have to look after my father's health all the time and I used to love taking care of my boyfriend. "He said, his embarrassed smile fading slightly and turning into a thoughtful grin.

Sebastian glanced at him, both of his eyebrows raised. "You have a boyfriend?" He almost choked on the word.

It was a possibility that ever, not for a moment had crossed his head and he has to fight the urge to frown at the thought of a guy, another faceless guy in his mind sitting at home not knowing, or worse, knowing that his beloved boyfriend dominated someone else in his spare time. The mental image made him want to puke.

Luckily, Kurt eliminated the possibility in seconds. "I had." He said. "We broke up a couple months ago."

"Oh." Sebastian exhaled. That made more sense. He didn't think Kurt was the kind of guy who accepted a deal like theirs having a boyfriend. "You dumped him, huh?" He asked teasingly.

"More like he dumped me."

"That makes no sense." Sebastian said. Kurt smiled at him, making him realize what he'd just said. He cleared his throat. "I mean, yeah you're annoying and dress like a girl, but at least you don't hit people if they don't do what you say in a blink of an eye."

Kurt's smile dropped just the tiniest bit. He was still kind of smiling but he looked rather pensive.

"Yeah, I think I was too soft para él."

Sebastian wrinkled his nose. "What do you mean?"

Kurt leaned back, looking briefly to somewhere else and then back to him. For a moment Sebastian thought he'd refuse to answer, or simply evade the question, but he was talking just a second later.

"Let's just say he left me because, as a dom, I wasn't giving him enough," Kurt mumbled, looking embarrassed while he said It. Sebastian blinked.

"I thought you said you weren't a virgin." Kurt gaze remained on his, one eyebrow going higher than the other, and then he rolled his eyes. Sebastian ignored the look of disbelief. "Was he crazy? He wanted you to whip him like in the Middle Ages or something like that?"

Kurt's little smirk was back, but there was something melancholy in his eyes. "Something like that."

He could feel his eyes opening wide in bewilderment.

Who the hell is your ex, man? The star of a masochistic show?"

"In fact you'll be surprised to know that you've met him."

"What?"

Kurt crossed his legs, watching him knowingly. "Blaine? The guy on my glee club? The one you tried to seduce after we came to Dalton."

"No way!" Sebastian exclaimed but his voice held humor in it. "You dated Anderson?"

"Mmhm, I guess that means we have the same taste."

Sebastian laughed. "Oh, you never say that again."

He couldn't believe it; Blaine Anderson, little Blaine Anderson with his gelled hair, tasteless shirts, bow ties and apparent aversion for socks, he just couldn't see Kurt with him, It just looked too much like a cartoon his mind couldn't get to look real.

"So, the guy is… kind of needy huh?" He asked teasingly.

Kurt's face contorted.

"I just wasn't ready. I think he just expected me to be more than I was."

Sebastian nodded. "He liked that kind of stuff huh?"

"Yeah…"

"Can I ask why?"

"Why what?"

"Why does he likes that stuff?" He asked. "I mean how can you enjoy while your sex partner punches you in the face?"

"Nobody punch anybody in the face, well some like slaps but not like that."Kurt quickly corrected.

"Still" Sebastian replied, trying not to flinch.

Kurt breathed. "Well I can't answer that question, Blaine once told me it was because it made him feel loved, but I didn't understand very well exactly why. I just know it's a universal true that subs like that."

He snorted. "Tell that to my messed DNA." He glowered at the water, slowly becoming colder every minute." And you like that kind of things?"

"No thanks, I'm very good with my designation."

"No, I mean... dom stuff." He clarified.

"Of course ..." Sebastian didn't look up, moving away unconsciously in the tub. "Not the way you think. I hate bullies but there's something really beautiful in the eyes of a sub during a scene. Is something I think I couldn't live without."

Sebastian swallowed, feeling vaguely susceptible. Kurt sounded quite fond of this whole thing, it made him nervous for some reason but he had to focus. Kurt was not talking about whipping, Kurt was safe, he wouldn't do that.

"And if you'd been a sub?"

Kurt didn't sound disturbed by the question. "Well, I like to think that if so I would have liked more sub things."

"And what if you didn't?" He asked and refused to see Kurt's eyes when he did, not wanting to see any sort of pity reflected in his face. "I don't get why someone would want to be a sub, weak, always depending on the people around them."

Kurt's voice went lower but to Sebastian's relief it sounded teasing. "Perhaps you could use a talk with Blaine." Sebastian snorted again. "Hey, this girl in school, she's a sub, and she's destroying me at the elections, a boy from Carmel, Jesse, runs his glee club to Nationals and win the trophy every year, and you are nothing like any other sub I've ever seen, so don't come with that subs aren't leaders because I'll never agree with that."

Sebastian couldn't help but smile at the stubborn tone, against his will for the record, and when he looked at Kurt, expecting to see him smiling too he was already getting on his feet.

He moved the basket to under the sink to where it was before and turned to him.

"I'll leave you alone so that you finish." He said, and pointed to the bedroom, calmly walking outside and closing the door behind him.

...

Sebastian took his bath fast and efficient, the water was almost completely cold by then and the pruney skin wasn't very nice. His hair was done in a short time and he concentrated on cleaning his body the best he could, using a lot of soap and some scented shampoo to get rid of the cigarette smell. It took a little more on that part, the smell had been in his skin for a long time and was quite penetrating.

In the middle of scrubbing his neck and shoulders with the sponge he started wondering about Hummel. He was very weird, at least Sebastian's opinion. But he hadn't met anyone like him before. If only he weren't a dom, Sebastian thinks he could have picked him up in Scandals. That is if he ever went. He was attractive, certainly much better than most of the guys he's had, he had a nice body, and his skin was almost perfect, Sebastian would've probably thrown himself to him like starved animal. And then after a few drinks and a couple of songs he could have convinced him to go home with him and have an excellent experience.

But that would have been only a one time thing, like the rest of his relationships, and he'd never seen him again.

And if he'd been a sub he never could have been here, helping him in this way. He still doesn't understand why he does it. If Sebastian had been the dom and Kurt the sub he hadn't considered the offer, much less without receiving something in return. He thinks that means Kurt's a better person than he is, but of course he already knew that.

He concentrated on finishing his bath, and getting out of the tub to get the wet towel once it was over. He dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist. He doesn't worry about picking up his soaked clothes on the floor, surrounded by a big puddle of water. He'd clean up after Kurt left.

When he comes out he expects to see Kurt walking through his room, probably snooping around his stuff, instead, he sees Kurt lying on his bed, spread on the soft surface. How long had he taken?

He approaches quietly, walking to the closet a few steps from the bed to take some clothes. Kurt is breathing calmly and Sebastian realizes he is asleep. He is lying on his stomach, his cheek flattened against the thick pillow and one foot is suspended in the air, almost touching the floor since it looked like it fell out of bed, while his other leg and hands are outstretched over the mattress.

Sebastian frowned. He must be very tired if he had been able to fall asleep that way. Maybe it had something to do with the pressures of senior year, he thinks as he puts on underwear and some comfy joggers. Graduations, colleges and all that tends to exhaust a person, not even talk about the things you had to do to get in college, what Kurt said it was one of his current problems.

He sighs, walking to sit beside Kurt's sleeping body. There wasn't going be a great progress today, but it was fine, he didn't feel as bad as he did an hour ago. He looked at Kurt, staring the way his lashes curled up from his closed eyelids, his cheeks still a shade of the red that they'd been when Sebastian caught him looking. He supposes he can take a few of days more.

Leaning on the headboard, Sebastian took a deep breath and before he can realize what he's doing he's breathing, but rather sniffing, a dash of the scent that had filled his nose, before, the first time Kurt was here and then again on Tuesday. He'd never smelled anything similar, it was so good, it was impossible not to inhale over and over again trying to catch everything he could from it. He can't help but get a little closer to Kurt's body to inhale harder. He is no fool, he knows where that smell is coming from, but it was disconcerting at best. He hadn't smelled this way in the bathroom, or the in Lima Bean, much less in the parking lot where they met. He would've noticed, even above all that cigarette smoke, it would be impossible not to notice.

He inhales more strongly and doesn't know what holds upon him to get closer. Kurt's skin gave off that smell in waves, He can't even explain it, it's like a citrus, but sweet and fresh and definitely addictive, he never imagined that a smell like that would be possible. It was like imagining a new color and Sebastian didn't want to stop.

"What are you doing?"

Sebastian instantly jumps back, agitated. Kurt is looking at him with big curious eyes and he knows that this time it's him who's getting rosy cheeks.

"I- Uh, you're doing that again." He says, hoping not to sound like a madman. Kurt incorporated into a sitting position and looks at him before talking, frowning.

"Doing what?"

"Smelling like that, you put on something?"

"Nothing more than the usual, why? Smells bad?

_God, it smells amazing ..._

"Well, I wouldn't say bad..."

Kurt dropped his frown, taking a more casual position and stretching a hand to grab something from the nightstand. It's the purple salad. Next to it are the other things that Sebastian brought.

"It must be something that I got at glee club, guys there had the habit of experimenting with cologne." He said, removing the container lid and start snacking the content with a plastic fork.

"Yes, that must be it." Sebastian mumbles, slyly touching his cheek to check it wasn't still hot.

Kurt offers him of his food politely but Sebastian just makes a face and declines, reaching enough to take a packet of cookies himself.

"Well, you seem better than before," Kurt says, watching him open the package and taking a little more salad to his mouth.

"Yeah, I've been worse I guess." He drawled out.

"Good, then I suppose we won't need to do anything too forward for now," Kurt said casually.

The words disheartened him a bit, even though he'd already assumed that's how it would be.

"Is something wrong? You don't look very happy."

"No, I'm fine."

He doesn't know what's wrong, he didn't even want this in the first place, and now he's upset because Hummel won't take advantage of the situation? It must have to do with the fact that he hasn't had a decent orgasm in three days.

"Sebastian?" Kurt asks and he looks at him, his voice lowering. "If you want something… this would be the moment to tell me, otherwise I can't do anything for you."

He looks so serious Sebastian even considered it, but he can't simply go on and say _I'm horny and I need sex, can you just jerk me off or something?_ That would be weird, and maybe he is cheeky but even he doesn't go that far, not in this situation.

Sebastian parted his lips, but decided against it.

"No." He says, trying to sound confident and failing miserably. Kurt doesn't look convinced either.

"All right." He agrees, though. "Have you thought more about your limits or your preferences, or is there something you want to add to the list Anything?"

"Nope." He bites a cookie. It's hard and salty and tastes as if was older than Sebastian himself.

Kurt shook his head in disapproval. "Sebastian this is important. Are you completely sure there's nothing more you have to add, or didn't you even think about it?"He shrugs.

"I don't need limits. Limits are for the weak, I don't like restrictions."

"Everyone has limits, it's human nature. "

"What's your point?"

"My point is that I want to help." Kurt said. "I want you to stop having panic to all this. I want it to stop being a need for you, something you do only to not get sick. I want it to be something you want. I want you to enjoy it, at least not totally hate it. To experience what it is to be a sub, the good and yes, the bad too, but at least that you have both perspectives. "

"Well, and how do you plan to do that?" Sebastian asked, both eyebrows raised.

"Everyone has their own buttons." Kurt explained, a smart-ass smile taking over his features. "Mine for example; bondage is something that I enjoy a lot." Sebastian grew rigid at his side. He hadn't expected the conversation to go _there_.

"Like- chains and that?"

Kurt pursed his lips, thinking. At least he hadn't noticed Sebastian's reaction.

"Usually I prefer the ropes. They are more to my liking. Or scarves. Or handcuffs." He was starting to get excited and Sebastian didn't know how to react to it. Kurt looks delighted with the idea, but not in a sadistic or maniacal way, but as a small child who gets excited at the mention of ice cream for dinner. "A sub on his knees is always beautiful, too."

Sebastian sees the dom staring blankly at his side as he continues to peck his food. He briefly wonders if some of that also applies to him.

He remembered being on his knees, the memory blurry with waves and waves of different emotions and desperation but he could remember. Had Kurt thought that about him too or did he only meant people he actually wanted to submit to him?

"Seriously there's nothing you really crave in a relationship?" Kurt asks and Sebastian takes another experimental bite of the cookie. Actually, relationship couldn't be the word, because he's never considered a relationship before.

"Well, I've always liked subs with whom I sleep not to be intimidated for my shit, but other than that, no, I don't think so. "He says, thinking that maybe Kurt made the right decision in choosing the salad instead of these horrible rancid cookies. Now he understands why he'd made that expression when he saw the package, either he was a great cook or this wasn't the first time he saw those cookies.

Kurt sighs in exhaustion and raising a hand to rub the back of his head. "You're a difficult job, Smythe."

Sebastian smiles.

"You're doing the work."


	6. Chapter 6

 

The thing about not being a totally shameless jerk was… It never worked out for Sebastian.

He didn't know if that was just the universe telling him to commit to his role in life or go to hell, or maybe just the simple natural result of being nice.

Anyway, it was Sunday, 3:26 am and he couldn't close his eyes to save his life. He physically couldn't, and being completely honest, he wasn't sure he wanted to. While it would be a good escape for the pain he'd return to his nightmares and that's the last thing he wanted to do right now. He repeated the scene in his mind at least a hundred times. Kurt looking him in the eye, asking... if only Sebastian would have cared less, if only he'd seen the dom for what he really was; a relief, nothing more than a way to let the pain go, then he wouldn't be having this kind of problems. But no. His sensitive part had to rise from the depths for his spontaneous appearance of every three years.

Now he had to deal with dizziness, freezing, sweating, spasms and

not contented with that his cock which seemed to be the only part of his body with enough blood to not look like fucking dead. He was so desperate and angry as a sane person could get— at least Sebastian thought he was still sane. He wasn't sure he could even feel his cock anymore, and there certainly were blisters forming somewhere on his hands. He couldn't help it, he'd spent years doing it when he felt the need for sexual liberation and there wasn't anyone there to give it to him, it was hard to get rid of an old habit. Two hours masturbating and it refused to either leave or allow him to come so he could have some sort of relief. Even the best porn he could find on the web seemed to have no effect on him. Besides his trembling hand wasn't very effective either.

Okay. Apparently he couldn't spend four days in sickness without wanting to die. Fucking four days. Okay. Noted.

At least he'd been well enough to finish his projects on Friday night and Saturday morning. The thing now was, he was going to be shit for rehearsals tomorrow.

 _Before It Explodes_ by Bruno Mars was going to have a new meaning for a lot of people if he didn't get a solution. A different solution. Not Kurt. Kurt was just… a red code option. He couldn’t call the boy every time his cock got hard. It was ... unreasonable. Not to say that Kurt could get fed up and he really didn’t want to deal with finding a person again.

He just wishes he could come more than twice a week. Or at least that when he came whatever he did to him served for more than two days. Fuck. And if it never reached to more, maybe he would repeat the same thing over and over again until Sebastian's sickness finished, if it ever would, now that seemed like an excessively distant future. No god that sounded horrible. Or maybe not. Maybe Kurt would take pity on him, and take him for himself in his hands or for the love of God, mouth, or maybe he will undress himself so Sebastian could feel all that pale skin under his hands, perhaps he'd even come more than once...

He shook his head. He was beginning to make loud noises again.

That's it. In the morning he'd go to the farthest pharmacy he could find and bribe whom he had to get that sedative they had given him at the hospital.

4:07 am.

Or he could start now. Three hours of driving was far enough. The limit of his credit card still had a few thousand left. He didn't know how much the drug could cost but at least that must be enough for a few doses.

That’s how at 7:25 am he was at fucking Pennsylvania.

And hell he doesn’t remember how the fuck he got there. Like, he only remembers to get out of bed, put on a pair of pants and take the car keys, and then he just kind of appeared here. The good news was that his erection had gone down considerably. What was great, considering he had to get off the car and go to the pharmacy which he'd been waiting to open for almost half an hour.

It didn't take long to discover that not any pharmacy sold what he was looking for, adding that he didn't know the specific name of what had been injected into him that night his chances were very limited. Even so a woman between 45 and 55 years old, gray-haired and with a pointed face had sold him something in the third pharmacy in which he sought. He wasn't sure but she rattled off a list of the numerous relaxants and vitamins contained so at least he knew the chance of dying wasn't very high.

He visited at least six to eight pharmacies in the center of the city of Pittsburgh and nobody would sell nothing but tranquilizers. It wasn't about nerves it was about his fucking cock.

After a lot of frustration and hours of arguing with pharmacists his sleep finally seemed to be coming back. He didn't realize in what moment of his anger he calmed enough to permit him to fall asleep in his car seat, there in the middle of a dirty parking of Pittsburg.

_It's creepy how Sebastian knows that he is dreaming. Of course, after having the same dream over and over, night after night, it wasn't a great feat. Somehow, it only made it worse every time, knowing what's coming, and knowing you can't do anything about it. He has tried to convince himself that this time will be different, he has told himself so every time that the consciousness of sleep catches him, and he has told himself so every time he wakes up. Next time. But he can't go against the current. He can't fight the hands that hurt him, squeezing too much_

_on the sensitive flesh of his forearms, forcing him against a hard surface that he can't see, compressing his lungs until breathing is almost impossible._

_He screams, screams for a long time but there's no one to come to his rescue. He screams until he can't anymore and a gag is forced into his mouth. A low, gravelly voice tells him to shut up or there'll be consequences, it sounds mad but Sebastian can't help it and keeps screaming around the gag, moving his members to try to escape without getting anything._

_Then the pain beats him right between his shoulder blades. He shouts louder and the blows intensify, any device with which he's being hit smashes his thighs and his calves and his arms and his back and it hurts so bad Sebastian feels his eyes water with tears. But he won't. He won't cry. He won't give whoever is doing this the satisfaction._

_The voice keeps yelling at him to shut up and eventually Sebastian has to. His throat hurts almost as much as the rest of his body. He's sure that he must be bleeding from several places now but he doesn't allow himself to give up. He will not beg for it to stop._

_He bites on his own teeth and tongue during the time the beating lasts, and when he nearly can't feel the pain anymore the gag comes out from his mouth and the same voice whispers in his ear._

_"You had enough you fagot? Did you learn the lesson or need more?" The man laughs, and although Sebastian can't see the exact place where it is that doesn't stop him. He spits in the direction where the voice came from and he at least expects to have been successful when something long and hard hits painfully against his cheek._

_"Well you asked for it,"_

_His body is dragged like a rag doll to the floor, what appear to be rocks being buried in the skin of his legs. And the blindfold falls, just to see the huge shoe that beats him right between the eyes._

Sebastian blinks disoriented, the shrill sound of his ringtone drilling his ears as his hand seeks restlessly the device in the passenger seat. He shakes his head to fully awaken and rubs both eyes with his hand while answering the phone with the other.

Hello?"

_"Sebastian. Where are you? I called Dalton. They say you didn’t go to Friday’s classes. And that you certainly are not there now. "_

Sebastian snorts.

"Hi, _Dad_. Yes, I am very good, thanks for asking anyway."

_"Not the time for jokes. And don’t try to play fool. They also told us about your recent test scores."_

His dad's voice Sounded upset and rough. Sebastian closes his eyes and contorts his whole face into a frown. Damn it, he utters with his lips. "Why would you call Dalton? It’s Christmas already?" He asks sarcastically.

_"I am your father. I have every right to call whenever I want. It’s not going to work this time. Your mother and I are coming back to Ohio tonight."_

"What?" Sebastian exclaims incredulously. "Are you serious? You're going to drop a whole month in London because I missed a day of school."

_"Everything is done here. And you know better than anyone it's not only one day. There are several and not to mention your notes. You got a C in Spanish. You speak Spanish perfectly."_

"A C is not that bad." He argues, rolling his eyes.

"And we have some comments from your teachers that are... I'll tell you what, we'll talk when we get there. But I want you to know I'm very disappointed, young man." Sebastian sighs in annoyance and can hear his father discuss with someone else on the other side of the line. "Your mother wants to speak with you."

Sebastian spoke as soon as the words registered in his brain. "You know what? I'm kind of busy right now, I gotta go, tell her I'll call later."

"Sebastian—"

He hung up.

Just... fuck, he thought, rubbing the palm of his hand against his face. He stared blankly forward, trying to process what had happened in the last minutes. He kicked something near the pedal to vent his anger, and when he'd spent enough time doing tantrums he finally sighed.

It could not be, the las thing he needed was having to deal with his parents. He didn't even want to think about in how the would get if they found out about his sickness. The hard look in their eyes. Sebastian could be used to be a disappointment, but that didn't mean it to hurt less to see it in the eyes of his parents.

He started the car and put the reverse to leave the parking lot, putting on his way to Westerville.

…

Kurt sat in front of his computer during the last two hours, his eyes darting from side to side as he read paragraph after paragraph of the article on the screen. Like many teenagers google had become his best friend to obtain any information he needed, for more stupid this was. He was aware that at his age, searching for this type of information was a bad sign about what kind of education had been given to him, but it would have been worse turn a blind eye and pretend he knew everything there was to know.

_The sickness: The big fear of every sub._

Kurt was willing to accept it; being a dom he'd never put a lot of thought to the sickness. He knew what it was and how it worked and why it happened, but never really considered the feeling of it itself. He was a dom and the sickness was an evil that only attacked subs. Not that he thought it was fair, but it was a fact that had sighing in relief to every dom ever, himself included.

The night Finn had gotten sick he had the fright of his life, he thought his newly acquired brother was seriously ill, as something incurable. Luckily for all the way to the nearest clinic hadn't been very long and Finn was fresh and new for the next morning, although he had to return several times later. His reaction had been ephemeral and seeing how Finn recovered made him feel better about his ''dom privileges'' since it didn't seem so serious to overcome. With Sebastian though, the thing was much more complicated.

The Finn thing had been horrible and it was only the first day. Sebastian had spent several days before Kurt realized what was happening, even more until he took the initiative to end his suffering. It was a long time. He'd like to have no memory of Sebastian, contracted and delirious with need, almost incoherent. Someone like Sebastian, so strong and proud falling into that state. But it's worse to imagine what he had suffered before he could do anything. The thought haunted him day and night and he couldn't ignore it any longer. He needed to make sure that Sebastian wouldn't have to suffer two or three days between their emergency sessions. So he required all the information he could get on the internet.

It was his third day of searching, he had begun on Friday, just after arriving home, and continued the next day and as the information seemed to never end he had to keep on today. He'd passed through the signs of the coming of the sickness, symptoms, emergency numbers for each state, trigger factors, factors on which depended the duration of it, the average time between diseases, advice, warnings, opinions, experiences and more and more things. So far it seemed endless. Kurt had gathered the information that seemed most important in a folder, just in case he wanted to check for something later. He also collected all the basic information he needed about the process itself and how it affected the subs since a very young age.

He avoided at all costs the distasteful porn appearing with every new search. It wasn't nice, getting off on something so serious. That was what Kurt thought whenever his cock jumped inside his jeans, excited with the description of some of the videos.

It wasn't about porn, of course it was not. He still couldn't stand porn. But it made him remember of a thin body, defined, squirming in his arms, the sounds coming from his mouth minutes after getting his release, the way his long, thin fingers pressed into the fabric of his pants, the smell of his skin filling the room.

Kurt bit his lower lip, controlling his hands so that they didn't travel to where the tight material hurt the skin of the head of his cock. He avoided thinking about lust as much as he could, he knows what kind of

thoughts that can lead, and he is an 18 year old boy, he doesn't have to be a genius to know what happened then, when his mind is full of so many explicit images that it's impossible to ignore.

Not that he didn't want to go in that direction. Jerking off was of his favorite ways of spending the evening, but it didn't seem appropriate to think of Sebastian that way, take advantage of the things he has seen and heard and felt due to his promise. It was almost like violating the privacy of the sub, things he had no right to see, like wet, bright and magnificent Sebastian's body almost completely exposed before his eyes.

He was a gay teen male, of course he was going to be turned on by the naked body of an attractive —very insupportable—boy in front of him.

He took a couple of slow breaths, forcing himself to return his attention to the words on the screen. He read the entire article, each of the 8,000 words of it, and as had happened the last ten times he was forced to open 3 new tabs of the recommended articles below. After spending a long time inspecting the recommendations section he finally found the perfect one.

Taking care of a sub in sickness: The guide of the responsible dom.

Eureka.

It was long. Like, very long. And it oh… It was a book, and it cost 29.99. Kurt frowned, there were only ten pages he was able to read, if he wanted the rest he'd have to buy the book.

"Kurt ..."

Kurt turned to see his father standing next to the door, the bright yellow hall light coming through the slit and illuminating the room.

"Yes?" He replied, changing tab so his father couldn't read the contents of it. He couldn't do it anyway, he was too far for that, but the paranoia was uncomfortable in any way.

"I uh..." Burt closed the door behind him and looked back to where Kurt was sitting at the computer.

"I wanted to talk, if you aren’t too busy, that is," Kurt made a sign with his hand to indicate the bed. Burt doesn't wait to be told twice, he takes a couple of steps and sits on the edge closer to Kurt. "Okay, so… I’m just gonna say it. What the hell is happening with you?"

Kurt blinked. "Excuse me?"

"What you just heard," Burt said, holding Kurt's gaze. "I mean, I know it's not like you just turned into a strange and weird creature but... you look different."

"How different?" Kurt honestly didn't know what to say. He wasn't aware that he'd been acting differently than how he normally did. Well, maybe he was a little distracted by all the things that were in his head at the time but it wasn't like he was like traveling into a parallel universe in the middle of dinner. And frankly he was somewhat disturbed by the words of his father.

"I’m not sure," Burt said, taking off the dark blue cap he wore on his head and scratching on the sparse hair on the sides. "Just... different. Less mourning over... forget that. More... focused, maybe. Though, you should loosen up a little." He nodded, unconvinced. "I'll keep it in mind." Although definitely 'focused' wasn't what he expected as a description of his behavior lately and, anyway, since when was 'focused' code for an intervention?

He nodded, unconvinced. "I'll keep it in mind." Although definitely 'focused' wasn't what he expected as a description of his behavior lately and, anyway, since when was 'focused' code for an intervention?

"Listen." Burt started again and he himself looked unsure about what he was saying. It reminded him a lot of the first conversations he had with him after he came out of the closet officially. Because even if Burt sure had known it for a long time it didn't stop it from being the uncomfortable elephant in the room among them. "Look, kid. I know I'm not much around since you know, all that congressman deal and—"

"It's okay, I understand." Kurt hurried to answer, mostly because he didn't want Burt to feel guilty about his new job and, besides, it wasn't as if he were still a child, he could take care of himself very well without his father telling him what was right and wrong all the time.

"I know you do. And I thank you for that, but I am aware that you're going through things and I'm not there for you as I should be." Kurt grimaced, wanting to protest again but Burt was already talking. "I know I tell you I'm not ready to talk about some things but I... I realized that's really selfish of me. And I want you to tell me things, I don't want you to shut me out of your life... you get me? "

"I do." He gave a single nod, hoping that would show that that wasn't what he was trying to do.

"So... If anything is happening, I want you to speak with me. Whether it is about boys or whatever, you know even if they're not exactly prospects for collaring in the future..."

"Why are you telling me this?" He asked, still confused. What it had to do all this talk about the father and son relationship with how he had been acting 'focused' as Burt said, Wasn't that supposed to be a good thing? Why did he feel the need to talk to him if his behavior was okay?

Burt smiled and put the cap back on his head. "I've known you all your life. I know when something is going on with you." He said. "I thought I knew what it was, now I'm not so sure. I understand how to lose a sub, a partner, can make you feel. Subs aren’t the only ones that feel like a failure, as if they were not good enough to... make each other feel loved. And I’m not talking about your mother. It’s very different to lose someone for things you couldn't control than for things you could..."

Kurt cleared his throat, uncomfortable. He had barely spoken little or nothing to his father about his breakup with Blaine. Mostly because at first, he was sure he could convince him to change his mind, that they would eventually come bak together and the whole thing wouldn't matter. When it became clear that it wasn't in Blaine's plans get back, he just didn't want to talk about it. With anyone.

"It isn’t something pleasant for me to talk either, you know. And, damn I guess we all endure things differently. Maybe this is your way, I don't know and I'm not going to force you to explain it to me. I just mean, you're very young Kurt, and I won't make this about how you have a whole life ahead a lot lo learn because you're mature enough to truly love someone. That's why I— I'm glad you're finally getting over what happened with Blaine…" Kurt looked down, avoiding the persistent gaze of his father. "I'm very proud of you, like my son, and like a dom too."

"Thank you, dad. It means a lot." He said sincerely, though wishing that the conversation finished and they could forget the matter. Luckily, Burt did know him really good.

He got up from the bed, nodding, and he was starting to take a couple of steps toward the door. "You're welcome. So, whatever happens, know I'm just a phone call away. And I meant it about all that, if you're having boy problems..."

Kurt smiled. "I'm kinda out of that for now."

"Okay, well, I get it, so... Carol made lasagna, if you like."

Kurt nodded to his father who was now in the doorway, without letting go of the affectionate smile on his face. "I'll be down in a minute."

Burt nodded again, turning around and walking out the door, closing it behind him.

Kurt sighed. Honestly, he was still confused.

...

Sebastian looked at him from his place in the middle of the bed,

a resentful grimace on his face and both of his arms crossed over his chest like a stubborn child as he alternated his gaze between Kurt and the laptop screen only a few inches in front of him.

"Why?" He asked, his voice rather bitter.

Kurt looked down, without letting himself feel bad about Sebastian's attempts. "Because I think it is, at least, the most basic thing you need to know if you don't want to live your life in ignorance." He answered. Sebastian rolled his eyes.

"Hummel, I'm two minutes away from running and jumping from the highest bridge I can find. Ignorance is the least of my worries right now."

Seriously, this guy is gonna give him a headache.

He'd come to Dalton about an hour ago, after a message warning of his arrival this morning, which by the way, had hardly received a coherent answer, 'akkrighr' wasn't an obvious substitute for 'alright' as Sebastian seemed to think. The first thing he noticed being back in the characteristic room of Dalton was that Sebastian seemed far more tense than usual. If that was possible.

He told him that he already had a couple of days feeling bad again but that didn't entirely convince him. Sebastian, despite looking affected by the sickness also looked hostile, something that wasn't so distinctive of the condition. Nevertheless, Sebastian was largely hostile the first few times they met. So Kurt wasn't sure what to think. At the moment, he was having major problems trying to get Sebastian to cooperate with him.

"Well, maybe later we can do something different." He offered.

"Why not now?"

Kurt resisted to not gnashing his teeth. "Because I want you to see it first."

Sebastian, however, didn't seem to care much. "But what is the point? So, it's instinct right? I'll know what to do."

He put his hands on his hips, speaking with a stricter voice, hoping that Sebastian understood that this was not in discussion.

"No. Not everything it’s just instinct. Instinct won’t teach you to use a safeword. So watch the fucking video."

He scoffed. "Uhh using your big boy words, aren’t ya?"

"Just shut up and start already." Kurt hissed.

Sebastian growled, staring at the screen in front of him with aversion. "I don't want to."

Kurt felt his jaw tighten and had to close his eyes and take three slow breaths before saying anything else.

He didn't know how there were people who could do this every day. For a living. Taking care of subs in this state was not easy, at least Sebastian wasn't making it easy for him. Kurt was about to go crazy, they had more than forty minutes in the same discussion. He had been right before, Sebastian wasn't the guy who gave in easily and he was proving it to him again and again.

Kurt looked down on the floor where he stood in front of the bed and managed to calm himself enough to look back to the sub, a bright fake smile all over his face. "You've always been such a whiner?"

Sebastian glared at him. "Well maybe if you were enough of a dom to keep me mentally stable I wouldn't have to complain so much."

But that, that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

"Oh, yeah?" he let his voice go so falsely sweet and ridiculous as possible, but he knew the scorn didn't reach his eyes. "And what would an 'enough of a dom' do? Paddle your ass? Because that's what you deserve and that's exactly why you didn't want to go to a clinic right? Because you're too afraid anyone could touch your little delicate skin? "

"That's not true!" Sebastian said, almost shouting in his defense but he didn't care.

"It is, isn't? You're too afraid of the pain. Or is it just because you can't stand the idea of someone telling you what to do? You're nothing but a spoiled child! And what am I? A medicine? I don't think so, things don't work that way, if you want this to work I need respect and fuck I deserve respect! I am a person, Sebastian and I'm doing you a favor! "

"Jesus Christ I’ll watch the fucking video, does that makes you happy?"

"No! What I want is that if you really want a good dom you start acting like a good sub!"

"You know I have problems with that, I can’t do just move the switch up—"

"Well neither can I. If you would—" Kurt had to interrupt the attack because of the incessant annoying tone of a cell phone that hadn't stopped almost since they started screaming. "Aren't you going to answer?"

Sebastian made an annoying sound but left stomping around the room, following the exasperating tone of the device. Once Sebastian was gone Kurt sat on the edge of the bed, watching the other guy search for his phone with a permanent frown and he forced himself to take two deep breaths.

 _Sebastian is an idiot._ He said to himself like a mantra. _Sebastian is an idiot. Sebastian is an idiot. Sebastian is an idiot. Sebastian is an idiot. Sebastian is an idiot... but that does not mean I have to act like one too._ He convinced himself of that, managing to calm down, just in time to see Sebastian look with apprehension his phone, barely, for less than two seconds before moving his finger across the screen a couple times and make the noise stop.

He didn't answer.

And then he was just there, standing, staring at the screen, a wrinkle furrowing his forehead until finally he threw it on the desk, dropping into the chair next to it and spinning until he was turning his back completely to Kurt. From his place, Kurt could see perfectly the way the sub hunched his back, burying his face in his hands.

"Do you..." it came from Kurt's mouth out of nowhere right before he shut his lips closed. Sebastian wasn't moving, not even in recognition of his half question, and now the silence was almost shocking after their previous argument. He is really starting to get worried when a full minute passes and Sebastian still doesn't move.

He clears his throat. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." Sebastian responses immediately, so fast it's nearly as uncomfortable as if he hadn't answered at all. "I couldn't be better. I'm on sick you piece of shit, how am I supposed to be?"

Kurt breathed out. Oddly enough, that was somehow soothing.

"All right." Kurt tells him then. "So what do you want?"

"As if what I want matters, let's just get it over with." Sebastian says as he rises from his seat without looking at him and walks straight to his old position in the middle of the bed, crossing his legs ahead and taking the computer.

Before he can click the play button on the video Kurt pushes the screen down.

"What!" Sebastian exclaims, obviously irritated.

"Why do you have to make everything so complicated?" Kurt asks before taking the laptop from him, holding it tight to his chest and standing from the bed. Sebastian freezes, leaving his mouth open for a moment.

"I make things complicate?" He bellowed. "We have half an hour arguing, I finally say it's okay and now suddenly you no longer want it?"

"Not with that attitude"

"What now am I supposed to be happy about it?"

"It would help, yes!"

"Well what about this, is this happy enough for you?" A big, crazy, ugly smile settled right on Sebastian's face and Kurt opened his mouth ready to shout something back, but then he was still looking at it and god it was so horrible and ridiculous that he couldn't keep it together and started laughing. A long, loud, high-pitched laugh.

"Oh great, now you mock me." Sebastian said,

but even above his laughter Kurt could hear Sebastian's small hidden giggles which only encouraged him more to keep laughing. "Oh my god, you sound like a dolphin." And then Sebastian was laughing too. Not as much as Kurt, he still maintained some composure but still.

"And you... are... an asshole," Kurt said, laughing, recovering and trying to push away the memory of the most ridiculous thing he'd ever seen Sebastian Smythe do.

And while he was trying to hide it, Kurt could still see the smile on his face nonetheless. And it was… nice. Pretty, even.

"So? Are you going to tell me something I don’t already know, or you’re just gonna look at me all day?"

Kurt cleared his throat, hoping that he wasn't so red of laughter as he imagined.

"Let’s make a deal. If you do exactly as I say, I give you a reward." He proposed, biting his lips to suppress aftershocks of his former giggles. Sebastian's whole face changed.

"What... kind of reward?" Sebastian murmured, a new naughty light playing in his eyes. Kurt gulped.

"Uhh, cannot tell." He determined, giving Sebastian the laptop back.

Okay, he could do this. He had read a lot of information, seen all the videos that had to be seen, he knew how to do this, he just needed to convince himself that he could.

He inhaled, then took two steps forward and climbed into bed completely, right behind Sebastian, and set one leg on each side of his body.

"Is this part of it or you're just looking for a nice view?" Suddenly, Sebastian was in a much better mood. It gave him chills.

"It is. I mean part of it." He hastened to clarify. Sebastian didn't reply anything, thought Kurt had the suspicion that he was laughing at him somehow, but if he was going to act dominant now he needed to stop thinking about it.

Sebastian rose the computer's screen to press the power button and proceeded to put the key, meanwhile, Kurt settled himself into position so his back could rest on the headboard of the bed and put a couple of pillows to make himself a little more comfortable. Sebastian looked back to check on him before putting the video and Kurt prepared for what was coming.

"Now?" He asked.

Kurt shook his head and gestured toward the space between his legs. Sebastian raised one eyebrow, mocking him.

"C'mere," he murmured in a quiet voice, still a little embarrassed, to which Sebastian responded with what looked very much like a fond smile. That made him almost laugh to himself because there was no chance that Sebastian Smythe felt anything except perhaps gratitude to him. And even that's questionable. "C'mere," he repeated.

Sebastian moved back a few times to settle right between Kurt's legs, his back almost touching the dom's chest. Kurt moved in his place, too self-conscious. He had to find the right way to project his domination, the right way to dominate Sebastian in particular. Kurt was not exactly the most experienced dom and Sebastian obviously had not gained much either in terms of submission. This could go wrong in so many ways.

"Start the video." He ordered. It was a simple command, enough for Sebastian to fulfill without giving much thought to it. As the female voice filled the silence in the room Kurt made sure to have his attention on the reactions of the sub.

_Welcome to DFSC guide for proper education of responsible dominants and submissives. The following identifies some of the basic concepts and clarify some of the most common myths among public belief. It is important to have the assistance of trained staff to either answer questions, manage the videos according to the appropriate age of the audience and maintain order amongst these for—_

"Is that supposed to be you?" Sebastian asked, amused. "You'll make sure I don't see inappropriate content? No offense but I think it's a little late for that."

Kurt rebuked him for his interruption, making a sign to be silent. Sebastian rolled his eyes.

_—ust have a recess for a more satisfactory result. Younger guests leave the room only with the explicit permission of someone older._

When Sebastian was about to make some smart remark again Kurt leaned closer to his ear "Listen, I don't think you'd like me to gag you." before leaning backward.

Sebastian was left with a frown and the computer screen turning completely black before a new image of another girl emerged.

_It all begins with the miracle of life. From the very first moment when the heart begins to beat. Although the designation does not begin to develop until the fifth month of pregnancy. There are many people who assure that since then there are certain symptoms that can relate to and /or be used to predict whether the baby will be a dom or a sub. This is completely false. There is no way, even scientific to predict the designation of a fetus. This myth is very common nowadays, mainly because of the stories that in ancient times the royal and noble families used these tactics to decide whether to have the baby in question or not, originating several abortions when some "expert" claimed that the baby would be submissive._

Kurt could feel Sebastian's body growing tense and he was sure he'd heard him snorting at least three times already. He said nothing though, but Kurt expressed his comprehension as he could, simply putting a hand on Sebastian's forearm and giving it a slight squeeze. The sub twisted his neck to see him, diverting his attention momentarily. Kurt gave him a short smile.

He felt then Sebastian's back completely leaning on his chest, the sub settling as if about to take a nap on it. His hair prickled on his chin and part of the cheek and although his eyes widened with surprise he did his best not to react more than that. He didn't want to give the impression that it bothered him, even if he didn't feel completely comfortable with the position. He needed Sebastian as relaxed as he could be and if he too could calm down a bit, that would also help.

_Only until the moment of birth with special tests with blood samples from the newborn it can be assured without putting the infant's life in danger. In the past, this would have been impossible until several years later, if not even until the child reached adulthood. Hormones that until then had been constant, in tranquility under our skin, waiting to explode in our blood and fill us with new sensations._

On the corner of his eye Kurt saw the small drawings of two parents opening a white envelope with a baby in their arms. Then both parents smiling at each other before kissing the temple of the child.

_There are countless differences between subs and doms,_

He also saw Sebastian rolling his eyes again.

_A sub hormones are deeply unstable, yet doms hormones are stable the vast majority of the time, even there have been some cases where artificial stimulation is needed for any activity. During the early years these designations do not affect the mental or physical growth of the person in question until puberty, when the effects of hormones in the body are more obvious and critical._

Now he was yawning.

_Submissives are more helpful, enjoy the attention and are more prone to depression. Doms are possessive of their property and family, and have a need to be aware and control everything around them._

The female voice went through a long speech of about ten minutes about the possible subtle ways in which infants externalized either submission or domination, from the fulfillment of their tasks as the first priority of a sub to the obsession of a growing dom for the total control of the TV.

Sebastian seemed to be listening, at least since he continued making gestures from time to time despite never keeping his eyes on the screen for more than twenty consecutive seconds. By that time Kurt had managed to get used to Sebastian's weight, had even started enjoying it. But it seemed that the sub was determined to keep him from relaxing. Sebastian's nose was buried in Kurt's neck since several minutes ago.

He moved, turned his head, saw the video a moment but every time he would do this again. The tip of his nose was cold, one of the first justifications he found for this action after it made him jump when it first happened. However, it didn't take long to warm up and Sebastian was still doing it. His hot breath made lose a little focus a few times

but he recalled that getting carried away was dangerous. Now he was a dom, Sebastian's, and one old enough to understand what he was doing. So he concentrated on the voice again.

_Later in puberty when subs have their first sickness they'll be in need of a dom to take care of them while this lasts, Weeks after the may continue with their normal activities. It is recalled that the need is not an excuse for neglect, during sickness women are more fertile so it is recommended the use of a specialized pill for birth control—_

"Oh, okay, yes, skip this, yeah," Kurt said as he moved the cursor over the video, and felt Sebastian sighing deeply in his collarbone.

" This is getting boring" he complained, making his voice sound hoarse and musical under Kurt.

"There isn't too much left, I promise, There's only about 30 minutes more." Sebastian made a noise of exasperation from the depths of his throat.

"Are you serious? I mean, don't misunderstand me, it was entertaining the first, like, five seconds, but I would really like to end this before the holidays." He said ironically.

"How funny," Kurt said with a straight face.

"I know, you don't need to tell me, princess." Sebastian smiled amused by his own joke.

"Don’t call me that." Kurt replied in a rasping voice. Sebastian pouted. How could he try to be serious when Sebastian was calling him Princess every couple of minutes? Even if he didn't say it entirety to be offensive, he was helping him as much as his constant complaints. "Just try to focus alright? This is the important part of the video."

"Then why didn't go there from the beginning?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Are you going to force me to bring gag?" He threatened. He saw Sebastian articulate an obscenity with his lips before turning his nose into the space in Kurt's neck. "You better listen, or I will force you to see it again." Sebastian growled.

_The sickness can come at any time between the 16 and 19 years of the life of a sub and in most cases it usually occurs unexpectedly overnight. Although it is possible to predict whether the timing will occur within an estimated period of time the method is expensive and only with 75% of accuracy. This is a major drawback for young subs without an established dom, because the more you spend time without fulfilling your needs more likely you are to develop a problem as kidney dysfunction, infections, gallstones in the liver, temporary loss of vision, fever, dizziness, respiratory problems, high or low blood circulation, among others, not to mention they are more vulnerable to common viruses. Besides, the risk increases if this is a thing which resorts repeatedly throughout the life of an individual, it may eventually develop into chronic issues. Assistance in cases of gravity is expensive and difficult to achieve, even with artificial endorphins the effect—_

Kurt suddenly stopped paying attention to the video, there was something warm, warm and... wet on his neck.

He jerked backward, but only a little, not nearly enough to keep Sebastian from continuing handing out wet kisses on his sensitive skin. The sub barely registered the movement and if he did he didn't really seem to mind, on the contrary, now he had one hand on Kurt's jaw, cupping the face of the dom.

"Uh Seb-Sebastian— the… the video," The only reply he got from Sebastian was a hoarse growl and the change of small licks and pecks to fully formed open-mouthed kisses. Kurt, panicking as he was reacted with an attack of involuntary giggles as he tried to sneak off Sebastian's grip, but the weight of the sub on his chest wouldn't allow it.

"Come on, babe," The hot breath of Sebastian tickled him but ironically his giggles attack ceased almost instantly. "I've decided what's gonna be my reward,"

Kurt felt the heat climb up his head, he doesn't know if for the pet name or the confirmation that Sebastian was trying to get something... like that, from him. He could feel the pulse in his neck accelerating under Sebastian's lips and could almost sense the younger boy smile. "Do you want to know what it is?"

"I- That’s—" Kurt stumbled over his words. "That is not how it works," he protested. "Besides, you haven't done a particularly great job,"

A little, -but rather hard- bite on his jaw was enough to make him shut up. He tried to get up again, and again failed. He put his hand on

Sebastian's forearm to pull him away but Sebastian's other hand took his and before Kurt realized what he was doing the sub sliding it under his shirt, letting Kurt feel the hot skin of Sebastian's abdomen.

It was sort of nice, the feeling beneath his fingers, Sebastian was defined and his skin was smooth and Kurt kind of wanted to touch a little more. Even so, he resisted and pulled his hand away.

The voice of the video was still talking, even though the computer had slipped from Sebastian's legs, but for Kurt it was just an annoying babble now that he had to deal with the octopus in which Sebastian had become. He was the dom, it was supposed that he had to have the control of the situation, right now he just felt like he and Sebastian were playing some kind of twisted game. When he moved again, this time a little more sharply, and murmured a protest about the video he finally got Sebastian to move away a little and the way he looked at him gave Kurt the impression that he was the one losing.

"I’ll tell you what," Sebastian muttered, running his tongue over his lower lip, rosy and slightly swollen. "Reward first, video later hmm?"

And so, he had turned around completely, spinning his legs

until he was facing Kurt, their noses only inches away as Sebastian sat astride on him, this time his legs wrapped around Kurt's and then he just attacked his neck as his hands worked the buttons of his shirt and his hips grinded down.

"No, no," Kurt says rasped, taking Sebastian on both arms. "No, no. That's not how we do this."

"So we’re doing this?" Sebastian said. "Because I’m starting to feel like I'm burning inside and I fucking need this, and I don’t need a stupid video to tell me that," He leaned back, sending a glance at the computer now closed on the other side of the bed. He didn’t sound angry, just frustrated. The fact that Kurt probably looked like a deer between the headlights wasn't really helpful either. At least he had stopped trying to take off his shirt, but the look he was giving him was worse than any attempt to destroy one of his favorite shirts.

He was being selfish, he realized. He was being selfish by denying Sebastian one of the primary needs of a sub; physical intimacy. He may not know what exactly was the ‘this’ he was talking about, and being Sebastian of course he had to relate everything to sex, and tough he wasn’t completely wrong there were a lot of things that could serve as alternatives, but then again, it would be insensitive of him to ask Sebastian to do many of those things.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian muttered. He was looking down, maintaining a grimace on his face. "I just need you to… listen I try to look fine, I try really hard, but it’s starting to be too difficult, okay?" His eyes met Kurt's. He didn't know if it was part of a strategy or if Sebastian was really sorry, either way Kurt was already feeling his chest softening. "Please?" He said, his lips barely moved.

Kurt couldn't take this anymore, he was going to give in, he could feel it, he couldn't bear the blame for making a person feel so bad, Sebastian, who had already suffered so much, he deserved a few moments of peace, and at least that he would try to go give him.

"It-It's okay," Sebastian's smile grows three times its size when Kurt confirms he heard correctly with a small nod. He can feel the anxious movements of the body of the sub still above his own, but he tries not to let it distract him. "All right. Reward first, video later?"

Sebastian nods, copying his previous move and trying to get as close to him as possible.

"Don't." Kurt stopped the movement of his hands, leaving Sebastian with a confused expression. "We'll do this my way."

He saw Sebastian was trying not to argue. "And _what_ is your way?"

Kurt settled into a more upright position, trying to gain control of the situation. "My way is, you do what I say,"

"What a dom you are—"

"And strip off."

Kurt somehow managed to keep his voice from trembling as he said this,

barely, though. It was worth seeing Sebastian's expression. It was more than obvious that he wasn't expecting this and it made Kurt's inner dom smile slyly even though on the outside he could barely keep himself from blushing everywhere.

Sebastian changed his position a little, still almost above Kurt. Suddenly he didn't seem so comfortable.

"You mean..."

"Take your shirt off,"

Kurt didn't let himself think too much about what he said, if he did he would surely end up looking like a total idiot with no experience, so he let whatever was keeping him talking take charge.

Sebastian on the other hand, even though it was obvious he wanted this seemed unsure if Kurt was talking seriously or just teasing. There were only a few seconds of doubt before Sebastian took the bottom edge of his shirt and pulled it over his head, throwing it somewhere over his shoulder.

He looks at Sebastian bare chest, despite the fact that is not the first time his eyes still are captivated by the beautiful skin with moles spread out everywhere and defined muscles. He doesn't want to seem like a pervert but look away would give contrarian signal and it's not exactly the time to be timid. Not when he knows how all this will probably end up. Kurt doesn't know how good or bad is that Sebastian looks so presumptuous as regards to his body. He hold's a sigh. Perhaps he's just jealous.

"Color?" He asks, looking into Sebastian’s eyes.

The sub frowns. "What?"

"Safewords, Sebastian."

"Oh, uh… Green"

Kurt nods, satisfied that at least Sebastian remembers the color system. He swears that if he had to explain it again he'd hit himself in the face.

"Now the rest of it," Sebastian doesn't need more explanation than that, the next moment he's already working on the button of his pants. Kurt can not help but look away. "And get off me, would you?"

And maybe it's not a good idea, not so much for Sebastian's frown but because now Kurt can perfectly see the boner contained in his pants. He knows he is breathing faster but he really expects Sebastian doesn't realize this. When the pants are gone and Sebastian's fingers begin to pull down the waistband of his underwear he feels a knot begin to form in his stomach. He's going to tell Sebastian to wait, to keep the underwear, but he is too slow and soon there's no point. Sebastian is only inches away, completely naked and hard and devilishly gorgeous.

Kurt could look at him for hours, whole days even, he would like to have him right in the middle of his living room to admire him all day long in thousands of different positions, with his hands and feet tied in extravagant poses, kneeling with a blindfold on his eyes, leaning back on his carpet, wrapped in a pretty bow of cords, or just sitting on the floor next to him, a black thick collar around his neck tying him to the foot of his chair.

He gulps. _Control yourself, Hummel._

"So…?" Sebastian asks, gesturing vaguely, still looking too cocky for his own good.

"Bed," Kurt replied. "Lie down."

Sebastian seemed more than happy to indulge. He plopped down on the pillow right next to where he was sitting, his heavy breathing making his chest rise and go down quickly as his cock rested on his stomach.

The sub smiled when he caught him looking. "Your turn?"

He cleared his throat. "No."

Sebastian rolled his eyes but he didn't seem surprised.

"Fine. So what do you have in mind?"

"I’ll ask you something, mostly about the video you just watched and if you answer correctly I’ll touch you. You can’t move and you can't complain about where I choose to touch or not. "Kurt said, it wasn't the greatest of his ideas but it was the best in what he could think of right now.

Sebastian did not seem to think so. "Why do you need to make everything some kind of game?" He asked, but he said nothing when Kurt got up from his place to put some space in between.

"It's not a game, I'm giving you some control. Unless you don’t want it, then I’d happily decide for you." he offered.

"Whatever. Can we start now? I’m getting even hornier."

That did make Kurt blush, but he recovered as fast as he could. He didn't mean to be intolerant, but he'd really like if Sebastian could take things a little more seriously.

He started slow, to the annoyance of a certain sub, just touching a bit on the arms, sliding his fingers through the gap between the muscles there. Sebastian didn't complain at any time but it didn't take a genius to realize his annoyance. He assumes he can understand, in fact all of Kurt's instincts are more than agree that what he is doing is a total waste of skin on display. Still, he's not sure if he could go for more right now.

He asks a few questions about the information that the woman had said in the video, Sebastian responded vaguely every time, urging Kurt to go to the next question, sometimes he would just try to skip the question directly. Kurt forbade him from moving after he failed to respond to three of his questions in sequence. Then he tried to trick him into moving forward saying that his belly itched hat actually worked but when he realized what was that about he did feel cheated.

It had been several minutes since they started, he could feel the frustration of the sub increasing. He struggled to let go of his prudishness and a be a little more… firm. It was a shame Sebastian’s cock kept making him feel so inadequate.

"Hummel I— I'm not complaining, not at all but you know, don’t you think that maybe, just maybe you could try touching me where we both know I want you to?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Surely you're not complaining?"

"Very sure"

"Uh-huh," Kurt gave Sebastian a warning look.

"So, so sure..." Now Sebastian was starting to squirm.

Internally he wanted to reprove Sebastian, he had specifically told him not to move, but rationally he knew he had to stop being an immature asshole and start seeing beyond himself.

And that included jerk Sebastian off.

Fuck.

"Kurt?" Sebastian muttered softly, almost like a whimper.

Kurt slid his hand over his skin moist with sweat now, going under Sebastian's bellybutton, ignoring the main issue. Then below, and below, settling to give gentle massage on his inner thighs. Sebastian made a soft, pleased sound.

"Hot, hot, hot..."

Kurt almost laughed. Almost. It was good to know that even in these situations Sebastian conserved some of his sense of humor. What he didn't like was the fact that Sebastian kept moving in a way that was very conveniently bringing his hand closer to his crotch.

"Still," He said, but there wasn't much effect other than a nervous whimper. Kurt then withdrew his hand, causing the sub to release another discontent sound. Kurt grabbed one of his arms, pinning him down, "Still," He repeated.

Kurt is embarrassed by the ecstasy that his inner dom gets from seeing Sebastian's beautiful body striving to meet the command, forcing himself to stop, calm down for him even when his body was going crazy.

The dom within himself that is all that Sebastian hates, pure carnal instinct and kinky desires, the one who cannot refuse to fulfill his sub's desire, not at the end, but neither let it be easy. Needless to say, it's the same he has to control if he doesn't want this to go too far.

He can feel a pulse between his legs.

Of course he knew Sebastian's body would be a temptation, but he doesn't like when the image of that same naked body on his knees in his mind becomes more sexual than it should be, for him or for anyone else helping a sub in his situation.

The sound of Sebastian's heavy breathing captures his attention and although that part ruthless in him gloats, the other part of him, the teenager, feels fear.

The smell does not help, either.

"Okay" He breathes out while he climbs higher on the bed, positioning himself over Sebastian, who seems more than eager to the sudden closeness. "We´re gonna do this but I need you to—" he is suddenly cut off by Sebastian's hips, rising up and rubbing savagely against him, letting him feel the hard'on he'd been trying to ignore so far. Despite how good it feels, neither he nor the part very very horny in him are happy.

"Sebastian!" he scolds, and the sub's hips fall with fright. "Listen, I'll let it go this time but—" he does it again and Sebastian moans, a strange sound between humiliation and pleasure comes out from his mouth. Kurt grabs both of his hands and throws them over his head, keeping them there. Sebastian moans again, this time higher, and Kurt really hopes that the boys in the building have a decent social life or very good quality walls or they'll be in a serious problem.

"You're forcing me to change my tactics with you," he warns, but the sub throws his head back, lifting his hips and trying to do it again.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry" he repeats over and over again and Kurt calms. It's not his fault, It's only his first sickness, he's not responsible for most of the things he does. "Sorry, I didn't want to disobey, Just- your clothes, take them off,"

Kurt rolls his eyes. Even in his sickness, Sebastian manages to try to give him orders.

"No,"

Sebastian wraps his legs around his waist, so he is fully wrapped around him. He is completely dressed, from head to toe while Sebastian is naked, with his legs around his waist and hands trapped by Kurt _. God, I think Finn once showed me this position in the Kama Sutra._

"Please… Just— Let me get you off, please, I promise I’ll make it good, Just—"

"Stop!" he exclaimed, and he was really surprised when Sebastian obeyed instantly, looking at him with big wary eyes.

He had to put all his willpower to not pounce on and ravish him once and for all. He couldn't help it, He was an eighteen years old dom with a desperate sub in pain beneath him, offering things that he could very well let happen now, and enjoy it, and face the consequences when the time came.

But no. No, it wasn't his place, He wasn't his dom, not really.

He returned to reality when Sebastian twisted off half a leg from his hip, still looking unsure.

"I'm not angry," he said and the sub left out the air from his lungs. "Color?"

Sebastian smiled, that had to be something. "Green," he said.

"Very well," the dom removed the remaining leg on his hip, positioning it close to the other on the bed and Sebastian would have complained if he hadn't been so afraid that this was over. "Okay, don´t move. Don´t make me tie you."

He removed his hands too of Sebastian's wrists so they no longer touched in any way. Sebastian bit his lip to keep from moaning in the loss. A smile spread across the dom's features. "Quiet, I'm gonna make it better."

Sebastian only wished he did it faster.

As if reading his thoughts, he felt one of Kurt's fingers touching his cock, barely, but it was there. At first, he didn't even move, just feel a little, forcing himself to focus on the reality rather than in his imagination and what he would like to happen. Until he hadn't had to, because Kurt was wrapping his hand around his cock.

It was a torture, a beautiful, beautiful torture, Kurt's finger was tracing the outline of a vein near the base, slow, very slow, causing him to whine loudly and try to move until suddenly the touch is gone.

He seeks the eyes of the dom with his eyes, looking for an explanation, but he looks inflexible, not in a harsh manner, more like a mother who intends to punish her child for saying obscenities, even though these make her grace.

"Color?"

Sebastian doesn't understand what about all that color thing, he already said it before, why the insistence?

"There's something more Green than Green?" he asked stupidly. But it served, Kurt returned to what he was doing before. It reminded him of the first day they did something like this, well, although at that time it wasn't Kurt who did but himself, but it was the same tactic, or he obeyed or Kurt stopped and the rhythm changed to make it more wicked.

"You can´t move, you can’t touch me and you can´t come. Is that too much for you by now?" the question wasn't mocking, it was actually completely serious, and Sebastian wanted to say yes, it was too much,

he needed to touch him, needed to touch his dom needed as he came,

which he couldn't do either, how was he going to help it if Kurt kept moving? oh god and he didn't want him to ever stop, and if he disobeyed who knows when would be the next time he could do this. In addition, he didn't want to disappoint Kurt, not him, not in this, not now that he was finally getting something, he could do it, he knew he could.

He shook his head and Kurt made a sound of recognition before moving a little faster, up and down, making him shiver. If it had been allowed to move, he would have covered his mouth to stop the sound that came out of it. He froze for half a second, waiting to see if the contact disappeared again, but that didn't happen and he heard Kurt laugh a little from above.

"I never said you had to keep silent." he smiled and oh for all it's good if it wasn't hot. He groaned and gasped his way to the orgasm, before reminding himself that he couldn't. He really, really hoped that no one could hear him outside these walls, because he could swear that it sounded like bad porn.

"I'm-I'm gonna..."

"I know," Kurt said.

He was so close, so close, he just needed something, but he wasn't sure Kurt wanted to give it to him. "How much can you endure without it? Be honest please,"

"I ah-, like, fifteen seconds?" It seemed like an eternity to his ears but that's honestly what he thought would last.

"Too soon. What about one minute? Can you resist that for me?" His body wanted to deny, but his brain was too lost in his voice and the smell of comfort to mind the wishes of his body, he just wanted to make Kurt happy. "A little bit more, come on,"

"It… hurts," It was exhausting. Every couple of seconds were like a minute for him, he kept looking at the clock on the wall every passing moment while Kurt ran his fingers gently over the head of his full cock. Finally 60 whole seconds later, he was going to explode.

"Color? "

"Y-Yello...w"

"You can come now" For a second, he thought his eyes would come out of their sockets.

...

Kurt laid next to Sebastian on the bed, all sounds around them were only the soft gasps of relief from the sub at his side as his breathing was struggling to return to normal. It had only been a few moments since the boy had reached his climax. He had left some good mess too, but he'd take care of that later. Now he had to make sure that Sebastian was fine.

He hasn't looked up since Kurt moved from his old position, but Kurt supposed that was fine, he was allowed to enjoy his post-orgasmic time as much as he wanted. He wonders if he should hold him or something, or if that would exceed some kind of limit, especially when he's naked, something that Kurt had been trying to ignore, trying not to look too much, for too long, but he really couldn't help it. It's not as if he could just press a button. Sebastian was a very attractive, very, very hot guy, and a very hot sub that he casually happened to dominate in his spare time. It was not as easy as one might think.

"Mhm…"

Sebastian shifted his position, leaning sideways and facing the dom. His eyelids moved lazily, and a faint smile appeared on his face when he saw Kurt. "Hello,"

Kurt had to smile too, he sounded relaxed, maybe too much in fact. "Hello again" Sebastian smiled wider, looking a little drunk, opening and closing his eyes carelessly. "How you feel?"

"Fan-fucking-tastic. I thought my cock would explode and there I still have it so, it’s a win." Kurt breathed out a short laugh. Sebastian was kind of adorable this way.

"Sure it is."

"sup, babe, what about you?"

"I'm fine, don't worry" Kurt teased in a playful tone. Or maybe he just was getting embarrassed again by the sudden pet name.

"Course you are ..." Sebastian says, warm and loose and relaxed, also exhausted.

It must normal after the lack of control that his body has been living in the last days. Kurt knew he was a little tired himself. It wouldn't be a bad idea to take a nap himself, especially if he could get rid of the 'problem' between his legs.

Although it wasn't the easiest task when he was lying in bed with a handsome, naked guy who was also a little doppy. A little doppy because of an orgasm. An orgasm that Kurt gave him. Casually. Like a favor. From a boy to another. For friendship. A friendly orgasm.

God, now he too was rambling.

Besides, once again it was not helping at all. He had to get rid of his boner if he wanted to get home for dinner time. And it wasn't exactly the most comfortable position now.

He moved silently to a sitting position, being careful not to disturb Sebastian but as soon as he moved away the sub looked up, frowning curiously.

"Where are you going?" Sebastian asks, moving to sit on the bed.

Kurt looked at him, but then looked away quickly, there was nothing covering him and Kurt didn't want to pass as a pervert, staring shamelessly, hard in his pants. "In the bathroom, I-just a second,"

He was already up when Sebastian's hand on his forearm stopped him from keeping moving. This time Kurt really looked at him, making sure to never look down beyond his face.

"You don’t have to," he said, far more serious than before.

"What do you... mean?" Kurt's voice came out breathy, suddenly he was hyperaware of the proximity of the other guy, so much that he could almost feel his breath on his face, he could smell the scent coming from his skin, his warm breath, the pulse of his body... Sebastian's eyes, traveling between his eyes and lips.

Kurt almost shook his head, as if waking from a dream. He must not let any of those things to affect him, nor Sebastian's voice, neither he nor his body or anything.

He jumped up, avoiding Sebastian's bewildered expression, or worse, disappointed. Kurt just had to get away. That was just- that's just endorphins.

"Back in a moment," He claimed, walking as fast as he could to the small bathroom. He closed the door as gently as he could and allowed himself to release a held breath when one of his hands finally came down to his pants.

...

He didn't feel proud of it.

Masturbating in the bathroom of a room that wasn't his own wasn't the epitome of dignity, but he had to be honest with himself, his erection wasn't going to go down by itself and he couldn't get out of here like that. Yes, he had a sub to take care of out there but he still had physical needs, thankyouverymuch. In addition, a minute alone would do Sebastian some good, they both needed it. Kurt wasn't expecting to find what he did while he washed his face to clear his mind.

At first he didn't give it much relevance, it was just a bottle of pills; then he remembered a few things he'd heard from some talks between the football players in his freshman year when they were throwing him to the trash.

When he came out Sebastian sat on the edge of the bed, with his underwear already on, he didn’t look very happy anymore, in fact he seemed pretty dejected. He looked up when he noticed Kurt's presence.

He didn't beat about the bush.

"I thought you weren't on drugs." It was the first thing that came from his mouth. Sebastian blinked, his mouth twisting into a frown.

"I’m not." He said. "I mean, not really, I can’t say I’ve never try it but—"

"So what is this?" Kurt shook the small white bottle between his fingers. It had no label, no name, no ingredients.

"Pills?"

Kurt made a face. "Yeah, I can see that. Are you taking these? In your sickness?"

"Yes, so? They're supposed to make me feel better,"

"Oh, like that drug due to sedate elephants you asked me for before? Really? You're with that again?"

"Calm down Oprah Winfrey. I'm not on drugs, I buy it in a pharmacy is completely legal, and, is not due to sedate anything, it only decreases my symptoms,"

"I don't think is only that, everyone would buy it if it were that easy, it may decrease symptoms but you don't know what happens in your body, you're not even sure if it works. Before, you... it didn't seem like you were exactly better... "

"Well, sometimes it works sometimes not, what can we do?"

"I’m gonna take them away"

"Fuck, no!"

"I just want to check it, okay?"

For the second time, the sound of Sebastian's cell phon's tone interrupted them. Kurt crossed his arms, in some way hoping that Sebastian stood up and go away to answer. But Sebastian mimicked his movement, standing in his own defensive pose.

"Don't you think you should answer?" He asked when the insistent ringing of the phone began to really set him over the edge

"No,"

Kurt sighed. "Come on, is not the first time it rings," he came to the place where he saw Sebastian putting the device.

"Hey!" Sebastian said, standing to stop him but Kurt had found the phone and held it front of his face.

"Oh, it's your dad," Kurt said just before Sebastian snatched the phone from him, silencing the annoying noise and slipping it into the pocket of his pants.

"Leave my stuff alone." Sebastian admonished him, returning to his place in bed. "Don't you have something better to do? Like go home?"

He rolled his eyes. "Why don't you answer?"

"Because I don't want to."

"I thought you said your parents were out of town, you don't want to talk to them?"

"You guessed right, princess. Now get out of here."

"Don't you miss them?" Sebastian looked at him with distaste, then he knew he had gone too far in something that wasn't any of his business. Sebastian looked down, frowning.

"Okay," Kurt said. "Umh, about the pills... I just want to check that they're good for you, deal? And as for your symptoms," Sebastian looked at him tentatively. "I've got an idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! Happy Halloween everyone, sorry for the delay, writer's block is a constant bitch in my life. Really hope you enjoyed it, expect more, bye guys!


	7. Chapter 7

Wednesday wasn't being such a bad day as Kurt initially imagined it would be. It had started pretty good actually, with Carole preparing his favorite breakfast in the morning, it had been announced a new season of Fashion Runway, his first two teachers had been absent from class because of an improvised teacher meeting and Mr. Shue had finally abandoned the idea of making them explore new musical styles for sectionals. The country was not really Kurt's favorite kind of music.

That counteracting Rachel going crazy over the election, suddenly too worried about his victory for some reason that Kurt still didn't understand compared to her attitude in previous weeks, Britanny crushing him in the surveys, Jacob Ben Israel being a pain in the ass, the Troubletones being still The biggest threat for New Directions and Santana's sexuality crisis wasn't _so_ bad.

Kurt sighs as he watches the scattered notes on the sheet of paper in his hands. The elections were so close that he couldn't think of anything other than that, not even the selection of the song for his NYADA audition had succeeded in keeping his mind away from that. Next week he would finally know the end of this story and he'd have to recover from his imminent loss. He shouldn't even feel so bad when he already knows how everything will end up, it'd be easier to just throw in the towel, remarkably less humiliating, but he doesn't want to show weakness either by retiring, accepting what a loser he knows he is.

"So, you’re gonna sit there lamenting all day or are you going to sing the damn song?"

Kurt looked up at his computer. Well, there was one thing that was always effective to distract him.

"Would you stop being a jerk?" Kurt admonished. Sebastian rolled his eyes. The image on the screen of Kurt's computer staggered, so he knew Sebastian was moving around his room in Dalton. "Seriously, am I not allowed to feel bad for myself?"

"Sure! Right after you lose, how about that?"

Kurt grimaced. Sebastian was the most insensitive person he'd ever known. Still, Kurt didn't understand why right now he preferred his company than that of any of his friends. Maybe it was because now things were too tense between the glee club, divided with the constants fights over the solos and everyone being too competitive for his liking, including Kurt himself. Or maybe it was just because Sebastian's opinion was probably the most honest one he could find. In addition, he killed two birds with one stone. Constant communication with Sebastian was necessary at this period of his sickness and although Sebastian had been doing well today, or well... Better, at least, it was important not to neglect it, no matter how many things he had in his head.

Sebastian rushed him again, and although it annoyed him, Kurt compiled.

As he started singing the chorus of 'The way we were' he could feel Sebastian's gaze fixed on him even though he was only looking at him through a computer camera. He was too aware that it was the first time the other boy heard him sing and he may have gone a little out of tune for a second in his distraction by this fact. He almost turned red, he didn't go out of tune. Never. The first impression was very important in this kind of thing. He solved it immediately, returning to the song with his voice perfectly in tune with the melody he has permanently recorded in his head. Sebastian had his lips pressed tight, his expression didn't show much and it made Kurt nervous. He stopped, suddenly, when Sebastian looked away and scratched the back of his head, before crossing his arms strangely.

"I… Is something wrong?" He asked. Sebastian didn't look at him. "Is… don’t you like it? I-Do I sound bad?"

Sebastian shook his head and looked up, just a little. Sebastian looked uncomfortable. "No, you sing it... fine."

It took a moment for Kurt to realize the reason why Sebastian looked so uncomfortable. If Sebastian _did_ , in fact, like it, of course he'd be more awkward about it than otherwise. Then Kurt smiled. Just a little smile, not wanting to boast that much about something with what Sebastian was obviously dealing with.

"Only fine?" He teased, trying to put a serious face but failing. He doesn't think it matters too much, Sebastian was still staring at his own computer keyboard.

He grabbed a notebook from somewhere on his left and stared at it. "I just wonder if you… are nostalgic?"

Kurt looked at him. "About what?"

"It’s a pretty nostalgic song so," he tried to explain, even though Kurt wasn’t getting the idea.

"Oh… another song, then?"

"I-ah… well, I am no judge, nor dean of an academy of arts I suppose but... "

"I wanted to sing ‘Don’t ride on my parade’ but that’s kind of Rachel’s song…"

"And?" Sebastian asked, shrugging his shoulders. At least he looked a little less tense now.

"It’s a rule. I don’t know where it come’s from but that’s the way it is." He said. "What about ‘Memory’ from Cats?"

"Has everything have to come from a musical?"

"They're classics," Sebastian sighed, as if it cost him a great work to try to understand his way of thinking. "Whatever. Sing anything you want. I’m sure you’ll be accepted anyway,"

Kurt opened his eyes, really wide. That was like, very sweet. "Really?"

"Of course." Sebastian smiled. "A school full of broadway freaks? You'll become their leader."

Kurt covered his face with his hands and moaned. He must have seen it coming.

A long time passed as they discussed songs, Sebastian insisting on some Queen song even though Kurt told him several times that they weren't the kind of songs that fit his voice until Kurt caught the internal joke and banged his head against the computer keyboard.

He got Sebastian's ruthless laughter for his innocence for more than ten minutes without a break until Kurt made a joke on his huge horse's teeth, which shut the sub's mouth almost immediately. Honestly, Sebastian was a kid.

Right after Kurt tried to convince him to watch a couple of videos about d/s culture but he refused. He didn't understand how it was possible for a sub on sickness to so firmly reject a command for a dom, but he didn't question it. He supposed he's had a lot of practice, even if it was the first time he got his sickness surely there had been doms before giving him orders then and now, and he would never have managed to pass as a dom if he complied with every request. Either way, he didn't think it was the best for him right now.

"Why is it so important to you?" Sebastian asked, his head leaning on his fist. "I thought we were doing all this thing about communication for me to be fine so what does it matter if you don’t give me orders?"

"What sub doesn’t like orders on his sickness?" Kurt asks in return, a grimace of disbelief on his face but a touch of fun filling his eyes.

Sebastian apparently caught it because his jokes didn't take long to come.

"We're a rare kind but you'll find we're smarter _and_ sexier than the rest,"

Kurt scoffed. "Well, at least do your homework, smartass. It's getting late and I don't want you to ignore your duties for talking to me. "

"It’s not like I can’t do it later. It'd be difficult anyway, with those screams outside." Sebastian said, making a show of covering his ears. Now that he mentioned it Kurt did hear something through the computer, though he couldn't really distinguish anything but sharp,

confused sounds.

"What is that?" Kurt snooped.

"Only my least favorites love birds. Probably fighting about who love each other more or some shit." Sebastian mocked, and then frowned when the sound of something breaking sounded on the wall behind him.

"Nick and Jeff, I'll assume." Kurt smiled slightly as he leaned on the head of his bed.

A cleft formed between Sebastian's eyebrows. "I always forgot you know them,"

Kurt shrugged. "Not so much, though." Another shout echoed in the room. "Sounds serious," he said.

"Nah, they'll be having makeup sex in twenty minutes. That's when my suffering really begins."

Kurt struggles not to giggle at Sebastian's exasperated attitude.

"What is that that has you in such a bad mood, that is, more than usual," Kurt asked. He has nothing better to do anyway, and since Sebastian doesn't seem inclined to leave him to do his homework, it won't hurt him to hear.

"No one," Kurt narrowed his eyes. Too late Sebastian realized his mistake. "I mean, nothing," He tried to correct, but the dom raised a suspicious eyebrow. Finally, he had to surrender. "Just that idiot, the one I told you that won't leave me in peace because I didn't want to go out with him,"

Kurt nods, just to let him know he remembers. "What about him?"

"Now he's committed to stealing my solos. "

One of Kurt's eyes wrinkled in a grimace "Is he new? What's his name?"

"What does it matter?" Sebastian said with a roll of his eyes but at Kurt's insistent gaze he replied. "I... Harwood."

"Thad?" Kurt frowned skeptically. "He’s a nice guy, I can’t believe he’s like that…"

"Oh, great" Sebastian grumbled. "You know the fucker? Not only that, you're defending him?" Sebastian asked angrily.

"Hey, come on, I'm just talking about my experience, he was very kind to me when I was here..."

"He's not kind to me. In fact, he's doing everything he can to ruin my life."

Kurt wanted to laugh again. And he was the drama queen. "What happened?"

"He spoke to the Warblers about me. I’ve been… a little absent, since my sickness came around. I tried to convince the council to give me another chance, to show that I'm competent for the job, but that bitch had already brainwashed them,"

"Oh, sorry."

"Yeah. So I'm still the captain of the team but officially one of my solos for the regionals has been snatched from me and I'll do nothing but do those stupid back-ups on the background," Sebastian complained, crossing his arms stubbornly against his chest.

He tries not to be offended because after all that is everything he does in New Directions, but he's sure Sebastian is used to different things, he doesn't want to know what Rachel's reaction would be if her precious solos were taken from her.

"Maybe it's not completely a bad thing, I'm sure some of the other Dalton guys might use a solo once in a while,"

Sebastian began to shake his head before Kurt had finished his sentence.

"No Kurt, you don't get it. Everyone thinks I don't give a shit about anything, but I do care, I care too much for a stupid choir contest, it's not just for being a vain idiot. It's about being good at something, you know? I've always liked to perform, but... it's more than that, it's the only thing in which I get any validation, well besides sex I mean," Kurt's stomach moved with disgust, his cheeks becoming just a little warm, hopefully not visible through the barely decent resolution of his camera.

He tried to sound as calm as he could. Yeah, I understand, not the sex part but yeah I think I do. I don't like being a disappointment either. But I'm sure you have way more talents than just perform and… sex."

Sebastian looked away.

"Of course I do. But it’s not the same."

"You like sports don't you?"

"Yeah I guess but it's not like music, I'm not good enough, like in every other thing."

"But Sebastian, you are… smart and gorgeous, and, you have so much future, don’t feel bad for this, you'll get over it eventually,"

The sub was silent for a moment, Kurt even came to think that his computer had frozen until he heard Sebastian's voice again, small and suspicious, and perhaps only a little hopeful. "You really think I'm gorgeous?"

Kurt smiled but couldn't keep himself from rolling his eyes, "Yeah I do, even if you're a little too arrogant and self-absorbed,"

He grinned crookedly.

"What can I do? I'm just so hot,"

"Silly. You’re gonna find someone a lot of people in your life who loves you for exactly who you are, even if you don't get every single solo."

Still without letting the smile go Sebastian shook his head. "I don't think so, I'm so fucked up, dude. Who’d have the balls top put up with me? Besides, who says I want any of them?"

It didn't feel exactly good to smile at that, but Kurt didn't let it show. "You're pretty fine the way you are," he assured him. Sebastian smiled a little wider, more genuine, Kurt thought. "Look at me, praising you when you do nothing but annoy me because of my face." Kurt teased, hoping that Sebastian would continue the game now that he looked slightly less upset about the solo issue. Instead, Sebastian just stared at the screen, the corners of his lips bent into a smirk.

"I never said it wasn't gorgeous." He said.

And _oh_. He didn't expect that. At all.

"Thanks." It was the only thing he could make himself say. He felt embarrassed suddenly, but not for long because Sebastian changed the subject next second.

"Also... I like lacrosse, I'm not like, very good or anything, but, yeah, I like it."

Kurt nodded. "Well, that's great, lacrosse, you should try it. I don't know much about, actually any sport but I'm sure it must be fun,"

"Yeah, it's fun, although when I played with the other boys in fourth grade they always beat me up, figuratively speaking, of course. "

"You don't always have to be the best, you know." Kurt murmured as if it were a secret.

"Yes, yes I have." He sub argued.

"Why don't you just have fun, huh?"

"It's fun to be the best."

Kurt giggled. "Right, why don't you try to play a little bit? maybe it'll help you feel less stressed."

"Maybe."

"In the meantime, your homework is waiting for you."

Sebastian made a face. "Fine, but I will not be happy about it."

"As always." Kurt smiled as he rolled his eyes, watching Sebastian move away from the screen to go for his books. Well, it was progress.

...

For Sebastian... communication was overrated. Not that he thought it was totally useless but he'd never before had the urge to go to someone else to solve his problems. Since he has memory he's never been able to count on anyone but himself. One of his earliest memories was playing in a sandbox in a park near the house where they used to live before coming to Ohio. One of his neighbors, a fat, ugly and nasty boy would throw sand on his clothes every time they ran into each other in the park, would laugh at him and take his toys away; Sebastian never cried like any other three-year-old would do, one day he simply got tired and threw himself at the other boy, pushing him out of the sandbox and biting his arm so hard it bled.

It was a strange thing to be proud of something like that, but this memory has never caused him anything but a smile, despite the punishment that he had to face later for that. Then came elementary school. Boy, if Sebastian had been a problem boy all his life. His childhood was made up of whiners of weak kids and visits to the director's office. Things didn't improve when his sexuality became obvious to him as well as to everyone else. If Sebastian had known what it was to be gay since he was a baby, it wouldn't have taken him 10 years to figure it out. For whom it had really been a surprise was for its parents. Apparently, it hadn't been easy to assimilate that his only son, who was also an insubordinate submissive, something already particularly unusual and difficult, was also gay.

Sebastian never cared what anyone thought of him, and if he did, he pretended not, he wasn't going to change for anything, nor anyone.

And if his parents had work during his childhood in a short time they hardly had time to look at him. Dependence wasn't an option. Sometimes the only contact he had all day with them was a five-minute call at lunchtime. The nanas didn't resist long with him, they'd flee after a few weeks and they'd have to hire a new one. The summers were... just the worst that could happen to him, time with his father's family was hell itself. His pranks finally got him out of that horrible tradition and it was only a matter of time before his parents sent him to a boarding school in France, then he was lucky if he got a call a week.

So it's not easy for him to maintain communication, even more to be the one who initiates it. Sometimes he just doesn't know what to say, or his bad temper forces him to say stupid nonsense things. He knows that if Kurt had another type of character he'd be on his own, probably forced to go to a clinic as soon as anyone noticed his condition. That is why he makes an effort, even if it's not his forte. Talking about his problems stuns him more than what it calms him. He feels physically tired, all this for the sickness and the sectionals, his position in the Warblers, his grades and the insistent calls of his parents asking for explanations make him more and more nervous.

That is the reason why when Kurt had proposed this idea the day before he'd made a mess in his head thinking about whether or not it would be a good idea. In his mind, at that moment it had only been one thing; Kurt. Hours and hours of Kurt’s voice, Kurt’s laugh, Kurt’s ways to say his name as a reprimand when one of his jokes crosses the limit of his patience, a lot of time invested in it, from dawn to dusk, just talking with Kurt. He writhes at the thought that, instead of frightening him, that idea hadn't sounded so bad. His pride told him it was stupid but a small ball of excitement in his stomach wouldn't let him ignore it. And he just gave in.

It scares him. He doesn't want to feel any of that. He knows that most likely he is only associating Kurt's presence with the sexual, physical and mental relief that his meetings brought him. It had to be a psychological thing or a shit like that. He knows what will happen, as soon as he feels better and thinks more lucidly he won't even remember any of this.

In the meanwhile, he'll need something to unburden. He's been thinking a lot about it, and he finally made the decision. Sebastian can only hope it doesn't become another problem.

"Hey, Sebby," A voice too sweetly nauseating said from behind. He barely managed to turn his head slightly to see Nick and Jeff, the owner of the annoying voice, step by his side; hands wrapped together and idiotic smiles stuck on their faces. "Coming to class?"

Sebastian sighed. Those two were the worst.

...

"You okay white boy? You’ve been acting weird lately," Kurt blinks at his friend as both walk through McKinley's halls way to their Math class. Mercedes have been looking in his direction for about ten minutes straight, Kurt pretends he has not noticed in order to pretend and not be led to uncomfortable questions. It doesn't work very well, apparently.

"No, I just… I have this new obsession with the next line of Marc Jacobs and I can´t stop thinking about it." He excused himself. It wasn’t a total lie, actually that line was incredibly beautiful, although Kurt knew it was too expensive for him, anyway.

"Are you sure? No offense but you look like Rachel when a competition is close,"

"How is that no offensive?" he asked, wincing and raising his hand to look at the screen of his phone for the sixteenth time in the last hour. "Ugh, I guess I'm only overthinking things,"

"What are you overthinking?" Kurt refused to look at Mercedes as he put his phone in the pocket of his gray Armani pants. No, she certainly wasn't ready for that conversation. It should be noted, neither was Kurt.

"My audition for NYADA, the candidacies for president, I don't even know if it's a good idea to continue with the campaign. I have a lot in my head and anyway, everyone knows I can't beat Britanny, so what's the point?" He said harshly, he had so much on his plate as to have to face the inevitable depression of the loss to which his candidacy was destined.

"Ohh, don't be like that. I think you have good chances, all your friends are going to vote for you, I'm even sure you have Blaine's vote assured," Mercedes said in a sweet, suggestive voice that Kurt wasn't comfortable with.

"Yes, out of pity and guilt for breaking my heart, the best kind of vote," He mocked and jumped when he felt at Mercedes hitting him on the shoulder with her books.

"Come on! Blaine wants you both to be friends again, everybody knows that, maybe he’d want to come back together with the time."

"I don't want to sit in a chair waiting for his feelings for me to change suddenly. Tt's not who I am Mercedes." Kurt doesn't bother to look at the compassion in her friend's face. Instead he fixes his eyes on the huge poster of Britanny's campaign that has covered the one with his photo that used to be there a couple days ago.

"Well, how about someone else?" Suggested the girl as she took Kurt's arm to pull him away from that place. "We can get you a cute suboy with-"

"Low expectations" Kurt finished bitterly. Mercedes seemed to want to hit him seriously this time. "Who Mercedes? Please, there are no gay guys in Lima, let alone ones who like me."

"Oh Kurt, you’re smart and funny and cute, of course someone is gonna like you,"

"Let´s be real, the truth is that nobody wants the cute, smart, funny guy, everyone wants the hot, popular one, and gay sub guys? they want a hot super dominant one with the muscles of the size of their heads," Kurt could say that he spoke from experience, of course he knew he wasn't ugly, all those years taking care of his skin hadn't been in vain but in Mercedes's own words he was just cute, cute in the way the first girlfriend of a twelve year old dom is, not in the way a desperate sub would dream in the nights when he has spent so much time without coming that—

He shook his head. Hormones in motion.

"Not everyone is like that," The girl to his left continued, by then Kurt thought that they were already done with the conversation, now he was a little more worried about another subject. "What about Karofsky? He still looks at you as if you're hanging the sky and stars for him, and since— Well, since happened what happened he hasn't done anything against you or any of us, why don't you give him a chance? the boy just sighs more and more. "

"Not my type," Mercedes looked at him with an arched eyebrow and he rolled his eyes at once. "Look, to be honest, deep down I know Dave's a good kid, and he's not bad'looking, but I don't think a boyfriend is what he needs right now, he has to come to terms with himself first. Plus I already told you, I do not want to be the disconsolate guy waiting for someone to deign to look at him. I'm not that needy. "

"Okay, fine." Mercedes agreed, both of them stopping their steps as they arrived at the classroom of their next class. "But if you're not going to get yourself a boy you should at least go out with me and the girls, or just with me if you prefer. I haven't seen you on a weekend for ages."

"I've been busy," he said. He doesn't tell Mercedes who he's been busy with, of course, because that was part of the deal and if Kurt is going to do this, he'll do it right, which reminds him...

He seeks into his pocket again, the phone tells him that only three minutes have passed since he last checked. There is still no messages.

...

The minutes pass and pass and Kurt has no sign of life whatsoever from Sebastian. He has a feeling similar to irritation, but he tries not to get carried away much by it, it's not that they have some schedule, and yet he feels like he is being deliberately disobeyed by the lack of contact. Maybe it's just the sub's way of demonstrating to himself that he could obey and disobey the dom's commands at will, just as he constantly challenges him in his text messages, video chats and more or less every single time they see each other. Anyway, he let Sebastian make any statement he wanted to do. There were three hours until his phone vibrated again, and for some reason, Kurt breathed a sigh of relief.

He took out the device as fast as his hands allowed, ignoring the curious glances of his friends. Some of the glee club kids were gathered in McKinley's yard, discussing songs for Mr. Shue's weekly assignment until their next class. It wasn't strange that one of them was distracted momentarily by his cell phone, he didn't know why so many glances came. Perhaps it hadn't been so much the message, but his apparent urgency to see it, though.

He almost released another breath when he confirmed that yes, the message was indeed from Sebastian.

 **From Sebastian (12:42):** Wya doing?

Kurt snorted at the appalling attempt of writing. Sometimes talking to Sebastian was like talking to Finn.

"Everything alright?" Tina's voice distracted him from the text he had begun to write. He looked up and both the asian girl and Rachel were staring at him.

"Uh... yes?" Kurt replied, a bit confused. "Why?"

"Nothing," Rachel stated, but there was a small smile hidden between the corners of her lips. "It's just... it should be something very important by the way—" she interrupted herself when another buzz echoed in the conversation.

 **From Sebastian (12:43):** Kurrrrt!!

"N-no," Kurt stammered, stumbling over his words as he saw the new message. "I-It’s just my dad. He needs me to help at the garage—"

Another buzz.

 **From Sebastian (12:43):** You at school right?

"Sure." Tina intervened, showing a smile too similar to Rachel's. "It's not our business,"

 **From Sebastian (12:43):** Princessssss! :(

Rachel made a sound of complicity. "Of course, but as I said, It must be important; That’s like ten messages,"

"You know, it’s the age" Kurt tried to excuse himself. "He’s becoming impatient…"

Just as the words came out of his mouth the tone of his phone began to ring, attracting the attention of some of the other guys sitting with them. Damned Sebastian. Not a single message all day and now this?

"I need to get this," he said, standing up from his seat. No one said anything in response, but Kurt caught the way Tina was holding Rachel's arm, leaving the skin of the shorter girl's arm white by the force of the grip.

They were acting very strange, Kurt thought as he walked away to answer the phone.

He walked until he was sure that no one with overly curious ears could hear him and lifted the phone to his ear.

"What?" It was his only answer.

Sebastian's voice was rather playful _. "Ow, don’t get rude with me, babe. And don’t ignore me, by the way,"_

"I wasn’t— I wasn’t ignoring you, you didn’t even give me time to answer," He was the one who hadn’t texted him, Sebastian didn’t get to play offended.

_"How long do you need to write a text? But, forget that, what’s your next class?"_

Kurt frowned, confused by the sudden change of subject. "Uh, French. Why?"

_"And how important is it for you to attend?"_

Kurt's frown deepened. What was Sebastian up to? "Once again, why?"

The sub must have caught the demand in the tone of voice because he says, _"Let's just say you have a commitment,"_

Kurt increasingly understood less and less. He doesn't understand these games of Sebastian and doesn't like the sensation of feeling confused. "What are you talking about?"

 _"Look to your right,"_ Kurt only found himself more annoyed by the vague answers, then by mere instinct, his head turned without thinking to his right. Sebastian was just right there, recharged on a graffiti wall with bright colors, his phone stuck to his ear and a smile on his face. He was wearing a strange outfit, a pair of loose black and white shorts and a dark cotton shirt that didn't match with his tennis at all- and god, why was he thinking about that?

"What are you doing here?" He asked, still over the phone. He saw Sebastian shrug. There was no answer. Kurt watched him hang off.

Kurt pursed his lips, unsure how to act in this situation, so he just walked forward, to where Sebastian didn't take his eyes off him, a funny look on them. After crossing several tables and strange people, Sebastian received him with a cocky smile and a carefree pose, as if he weren't exposing himself just for being here.

"What are—"

"I told you, you have a commitment, "Sebastian said as the only explanation. Kurt opened his mouth, wanting to say something to express his confusion and surprise at the presence of the sub here, but he simply couldn't think of anything.

"To do what?" Was the only thing that made it out.

Next thing he knew there was some kind of white stick with a weird net above being presented in front of him. He didn't have the time to react before Sebastian answered his question.

"To accompany me to tryout for the Dalton lacrosse team," The sub exclaimed, like a matter of fact, gesturing to the stick.

"Oh, Sebastian, that's great, but I have class, in fact, you have class," Kurt said. He tried to show his contentment for the boy and apologize at the same time, but Sebastian wasn't having any of that.

"I asked permission." He assured him. "Come on, it's just a couple of classes. You were the one who encouraged me to do this, it's only fair that you give me moral support,"

"I-yes, but I have french, and then I..." More and more things kept coming to his head of why this wasn't the best idea, why it would be better to politely refuse and do what he had to do. That until he saw Sebastian's grin drop bit by bit, becoming an uncomfortable grimace of disappointment.

Kurt knows that it isn't Sebastian's intention to show it, that it's as involuntary as it can be and that only makes it much worse. He thinks about all the work he had taken; skipping classes and driving here, looking for him only to spend another couple of hours driving back, all just to take him to a lacrosse tryout.

"I-uh-" Kurt struggles with words. "Well, I suppose it cannot do any harm,"

He knows he did the right thing when Sebastian's smile reappears, brighter than before and something inside Kurt just _melt_.

"Really? Awesome! So, uh, let's get going,"

The sub doesn't wait for one more word before start walking toward the parking lot. Kurt beams, following his footsteps, trying not to think about Rachel tomorrow, or probably tonight, asking for explanations for not having attended to glee.

…

Kurt sat quietly, hands clasped on his knees, unconsciously putting more force into the grip than was necessary as the rest of his body leaned forward, eagerly trying to get closer to the scene unfolding in front of his eyes, unable to stay in position. His feet moved restlessly every couple of seconds and had nothing to do with the occasional gust of cool air hitting him right in the face from his place on the bleachers of the field.

His eyes fluttered from side to side across the court as he followed the lean, agile figure running and jumping and spinning on his own feet almost like a ballet dancer. He, of course, was going to have to mention that to Sebastian at some point, because it was time for him to get a little revenge for all the 'princess' comments. Either way, Kurt had discovered that lacrosse was far more entertaining than football. Not that he was suddenly a big fan, but he could certainly bear this without complaining as long as he got to see some more of those pirouettes.

He has to admit it, Sebastian’s quite good at this. It's irritating. In addition to everything else, the guy got to be good at sports. Great. His ego was going to grow to be the size of the planet.

Kurt was one of the few, if not the only spectators of the audition. Although, he supposed it was called a match. Although it was actually a tryout. What for Kurt was translated in audition. Anyway, he'd spent over twenty full minutes looking at Sebastian whether it was running around the court, jumping obstacles too high from his point of view, doing at least five hundred push-ups and now he was doing some kind of practice or improvised game with three guys who helped the coach. Three very big, very dangerous-looking boys.

Right now, he could see the shallow form of Sebastian's breathing, his shiny skin from sweat running down his face. In Kurt's opinion the coach was being overly picky, most of the guys would be lying on the floor for now and for god's sake Sebastian was on his sickness. Seriously who the hell did he think he was, superman?

Not that he was aware of this last thing of course.

Kurt didn’t like him at all. All he did was stand there and scream orders. The boy could faint from physical exertion at any moment, and he hadn't even given him five minutes to drink water. Kurt wanted to see him try to do half of what Sebastian had done without a drop of water. On sickness.

He had forgotten how hard Dalton was in all academic respects, apparently extracurricular activities were not the exception. Thank goodness Kurt had never been fond of any sport. No. He was good with his sewing machine, thank you very much.

He had hardly finished that thought when he saw Sebastian being literally run over for one of the guys playing his opponent, his body practically becoming a rag doll at the touch and hitting the ground hard as a rock.

The coach's whistle sounded, indicating the end of the practice.

All of Kurt's face frowned. He was starting to feel worried when after several seconds Sebastian still wouldn't stand from the ground. The only thing that reassured him a little was that he could see his chest rising and falling with his breathing, the angle barely let him see anything on his face from this distance but he knew by the way one of the big boys laughed and held out a hand to him as he passed him that he couldn't be so bad.

When he finally managed to stabilize on his feet and took off his helmet, smiling slightly in gratitude to the other boy Kurt could completely let go of all the air he didn't know was holding in his lungs.

The coach called the next on the list and Kurt saw how a boy, short, thin and with slightly long dark hair got up from the bench next to the man and, after receiving a couple of shouts proceeded to run around the court, in the same way Sebastian had done at the start of the audition.

Sebastian cast a scathing glance to the boy when he passed by his side and Kurt giggled a little.

When he'd finished intimidating the poor kid his sight drifted off until his eyes met Kurt's, holding his gaze for a few moments before starting jogging in his direction. Kurt didn’t seem able to look anywhere else. Sebastian's face was stained red and sweaty all over the but his eyes glowed with an emotion unknown to Kurt, probably a mixture of adrenaline and endorphins released by the exercise, he couldn't be sure. However, Kurt really liked it.

"Hey..." Sebastian said between gasps as he finally managed to get to the place on the bleachers where Kurt was. He took the water bottle next to him and threw it at the other boy, standing still a couple of steps below. Sebastian captured it effortlessly and didn't hesitate for a second to open it and take it to his mouth, a lot of liquid spilling over

the sides as he swallowed.

"Easy, you're going to drown yourself," Kurt chuckled. Sebastian hummed and pushed the bottle away, at least enough to turn it so that the remaining liquid fell on his head, soaking his hair even more and making the water drip from Sebastian's face and neck, and...

Kurt felt the beginning of a boner inside his very, very tight pants and forced himself to look away, for more lovely that the view was.

"I swear, I'm exhausted..." Sebastian continued in a gasp. "I could— Kurt- fuck, I need a break..."

 _Shut up, shut up, shut up..._ those words were not doing any good to Kurt's head. He needed to spend less time with Sebastian, his incredible ability to think inappropriate things about everything was contagious.

"That looked very uh… tough," Kurt murmured, forcing a smile. Sebastian started to climb the bleachers to his place, shaking some of the water with his head and splashing Kurt in the face. Kurt frowned, he wasn't sure if he was annoyed by the lack of consideration or by how good he looked while doing that.

"Shit, you can say that again," He more or less collapsed next to Kurt, letting his arm wet with sweat touch Kurt's. Strangely this didn't bother him the way he thought it could if it was Finn or anyone else, it was still dirty and he would prefer if anything touching his skin was as clean as it could be but he didn't feel disgusted by it either. "You um... watched it all?" Sebastian asked, and Kurt looked at him, his face still wet from the water and he looked almost shy as he looked into Kurt's eyes.

"All of it," Kurt assured him. "What else could I do here?" He teased.

Sebastian offered him a flat smile. "Do you think they'll accept me?"

"Sure, why would not they?" Kurt asked, making it sound like the stupidest idea on the planet.

"I got hit," He said, tightening his jaw and throwing the empty bottle of water downwards.

"You're not supposed to get hit, in case you didn't guess it."

"I think you did great," Kurt made an effort to ignore the hidden insult, now that the initial emotion had passed Sebastian was starting to get nervous, even a blind man could see it.

"You can't know that, you don't know a thing about sports," He grumbled.

"Maybe, but I doubt the way you dodged those three and threw the... that thing into the net was bad."

Sebastian sighed impatiently and Kurt realized he was watching the guy on the court jump over obstacles. "I just..." he began. "I feel like I didn't do everything I could. I was kind of tired. And if they do not choose me? I mean, there are a lot of good guys on the team, what if I'm just not enough? "

Sebastian looked so discouraged, as if he had already been rejected, it hurts him to the guts, he's not used to seeing the other guy so worried about something so... simple. Not that he doesn't consider it unimportant, but that shouldn't have such an effect on Sebastian. And it's at that moment that Kurt realizes he feels guilty.

He had been the one who had suggested this to Sebastian, and now he was like that because of him. He realizes it sounds silly, Sebastian hasn't even been rejected yet, but he's feeling bad now and Kurt can not take that, it's his responsibility to keep him healthy and happy— No! Not happy. Healthy. Happiness... That wasn't his job, he wasn't involved with Sebastian on an emotional level. He was... nothing but an emergency dom, he was not _his_ dom, not for real...

"Sorry if I'm boring you, I didn't—"

"No, no... you're not." Kurt rushed to clarify. Sebastian glared at him. "But, where did all your confidence in yourself go? You're Sebastian Smythe, nobody can win against you,"

That get's him a half smile, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "You really think they'll accept me, honestly?"

"Honestly?" Kurt asks and Sebastian gives him a little nod. "I think a sport as snobby as this could not have a better—"

"Shut up!" Sebastian exclaimed, pushing him away. They were both laughing for when Kurt managed to get up. "Lacrosse is not snob, and neither am I." He protested.

Kurt arched one eyebrow. "Seriously?"

The skin between Sebastian's eyes crinkled. "Okay, maybe I _am_ a little snob."

"Thank you." Kurt scoffed.

"You're an asshole."

"Coming from you, I don't know if that's an insult or a compliment,"

In a terribly childish act, Sebastian stuck his tongue out.

They spend a lot of time doing watching other students do the tryout. Kurt likes to see the look of satisfaction on Sebastian's face when one of the guys falls upon the obstacles, can't finish the push-ups or is unable to dodge a tackle in the court. It's a weird thing to like, Kurt knows that not so long ago he would have looked at the wicked smile and thought of it as excessive, even vicious. Now Kurt only feels affection, as strange as it may seem.

"So... how are things going? With you know, your sickness." He asks, trying to divert Sebastian's attention a little. He doesn't think it's good for him (or anyone else) to have so much fun watching the other poor guys almost die on that court.

"Terrible," Sebastian declares. "But better, I guess."

Sebastian contracts one of his eyes in a grimace, suspicious. "Yeah, um, why do you ask that way?"

"Because..." Kurt murmured, unsure of how to explain himself. He didn't want Sebastian to take this wrong, like some kind of complaint, because he definitely had no right to do that, but staying quiet didn't seem like an option either. "You see... we don't really act too much like a dom and a sub when we're..." Sebastian's brow furrowed even more. "I'm supposed to like... give you orders, and ask you to do things and you're supposed to do it, but you rarely do, so I don't try it very often either... I'm surprised, It's all... " His voice trailed off word by word that came out of his mouth. He could have expected any kind of reaction from Sebastian, except the one he got.

"I'm a bitch I know, you can say it," The sub said with a straight face. Kurt was quick to try to say something to fix it, babbling a little as he searched for the right words. Then Sebastian was laughing. "Relax. I told you, it's not like I didn't know."

"I didn't mean that," he tried to apologize.

"I know that too. But I wouldn't blame you for thinking so. Besides, I'm not used to receiving orders. "

Kurt greeted. "Yeah, I can see that,"

"Can I ask you a question?" Sebastian said, suddenly. Kurt blinked at the strange tone but nodded. Sebastian looked away, seeming as if he were mentally preparing for something especially difficult. Kurt didn't take his eyes off him. "First time you came here to help me with my... problem, I thought… you were… I mean…" Kurt looked at him, urging him to continue. "I- remember you putting a lot of emphasis on uh… kneeling and calling me a… you know, and some other things but, suddenly you stopped. Why is that?"

Kurt didn't have to think too much about the answer, even so he waited until he had Sebastian's eyes back on him to respond.

"You clearly weren’t ready for that." He stated. "And believe me it wasn’t hard to notice, I didn’t want to pressure you into something you didn’t want."

A little, almost invisible smile appeared at the commissure of Sebastian's lips. He'd knew back then that was the only thing to do, even if Sebastian responded to many of those things. Kurt hadn't wanted him to get angry at some point and do something stupid.

"Thank you," Sebastian said slowly, though Kurt had the impression that that wasn't exactly what he wanted to say. A few minutes passed and Kurt thought the conversation was over until Sebastian started talking again, almost a whisper in fact, as if he was afraid that Kurt would hear him, which was very strange considering that he was talking to him. "And what if I wanted to… try, " He gulped. "try some of those things umh, again… Would—" Sebastian interrupted himself at half-sentence. His eyes closed and frowned, then all at once he began to shake his head.

"It'll be really great, for your condition I mean," Kurt said hastily, before Sebastian had the time to close himself off. The sub stopped his movements and looked at him with wide, apprehensive eyes.

"Uh, I don't know, it’s just that I… I'm curious, I guess I-I’m not sure, but if you think it’ll help…"

"Well yes, I think it definitely would _but_ ," Kurt made sure to put an emphasis on that last part. "You have to be aware that It’ll mean you’ll really have to make an effort. Don’t expect that only because you’re doing it physically it’ll work. You have to commit."

"Yeah, whatever, I can do that," Sebastian said that like he didn’t care for it, as if all of sudden it was just the simplest task for him, but Kurt knew, he knew how much Sebastian struggled with those things, and the fact that now he was asking for them was… Kurt couldn’t even tell how that made him feel.

"If you’re going to drag me into this you have to be serious. " he said. This was Sebastian’s last chance to change his mind. He saw the younger boy consider it for a tenth of a second, but he knew how to hide it very well, rolling his eyes and giving a glimpse of disdain.

"If you don’t want to then you don’t _have_ to," Sebastian said, crossing his arms over his chest. Oh no, he wasn't leaving his decision on Kurt's hands.

"If you're okay with it, so am I," Kurt informed him, copying his posture to make fun of him. Sebastian undid the grip in his arms instantly.

"It’s not… I can’t promise I’ll be perfect but… I want to try it, at least one time in my life. If I'm not into it I don’t have ever do it again."

"So, you’re asking me to…"

"Yes," Sebastian cut in.

Kurt smiled. "I never thought someday I’ll hear Sebastian Smythe asking—

"Don’t mess with me right now, I might not stop myself from punching you in the face,"

Kurt chuckled. "Hey, I was just saying..." Sebastian didn't seem inclined to change his expression to a lighter one. Perhaps Kurt had just found the breaking point in his sense of humor...

He didn't get to go deeper into it; The coach was now in the middle of the court, shouting the names of each of the boys who had done the tryout. Sebastian moved in his place, looking a little uncomfortable when he heard his name. Kurt could see five of the seven boys swirling around the man, who took out his whistle and made it sound as loud as he could, causing several of them to move away from the annoying shriek.

"You should probably go," Kurt said to Sebastian, who was also watching the scene, his nose wrinkled in an unconscious gesture. He stands up, going down the first bleachers to make his way to the ground. "I'll cross my fingers!" Kurt shouted in his direction. Sebastian turned his head to look at him but didn't show any expression as he kept walking towards the court.

Kurt sat there for a long time, watching the coach scream a number of things he couldn't understand. Every boy, including Sebastian, stood in front of him in a line without saying anything the whole time, although he believes he saw one of them make obscene gestures to the man when he wasn't seeing.

After many puckered faces Kurt saw the group of boys disintegrate, each of them coming out of the line where they stood and leaving the court. The few guys who helped the coach were patting softly on the backs of the guys leaving, some giving them little grateful smiles, some others throwing daggers with their eyes, probably because the vast majority of them had been shot down by the big boys. When it was Sebastian's turn to pass by, he barely glanced at any of them, his footsteps headed straight to where Kurt was waiting for him. He didn't wait for Sebastian to reach him, he got up and went down the bleachers, stepping forward to meet him halfway.

"How did it go?" Kurt asked, but from the look of smugness and arrogance on the younger boy's face he could very well guess the answer.

Sebastian eyed his nails, the obnoxious expression of presumption hiding a giant smile "I was accepted, of course,"

In an attack of fierce excitement for Sebastian's words Kurt threw his arms around the boy's neck, squeezing until Sebastian was forced to lean a little down by his weight. He felt the body of the sub freeze beneath his embrace and he almost pulls off except that when he was undoing his grip he felt Sebastian's warm hands slide around his waist until he was hugging him too.

Sebastian's hair and face were wet against his cheek and neck but that didn't matter, his body felt oddly good wrapped tightly in the arms of the other boy.

"Congratulations." He said, giving a firm final squeeze before letting his arms go loose, releasing Sebastian's neck and pulling away a little to meet his eyes. "I'm really happy for you,"

Sebastian smiled at him, but it was at that very moment that he seemed to realize their positions, with Sebastian's arms still clinging to Kurt's waist even though it had been several moments since the dom had undone his grip on his neck. He let go of his waist in an abrupt movement, moving away a couple of steps, cheeks going as pink as Kurt had ever seen in him.

"Thank you, uh," Sebastian muttered quickly, looking everywhere but Kurt. "I suppose I should take you back to Lima..."

"That would be good, yes, because I'm really starving right now," Kurt commented. He didn't know how to feel about Sebastian's reaction to the hug, but at least he hadn't insulted him or mocked him for it just because he could. That should be a good sign.

"Me too," Sebastian said, looking up to give a furtive glance at Kurt. And just maybe he was still a little nervous from the tryout because he seemed impatient. "We could go eat some place, I know a place downtown," He suggests.

Kurt tilted his head slightly to the side and suspicious half-smile curved his lips. "Well, I got a little bit of homework so..."

Oh…"

"And since I'm coming tomorrow I’ll—"

"Yes, yeah I get it." He gave him a weak but soft smile. "Just, let me take a shower and pick up my—"

"But we could stop by taco bell on the way back." Kurt proposed, blocking the way Sebastian had already started back to the showers. "What do you think?" Sebastian's green eyes looked at him, first confused about why he was blocking his way, then a tiny smile spread across his face, a controlled one maybe but spontaneous enough.

"Anything you want, princess." He leaned toward Kurt, who immediately moved away.

Sebastian winked at him.

"I'll be back in a minute,"

"Take your time." Kurt mumbled, watching as the other boy turned his back to follow the path that the rest of the boys had taken to the showers, leaving him completely alone in the field.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks, happy new year everybody!! leave a comment if you liked the chapter and want more!


	8. Chapter 8

"Kurt! Come on! The game is about to start!"

Kurt hears his father's voice calling him from the living room. He wants to yell back about how much he doesn’t care at all about a stupid game, but that’s still his dad and this is still sort of a tradition. Finn, unlike him, is running instantly with a bowl of chips and a soda bottle into the room, shouting over and over again how long he's waited for this moment and how excited he is and how good it'll be, and another hundred of things that Kurt doesn't understand.

Carol laughs at his side and he cannot help thinking that it is because of him. Anyway, he continues his task of chopping some fruit to himself.

Since Friday night dinner had moved to Thursday due to his dad’s work as a congressman during most part of the week, including the weekend, it has been coinciding with several of the plays that both his father and Finn love passionately, which in turn has almost completely turned Dinner night to Football night, something with which Kurt is not very happy.

He walked into the room, his bowl with fruit in one hand and several magazines in the other. His father and Finn were already in their seats, Burt in his armchair and Finn in the middle of the couch. They both had a plate of pizza between their legs and sodas and lots of fries on the coffee table and they were staring mesmerized at the TV where the play was starting.

"Is it not supposed to be my turn to choose what to see?" he questioned out loud, even though he knew it was pointless.

Burt looked at him as he took a big bite of his slice of pizza. He was going to point out that that wasn't good for his health but he let it go, just this once, anyway his father was already talking before he could say anything. "It's the semifinal!" he recited, just as he'd done all week long. "We can't _not_ see it. You can choose what we see next week, two in a row if you want. "

"Except if there's another play," Kurt surmised.

"Exactly," Finn said, his mouth full of fries and Kurt grimaced in his direction.

His father gestured at him to sit next to him, right in the middle of him and Finn and in one of the corners of the sofa. Knowing the battle lost Kurt dropped into the place, putting his bowl between him and Finn and crossed his legs, opening the first of the magazines he brought with him. Kurt had clear that nor his dad or Finn would give up the game for literally anything, but it'd be good if at least they acted as if they were sorry to force him to watch it, whether he liked it or not.

"Are you sure you don't want a piece of pizza, honey?" He heard Carol ask and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "You know Finn will finish it for himself if you don't say something now."

"Thank you Carol, but I'm kind of full. Finn can eat the whole pizza if he wants to." Kurt says and Finn smiles in his direction.

"Awesome," he smiled, moving forward to take another slice of pizza.

Carol sighed, giving her son a look and smiling patiently. Then she turned to Kurt, who was still trying to focus on the magazine in his hands. "You should have eaten very well at your friend Tina's house if you're still full by now," she commented, sitting down on the other side of the sofa, next to Finn.

Kurt startled a little in his place. He had almost forgotten about that detail.

"I—oh, yeah," He murmurs stupidly, holding the magazine in front of his face to hide his surprise at the question. "Her mother makes a great uh... pasta."

The truth is that he'd failed to find a better excuse to have arrived nearly three hours later than usual on Dinner's night, which he had completely forgotten when Sebastian took him to his lacrosse try-out. For the first time in his life he has to internally thank the absurd love of heterosexual men for football because he's sure that if Finn were paying any attention to their conversation he wouldn't have been able to keep his mouth shut and would say something about his absence in glee, just as in his last classes, not to mention that Tina had indeed been to those same classes.

And that would be really bad because he has no idea how to justify that, and he doesn't want to lose the confidence that his dad has in him, it has taken him years of good behavior to earn it and if he found out that he constantly left the city without permission Kurt doesn't know what actions he might take. Of course, to some extent Kurt knows that his father would be benevolent if he explained the situation, but he doesn't want to give Sebastian away like that. He knows that he wouldn't bring himself to do it. He'd rather face his punishment than betray someone's confidence like that.

But, that would only mean that he couldn't help Sebastian anymore.

He winces at the thought. He has to admit that this whole thing has come to be... he wouldn't say relaxing, but at least gratifying.

He can’t help it. Something within Kurt’s body finds great satisfaction in taking care of someone. Even if it's for a situation like Sebastian's. He has a purpose. And sometimes, like today, it can even be fun. He never believed that a two-hour trip with Sebastian's stupid jokes and eating Taco Bell could be so amusing, but it was.

Yeah, maybe it was worth the risk.

He turns the page of his magazine and pretends to carefully inspect the article of cool colors in summer. He has read this magazine at least ten times, he could recite it if he had to, but it's still better than any football game, no matter how good the player's asses looked in that uniform.

Even so, he doesn't manage to entertain himself for a long time. Every couple of minutes his eyes would stray from the letters in front of his eyes and slide to the room, taking in Carol's peaceful expression, her dad's concentration grimace as his eyes seemed physically tied to the television screen and Finn's swollen cheeks full of fried food.

Kurt notices the penetrating smell of the cheese fritters filling the room and he frowns at it. Carol seems to notice that because she gets up and opens the window, returning to sit in her place next to Finn as soon as the fresh air begins to clear the atmosphere.

It's almost 7 and tt was only a few minutes ago that it'd started to dusk, so the air was quite cold, but it was fine, the room was starting to get a bit suffocated. Sebastian must have arrived in Dalton by now, he'd left Kurt at the door of his house no less than an hour and a half ago, maybe two, enough to drive all the way from Lima to Westerville, even if there was a bit of traffic.

His dad and Finn interrupted his thoughts when they both shouted something to the TV; their precious game wasn't going very well if their expressions of annoyance meant anything. Few minutes after, they seemed to have lost all enthusiasm for the game and Kurt took advantage of the moment to slip silently off his place. Not that he liked to see his father and his half-brother disappointed and in a bad mood but... it was just football.

He cleared his throat, already standing at the foot of the stairs, the only person who seemed to be paying him any attention was Carol. "I need to do something, is it okay if I..."

"Hmm," His dad cut him off with a grunt.

He thought that was enough approval as far as he was concerned, but just to be sure he turned to Carol, who gave him a slight nod.

Kurt didn't wait any longer to leave the living room, making his way up the stairs to his room. He closed the door behind him and stepped to his bed, leaning on his back and pulling his phone from his back pocket. There were like fifteen missed calls and thirty messages from Rachel.

 **From Rachel (1:05):** Kurt, where are you?

 **From Rachel (1:26):** Kurt you can’t leave you like that without telling me or anybody and then don't answer my calls, I hope you have a good excuse.

 **From Rachel (3:26):** OMG Kurt I can't believe you missed my performance in glee, what kind of friend are you? I told you over and over that I needed you there to tell me my weaknesses, not that I have any. My performance was perfect but still.

 **From Rachel (3:57):** Now you're ignoring me, I've called you a thousand times by now. It's okay I won't bother you anymore.

 **From Rachel (4:09):** Answer me you bad friend.

And many, many more basically saying the same thing. He knew that Rachel would get unbearable if he didn't give her a good excuse for his absence in glee, if anything like a good excuse existed for her, but it was too late for that. Ignoring her all afternoon probably hadn't been the wisest decision, but he really wasn't in the mood to stand her claims. It was better to face her tomorrow than to deal with her irritating screams on the phone for the next two hours. Jesus, he was her friend, not her boyfriend. He didn't want to know what Finn had to put up with.

He skipped all the notifications of new messages and missed calls and went directly to the name he was looking for. It didn't take long before his call was answered and Sebastian's voice filled his ears.

" _Dad, I told you I don’t want to talk to you and I don’t care about your fucki—_ "

"Heey..." Kurt murmured, flinching at the words, but he managed to interrupt him before he finished the sentence. It was obvious that Sebastian didn't expect to be him who was calling. His forehead wrinkles when he thinks about what Burt would do to him, if he ever dared to speak to him that way, but well, being Sebastian's father, the man must have been used to it.

_"… Kurt! I— Hi… I-I thought you were…"_

"Yeah, I sort of got that part," He comments, his voice a little stiff. Sebastian sounds even more uncomfortable than him, and Kurt feels bad for accidentally intruding on Sebastian's personal business. It wasn't his problem what kind of relationship he had with his parents; Kurt had already figured out by himself that it couldn't be a very good one. No wonder Sebastian had so many complexes and misconceptions, Kurt knew that subs who grew up with parents with a bad temper, oppressive and —Kurt doesn't want to take things for granted, but it's almost certain— subphobic tended to be self-hatred and, in a lot of cases, self-destructive. Maybe that had something to do with Sebastian's total rejection for his own designation and total refusal to receive any help from a clinic. As far as Kurt knew Sebastian's parents hadn't been abusive with him, at least not in a physical or really harmful way, but being honest, how much did Kurt really know about Sebastian's childhood? "Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you got home, uh, Dalton I mean."

Sebastian didn't like to go home, he could be sure, he had always preferred Dalton to his own home, that couldn't be good, he should be able to feel safe at home, instead of in one small room inside a boarding school away from anyone in his family. Kurt suddenly realized that, although he went to Dalton to hide from his bullies, Sebastian might have done the same to escape his parents.

He tells himself that he needs to stop thinking about that, not only for that he doesn't have sufficient fundaments to think that but the consideration of it was making him feel sick.

_"Um, yeah, I just got here a few minutes ago. Why? Did you leave anything in my car? "_

Kurt could hear his father yelling something downstairs, but he ignored it, whether his game was getting better or going into a tailspin was not important.

"No, no I just wanted to check if you arrived safe, that's all," He said, looking up at the ceiling of his room as he heard Finn yell something as well.

 _"Oh... Yes, I... I did."_ Sebastian mumbled. There was a little period of silence in which Kurt didn't know what to say but then Sebastian was clearing his throat. "Um, thanks," he said, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.

Kurt nodded to himself, maybe this hadn't been a very good idea. "Okay, have a good night."

_"Kurt, wait!"_

Kurt stopped his hand, which had just taken his phone away from his ear when he heard Sebastian. "Yes?"

_"No— nothing, I only..." Sebastian hesitated for a moment. "Thank you again. For the lacrosse and— everything else."_

Kurt smiles instinctively at the words, he still isn't used to Sebastian really thanking him for the things he does. He'd come to terms with himself at the beginning of this that he'd probably never hear those words, and if he did it would probably have a hidden note of sarcasm there. He can't complain now though.

"Mh, you're welcome." He answers, trying to hide the small smile that was starting to feel a bit silly on his face. "See you tomorrow."

" _Tomorrow_." Sebastian says, and it sounds like a promise.

Kurt presses the red button on the screen of his phone to end the call, and as soon as Sebastian's voice is not there to fill the silence Kurt feels a thousand thoughts come to his head at once. He's still worried about Sebastian's relationship with his parents, and there's the persistent echo in his head. _‘‘I can’t promise I’ll be perfect but… I want to try it, at least one time in my life.’’_ That plus his insecurities about his domming skills and whether he would be able to help Sebastian through this without causing him more traumas than he already has, and the thought that something has changed refuses to leave his mind. He doesn't know exactly what, but it feels different, maybe because he and Sebastian have started acting more like friends than just uncomfortable acquaintances united by life circumstances. He couldn't be sure but he could have had more time to think about it if he wouldn't have heard his father calling him from downstairs. He and Finn were yelling again, although this time they seemed happier for whatever was happening on the screen. Kurt rolled his eyes but got up, leaving his phone on the surface of the bed and stepping out of the room, closing the door.

…

Next day he was awakened by his cell phone, annoyingly throbbing under his pillow, so close to his ear that he woke up in a rush, confused by the strange sound and movement. Once everything in his head was in order he could reason that it probably came from his phone (probably because he is like, not so sure, still a little confused) and he moved his hands groping for the bed trying to find it. It took a while to stir all the blankets around him but when he finally did find it, the text on the screen was what really got him to wake up completely.

 **From Sebastian (06:03):** Morning. Waked up nauseous. I blame those tacos. Wat bout you?

A small smile made its way through Kurt's face. He leaned back in place on the bed, putting the blankets and pillows in place as well since he'd practically tossed them off the bed in his search for the cell phone.

 **To Sebastian (06:06):** Morning. I'm feeling fine. You just ate too much.

 **From Sebastian (06:07):** Not true! I just ate the perfect amount. Maybe YOU just ate too little. Anyway I'm suing those assholes.

 **To Sebastian (06:07):** That does not make any sense, but if it makes you feel better, I'm going to pretend that I believe you.

 **From Sebastian (06:08): :** 'O

 **From Sebastian (06:08):** How dare you

Kurt giggled right on his pillow, all the sudden sleep coming out of his body as more messages continued to arrive throughout all morning. Sebastian was getting much better at this. They were nothing but silly texts but somehow they managed to make Kurt’s heart jump every time he heard the tinkle of your phone. The feeling was sort of addictive really, all the way during his morning routine he had failed to stop more than a few seconds before opening the new message. Also, it was a bit time-consuming but he managed to finish it just in time for one of Carol's delicious breakfasts.

…

 **From Sebastian (10:10):** So, spaghetti or macaroni and cheese

Kurt frowns at the screen on his lap. Was that... a question? He swears he'll have to teach that boy to write in English. He is thinking how to answer the text when he realizes that several of the girls are looking suspiciously at him from the other side of the table, right in the middle of Rachel's daily speech and Mercedes's ham sandwich. It's a good thing that at least they can leave their problems for an hour instead of starting to fight like rabid dogs, he couldn't stand more of that than he already does.

He clears his throat and pretends to continue his lunch in the normal way. Eventually, the conversation continues its normal course and once overcome his initial fear to ask he lets his hands sneak under the table.

 **To Sebastian (10:12):** Excuse me?

It's not the smartest message, but it was not like the other guy was the most eloquent person in the world.

 **From Sebastian (10:12):** For lunch. The food here is disgusting, I can't decide. There is also a sort of salad but the lettuce seems to have expired days ago

He wants to point out that the food in Dalton is nothing but a thousand times better than McKinley's, at least there were no hairs of dubious origin swimming in the food. But it's no time to ramble on with five suspicious looks set on him every couple of seconds.

 **To Sebastian (10:12):** Spaghetti. At least you'll have some sauce, the Dalton cook makes the most amazing sauce.

 **From Sebastian (10:13):** ayy I wanted macaroni :(

He cannot help but smile at the corners of his lips. Well, apparently Sebastian wasn't more inclined to follow orders even if it was him who asked for them, or... was that was he was doing? Kurt’s eyes opened a bit in astonishment, he didn't even realize... but that couldn’t be, Sebastian wouldn’t… At least not consciously. But, perhaps unconsciously... he feels his cheeks begin to warm with the thought.

Ugh. It was probably just a silly stupid game of his.

"Kurt, are you okay?" Tina asked in a smarty tone, raising an eyebrow almost to the birth of her hair and causing the rest of the girls to turn their eyes to him.

"Yes, perfect, why?" He said, scribbling an answer on the phone without paying too much attention.

 **To Sebastian (10:15):** Just eat your lunch, okay?

"You seem... distracted."

 **From Sebastian (10:15):** K :)

"I'm not..." he looked up, to find himself now with the five girls looking straight at him. "What?"

"Someone special?" Rachel smiled cheerfully, almost knowingly, but that couldn't be, she couldn't know anything about Sebastian, and even if she did, it was not like he was dating the boy or, well, anything. She had no reason to think so. They were just friends, and nothing else, well, in fact, he hoped them to be friends, because, well, now they were getting along a lot better than at first and, even if they hadn't talked about it, he thought Sebastian could like him, as a friend, even though they had to uhh... "Mhh, you're blushing again," the brunette laughed with delight.

"It's not true, it's nothing. It's just... a text from Carol, she wants me to buy some things for dinner."

Mercedes scoffed. "And since when the shopping list makes you smile and blush like a schoolgirl."

"Stop saying that, I just— I remembered something okay? A joke," he clarified when he saw the glances of complicity on his friends.

Mercedes kept talking, though. "Come on Kurt, you don't have to hide anything, in fact, we kind of already know,"

That made him paralyze a little, but no, it couldn't be, he'd never said anything to anyone and Sebastian would never let this information leak, and—

"Mercedes is right," Tina said. "We couldn't be happier for you, we know you've been very sad since you and Blaine broke up and it's obvious that you'd been better lately and we won't tell you how but we've been informed of your eh, you understand…"

"No, I do not understand anything," by then he was starting to get frustrated. He tried to keep his mind cold, this could not be what it seemed.

"Blaine," Rachel said as if this explained everything. "He's been talking to Finn and from time to time with me and Mercedes. Of you." She said smiling, very pleased with herself. "We think he wants to go back, and judging from the look in your eyes and— let's say we do not think you're reading a shopping list."

"I thought we weren't supposed to say _how_ ," Mercedes rolled her eyes.

Blaine? Blaine wanted to get back together with him? He frowned. No, those were just stupid assumptions of Rachel, he shouldn't let himself believed it, it wouldn't be the first time she is wrong with something as serious as this. Besides, he didn't have a look in his eyes, he was simply considering lunch options with his— uh, friend, who is also under his care, temporally.

"Sorry to disappoint you guys but my love life is no more exciting than it was in freshmen year, and I feel like it's my duty to tell you that it's better to stop imagining things. Blaine doesn't want me anymore okay? He made it very obvious before and I don't think that'll change in the short term, so if you can stop making false accusations, yes, I would appreciate it a lot."

He got up from his chair, still staring into the eyes of the three girls, grabbed what was left of food in his tray and left it in a trash can before leaving the cafeteria, his teeth squeaking as he heard the small giggle that escaped one of the girls as he made his way out. He needed a distraction.

…

_Dom, derived from the Latin domine and dominor._

_Dom, term used to identify the part of the world's population that has inclination to domination over submission._

_Dom, part of a couple that takes control in a relationship._

_Dom, human being that develops the dominant gene between the fourth and fifth month of gestation._

Sebastian rubs his temples in front of the desktop computer. So many definitions and none told him what he really wanted to know. Nothing useful, nothing to help him understand. _Dom, diminutive of dominant,_ really?

He knew what the word meant, he just didn't... understand. He sighed. He'd decided to take advantage of his free period to go to the library and use the computers to clarify some of his doubts, which wasn't working very well, to tell the truth.

He gave up with fifteen minutes left for his next class. He got up and grabbed his things to leave the room. He'd have to continue this later.

Something inside him stings when he sees the clock in front of the class, moving ever a little slower. It's finally Friday and he's been waiting for this day most of the week, so it's almost impossible to stop the thoughts from coming. Not to talk about sitting still and not say anything as he listens to the bald man talking and talking over and over about a topic that doesn't interest him in the least. Every minute of the class seemed eternal, and not only of the class but of the whole day. Despite the fact that he tried to be strong and not letting people realize what was happening he couldn't stop himself or his mind from wandering all day; it was bringing problems with his teachers and principally, the Warblers. Thad had already managed to take away one of his solos for sectionals because he seemed to be _'focused on more important things'_ Well excuse him if he couldn't focus entirely on whirling on the furniture while his body burned everywhere. All this accompanied by the threat that it would only be the first of the solos that would be taken from him until he was removed permanently from his position. Fucking asshole.

So he doesn't particularly want to go to Warbler practice, not only because he just has one solo left for sectionals that Thad probably wanted to take away from him too, but because he knows the whole choreography perfectly and it would be nothing more than a waste of time and energy, when it could be used in much better ways. It's not as if he has lots of it, these days.

But he _has_ to go, because not going would be like giving them the reason, to show them that they were right when they called him irresponsible, which yes was a bit true but not for that he was going to allow them to look down on him. He throws daggers with his eyes at Thad all the time and then, when the practice finally ends, he doesn't bother to be hypocritical and say goodbye to anyone, he rushes to his room instead, immediately closing the door and locking it to get away from the rest of the world.

A glimpse of his room has him frowning and sighing immediately. He proceeds to collect all the books scattered on the floor of the room, next to his bed, on his bed, on his desk, there is even a pair in his drawer of underwear that he doesn't even remember how it got there. Most books are Dalton required readings so he just put them in a corner of his closet on a pile of stacked shoes. Then he goes on with the clothes. That is a little more difficult, he has a lot of clothes and probably half or so of them are scattered around his room so, true to his style, he takes the easy way.

Ten minutes later all his clothes are somewhere inside a big, black plastic bag hidden — yes, also in his closet — until tomorrow, when Sebastian will take it to Dalton's laundry.

He puts all the rest of the clutter in their respective place and does some general cleaning. He also does his homework and even ends an assignment that wasn't due until next week. Not in a brilliant way, he has to admit, but it's done. He takes a bath thoroughly and tries not to think of anything too pleasant during it; his cock is already too impatient to torture himself that way. He dries with the towel, very carefully of not touching too much any sensible place and puts his boxers with the same care. Even the soft material makes a small flow of pain run all over his member and up his belly to the rest of his body. That is only getting worse and worse.

For some reason he seemed to feel more desperate than he'd felt before, though he remembers the magnitude of the pain he'd been through those first few days; every inch of his body burning, so sensitive that the touch of a leaf made him tremble, and yet he had never felt so... impotent.

Both his head and his body seemed to be compiling against him, it was as low as a trap that while his brain didn't stop flying to forbidden places, full of suggestive images and memories of delicious sensations, his body seemed to be punishing him for daring to think about it. It was literally physical and mental torture. He needed the relief that only Kurt had been able to give him, he needed to make the pain disappear, at least for a while, time enough to get his life back in order, then he would manage.

But the dom was an hour late.

It was an ingratitude, considering all Sebastian had done to save time and make sure they could jump right into the physical touching part and put aside the formalities and Hummel's bitching comments.

He checked the clock on the nightstand. 5:57.

"Fuck Kurt, where are you?" He murmured to himself.

He'd decided not to send him more texts from a few minutes before the practice began, when his last text had been ignored. Normally he would have thrown a tantrum until he was attended, but today was a difficult day, and he didn't want to bother Kurt in case he was driving, what even an idiot like him knew was very dangerous.

Speaking of which, texting was still difficult to him, but he'd resolved to take it from a new angle, surely a more amusing one, but he doesn't really think it was helping that much, not if the pain wrapping his crotch had something to say about it. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Kurt for some reason. They sort of made him feel better, yes, but… Not in the way he thinks it is supposed to. Like last night, when Kurt called after he'd left him at his house to find out if he'd gotten safely to Dalton. Never before had anyone done that for him, it seemed such a strange concept to Sebastian, that someone could take the time to call him for something so... mundane.

Seriously, what probability was there that something would happen to him on a road he had taken not only three other times on the same day but dozens of them. But Kurt did. Sebastian hadn't known how to react to it and honestly, he still didn't. What did it mean? Why did Kurt even care?

6:04.

Sebastian gave a dirty look at the clock. If Kurt weren’t to come he would tell him, he says to himself, trying to sound sure in his own head. More time goes by. He's just one step from banging his head against the wall when he feels his bed vibrating beneath his body, his head flying instantly to his phone beside him. The screen was glowing with a new message.

 **From Princess (6:18):** I'm outside you room. We have a problem.

Then as if it had been some kind of signal someone knocked on your door.

Sebastian was standing up before he knew it, walking fast to the door, opening it in half a second.

"Shithead," Sebastian said, wincing automatically. "What do you want?"

Thad smiled his typical presumptuous way, letting his teeth glimpse through his teeth and putting both hands on his waist. "Is that the way you say hi to your fellow Warbler?"

Sebastian almost snarled. "The. Fuck. You. Want." He remarked every word. His body was shaking a little, either from anger or something else he couldn't be sure. Thad arched an eyebrow, studying his nails and Sebastian was tempted to close the door on his face when he saw Kurt's mild annoyed frown peering out of the corner of the hall. His eyes widened at the sight and he didn't realize the way Thad was following his eyes.

Lucky for him Kurt had better reflexes when it came to playing hide-and-seek than he did so Thad didn't see anything. He turned his gaze to Sebastian and put his act of superiority on.

"I came to make a deal with you."

"I'm not going to fuck you if that's what you're thinking, I'd rather bury my head in the sand."

"Pity," Thad murmured, his voice taking an exaggerated tone to try to simulate mockery, but Sebastian knew the truth, he knew that despite how much Thad seemed to hate him every time he rejected him, his pride suffered a blow, and this one only was being added to the list.

"Anyway. I’m talking about a much more beneficial deal, both for you and me,"

"What is it?" Sebastian asked, only because he knew that the idiot wouldn't leave without saying what he had come to say.

Thad smiled smugly. "In simple terms, you willingly give up your position to me and I prevent you from being kicked out of the warblers."

Sebastian glared at him scornfully. "You're lying. The council wouldn't kick me out."

"You know how exigent the council is. They already gave me one of your solos." He bragged.

"I don’t care how many solos you take away from me, I won’t fuck you."

He saw Thad's whole act decomposed with those simple words, his hands clenched into fists and his lips and eyebrows furrowed to the limits of his abilities.

"You, you— that's not even..." Thad barked. Sebastian stood still, not even blinking. He wasn't going to be intimidated, let alone blackmailed for this son of a bitch. Although he had to admire his persistence. "I'm going to leave you to think about it. When you're ready, look for me."

He walked out of Sebastian's view, leaving the hallway until he disappeared down the next corridor.

"He’s gone," He said, looking to where Kurt was hiding. The dom stuck out his head in the corner, checking for any trace of Thad. When he appeared to be satisfied, he stepped out of his hiding place, taking three large quick steps into Sebastian's room and closing the door behind him in a rush.

"What take you so long?" Sebastian asked crossing his arms over his chest, almost demanding.

"Family business. Nothing serious." Kurt let out in a sigh of relief, completely ignoring Sebastian's attitude. "You don't know how hard it's to evade everyone on the way here every time and now I get Thad—"

"Well, at least I hope you believe me now when I say he's an idiot." He interrupted, still frowning. He tried to let go of the anger but it was difficult, Thad always got his nerves beyond limits and everything they'd said a moment ago was too present in his thoughts. He didn't want to start an argument with Kurt.

"I never said I didn't believe you. It was just hard for me to imagine him... like that." He pointed to the place where Thad used to be. Sebastian rolled his eyes, but his heart wasn't into it. "However, I think you handled that very well. Very much your style."

Sebastian half-laughs. "He’s crazy if he thinks I’d agree with anything that comes out of his mouth. I'd rather not be in the Warblers at all."

"Really?" Kurt asked, skeptical. Sebastian didn't know why, he thought he made clear enough that he _needed_ to be the best. Otherwise it wasn't worth it.

"Can we not talk about this? It’s exactly what I’ve been avoiding all day," Sebastian complains, truly trying to push those thoughts away as far as he can. He has the whole weekend to think of a vengeance suitable for Thad, but he only had a couple of hours with Kurt.

That, though, didn't seem to matter too much to Kurt, who was taking a great deal of time looking at his room as if he hadn't been here more times than Sebastian was willing to count at the time.

"What happened to this place? Winter cleaning?" Kurt tried to joke, but it came out weird and out of place.

"Something like that," He answers, just to fill the awkward silence.

"I like it. It's a good change from your usual mess,"

He doesn't know what happens with Kurt and small talk, but he guesses he can figure it out. It's not that hard actually; things have changed since the last time they were here together. One in particular.

"Shouldn't I be the one nervous?" He nearly muttered, his arms falling to his sides.

Kurt froze in his place, standing there, facing away to look at the room's window and giving Sebastian a perfect view of his back. After a couple of uncertain seconds, Sebastian saw him rubbing his own arm in what looked a lot like a self-conscious gesture.

Sebastian bit his lip, fearing that he'd only made things worse, but before he could decide to say anything Kurt's voice filled the room, weary and hesitant and not at all what Sebastian intended to reach with his last commentary.

"I— Sorry. I- I don't know how to do this, okay?" The dom drew out with a heavy sigh. Sebastian didn't know where all these sudden insecurities were coming from but he had to do a big effort not to snort. "I haven't done this, never before... I mean, I barely and had a sub for a short time and not... he never had his sickness when I was with him."

Kurt turned around, just enough for their eyes to met furtively. This was probably the moment in which he’d say something to make Kurt feel better about himself, but it has been established previously that he isn't very good at that, so he just keeps quiet, and lets Kurt have his moment of relief. "I thought this was something I wouldn’t have to face until maybe years in the future, but then there was you and… I really try to do what’s best for you, believe it or not, and I know I’m not the best you could have but I do what I can, if you can't trust me you should just— "

"I get it." He finally said. Kurt shut his mouth close, looking at him as if he was waiting for him to drop some offensive joke about him. "Listen, I don’t expect you to be perfect, I’m not gonna start crying like a baby if you do something wrong,"

"But—"

"You think I'd trust more a stranger in a clinic, don't you?" Sebastian questioned trying to contain his irritation, knowing perfectly where this conversation was going. "I wouldn’t okay? I'd rather not have anyone than going to a clinic," He could hear how petulant he sounded, but that was fine, because that was him and Kurt knew it, he knew him maybe better than anyone else, and Sebastian _wanted_ him to know him.

"Sebas—"

"You’ve made that clear a million times. You say it like it's so easy, only because you're a dom and you don't have to go through what I do. Do you even know something about it? The filling of the paperwork, my parents being warned, as well as Dalton, and, because the secretary of the director is a gossip whore and no one here can mind their own business it wouldn't be two days before everyone knew that Frederick Smythe's son pretended to be a dom in the day but in the evenings he was going to a clinic. For lunch I'd be relocated of dorm while everyone laughs behind my back, do you know what would happen next? Then I _would_ be dismissed from my place in the Warblers and who knows if they would even let me remain in the group after all that has happened."

Kurt stood there with his mouth slightly open, eyes fixed on Sebastian’s. He held his gaze. "I can’t deal with all that. Haven’t you just realized that I suck at this?”

"Every sub goes through this sometime," Kurt didn't wait a second to point out. "Well, you have your difficulties but that will only make you stronger by facing all of this,"

Sebastian was seriously getting tired of Kurt's attempt to become his psychiatrist.

"I don’t know how to be a sub," Sebastian acknowledged. "I only know how to be a jerk,"

"I think you can be both,"

"Ha-ha-ha, thank you," he says sarcastically. "So, let’s agree that you can’t be worst of a dom than I am a sub and do this once and for all."

The dom tried to smile, but he barely managed to raise the corners of his mouth a little before they were falling again. He knew Kurt didn't like the way he talked about this as if it were some incredibly unpleasant task, but he couldn't quite act differently. Not that this was about Kurt. Of course not. It had never been. He liked Kurt, more than he could have imagined that first time he saw him, all prim in those extravagant clothes that he was still more than sure that more of one piece came from the girl's section. Kurt was the only thing keeping him from losing his mind right now. If he was not burning inside out he probably could be in a better mood.

"Okay." Kurt murmured, dropping his messenger bag at the side of his bed. He took a deep breath before returning his gaze to him. "Are you still sure about... wanting to try more?"

"Yeah," Sebastian said, as fast as it was humanly possible. He tried to push away the images in his memory that haunted him, images made to traumatize a child, not a person of his age.

Kurt instantly changed his semblance, from the way in which he stood, to the features of his face. The dom was taking over and Sebastian had to remember himself that this was still Kurt Hummel. Princess. The guy who called him last night only to make sure he got home safe, something that no one had done since he was eleven years old.

"If that’s so," the dom said. "Strip."

Kurt's voice was now a constant tone, devoid of any hesitation or doubt, but Sebastian barely had time to realize that fact because his pulse was rapidly accelerating, eyes opening almost comically. It was more or less the last thing he expected to hear from Kurt, especially now that he had made clear his doubts about his capability to take care of Sebastian. But could he believe it or not, Kurt was looking expectantly at him, waiting for him to comply.

And he wasn’t about to chicken out.

It wasn’t the first time they did this. This was still familiar territory so there was no reason to freak out yet. And last time it was so fucking hot, everything about it, including that stupid game, only the memory of Kurt's fingers tracing at the base of his cock made something inside him moves in some incredibly pleasant way.

So he was shirtless as soon as the thought struck him. His pants didn't take much longer to disappear, along with his shoes and socks. He gave Kurt time of about... three seconds to stop him from taking off his boxers as well, but he didn't seem to have plans to stop him at any time.

And then Sebastian was completely naked, his cock better than half-hard, standing in the middle of the room.

"On your knees,"

Now that was a little more problematic for him. He asked for this, he has to remind himself, as he ignored the need to punch something, falling carefully to the floor.

Kurt gives two small, slow steps toward him, clucking his tongue disapprovingly; a gesture that makes him look much older than he normally does. Sebastian feels smaller as he joins his knees together to get into the position Kurt taught him before. It is awkward and he feels silly staying there motionless while he waits for Kurt to say something. The wood is hard on his knees and the position hurts his tired muscles a little from yesterday's exercise. Despite his best efforts, Kurt doesn't seem very impressed by the change.

"Shoulders back and hands on your thighs." Sabastian did as he was told but he only got his muscles to complain harder. "That's it. Face up."

Kurt wrinkled his lips and his eyes slightly narrowed. He tried to change into a more upright position, if that was physically possible, but the other boy was still looking at him that way. He jumped a little when he felt Kurt’s hand on his cheek and looked up to met his eyes as his hands continued moving to slid to the skin of the nape of his neck, squeezing there and causing him to get goose bumps. It was the first touch in days, he couldn't help his reaction.

"Do you feel uncomfortable?" Kurt examines, looking straight into his eyes, searching for the lie. Sebastian doesn't know very well what to answer, even with the delicious feeling of Kurt's hand behind his head he can't say that he's exactly comfortable, even if his muscles weren't suffering from the consequences of doing the try-out this week, this position was quite strict and difficult to keep. But he didn't want Kurt to think he couldn't deal with a little pain. "I asked you a question."

Sebastian frowned. "I mean it's not the most comfortable position—"

"Not what I asked for," Kurt interrupted him. "I want to know how you feel about it. Kneeling for me."

Oh.

"It’s uh… okay, I guess," But the dom looked nothing close to pleased with the answer, even so, he didn't push for more. His hand hadn't stopped moving until now, but at that moment the pressure exerted on his muscles intensified, carding his fingers through his scalp and forming patterns that had Sebastian making a sound much like a cat purring in seconds. "Or maybe I'm just doing it wrong,"

Sebastian moved unconsciously to one side, giving Kurt more space to touch.

"Mhh, you're doing so good..." he murmured absently. The hand in his hair disappeared and the words echoed in Sebastian's head until they made sense. He had to think about what to say before actually doing it.

"Would you prefer if we agreed on another position?"

"I really would prefer if I was not the only one naked." Well, the filter had never been exactly his forte. To his consternation, Kurt didn't frown.

"That will have to wait,"

Not that it really surprised him.

"Alright." Kurt glanced at him. "So we can begin."

Sebastian frowned to himself. He thought they already had. "Do you remember your safewords?"

"Yes."

"Yes…" Kurt trailed off.

He gulped. "Yes, sir."

Sebastian swallowed the lump in his throat that formed as he uttered the words. The meaning behind them still moved something in his chest but he tried to ignore it. He was trying so hard to separate the title with his thought of inferiority. He was not less because he was a sub. Calling someone sir didn't make him less in any form. He was a person. He was worth just as much as Kurt, as much as Nick, Wes, they were not better just because they happened to have been lucky. Kurt understood that, he really believed he did. He could do this. He had to.

"Which are?" Kurt asked, very serious and Sebastian had to force himself to come back to reality.

It took him a few seconds, but he finally answered. "Green to keep on, yellow to slow down and red to full stop." He murmured, secretly proud of himself for remembering it. Which was probably stupid considering it was literally the same system he followed daily when driving his car.

The dom nodded with a neutral expression, taking a step back and inspecting Sebastian as if he were trying to solve a great mystery. He didn't know whether the expression on his face was something good or bad but he began to feel hyperconscious of the way his thighs were shaking slightly by bearing the weight his body just on his knees. When he realized that Kurt was definitely taking on that he was forced to stop but his resistance had no effect for a long time.

Kurt wrinkled his lips, and took a step to his left, then another backward, then another, until he was slowly, very slowly circling around him. Sebastian suddenly wanted to cover, something very unusual for him.

"Be still" Kurt's voice came from behind. Sebastian tried.

All his body was displayed for Kurt to see, and that, normally, would make him feel cocky and arrogant, because he knew the effect he had on people, especially gay men, but this was not some random hook-up at Scandals, nor some closeted guy trying to get as much as he could while retaining his status. This was Kurt, who had seen him at his worst and certainly had much higher standards than the kind of guys he was used to dealing with. After all, it wouldn't be the first time he was disappointed because his physique didn't have the desired effect on the dom. Maybe the problem was… Kurt wasn’t the type of guy that had hook-ups, and Sebastian… well he was a hook-up kind of guy, that’s all everyone had ever wanted him for, and that was okay, but…

"Head down," as Sebastian did he felt Kurt's fingertips softly tickling at the skin at the base of his neck. He shivered slightly. After Kurt murmured another calm but firm "still" he reassembled his position, leaving his head bent to allow Kurt's fingers to slide all over the skin of his neck and the part between his shoulders, gradually becoming less than a touch and more In some kind of scratching. It began to hurt after a bit but then the fingers moved away from the skin and into his scalp, messing with his hair, squeezing and tugging, and Sebastian didn't notice when he'd closed his eyes and started making little needy sounds in the back of his throat.

"Does it feel good?" Kurt’s voice was low and musical from behind and Sebastian felt his dick throbbing at the question. He murmured his answer, some weird, impossible to understand sound, but Kurt seemed to accept it because immediately there were warm, wet lips on his neck, just below his ear and Sebastian lifted a hand to reach to Kurt’s face but as soon as he touched, he wasn’t sure even what, teeth were biting quickly in his jugular.

Sebastian's yelp was more of surprise than pain but even so, all his posture went to hell at that moment; his knees failed to hold him in a firm position and he fell to the side.

"I said still." Kurt scolded him. The hard voice tugged at Sebastian and he hurried to return to his position. "Mhh, and you were doing so good..." Kurt sighed, but he didn't really sound disappointed. He got up from the squat posture he'd taken earlier and walked until he was in front of Sebastian again. Sebastian looked at the floor. If he managed to act like a real sub maybe they could go back to where they’ve been thirty seconds ago.

Kurt cleared his throat and when he talked his voice was just a little bit hasty. "I thought since now you are more… well, okay with this we could try one new uh… gewgaw."

Sebastian felt something get stuck in his throat. _Uh-oh._

"Gewgaw?" He asked, incapable of hiding the alteration in his voice as it broke in the middle of the word.

"Just a thing I..." Kurt began, his tone light and clear until he seemed to notice Sebastian's expression, even though he was doing everything to keep a straight face. He couldn't help it, only the thought of dangerous strange things made of leather for the sole purpose of inflicting pain made any calm he could feel in this situation fly away. Kurt was still looking down at him when Sebastian checked, and the dom gave a small speedy shook of his head. "Nothing to be afraid of, I promise." He assured him.

"I'm not afraid," Sebastian hastened to argue. That brought a small smile to Kurt's face. He had the sudden sensation that he was being laughed at. "I... I'm just not ready to try... that."

"I'm aware." Kurt said. Sebastian resisted the sigh of relief that was struggling to get out of his lungs. "It's not what you're thinking on, I'm sure." After Sebastian didn't say anything for a moment Kurt picked up something from the floor only a few inches away from where his feet were. It was his Messenger bag. He opened it, pulling the zipper of the bag and stared inside it, looking as if he was searching for something. "May I?"

Although it was a question Kurt was already shoving his hand into the bag. He gave a weak nod, because he didn't think he had that much choice on the subject, and Kurt left the bag on the bed, taking something out of it. It was a short, black plastic stick with a suspicious piece of cloth wrapping something long at one of its ends. Kurt took it in both hands, running his pale fingers through the plastic with one and playing with the laces that wrapped the fabric with the other.

He tilted his head unconsciously, narrowing his eyes, trying to recognize the artifact. The dom noticed his movement and in a split second he had the end of the stick wrapped in cloth just under his chin.

"Take it off," Kurt commanded him.

Sebastian's hands were shaking but he tried to put them under control. The knots in the laces were almost completely undone by Kurt by then, he didn't have to do much to finish untying them.

He looked up at Kurt and then down again to where his hands pulled the thin dark cloth off.

What was under it, Sebastian could not have guessed it in a million years. At the other end of the plastic stick there was a green and blue long fluffy feather, like a mixture between a normal bird one and one of the peacocks, except this one was too big, and soft and beautiful to be real. He could only look at it and wonder what the hell it had to do with him.

His arms fell to his sides with the cloth in his hands. He had expected something hard and intimidating, this just... it seemed like a jock. Like Kurt wanted to play with his mind.

"Are you fine with it?"

The feather was practically against Sebastian's neck, and though it was still not touching him, somehow he felt like he was being threatened. He shrugged and Kurt slowly pulled it away from him, running his own fingers gently over the soft material on the top.

"Mhhm, I like this one a lot, so I hope you do appreciate it as much as I do." Kurt stared from him to the feather, as serious as he usually was when he was in his dom-state but his eyes gave away a flicker of amusement. "Maybe after you get a little acquainted with it, hm?"

Sebastian murmured something, or at least he tried, the only thing that came out of his throat was a broken, weird whimper. He wasn’t sure he liked the way Kurt’s voice was low and playful, even if his cock seemed to think different.

A smug smile spread on Kurt’s face.

"Now, you’re gonna stay in your position, just like that, if you lose it again then there will be consequences."

Sebastian felt himself clenching his teeth. He knew, at some level, that he needed this; Kurt, standing tall and imposing before him, bossing him around, treating him like… like a sub. He could feel it deep in his body, in his mind. How everything felt clearer, like he was right where he was supposed to be; down on his knees, serving… but he still couldn’t totally accept it, even when he himself had asked for this, he felt as betrayed by his body as ever, wanting things he should not. But he did. And that was the worst of all. He did want to comply, to obey.

He felt the tip of the feather touching him, just below the jaw, and he had to exert much self-control not to either lower his head or move away to run from the soft tender touch of the feather. Kurt's lips parted slightly, one of its corners curving.

As the feather slid down his neck, making little patterns on his Adam's apple, Sebastian finally understood the meaning of all this. It was a trap. He was almost shrinking within seconds, failing completely to ignore the tickle. Did Kurt want him to fail? Was it part of the game?

The feather left his neck, moving down his shoulders to the top of his back as Kurt returned to circle him. He jumped a little as it moved up to his shoulder blades, unable to hold up the tickling and itching.

"Calm down, don’t let it distract you," Kurt mumbled. "Concentrate on my voice, okay? How about your day? Why don't you tell me a little about it?"

The sub winced. He didn't exactly adore thinking about his life recently, it was all a whirlwind of pain, frustration, anxiety, anger, humiliation, he didn't even know how to separate them anymore. He thought maybe this time with Kurt could be his escape from all that but apparently, it was not possible, maybe he'd just have to learn to deal with his own problems. "There is not much to tell; I woke up, got to class, and came here, more or less the same thing every day."

The feather fell back down his spine and Sebastian shivered as it reached the lower part of his back. "What about lacrosse, I thought you'd start training as soon as possible."

"They— ugh... they start in... a couple of weeks, I think..."

"Mmmh..."

"I— uh-" It was starting to be extremely difficult to concentrate on his words. The stupid plume was being utter torture for both his willpower and his oversensitive body. He wanted to give up to the shivering and scratch all the way it was sliding with whatever it was that was at hand, but he also wanted to lean more into it, feel it even closer, because in some weird way it was doing all sort of incredible things to his body. The feeling it left behind was pure thrill and the only thing Sebastian could do was fiddling with his fingers at his sides, pinching a little the skin of his thigh as the urgency to move became stronger and stronger.

The feather slid up and then downhill again and again, teasing Sebastian's arms and neck, until it went further than it had gone so far, descending until it was brushing over his crack. Sebastian gasped sharply, throwing his head back for a second before returning to his position once again, panting unsteadily.

"You have a great self-control; that's something admirable in a sub." Kurt mumbled behind him, so close that Sebastian could feel his breath on the back of his neck. "Let's see if I can break it, just a little."

Sebastian liked his lips, a knot forming in his throat, but it was impossible to disguise the way his cock throbbed in the air. And he was so hot, literally, and he was horny and itchy and flustered. He was a mess, and Kurt wanted to _break_ his self-control?

He hadn't noticed that he had lowered his head until Kurt stroked Sebastian's hair away from his face, locking eyes with him until he was forced to close them when he felt the feather caressing his crotch.

Sebastian's arms and shoulders jerked in a spasm, needing to move, but he knew he was stronger than this, he'd endured worse, he would... he had to—

"Do you like it?" Kurt asked, slowly moving the feather to the skin beneath his cock, teasing his balls in the most devilish manner. "No?"

He moaned incoherently. His balls felt big and heavy and Kurt was lazily playing with what Sebastian considered a vital part of his body. Fuck, he was so turned on he could let Kurt do this all day.

He loved the way Kurt’s gaze was fixed permanently on him, on his naked body, on his cock and balls. He didn’t think the dark shadow covering Kurt’s eyes was precisely friendly. And Sebastian, far from annoying him, really appreciated it. It had always bothered him the way Kurt seemed immune to his physical appearance, he had wanted Kurt to look at him, and to like what he saw, wanted Kurt to be aroused by him, to let himself feel pleasure with his body, to...

_Please, please sir…_

"Shh, it’s okay, I’ll take care of you,"

Only then did he realize he’d said that out loud. He needed to keep track of his mouth.

Kurt moved the feather deliciously slow across his crotch, actively ignoring his cock, which was twitching and pulsing for attention, _any_ attention it could get. But suddenly it wasn't necessary at all because the feather was being tossed away and Kurt's fingers wrapped his cock, squeezing almost abruptly, moving as slowly as the feather had, and this time it was the rest of Sebastian's body that was twitching uncontrollably while seeing stars.

It hurt, oh if it hurt. It was a wild and violent and massive wave of pleasure straight from his cock to his spine. And the cry that let his throat barely made it justice.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"N-No," Sebastian stammered.

Kurt was crouching in front of him, his eyes on Sebastian and his hand on his cock, and he looked so, so in control of the whole thing, because he was, Kurt didn’t have to pretend like he did daily, every day, Kurt was a _real_ dom, and sometimes, Sebastian hated him for that, but right now he just didn’t know how to feel about it.

"Does it hurt?"

"No" he lied. Kurt considered him, before arching an eyebrow. "I- It hurts, yeah, but not in a bad way."

"Are you sure? You’re shaking,"

He bit his tongue to stifle a moan, intrinsically looking for the right thing to say to ensure that Kurt would never, never stop touching him, but it was too late. The dom’s hand let go of him and for a single second, Sebastian felt like screaming. That until he could feel Kurt fingers hovering over his balls, teasing again the sensitive skin. He wanted to push into the touch but he didn’t know if that would count as disobeying Kurt. He had moved a couple times already but never intentionally and he really wasn’t ready to know what those ‘consequences’ meant.

He fought not to move, looking away and pretending he didn’t feel Kurt’s gosht touch at the base of his cock and it worked for a little while, then there was another hand on his chest, it felt cold against his heated skin but so so good, it was a firm, possessive touch, sliding down and up to his neck, and when he looked at Kurt’s face his eyes were just as harsh and demanding as his hands were. He could easily feel the pulse of his heart and most likely Kurt could too because his hand stopped at his neck, cupping his head and then stroking his jaw and cheeks and before Sebastian could understand what he was doing he was taking one of Kurt's fingers into his mouth.

Kurt looked astonished at him, eyes big and dark and lustful and Sebastian couldn’t stop it, he moaned and started sucking, hard and deep and Kurt’s sudden groaning sounds only encouraged him, feeling irrationally happy when he was given another finger so he had both Kurt’s ring and middle finger inside his mouth to suck and nurse and taste and Kurt was looking at him as if he was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen.

"There’s my good boy," Kurt said, getting closer until Sebastian could smell his breath. "Keeping your position just like I told you to, such a good boy, aren’t you?"

Sebastian tries not to feel embarrassed by the sound that comes out of his throat and makes a point of sucking even further, moving his head until he's almost deepthroating the fingers.

And so they are gone.

He is left gasping and desperate and he feels as if the floor under him is evaporating and he doesn't know how to stop himself from falling.

"Sebastian..." he could hear Kurt mumble, and there was something strange in his voice. "Stop thinking so much. Relax. Let go. I promise I'll catch you."

But Sebastian couldn't, he couldn't put himself in Kurt's hands that way, expose himself like that, be so vulnerable to him, or anyone, it was not in his personality, he wasn't a sub, he didn’t know how to do this, he’ll probably fuck up anyway so what was even the point of it? He would never get it right no matter how much he—

But he couldn’t continue the hysterical inner babbling any longer because Kurt’s lips were suddenly on his.

He felt his heart freeze. It was the strangest thing Sebastian had felt until now. It was so odd, so out of the blue, absolutely the last thing he expected at this moment. Kurt’s lips were just there, pressed to his own while he could only remain static, looking with his eyes wide open at the dom's face, which was as close as it could get. It took him too long to realize he wasn't breathing. As his body struggled for a whiff of air his heart started to beat again, fast, almost painfully hitting his chest, the sound so loud in his ears that he felt as if he couldn't hear anything else.

Kurt’s eyes were closed, his nose brushing gently against Sebastian’s, and his hand coming up to his neck to press him even closer as his lips parted and took Sebastian’s own lower lip between them, biting and pulling out softly.

He whispered against Kurt’s lips, inhaling and exhaling a little superficially. It felt almost tender, the way the dom was moving against him, his temple never stopping touching his, even as his lips drawn away trying to take with them his own. His eyes were closed now and when he opened them again it was Kurt who was looking at him, a little flushed and out of breath himself.

"Okay?" He breathed out, licking his lips.

Sebastian didn’t know how to reply, but Kurt didn’t seem inclined to do anything before he answered so in an impulse he leaned forward, just the slightest bit so their noses were touching again and spoke, or more like _groaned_ over the boy’s lips. "Green, sir."

With that he was practically being devoured by the dom’s mouth. His lips were now firm and in control and a lot less soft that they had been before, but somehow the touch still managed to feel caring and tender and it made chills of pleasure course down Sebastian’s back. Kurt must have felt them because his other hand, the one that wasn’t keeping Sebastian close by his neck, moved to trail his spine a few times until it settled on his waist. Sebastian had kind of hoped that it would eventually go lower to grab his ass and pull him even closer and he almost complained when that didn't happen, except that Kurt chose that moment to let the tip of his tongue come out from his lips, slowly, almost shyly in fact, and brushed Sebastian’s upper lip.

He moaned weakly, his hands shaking to touch, but he didn’t dare, just in case Kurt’s stupid sense of integrity came back. He didn’t hesitate to drop his mouth open, though. _Wide_ open. Kurt’s tongue slipped in, invading and exploring everything it could reach. Sebastian loved the new taste filling his mouth, sweet and delicious and he moaned again when both their tongues started to lap the other and it was so erotic Sebastian felt himself get lost in it, in the smell and feel and taste and sounds of satisfaction the two of them won’t stop making.  

"That's it," Kurt said in a sudden breath, breathing straight from Sebastian’s mouth. "That’s it, just like that, submit to me, Bas."

And Sebastian could only moan as he was kissed again, and when Kurt's hands wrapped his cock again and began to pump frantically, the pleasure and pain of the burn for the lack of lubricant shook him, and his legs failed him, and he fell on his left leg on the floor, dragging Kurt with him, unwilling to let Kurt away from him, just now that everything seemed to be going in the right direction.

It didn't help much, actually.

Kurt stopped kissing, his eyes glancing at him and then dropping close as if reluctant to see him. Then he walked away, returning to a standing position. Sebastian licked the taste of Kurt's mouth from his lips and waited for the dom to look at him.

He did more that.

"On the bed. Hands and knees."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the delay. I hope I could update more frequently but sadly I'm just a slow writer. Leave comments if you liked the chapter please, I love reading them and it makes me really happy.


	9. Chapter 9

"Mmh," Sebastian mumbled without much force, letting his body fall on Kurt's chest and struggling not to fall asleep in that very second.

He was feeling a bit out, to be honest. He was hardly aware of the sound that came out of the sun as his weight collapsed on him. He was too tired, having spent the last half hour tied with God know what keeping his ankles as well as his wrists together, the latter also tied to the top of the headboard, keeping him on his knees on the mattress, just the way Kurt wanted him, Too damned hot under that fucking feather teasing him over and over, denied to even produce a word, a thick gag between his teeth making sure of it. Not to mention, he couldn’t come.

Or he wasn’t supposed to.

Sebastian winced, moving to a more comfortable position and letting his head rest on the dom's chest just below his chin.

It had been a mistake, and Kurt knew that. Sebastian knew he did. It had just… it had become too much at one point, he was too oversensitive and kind of sore and Kurt’s fingers were finally touching him again, his fingers wet and slick on his skin and he was really trying to hold on but it was… it was impossible. Human body just couldn’t take that sort of pressure, urges are urges after all, nature, there wasn’t a way to stop it. So he didn't.

He was thankful Kurt hadn’t brought up his little slip, especially because at the time, he was so absolutely lost in the pleasure he was sure he wouldn’t have managed to even look sorry. But no, Kurt had only slipped under him to undo the improvised strings —made of something he took from his closet, Sebastian wasn’t sure what— keeping his hands tied to the head of the bed and took the gag —Kurt had actually brought that in his bag— out of his mouth. Once he was free from his restraints he'd just let himself fall over the bed… or well, more like over Kurt.

And now he was totally spent out, _exhausted_ , dried after an orgasm that had seemed to last forever— even now, his limp dick was still weakly throbbing. Thank god Kurt had insisted in the use of a condom, to avoid the mess he’d said, and though Sebastian hadn’t liked the idea at the beginning, he admitted that otherwise his bed would be a chaos by now.

They spent some time like this, with Sebastian lying atop Kurt, too lazy to dream about moving away. He expected the dom to complain eventually, he knew he was nothing close to lightweight, besides, he was sticky, and probably reeking, but he was so comfy… Kurt smelled marvellous, better than anything Sebastian had ever perceived before, and his skin was soft and warm and his muscles felt strong under him, he didn’t want to let go. But after minutes and minutes of waiting for the other boy to say something he was beginning to suspect that he wouldn't receive any kind of life sign from Kurt. He didn't seem very eager to leave, at least. It made Sebastian feel better, he wasn't sure why, but the dom seemed as relaxed against him as he felt himself. It was rather... pleasant.

Sebastian knew he wasn't the best company any day of the week. He knew he was arrogant, sarcastic and that most people didn't share his sense of humor, he had always been very aware of these things and Kurt had never been shy to make it clear that his opinion was no different. But as the long, soft fingers moved from his shoulder to his wrist in a slow pacing he felt almost as if Kurt could enjoy his presence too and not just endure it.

That thought prompted him to open his eyes, which Sebastian hadn't noticed when he had closed, and moved, with a little difficulty since his ankles were still tied, to look at Kurt's face, who, he realized, was frowning and looking away.

He tried to keep a neutral expression. "Are you mad?" He asked in a low, hoarse voice, probably due to the time he’d spent with the gag in his mouth.

Kurt’s head turned to him, mouth slightly open with what he thought was surprise. His blue eyes were dark when Sebastian looked into them. Kurt began to shake his head, bringing up a faint smile, as if dismissing the topic. "It’s… a dom thing. You don’t need to worry about it."

But Sebastian, being Sebastian, couldn’t leave things like that.

"So you think I couldn’t understand it." He said, lifting his head and moving aside until his weight fell on the mattress so they were side by side now.

"I didn’t mean that," Kurt answered, taking both hands to his head for a couple seconds, perhaps considering what to say next. "It doesn't matter, it's stupid and I don't want to talk about it."

Sebastian pressed his lips together.

"How do you feel?" Kurt changed the subject immediately. He stood up a little, leaning on his right forearm to look at Sebastian, who only raised his eyebrows at the question, waiting several seconds to respond.

"A little... weak, I think."

Kurt grimaced at that. "You need to rest. Sleep a little." He said it like a command even though it had that kind and soft tone to it. Sebastian appreciated the feeling, but he didn't really feel the need to sleep, despite the way his muscles pricked under his skin and the lower part of his body complained about the effort he had been subjected to the last hour. On the contrary, Sebastian felt more and more awake every passing second.

Kurt stared at him, waiting to be obeyed. Sebastian bit his lip, the dom looked so _edible_ right now. His face was all flushed over, slightly pink skin framing his eyes and going all the way down his neck, disappearing under the blue-sky shirt which was now a total mess, everything going the wrong place and wrinkles appearing on the delicate fabric, one of the last buttons was even loosened and... shit, Kurt’s cock was so obvious through his pants. Sebastian had come ages ago, it seemed, but Kurt was just as hard as Sebastian had been, and he’d ignored it, as if it wasn’t something almost impossible for a man. He must be aching by now, and Sebastian longed to touch, to be allowed…

"I mean it, Bas. You should sleep."

He smiled at the nickname. He definitely preferred that to Nick and Jeff 'Sebbs' or 'Sebby'. Kurt returned the smile, that, until he noticed Sebastian's hand sliding slowly to Kurt's abdomen, running his fingers through one of the buttons.

"I have better ideas..."

Kurt’s face contracted subtly and one of his hands covered Sebastian’s. "What you think you’re doing?" He asked, and that dragged Sebastian’s attention back to his face. He couldn’t help but stare at Kurt’s lips, pink, wet with saliva, moving with his forming words, warm breath coming out from between them to hit him right on his face. And when he looks up, Kurt’s looking right back at him. In that moment, he knows they're both thinking exactly the same. Like they’re connected. But Kurt looks away as soon as he notices Sebastian’s gaze, anxiously moving his shoulders and arms to try to put some distance between them.

Sebastian merely leans forward, making something like a fondle motion with his nose along Kurt's jaw. He shuddered involuntarily, and Sebastian smirked, satisfied.

"You can do it again, you know… if you want, in the future." He muttered. He's still playing with that button on Kurt's shirt, working to get it through the hole with just two fingers. Sadly, Kurt barely showed any kind of acknowledgement to his insinuation, but that didn't mean he hadn't heard it, and by the way his tongue came out to wet his lips he sensed that he had.

Sebastian parted his own lips, taking the bone of the jaw between them and sucking. He got no reaction. He grumbled a little at being ignored and his fingers moved up to the next button of the shirt. Kurt stilled himself. Sebastian wasn’t getting any of it so before Kurt did anything he undid the next button and kept on, his fingers moving faster as Kurt tried to catch his hand.

"You need permission to do that. I already told you that."

"Did you?" a smile spread across Sebastian’s lips as he kept sucking, adding a little teeth now.

"And you need to learn to listen," Kurt said, but his efforts to stop Sebastian's attempt to get him naked had almost completely stopped. To be honest, he did not really remember Kurt telling him that, which proved a point, but it was not his priority at the time.

" _You_ need to learn to relax." He replied, a little too cocky maybe, because Kurt moved his head away.

"Yeah, probably, and you're not doing a job helping me!"

"But I will." And with that Sebastian was straddling Kurt, undoing the last buttons of his shirt in the blink of an eye.

The skin on Kurt's chest was pale and creamy and homogenous, without a single imperfection just like his face, and though it was not as muscled as his own chest it was attractive enough that Sebastian wanted to bend over and taste everywhere. Kurt did not take long to try to move, and when Sebastian's weight didn't allow it he tried to go back to hold him by the wrists, which Sebastian let him do, taking advantage of the moment to immediately bury his head in his neck, just as he had done days before, only this time he had much more, much more to play. He started to lick and suck on Kurt's neck, leaving little kisses here and there. The shorter boy shifted in surprise but Sebastian quickly followed, returning to his work.

Kurt sighed, sounding defeated.

"Would you stop for— a moment?" God Kurt tasted so good, salty and sweet at the same time and the skin on his chest was smooth and perfect under his tongue and it was addictive, why hadn't they done this before instead of taking stupid hot baths and talking? "Seba-" He sucked harder in a particularly good spot and Kurt moaned, which in his book counts as a victory.

He moved his arms, trying to get Kurt to free his wrists without getting any results. He wanted to touch more, touch everything he could but the way he was being held and with his ankles still tied he barely had enough freedom of movement to move his head.

He could feel and see the bulge growing in the pants of the dom and it made him go a bit ruthless with the moving, lowering his hips to meet Kurt’s, which caused the hands on his wrists to tighten it’s hold, moving up to contain him.

"Stop, I can’t think with you doing that!"

"That’s the idea," Sebastian chuckled, disinclined to stop, though eventually he had to.

Kurt had those eyes on him, those irritable patient eyes. It was like he wanted Sebastian to… he didn’t know what. He hated that he had to be so fucking gentle all the time, it made him feel like he didn’t know where he was standing. If he didn’t really want Sebastian he could just kick him in the balls and shove him away, it wouldn’t be difficult from this position, but instead he just… stayed. It drove him mad.

"Come on, down, now. You don’t need to do that." Kurt said, slowly lowering Sebastian’s hands until they were almost on his chest.

Sebastian let himself fall on the bed at the dom’s side, releasing one big sigh. There was likely an ugly frown stamped on his face and, as much as Sebastian hated it, he could almost feel the pout drawn on his lips. He looked at the ceiling, doing everything not to look at Kurt’s face. He didn’t want to know whether he was upset or amused or flustered or whatever.

"Sorry." He finally said, because he had to, because they had to move on, and because he… he felt like an asshole. "I overstepped." He mumbled reluctantly, bitting his tongue not to say something else. He hated to admit his mistakes, and he rarely did it, so that was probably the reason he was so pissed off, it had nothing to do with Kurt, or the fact that this was what? The tenth time he was rejected by him in half a month?

He saw out of the corner of his eye Kurt turning his head to look directly at him. "Yes, you did." Kurt said and Sebastian rolled his eyes helplessly. "But it's okay. We've been through this before, though."

"Yeah, I know." Sebastian acknowledged. "Even though I still think you’re a fool. There's nothing wrong with accepting reciprocity ... and gratitude."

He could hear the smile on Kurt's face when he spoke. "I'll settle for a thank you."

So, Sebastian had nothing left but to accept the facts. He was not likely to get anything more than Kurt's hand on the short term, and he was not allowed to do anything to him neither. He could as well accept it.

He turned his head to one side; Kurt was still lying on his back, an almost imperceptible smile on his lips and the residue of a small blush on his cheekbones. His chest was still fully exposed to his eyes, his shirt wide open and falling to his sides on the bed. Sebastian had to suppress a whimper. He looked absolutely ravishing.

Kurt's eyes caught his, and as soon as he realized the way Sebastian was looking at him, he looked back at his own bare chest, making a rather funny face and bringing the sides of his shirt together to cover himself.

Sebastian didn't know whether to laugh or growl in frustration.

"Why do you do that?" He asked, looking where Kurt was trying - and failing - to button his shirt.

"I'm... a little insecure, I guess. "

Doing his best not chuckle. Sebastian took advantage of the last seconds of the view before replying. "Yeah, I've noticed. Though I do not really get _why_ you are."

Kurt shrugged, having finished making his shirt. "Cons to grow a fem gay dom in Ohio, probably."

"Your not so fem, I'd say flamboyant is the right word, well, except maybe for your clothes-"

"And my voice, and my face?"

Sebastian almost lifted his eyebrows to the middle of his forehead in response to the boy's tone. He was only trying to joke goddamnit, but Kurt didn't look like he understood that, he looked dead serious. Sebastian knew this couldn’t be just because of some stupid comments he made weeks ago, there had to be more to it. Of course, it wasn’t difficult to sort out, Kurt did sound like a girl sometimes, mostly on the phone, if you didn’t pay enough attention, you’d swear you’re talking to one, his delicate features and the kind of stuff he wore didn’t help either, Sebastian could only imagine the amount of teasing –and bullying, surely- for which Kurt had to pass.

Kurt gasps when he feels the way Sebastian’s hand is playing with the skin above his belt. Sebastian talks just under his ear, causing the dom’s eyes to open and his body to startle involuntarily. "Why don’t you let me help you with those… esteem problems, huh?" And Sebastian was willing, so very willing.

Kurt cleared his throat and moved away, rising from the bed and looking at Sebastian as if he was accusing him of something.

"Sex is not going to fix my problems. Just as it won’t fix yours!" He stated, furrowed eyebrows and hands still fixing the state of his clothes.

He put an arm behind his head and smiled as he noticed how Kurt couldn't stop himself from looking down at his body. "But it is fixing my problems."

When his smile grew bigger, Kurt grabbed his blanket from the ground and threw it as forcefully as he could at him, covering mainly his crotch, but also half his face and his left arm.

"No! Sickness is just one of your problems. And is one with an expiration date. You have bigger problems, even if you won’t admit it." He asserted. Sebastian just rolled his eyes as he tugged the blanket off his head.

"And how much more can that expiration date take to arrive, oh you great wise man? I'm growing a little bit tired of the constant burning under my skin every second of the day, not that you would know anything about it, being a _dom_ …"

Kurt just put his hands on his hips and lifted his chin, pointedly ignoring Sebastian's attempt at starting a new argument. No point in trying to fight over it, really, Kurt indeed could know nothing about the things he was feeling, he may know all theory books and studies had to tell but if he wasn’t the one going through it… well, Sebastian only wished he were a little less picky.

The dom’s voice was just matter-of-fact when he talked. "You barely have more than a couple weeks. You still have quite some time to go through."

He felt his forehead furrow. Had it really only been that little?

"Fucking shit." He breathed out, resigned. Looking at the ceiling again he wondered how much of this he could take before he did something really stupid. Seriously, there were times when he thought cutting his dick off would hurt less.

He didn't notice Kurt coming closer until he felt the weight fall on the mattress a few seconds later. Kurt stared at him, something like a sympathetic smile on his lips.

"Tell me something?" The boy asked and Sebastian nodded without much thought. "How come you know so little about... well, about submissives. You know, not because you are one but, generally, how is it possible?"

Sebastian sighed, he actually preferred to return as they were fifteen minutes ago.

"It's not a long story, I've never formally attended any of the classes.I'm not a dom, so I never had the blood tests required to enter dom classes, and I refused to go to the sub's."

"But it's mandatory." Kurt pointed out. Somewhere between his brief explanation Kurt's hand had slid from his place to Sebastian's right leg, just below his knee, and was making small circles with his thumb, causing that 80% of Sebastian's attention could focus only on that spot alone. "Puck, my brother's best friend, tried to escape sub classes in freshman year but they didn't let him. Practically dragged him there for several days until he had to give in. How did you do it?" Kurt remembered. The small movements on Sebastian's leg had the words getting out of his mouth without any filter, or even less than normal.

"My father and his family have influences, so-" oh that felt nice. He was still so sore from yesterday's tryout. "-I could evade it.

I just threw a tantrum and told them it was a waste of time and refused to go, and at that time they were happy to meet any whim that went through my head." Kurt nodded, stating he was following. I didn't want to go, kinda scared me, I thought they were going to brainwash me or something, make me like the others. "

Kurt just kept making that thing with his hand, sitting there and looking at Sebastian.

"And your parents? How do they feel about you being a sub?"

Sebastian couldn't help going rigid. "It doesn't matter how they feel, but how I feel." He answered, sounding more than a little defensive.

"I agree." Kurt muttered, and Sebastian could say he was just trying to get him to calm down. "It just strikes me as weird that they let you avoid one of the most important moments in one’s life."

Sebastian snorted bitterly, but didn't move an inch to not to risk the movement in his leg from stopping.

"I know you don’t think of it as that. But look at what happened, what did skip those vital lessons get you? Do you think that depriving yourself of your basic needs is the right thing to do?" Kurt scolded him, frowning slightly.

Sebastian opened his mouth to answer that he didn't give a shit about the right thing to do, but Kurt's warning eyes got him to stop. Why was he being so rude? He didn't want to be obnoxious, they had barely reached a point of familiarity, he was not about to ruin it.

"Maybe, but- It seemed like a good idea, at the time." He forced himself to say.

"Will you do that again? In the future?" Kurt asked, exerting more of the necessary force on his leg.

"N-No?"

"Are you asking me?

He swallowed "No, Sir." It came out of his mouth before he could control it. He cursed himself internally.

"That's it. Good boy."

Sebastian hated the fact that it felt so good to be called that way.

…

It can’t be more than one hour later when Sebastian wakes up, his eyes blinking at the faint light coming through the bedroom window, the sun beginning to hide behind Dalton trees and the buildings in the distance.

He hadn't noticed when he fell asleep, the last thing he remembered was Kurt, Kurt saying something, Sebastian can't remember exactly what, he had been too tired by then, the ravages of their previous activities charging their debt in his body and making him useless for anything and Kurt... _Kurt_!

He abruptly shifted his body, almost hurting his neck to look behind his back at the other side of the bed. It was empty. Just as the rest of the room.

Sebastian sighed, looking carefully at the rest of the place, searching for any sign of Kurt's stuff. Well, it was not as if he had hoped... not at all.

Stretching his limbs as much as he could, Sebastian relished in how strangely relaxed he felt. He was still kind of sore, and the burning under his skin was still there, but it was easier to ignore now than what he remembers it ever being, and lucky for him his brief nap hadn’t brought up any wet dream, or he thought so by the lack of a boner between his legs, something very unusual these days. On the other hand, he feels sticky and dirty, as if instead of the start of winter he was in the middle of the most horrible summer of his life. He wasn’t going to take a shower now though, he’d just had one less than four hours ago and he wasn’t in the mood.

Sebastian got out of bed and stepping to his closet he grabbed a pair of clean boxers and slipped into them, his dick still soft, still free from any unbearable pain even as it twitched at the pressure of the cloth.

He walked toward his desk, sitting on the black high-backed chair in front of it and glancing at the papers of his homework scattered there, his laptop above all that. He pressed his lips together and exhaled, opening the lid of the laptop.

He typed his password on automatic and opened a new tab in his browser, ignoring the ones that had information from his last assignment. Sebastian looked at the blinking cursor and he almost slapped his own face for the thoughts that were haunting his mind. But there was no option, was it? If he wanted to know how to do this, he needed some kind of guidance, and sex guidance specifically came from the same place every other teenager got it.

Porn sites.

But this wasn’t the first time Sebastian had done this research, and it hadn’t ended well that time, besides, he didn’t think it was the sex part he needed help with. No. Kurt had been right before, he didn’t know a lot about subs, but not only that, he didn’t know a lot about doms either. He knew basics, he knew what was impossible not to know, but other than that… his mind was a blank.

He feels an uncomfortable ache in the centre of his stomach. He cannot believe what he’s about to do.

The sound of his door swinging inwards made him jump suddenly and close his computer in a rush, his pulse accelerating by the alarm his body had gone automatically into and his eyes opening wide as he saw Kurt entering the room, Sebastian’s key in one hand and a plastic bag in the other along with his messenger bag hanging on his shoulder. He looks at Sebastian and his eyes open as well, like he’s surprised in some way for seeing him there, which made absolutely no sense. This was his room.

"Didn’t you left already?"The words were said very high, very fast, and Sebastian mentally kicked himself for that. _Chill the fuck out._ "I mean, I supposed you'd gone back home."

Kurt had this amused look in his eyes as he looked at him. Sebastian tried to shift his expression to a less startled one while Kurt closed the door behind him. "I thought you'd be asleep for a few hours, I went to eat something. I brought you a packet of cookies, I'm sorry it was the only thing left at this hour." Kurt said, his right hand moving inside the plastic bag to take out the package and show it to Sebastian.

He shook his head, still disoriented by the change of events but relieved by the casualness of the conversation. "It doesn't matter, I'm not hungry."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." He answered stiffly.

He didn’t know why he felt like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, why did he feel like that?

"Save it for later then." Kurt shrugged and returned the package to the plastic bag. Looking back at Sebastian his eyes slid from his face to his hands that still kept his laptop closed as if it were a bomb about to explode. "What are you doing?" he questioned.

Sebastian followed his gaze to the laptop and loosened his grip on it. "Ahh, just checking my email." He said, trying to appear nonchalant.

Kurt narrowed his eyes but when Sebastian didn't react to it he seemed to drop it. "Hmm. Well, it's getting pretty close to sundown, I have to go, but..."

"But?" Sebastian prompted. The other boy’s eyes were on the floor and he opened his mouth twice before he decided to start talking.

"I need to talk about something."

Sebastian didn’t say anything and when Kurt went to his bed to sit on the wrinkled blanket he just put the computer back on its place and moved closer, rolling on the chair until it was just a few feet away.

"The thing is…" Kurt started, waiting until he was sure he had Sebastian’s total attention to continue. "I… can’t come next week…" he paused, his eyes fixing on Sebastian’s as the words are processed in his head.

It takes half a second. His mouth drops open, ready to argue, but he composes himself just before anything comes out. He knows Kurt’s looking for some sort of reaction. A bad one, for sure. But although he can not completely control his expression from responding to the new information at first he quickly corrects it.

"Why?" He asked, his voice is low and as calm as he can fake. He moves in his chair, purposely looking distracted and he notices the way Kurt relaxed a little at his apparent lack of concern.

"Mercedes, umh, a friend, is suspicious about me not being around so much as I used to. In fact I'm sure she’s not the only one… " Kurt took a short breath. "I believe they think I’m ignoring them to see someone and I know that if I do nothing about it they’ll end up following me or something, and of course we don’t want that."

Sebastian pressed his teeth together to prevent himself from saying something he may regret later.

Of course Kurt didn't want anyone to know about him, how humiliating it must be, taking care of a sub for charity. And a sub as fucked-up as he was no less. Of course no one wanted that.

He nodded absently. "Yeah, you're right."

"And I promised them that we could hang out after class, accompany them to do some things. They will probably interrogate me and I'll settle them down... I'm sure that will keep them calm for a while."

Sebastian was biting his lower lip all the time Kurt was talking, the control over his mouth cracking. _Don’t ask, don’t ask…_

"And you really need a whole week for that? Can’t you accommodate your plans so you can come… at least one day?"

Kurt’s expression started to turn apologetic. "It’s not only that. You know there’s elections next week. And sectionals are getting too close, our glee club needs to rehearse some more, so we’ll stay after class probably all week if not also the weekend. I can't _not_ go everyone would try to kill me." Sebastian looked away, not wanting to give his feelings away, he needed to get his thoughts in order.

He was not a needy girlfriend. That wasn’t him. He wasn’t going to show how he was suddenly desperate with the need of having Kurt all to himself. He didn’t want to share. He already only had two days of the dom’s week, and even that they were taking away?

"It- It’s fine, I understand."

He’s a great actor. Actually, he’s fantastic. Then why is becoming so hard to lie lately?

"Good."

He smiled weakly but inside all his thoughts seemed to be swirling in his brain, Sebastian even thought he could feel his sickness coming back at just the prospect of not seeing Kurt all next week, if not more.

"I'm sure you'll be fine for another week, at least."

 _Stupid, fucking... dom._ "Well, you said that subs need constant domination," he didn’t try to stop himself from pointing out, he did want to throw at Kurt’s face his own words.

"Yes but…"

"That even two days a week was too little and that waiting could lengthen the period of sickness-"

"Ah... well that's not fully proven, most subs prefer to assist themselves than wait so..."

Contrary to what he thought Sebastian only felt miserable when guilt and discomfort became obvious in the other boy. He didn’t want to make Kurt feel bad, it wasn’t as if he owned him anything, if only it was the other way around.

He looked up when he felt Kurt’s fingers reaching for his hand, delicately running them where the markings of the strings had been before. "You understand it's not for you, right? It has nothing to do with you, the problem is mine."

Sebastian moved his gaze from Kurt to his hand and back. Kurt’s voice was barely a murmur, but the only thing Sebastian heard at the time was how unimportant he was to Kurt. Not that there was a reason for it to be another way.

He moved away, Kurt's fingers sliding from his wrist. "Got it."

Kurt stayed there, sat down on his bed and Sebastian heard him sigh. "Okay, then." he said. "Anyway, why didn’t you tell me your sectionals are on Monday?"

Sebastian blinked at the sudden change of topic. "How do you know about that?"

"I came upon Jeff at the cafetería he could have mentioned something. "Kurt replied calmly, leaning on his arms on the bed.

Oh. Yeah. It was still sort of awkward imagine Kurt as part of the Warblers, going to this school, imagine him sitting on the same couch Sebastian sat today, wearing the same uniform as everyone else, walking the same aisles, talking and being around the same boys, Nick, Jeff, David, Trent... he briefly wondered how would it have been, if they had known each other here. If Sebastian had come one year before or if Kurt hadn’t go back to McKinley. Would he have just stick to making fun of him and piss him off? That sounded just like him to be honest, though…

No. He knew himself, sooner or later he would’ve tried to coax Kurt into sleeping with him. He was attractive, had a really nice body and Sebastian couldn’t resist a pretty face for too long, even if the dom gave him one or two occasional headaches—

 _Dom_.

And then he knows for certain that no. No, he wouldn’t have tried anything with Kurt, one way or another. He may be appealing, in fact he could be the most handsome man in the world, but being a dom Sebastian wouldn’t have even consider it.

He answered after a moment, trying to push aside the thoughts of Kurtin the Dalton uniform. "Would it have mattered?"

"Of course!" Kurt said with an expression that suggested that Sebastian would need to be an idiot not to know. "Is important for you."

"So?" he shrugged, looking at how wrinkles forming on Kurt’s brow.

"What do you mean?"

"What does it matter?" Sebastian repeated the movement and Kurt narrowed his eyes. "You have your own sectionals to worry about."

"Sebastian…"

"Besides, who cares? I'll just have one solo."

Now Kurt looked really shocked. "Just one solo? Just one solo is very important, if I had one I would want all my family and friends to see me up there, doing my best, cheering, applauding, can be of great motivation, you know? "

Sebastian made a snap on the side of his cheek. "Well, it's not something I want, my family ... I can't even imagine them there, they've never been there anyway and I've survived."

Kurt sighed.

Before he could say anything else that would lead to any deep and annoying conversation about his parents or whatever Sebastian rushed to ask. "What did you tell Jeff about why you were there?"

That fact hadn't gone unnoticed or him, although Jeff was quite distracted he didn't think he was so moony not to notice the fact that Kurt didn't attend this school anymore.

Kurt waved a hand in the air, as if dismissing the topic. "Oh, something about some papers that were still pending when I left here. Strange that he didn't ask why at this time, I even had an excuse, but, that's Jeff, he was too excited to see me there to think about that. "

"Yeah.. " Sebastian whispered, diverting his eyes from the boy. For some reason he wasn’t able to forget the subject. He was aware that Kurt, like most of the warblers really, didn’t get a lot of solos in his glee club. He probably seemed greedy… egocentric. Kurt had a unique voice, Sebastian was ready to admit, at least –and only– to himself that he was even better than him, and yet he was reduced to a backup singer.

"I am— I’m…" Sebastian fumbled for words. "I'm not an attention whore, I promise, but, this is my thing, do you get that? Mine. And that fool ruined it."

The mention of Thad had Kurt snorting. At least now he could be sure Kurt knew he was telling the truth about him after his little show from before.

"Well," Kurt said. "Now you have lacrosse."

"It's not the same."

"Okay, then we can look for something else, something that is only yours and nobody else's, what do you say?"

Sebastian returned his gaze back to the dom, a frown that he hadn’t noticed he had slowly disappearing off his face. Kurt was smiling gently, almost playfully, his icy blue eyes looking into him in a breezy manner.

Sebastian’s mouth was watering. "I think…" his eyes dropped and he let out a sound like a puff. "that you should stop with your motivational talk. There is nothing I want more than that."

Kurt’s smile turned sarcastic and his eyes narrowed. For a second Sebastian thought he may stick his tongue out at him.

"Okay, we'll see later, yeah?"

But he did not answer, instead he just raised and lowered his eyebrows in a careless gesture, brushing off the question.

After a moment of utter silence Sebastian spoke. "You will go?"

"Oh I don't know, Jeff invited me, but I'm not sure I should go." Kurt said, not needing to ask what Sebastian was referring to.

He frowned once again. "Why?"

One of Kurt's shoulders shrugged. "He may have done it out of mere courtesy, but... maybe, if someone else invited me, I..." Kurt stopped, taking a second to look straight at Sebastian’s eyes. "might consider it. The school you're going to is not so far from Lima, I could make an effort, skip a class maybe. "

Sebastian swallowed. "I'm sure a lot of the guys would want to see you there, you used to be part of the team, right?" he placed his elbows on his knees and leaned on them, purposely adopting a more casual position.

Kurt shook his head lightly. "No… if they have not bothered to do it..." One of Kurt's legs crossed over the other.

And oh shit, Sebastian knew what he was trying to do. And he was absolutely stupidly falling for it. It hit a nerve, really. Didn’t that count as some form of manipulation? What did Kurt want from him? It was beyond annoying, it made him weak at the knees, his jaw clenching, his heart beating faster and he started to feel abnormally hot all over.

"You know, as far as I'm concerned, if ... if you wanted to come that, that would be fine."

"Really?" Kurt asked, his voice a note higher.

Sebastian nodded vacantly. He stared at the dom as he twisted his lips, looking as if he was having a hard time thinking it over. After no more than ten seconds he dropped his act, then licked his upper lip. "Ask me to?"

Sebastian's nostrils flared. "Oh fuck you, Hummel! If you don't want to go then don't."

Kurt’s eyes flashed with exasperation. What? Was he serious? Now he had done something wrong? Kurt was here entertaining himself playing with him and now he was the bad guy? So what if Sebastian did want to ask? He wasn’t going to. He had dignity. He didn’t need anybody. Not Kurt, not anyone. Especially he didn’t need anyone to win some stupid sectionals.

He watched the dom withdraw. He uncrossed his legs and breathed out. "Fine," Kurt said. "I need you to eat to leave, maybe you should order something."

Sebastian gave him a dismissive blink. "Go, I'll eat alone, I'm not a baby."

He didn't have to ask twice. Kurt stood from his spot on the bed and walked around the chair where he sat. He got his things and went to the door. When his hand was on the knob he looked over his shoulder.

"You can call if you need anything." he said, and it was the last thing Sebastian heard before the door clicked shut.

...

McKinley was getting crazier and crazier as the elections were approaching. Right now, in the middle of the lunch hour, Kurt was about to hit his head against the table listening to another of the cheerleaders' dance shows for Britanny's campaign. Really, this was getting out of control, at this step he wouldn't only be defeated in the elections but totally crushed, he didn’t even know why everyone liked them so much; they were loud and irritating and maybe it was Kurt’s ‘gayness’ talking but were it necessary for them to use those extremely short skirts that rose whenever they as much as walked. Not that any of the other boys were upset about that, of course. Rachel, on the other hand, seemed about to tear the throat of more than one out.

"You’ve got to be kidding me that’s not even legal! Is it legal?"

He really appreciated the support of his girls, really, but lately he was starting to think that they only had him pity and if there was anything worse than being a loser it was to be a pitiful loser.

"It's a school president election, as long as they don't kill coach Sylvester to win votes everything is legal." Mercedes murmured, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms over her chest. "But these girls ought to respect themselves a little more. I swear I can see their uterus from here."

"Not that we are complaining!" Puck said just one of the cheerleaders walked by.

The girl in question stood right in front of their desk, a big smile spread on her face. "Hey cuties, a vote for Britanny is a vote for girl's empowerment and candies." She gave Puck a big, coloured lollipop then proceeded to give one to the rest of them and leave Britany's pins over the table. "Besides, of course, Sub's liberation! You surely understand that, right Puckerman?" She winked at Puck. "Vote Brit!"

Kurt sank into his chair, trying to hide as much as possible between his shoulders. He just wanted to disappear.

"Hell yes!" Puck exclaimed as he watched the girl move to the next table. Both Mercedes and Rachel shot him a threatening look. "What? The flesh is weak!"

"Stick to one side, Puckerman!"

"Geez, calm down. And don’t look at me that way Berry, it's been a long time since subs don't need any dom's permission to vote so I can do what I want! "

Rachel stiffened looking at him, a small frown of guilt forming between her eyebrows but she didn't look any happier.

"I'm just saying, as a sub it makes more sense if I voted for her, where is all that progress if we can't put a sub in charge of a stupid class?"

"That girl can't even be in charge of herself," Mercedes said, but she didn't press for more, she knew there was no point in arguing with Puck, it was like arguing with the wall.

"I'm not saying I'd vote for her, but they don't need to know that." he smiled, apparently proud of himself.

Kurt had to face it, there was no hope for him. Britany was invincible, with or without Puck's vote, there was no chance of winning this and he got it! Britanny was pretty, popular, a cheerleader, she'd had sex with more than half of the male population of McKinley, hell even Kurt himself had made out with her.

"Then vote for Kurt!"

"I told you I do what I want!"

Kurt narrowed his eyes. He’d spent quite some time thinking about Noah last night, not that he was suddenly interested in the other boy’s life, _at all_ , but his conversation with Sebastian had brought afloat certain memories from freshman year, specifically the day that after having been tossed in a dumpster three times before the fourth period and having received a green slushie right on his face in the middle of the hall Ms. Pillsbury had come to his rescue and entered the classroom with the principal to take Noah to the office.

Later that week they'd learned that he had been forced to take his sub classes because he refused to go. But Noah, unlike Sebastian, had nothing against being a Sub. He just didn't want the other guys in the football team to laugh at him, the same way they sometimes used to do with Finn. Fortunately for him even though McKinley's classes were out of date Ms. Holly had made sure the McKinley doms knew how embarrassed they should be for their behaviour.

Now Puck not only wasn't ashamed to be a sub, he spent a lot of time sharing information about all the ways he had gotten spanked more or less every weekend.

Shame. Could it be that what bothered Sebastian? But shame of what? Of giving up control? Of being taken care of?

But he was… when he was like that, he was the most stunning thing Kurt had ever laid eyes on.

He could feel a slight heat creeping up his neck. Sebastian made him feel so… dominant, he thought lamely. Which was weird because Sebastian was the least submissive sub he’d known in his entire life. But _fuck_ , just remembering what he had looked like, there on his knees on the floor just like Kurt had put him, moaning and whining and sucking on his fingers as if they were the most delicious thing ever.

Kurt felt a pleasant shiver pass through him.

It made all kind of things come to his mind; handcuffs, ball gags, blindfolds, floggers and paddles being the top five, but he could literally write a list and probably never end. And those were only objects, he couldn’t even start with the things he’d imagined to actually _do_ with them.

Oh, and he was tempted, so very much, especially when Sebastian had inadvertently disobeyed him, coming without a word of warning as Kurt touched him, staring as the thick spurts of come filled the condom. He could have come right there too, just from watching, if he hadn’t been so upset about it.

Because even though he couldn’t have been more aroused, observing the sub’s body react to him, arching in pleasure, tight and warm, he couldn’t ignore the fact that Sebastian had disobeyed, it wasn’t… it wasn’t something he could just overlook.

But Sebastian wasn’t ready, so he had to.

His hormones were a total mess, he’d spent almost every second of Friday night trying to compose himself but it just wasn’t happening. The picture of Sebastian on his knees, writhing beneath the tickler, his cock hard and full, begging with his eyes to be touched still too fresh on his mind, and even jerking off twice failed to get that image out of his head. Then there was the one of Sebastian’s perfect luscious naked body exposed for him like a banquet, every little inch of him on display for his eyes and his eyes alone, hands and feet tied, a simple but effective gag in his mouth, unable to move, bound to be there, right where Kurt decided to place him, helpless, completely dependent on Kurt’s benevolence.

Guilt and shame flooded through his conscience and he feels outraged at his own thoughts about taking advantage of someone like that, his own desires… Sebastian was in sickness, he needed a dom, needed the domination he could give him, he literally _needed_ him, there was no further option… and that turned him on in a way he couldn’t begin to describe.

Of course they had a safeword, he wouldn’t dream of doing anything without one. They had the traditional colour system and, on Friday, they also had a non-verbal safeword too, a simple but clear sequence of taps on the headboard. But despite that, Kurt still felt… strange with the feelings that come out when he has Sebastian, flexible and manageable under his hands, desperate for the simplest touch.

He can still remember perfectly the first time they were told of why it was important to learn to control themselves in his dom classes, how fundamental it was, because of the frequent rape fantasies that almost every dom had throughout his life. Naturally, that didn't mean they really wanted to do something as horrible as that, it was just something that crossed their minds as that, a fantasy, a really dangerous fantasy. Rape play was a limit for a lot of people for that reason, including himself, but it was also something some doms wanted to try, even liked it. Kurt didn’t think it was wrong, as long as everything was consensual and carefully carried out. A large number of subs - surprise, surprise! - also got aroused with the level of submission and impotence they felt, so it was not his business, he wasn't anyone to judge.

But… he didn’t want to have that kind of thoughts, especially not in his situation. He wasn’t Sebastian’s dom, Kurt remembered for a hundredth time, but it was hard to when all he wanted was to pull Sebastian's chin down and shove his tongue into his mouth.

Kurt licked his lips unconsciously. The flavour of Sebastian's mouth, a little bitter and with the indisputable essence of cigarette in it, had been gone for some time but he still missed the feeling of having it with him. He wasn't going to lie, he hated cigarettes, but Kurt would be willing to put up with it if only he could get the taste back again.

Which leads him to the point that… well, kisses were… not part of the deal.

He was, technically, only supposed to do the necessary to ease Sebastian’s sickness. Kissing was intimate, and though Sebastian had consented, and was _very_ enthusiastic about it, it still disturbed him. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew Sebastian wanted more, but Kurt couldn’t give him that, no matter how much his cock disagreed with him. He knew submissives needed to satisfy their doms on a primary level, but he seriously doubts that in the clinics someone would ask the subs for sexual favours... or so he hopes.

The sound of the bell fills the cafeteria, distracting him from the mess in his head.

"Oh, well," Puck yawned, stretching out his arms and looking behind his shoulder. "It's a shame to have to leave you ladies but Puckerman has more immediate needs..."

"Which are..." Rachel arched an eyebrow, and both Kurt and Mercedes looked at her and made a sound of protest.

Puck smiled as if he'd seen it coming. "Brow eyes blonde and blue eyes redhead over there," he pointed to a group of girls sitting two tables behind, half of them were looking back. "Just the three of us, you do not want to know where, doms are possessive and hopefully they'll rip me apart—"

"Okay, we get it!" Kurt shouted, covering his ears with his hands.

Puck shrugged. "She asked." He got up from his seat, and without looking back went straight to the table where the girls started giggling when they saw him approach them.

"Gross." Mercedes stated.

Kurt looked up when he felt a hand resting on his, Rachel's eyes looked directly at him. "Kurt, are you okay?" she asked, and when Kurt looked away she continued. "Don't let any of them take you down, you can still win this!"

"Rachel you know I love you, but please _don’t_. There's only two days left until the election, and there's nothing left to do, I just..."

Mercedes was looking at him too, and their faces reflected so much compassion that it was too much for Kurt, he just breathed out a frustrated sigh. "I'll walk alone to class, see you girls."

He ignored every attempt of getting his attention back and walked out the cafeteria, leaving both girls arguing –as always.

He really should start concentrating on his NYADA application, he doesn't have much time to send it and he doesn't want to be left out for a miscalculation. Even so, he can't help looking at his phone to check his messages, it's been three days and Sebastian still won't text him back. He doesn't like to admit how much he's been waiting for it, but it doesn't make sense to deny it either. And although Kurt thinks he's being irrational and childish that doesn't stop him from feeling bad about it.

He frowns as he reaches to open his locker, his other hand already opening his bag. Once it's open he takes his French book back, along with a notebook he'll need to next class, starting to feel oddly strange. He looks up from where his hands are still struggling to put the book in his backpack and fall into Blaine's dubious smiley face, causing Kurt to release an abrupt but silent gasp, surprised by the sudden presence next to him.

Kurt can feel his own expression change, one of his eyebrows arching involuntarily into view, half surprised and half asking. Blaine and he hadn't crossed word in weeks- Months! In fact, since that conversation in which Blaine had broken up with him, they had only spoken twice in the following week, both just to argue and shout at each other.

Now he can see the nervous smile falter on Blaine's face, his lips parting and closing a few times before anything comes out of them.

"I… Hi, Kurt." he murmured, his voice so low he could barely hear him from where he was only a few feet away. He was trying to make himself smaller, Kurt realized, and maybe that had something to do with the way Kurt was still looking at him.

"Blaine, ah... hi." Kurt replied, stiff, grabbing a couple of things from his locker to put them in his backpack and closing the door just a little stronger than necessary. He stares at Blaine for a moment, watching as the sub struggles with his words. "How can I help you?" Kurt asks when there seems to be no indication that Blaine will speak.

"I wanted..." Blaine's voice trailed off as he cast an anxious eye at his feet.

"…Yes?"

Blaine didn’t look up at him again, but Kurt could see perfectly the way he took three big breaths. He was rapidly becoming more and more uncomfortable, he didn’t get why Blaine was here in the first place, it wasn’t a good idea and he didn’t want to go through another discusión and—

"I miss you." Blaine blurted out. Kurt’s eyes widened abruptly as he saw blurred red spots on Blaine's cheeks.

"Oh" Kurt uttered, not knowing what else to say. His brain was going into shock for now, trying to process what he'd just heard.

"Yes." The other boy affirmed, breathing in. "Since happened… what happened, we haven’t talked too much and, I miss my best friend, I miss…" he hesitated, breathing in and finally looked to Kurt, gulping when he noticed Kurt’s actual expression. "I just wanted to tell you that. That, and that I would like if we could leave what happened in the past and... sort things out."

"Well ah... I don't know what to tell you, I—" The sentence dies in his throat, but Blaine seems to understand his perplexity and smiles at him, a more confident and happy smile than the one with which he introduced himself a moment ago but still cautious.

"You don't have to answer anything right now, I just wanted you to know that and... if I have to wait for you to make up your mind..."

"No." Kurs said, surprising himself along with Blaine. The other boy's eyes opened with astonishment and his cheeks got red. Kurt had to smile at his reaction, he had also missed Blaine all this time and although Blaine had tried to be as civilized as possible since the breakup Kurt had been resentful for several weeks and after that his pride hadn't allowed him to do anything but ignore his existence. It'd hurt, knowing that he hadn't been enough, but he needed to stop being immature, they were both adults and, besides, it didn't hurt as bad as it used to. "I'm... I guess you're right, we should get over those things, be friends again."

Blaine's smile faltered, just a little on the edges and Kurt frowned for a moment but before he could say anything he was smiling back. "Great!" he grinned. Kurt smiled tentatively back to him, he still had to get used to the idea. "So ah .. see you later?" Kurt nodded and Blaine awkwardly mirrored his movements. "Maybe we could go out sometime, you know, just hang out."

"Sure."

"Okay so... see you!" He stumbled over a freshman as he walked backwards, his cheeks turning red and smiling as he turned to apologize and went on his way to class.

Kurt chuckled to himself. This had made his day just a little bit better. And it was not even finished yet.

...

The past weekend had been one of the worst Sebastian can remember having in his whole life.

Boring and frustrated had acquired a new meaning after more than 48 hours of eating cold pizza and throwing darts at his door. Now that he was physically unable to fuck subs and after being forced to endure a two-hour reprimand of his parents by phone all he wanted was to be left the fuck alone.

_Your mother is very worried about you. I am concerned. You need to talk to her… and you know how she’ll get if you don’t._

_I don’t care. Listen, we have a meeting tomorrow, and we want you to be there._

_You’re not allowed to get drunk. You are mean to be polite, and respectful. And you are, above all, forbidden to try anything with any of the men present. I’m serious. The three of us will have a talk afterwards._

_I haven’t been this angry at you in years._

And it was true. His reluctance to see them had gotten his dad really pissed. And they hadn't even spoken after Sebastian had not shown up at their beautiful meeting. He doesn't want to imagine how he was now.

They would probably have taken it as an act of rebellion, to which they were no strangers when referring to him, in fact he'd spent most of his life defying them, this was nothing new. Except now he actually had a good reason for it, and it was not one he was about to tell them. Sebastian knows how they would react if they knew about his sickness, and that would be... problematic. He could almost see their expressions of sharp disapproval, their shoutings and all which he will have to face. Eventually.

For the moment he wanted only to gloat in the cloud of depression that filled his room. Probably the best, though even without the option of a mindless fuck he guessed he could still go out, but he just wasn't in the mood.

He's been feeling so bad lately, and he doesn't even know why, and it’s not like physical pain again he just... he just feels like shit. He doesn't even have the energy to try to masturbate at his nightly showers.

Not to mention practice for sectionals. He hadn't moved a finger all weekend to do so. They didn't deserve his effort, and anyway, he had already proved himself on Friday's rehearsal, even with everything that was happening to him at the time he had done an impeccable performance.

He remembers very well the time when Trent had gotten his sickness no more than a year ago. The guy had been all over the place during weeks, he had got everyone’s sympathy and good wishes, and he had a permit to skip as many classes as he considered necessary, even tests. All to ‘go out’ as they called it, with this petite blonde girl from Crawford who looked like she could break the soul of a dozen men in the blink of an eye. His girlfriend, apparently.

He didn’t have that luck. But he didn’t want anyone’s sympathy nor awkward smiles and consideration. He didn’t need it. And he certainly didn’t need any overprotective elf weirdo with a fetish for naive chubby faced dudes.

No, the only thing he needed, despite himself, was Kurt.

That asshole.

Of course everything else was more important than Sebastian, why would anyone put any amount of work or time on him? Of course going out with his equally stupid friends was better, of course these stupids choir competitions were more important. If he needed some Sebastian-less free-time well, he understood that. He could give him that.

He had stood firm with his mindset throughout the whole weekend, maintaining his dignity and not sending any message to the dom. Not that it was something that they did all that often, it hadn’t even been particularly hard really, Sebastian was used to it, he didn’t do friends, just as much as he didn’t do boyfriends, as much as he didn’t do doms.

Then Monday came and, while he still felt the need to punch the entire group in the face, he had to join with the warblers.

The transport that would take them to the place of competition waited for them in the parking lot at twelve o'clock. It was wide enough and clean enough for Sebastian not to want to commit suicide, though more than twenty voices singing stupid songs on the way for more than an hour didn't take long to take that effect.

Versailles, or whatever it was called, was just another public school. Half the students looked like criminals and the landscape looked more or less like that, a prison.

"Have you seen outside already? There's a lot of people!" Jeff exclaimed behind him, at the same time Nick was fixing his bow. "Weird for a public school. Normally they don't care."

"What does it matter?" Sebastian said, frowning.

"Ohh, someone's in a worse mood than usual." The blond giggled and Sebastian ignored him, concentrating instead on the sounds coming from the stage.

They were singing an early 90’s song, they weren’t bad, but they also weren’t as good as them. The group that had passed before them had been better, but the rhythm had been strange at best. This could be relatively easy, as long as nobody fucked up.

After several minutes -more than what he is sure it lasted originally-the song ends and the crowd applauds. The presenter makes the classic friendly comment and begins introducing the Warblers.

They take the stage, taking their places in less than half a minute and Sebastian, along with the others, opens his mouth to sing the first notes.

Thad - of course is Thad - has the first solo. His voice is tedious in Sebastian's ears but he tries to concentrate on his work. From his place it is difficult to see anything but the back of the prick, the only light in the theatre being above him, and even though he knows that this is how Thad should've felt when he was the one who sang almost all the songs he can't stop feeling irrationally furious that he has been reduced to a chorister.

Immediately after the song ends they change the tone and Nick, Jeff and another blonde and thin boy, which name Sebastian doesn't remember, join Thad. The song is short, just over two minutes, and the lights go off completely before the last change.

He breathes in and steps to his place in the centre. Finally. The lights shine again, multiple lights, all different colours and Sebastian begins to sing.

It's a catchy song, also short, but it helps him forget about Thad. He sings, he dances and he's one-hundred percent sure they're gonna win this.

It is when the song ends and several people from the audience rise to applaud that he can to see him. Almost in the last row on the left. Sebastian could recognize those pants anywhere. Kurt's there, standing, clapping and with a smile on his face. Sebastian has to blink three times to make sure his mind is not playing with him. He could bet his left arm he wasn't there when they arrived, he would have spotted him right away.

The rest of the Warblers come to stand next to him and there’s someone talking to him but Sebastian can’t look away, he’s physically incapable to. Kurt’s smile widens and he winks at him.

Sebastian can't exactly explain why, but he's happier than he has been in a long, long time.

He doesn't waste time as soon as he is back in his room in Dalton. He sits at his desk with a cup of coffee and opens his computer.

He's about to do one big ass research.

…

It hadn't been the best week for Kurt. And it was barely Thursday.

Somehow everything had conspired against him; not only had he lost the election, but he had also been accused of cheating, which he hadn't done. Okay, he may have considered it, maybe once or twice, he'd already admitted that but he would never have dared to really try. He spent two hours crying in the girls' bathroom because of that stupid misunderstanding until Tina forced him out when the janitor had to clean.

He would have most certainly been suspended, if not for Rachel had taken pity on him and confessed manipulate the vows. So now they didn't have her help for sectionals, which was pretty bad considering that everything they had practised so far revolved around her, as always.

In short, his life sucked. Now he had nothing for his NYADA application and they will most likely lose sectionals. Goodbye New York, hello part time job with dad.

In recent days the only relatively good thing about his day was when he and Sebastian texted each other, and yes, he knows how strange and pathetic that is. However, there is a small electrifying spark in his body every time he feels his phone vibrate with a new message.

After the Warbler's sectionals on Monday Sebastian had been much more... he wasn’t sure friendly was the right word, but he surely wasn’t all that cranky any longer. He was more relaxed, he'd even came back to insult Kurt every couple of texts and has been calling him a girl again the last twenty-four hours ago. So well, he's not the most sensitive guy in the world that he already knew but he thought he would at least stop doing that. But it's better than spending all that time lamenting himself, instead, he could laugh at the bad jokes that came to his phone.

He hadn't been very sure when he read that texting could help a sub to stay grounded when his dom wasn't around but if this was helping Sebastian at least a tenth of what it seems to be helping Kurt then it was certainly worth it.

Kurt never did any of this with anyone before. Of course he used to message Blaine when they were together but it was usually to schedule coffee dates, or make-out sessions or to sing something together from time to time. Kurt thinks there are more messages from Sebastian on his phone than there were ever Blaine's or anyone else's and he doesn't know how to feel about it. Kurt calls him a meerkat and Sebastian calls him Willy-Wonka or something worse every couple of sentences. It's obvious that it's nothing to compare to his texts with Blaine but they have caused him to choke on his own saliva three times this week, which was a good change after two hours crying in the girls' bathroom.

He may not know as much about subs as he might had he received a better education, he'd only had one relationship that culminated with Blaine leaving him for causes that embarrass him to even think about, but he knows that feeling relaxed is important and he'll make sure to at least get that out of this whole horrible experience he knows Sebastian must be passing through.

And he hopes it serves him as a distraction too, God knows he needs it. They both did.

But no matter how much the responsibility of a sub -even if technically it was not his real sub, like 24/7- could distract him, it was impossible to flee completely from problems.

"So I’ve been thinking a lot about this and even though we have like, less than a week for sectionals, I really think we should change the songs, I mean those were mean for Rachel and it’s not like we can, you know, just replace her."

Kurt nodded thoughtfully. He and Blaine were sitting at their table in the Lima Bean for the first time in who knows how long, drinking their usual cup of coffee and talking as if these last months had never happened.

He hadn't been sure at first, in fact, he had almost denied Blaine's offer when he approached him after class. It was still strange, after so much time ignoring each other, but that didn't mean that it wasn't easy to fall back into the familiar situation.

They were trying to come up with ideas for sectionals now and Blaine had offered to help Kurt with his NYADA application, though there was not much else to do about it.

"Yeah I know what you’re saying but I still think it’s our best chance. How are we supposed to do the work of months in days? " Kurt sighed, looking at his coffee. "I only know that if we don’t win sectionals there’s no way I’m getting into NYADA."

Blaine’s voice when he spoke was like velvet, soft and gentle. "I think there’s no way you’re _not_ getting into NYADA. Even without a National trophy, they’d have to be idiots not to accept you."

Raising his gaze to look at him, Kurt found himself smiling. "That's the sweetest lie anyone's ever told me."

Blaine shook his head, smiling still and his cheeks getting a little red. "It is not a lie. I never lie."

Kurt chuckled. "If you say so."

"But seriously though, I’m… well, not happy, I couldn’t be happy about all these things happening, but… I’m glad that at least is helping us… I mean is bringing us closer, a little, and I-I… sectionals need a lot on our part now but ... it's not why- "

Kurt started frowning. Blaine was shuttering, and when Blaine started shuttering, he was nervous, why was he so nervous all of sudden?

And why was that making Kurt nervous?

"I get it." He said, trying to help what was now a complete pink-cheeked boy at the other end of the table. "Of course I'm happy about that."

"Yeah." Blaine looked down submissively. As if Kurt had suddenly told him to shut up.

Feeling a little bit of guilt Kurt made an effort to soften his voice. "Is there something else you were going to say?"

"No, you know how I get sometimes when I want to make a point." Blaine winced, meeting his eyes. "I guess I’m only trying to say thank you. For… for coming here with me."

"Well you paid. I could hardly refuse." He joked, taking a sip of his coffee.

Blaine laughed and when Kurt winked at him teasingly his eyes went a little dusky. "You look very nice today, by the way."

He almost sputtered. That had come out of nothing. He knew it was impossible that his face wasn’t turning red now. Blaine was just smiling at him and he felt quite uncomfortable, searching for something to say. Don’t get him wrong he was all for flattery but it wasn’t something that happened very often.

"Uh, thank you." He finally said once he didn’t find something else to say. He guessed he could tell Blaine the same, he did look good today too if he was being honest, but he had a feeling it would only make things stranger.

Blaine eyed him with warm eyes. "You know I- I've been meaning to tell you… Christmas is coming so I was wondering if you could help me choose some presents, um before everything good is gone. Anytime you can it doesn’t matter."

Kurt stared at Blaine in disbelief. Seriously? Kurt had literally bought all his presents for Christmas _weeks_ ago. It was December already, shops would be full of crazy people in no time.

"Ah, well I have plans with Mercedes this weekend. Though we are probably going to cancel in order to practice for sectionals." He said, after giving Blaine a disapproving look.

The sub looked as if he wanted to laugh again. "Yeah, I was thinking that would be a good idea too."

"But sure. Whenever you want." Kurt said, he loved shopping anyway, even more if it wasn’t his money he was spending. Besides, he knew how much Blaine’s mom loved his taste in clothes, though she wouldn’t recognize it. He’d watched her wear that jacket he chose for her on her birthday a thousand times on Blaine’s Facebook family photos. Of course, according to her it was Blaine’s present.

"Tuesday?" Blaine offered.

"Uh…" Kurt stilled. He should say yes, he knows. If Blaine told anyone about him refusing to do this with him on Friday Rachel would know and then probably Mercedes, that wouldn’t be good. But he already had neglected Sebastian too much this week, and the next they would need to practice even more than they had this one. "No, no, Tuesday I can’t. Any other day, um except ahh…" he stopped, Blaine was looking at him rather funny. Well, he could arrange another day with Sebastian along next week, and maybe it would even be good to start doing so. "Yeah, Tuesday is okay."

Blaine half-frowned half-smiled, practically asking with his eyes. "Working at the shop?"

Kurt takes another sip of coffee and bites a piece of doughnut. He doesn’t enjoy lying, but what other option did he have?

"Yes. My dad's best mechanic had to quit last week and I have to help him a little when I can."

Blaine nodded. "I understand. And with your father's new job it must be difficult to keep up with the store with so little time in the city."

Kurt sips again. "Yes…"

Blaine was looking at him in that familiar way. The way he used to look at him when he offered to do Kurt’s Dalton trigonometry homework last year. Then, of course, explain it to him so he could do it for himself when he understood completely. Naturally Kurt had never accepted it, not only because it wasn’t ethical but it would’ve been so wrong to take advantage of his new relationship with Blaine and his innate submissive nature, as well as his undeniable need to please Kurt.

Blaine was an incredibly moral person, but he could get a little carried away about that.

Luckily, what the sub was thinking now was nothing of that sort.

"I could help, if you need it, I don’t know a great deal about cars but…"

 _Oh, Blaine._ "No, it’s not that bad I promise," Kurt assures him quickly. He felt bad enough about the lie, dealing with Blaine’s puppy eyes was another level of guilty.

"Sorry. I just, like to help." He apologized, looking a little ashamed for his impulse. Then, in a complete, and intentional, tone twist he said,

"But what I'm really annoyed I show you’re still free to talk to Mercedes without Rachel being all over you? She’s been telling us over and over how we shouldn’t fraternize with the enemy."

He seemed quite pleased with himself for having avoided another round _‘It’s okay’_ and ` _Thank you’_ and _‘I really appreciate it but…_ ’ something very similar to what had happened all those times with the homework and house-chores and other things Kurt wasn’t looking forward to do. But what Blaine’s innocent comment really triggered was a series of flashes that reminded him all the ways he _was_ fraternizing with the enemy.

Sebastian. Sebastian kneeling on the floor. Sebastian tied up. Sebastian moaning. Sebastian shaking. Sebastian spread over the bed. Sebastian fucking the air above him in sheer desperation. Sebastian’s bare ass fully on display clenching over and over for the effort. Sebastian’s eyes rolling back in his head. Sebastian panting at the edge of orgasm. Sebastian coming all over himself. Sebastian’s tongue against his own. Sebastian’s heavy-lidded eyes as he fell asleep in his arms. All passing before his eyes just one second before he saw that same lean, muscular, gorgeous-built body standing no more than fifteen feets away, green emotionless eyes bored into him, as if he had been taken out of his thoughts, moving closer to where he sat.

Kurt gaped at him in shock. He thought, for about three seconds, that he may be hallucinating. Until he spoke.

"Hey, guys…" Sebastian said in a fruity, deep voice. Kurt felt as his brows knitted. Sebastian’s smile was cheesy at best as his eyes flickered from him to Blaine, the mouth and eyes of the other boy opening in surprise and smiling instantly at him, though Kurt didn’t fail to notice the look of disappointment when Sebastian sat on the chair beside him, but he replaced it for kindness fast enough not to be unpolite.

"Sebastian, hi!" Blaine said. "What are you doing here?"

"Well Killer, since this is a coffee shop, common sense tells us that most likely I'm buying coffee." Sebastian's eyes were fixed on Blaine, who blushed faintly at the other sub's words, whether for the comment or for the intense gaze Sebastian’s was throwing at him he didn’t know. "Surely I haven’t seen you here in a while, I thought you had found a better establishment and hadn't had the courtesy to let me know." He looked briefly at him. "Hi, Kurt."

"Hi."

Kurt was mad. Seriously mad. He’d always known Sebastian was a dickhead, but it was all this necessary? Even if he honestly liked Blaine –which Kurt was pretty sure he didn’t— there was absolutely no need for him to be an ass about it.

And Blaine's shy smile, for some reason, didn’t help. "Uh, yeah I just, _we’ve_ been too busy with sectionals." He said, waving a hand to Kurt and back to emphasize his point. The corner of Sebastian’s mouth twitched. "By the way, congratulations on the Warblers winning your sectionals, I heard about it from Trent, you guys must be really happy."

"Yeah. Not that it was a big challenge but we're probably gonna need all the practice we can to beat you at regionals. Of course, after you win your own sectionals. But that's nothing for the great Blaine Anderson, am I right?"

Kurt wanted to snort. Sebastian’s voice had turned ridiculously honeyed, and Blaine didn’t seem to realize how fake that smile was. He seemed to be uncomfortable, yes, but not for other reason than the adulation.

"Right," Blaine said with a frown. Sebastian’s head tilted slightly to one side and he was sure he was just about to say another stupid thing before Blaine talked. "I’m gonna get another coffee."

He stood up from his chair and without a second glance to anyone walked to the counter.

Sebastian’s eyes finally found his, and the look of his eyes could be better described as a glare.

"What are you doing? What was all that?" Kurt asked when he was sure Blaine couldn’t hear them.

Sebastian didn't seem to have heard his question, he was talking even before Kurt was done asking. "Is that why you couldn’t come? To go out with him?"

Kurt froze on his seat.

His momentary silent seemed to confirm something for Sebastian because his jaw tightened.

"What are you on about? No! I already told you why."

Sebastian cast a sardonic smile, cold eyes locked on him. "Whatever." He crossed his arms and looked away. "You know what? I have better things to do."

He got to his feet and Kurt was getting really, really pissed.

"Hey, Stop! Listen!" He doesn't like the way Sebastian is talking to him. At all. He was all for throwing things at Kurt's face, well he could do that too. "I told you when it all started that I would not have enough time for this. You decided it to be this way."

Sebastian's expression was livid when he turned to look at him. "Do what you want but you could have at least the decency to be sincere and say that you won't come because you will be too busy fucking your ex!"

There was a moment when all Kurt could do was stare with wide eyes, mouth hanging open at the same time he felt his face coloring. Sebastian hadn’t yelled, in fact, he hadn’t talked loud enough for anyone other than them to hear, but the eyes of the boy held enough anger for him to be astonished.

"That’s not what—" he started but stopped when he saw Blaine too close and the features of the boy in front of him hardened even more.

"What you guys talking about?" Blaine asked, sitting down and looking at them before moving to open one of the little bottles of cream on the table.

Sebastian’s voice was plain. "Nothing, the talk was already over. In fact, I was just leaving. See you, Blaine. "He said in a rush, turning around without looking at them and leaving. Both their gazes followed him until he was out of the coffee shop.

Blaine shrugged, continuing to open the cream. "That guy is a little crazy, isn’t him?"

Kurt’s lips pursed together. _Don’t get me started_. "Very." He just said in a mumble and Blaine giggled at him, lighter now.

Kurt spent hours that night wondering what the hell had been all that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry I know it's been a while. I spent the last months in Toronto and hadn't had time to write. I know there are a lot of grammatical mistakes in this fic but I guess I'll have to wait to finish it to fix it. Besides, I'm posting this chapter in a rush because I need to go to sleep but if don't do it I won't do it for another week so... Anyway please tell me what you thought of this chapter and please feel free to share with me your opinion.


	10. Chapter 10

Sebastian loved cock. He had always loved cock. At least, always since he discovered the wonders of the male anatomy. He loved to look, to touch, loved to feel it grow big and hard in his hands, to draw his fingers up and down the soft, hot skin and squeeze and stroke and taste. He was well aware of how cliché it was, but he couldn’t change it. He preferred to think about it as classic, though. He was a man and he was very, very gay; of course he loved cock! Loving cock was what made him gay in the first place. He didn’t know why it was considered sluttish not to try to hide it.

He remembered being eight, maybe nine, and having teachers explaining the differences between male and female bodies, how and why they were different. Saying over and over through the year that it was so when a woman and a man wanted to have a baby and if they loved each other enough, the stork would bring them one.

He had laughed out loud in the middle of the class at that.

After a minute of thirty pairs of eyes looking directly at him with identical questioning expressions he'd forced himself to shut his mouth. He ended up in the principal office anyway. As if that woman hadn't already hated him.

The thing was, Sebastian had always been a very sexual kid, as disturbing as it may sound. His very first encounter with porn had been at seven, when everyone was fall asleep and he could get away with watching TV at midnight. There was this movie and at some point it turned kind of weird for his seven-year-old mind, but he kept watching anyway. And then it happened. And it had been gross.

Of course it had been gross; he was seven. This woman was gross on her very own, big boobs, big butt, practically a stick with a set of balloons attached, and she was lacking some important parts for Sebastian. And, besides, she screamed way too much.

So for the time teachers were trying to tell him all those things he already knew a little more than what he should. But something was still a mystery for him. Why would anyone in their right mind want to have boobs on their face, or stick their fingers in that wet thing down there, or hear those irritating sounds so close of them? Why would anyone want to have sex with a woman, to begin with? And even more important, why put so much attention on them, when those men were insanely beautiful? Seriously those people didn’t know how to make porn.

That had been his _‘I want to be a porn maker’_ phase. Lucky for him his parents thought he didn’t actually know what porn was. They almost fainted in any case.

It was at his classmate Tom’s big brother’s birthday party when he discovered gay porn for the first time.

His mother had made him go even though Sebastian had refused, since she and Tom’s mom were good friends, and he had never been more grateful to his mom in his entire life. Tom’s brother Kyle was fifteen and their parents had let him have a party when they weren’t home as long as he watched Tom and Sebastian. It was late and he was opening one of the presents, three of the older guys were giggling, and he rapidly found out why. It was a tape. And they all knew what it was by then. Kyle hadn’t cared that his six years younger brother was there, the tape was reproducing on the TV before he noticed and no five seconds into it there were two men on a bed, kissing, naked, and with their two very big erections on each other’s hands.

The rest of the boys in the room, the ones that weren’t laughing or watching stupefied, in Sebastian’s case, had shouted and covered their eyes, some screaming ‘ _Gross’_ and other sticking their tongues out and looking about to puke.

But why were they? Sebastian had spent a long time asking himself. Those ten seconds had been better than any other porn he had ever seen. There was no weird woman or big boobs and there was double cock! How could they not appreciate that?!

Sebastian had stolen that tape that night when nobody was looking. He still had it hidden in some place in his room, for sentimental value. Taking vaginas out of the equation had been the best thing that had ever happened to the world of porn, in Sebastian's humble opinion, and he couldn’t understand why nobody else could see that.

Seriously cocks were awesome, they grew big and red and they looked fun to play with and yes Sebastian understood why they seemed so happy while doing it. He had his first erection watching that tape. And oh, it was even better then.

And after days and days of watching those two hours of shameless sex late at night with his parents two rooms down the hall, he started to get it.

Girls liked boys, and boys liked girls. That was everything he knew, everything they had ever taught him. Sebastian felt the impulse to stick his tongue out and frown and grumble. But hey he wasn’t the only one! Almost every other boy he knew felt the same way. He told his teacher, he told his mom, he told practically everyone he could that he thought girls were stupid and silly and boring and Sebastian hated them all. The most he got with his tantrums was a lot of _'aww'_ and a kiss on his cheek promising that that was normal and he would get over it with the time.

But of course that didn’t happen. Even so, he noticed that while that wasn’t true for himself, it was for some of the other kids in his class. They all agreed with him in his perspective of girls, but no matter what they said, they still wanted to have ‘girlfriends’. Sebastian did not. It didn’t take long after that for him to figure things out.

But returning to the main point… cocks. There were some better than others, and Sebastian, like everyone, had his own preferences, and a bunch of videos in his computer filled up with enough beautiful cocks to last a lifetime. There were dozens, hundreds of cocks available for him only in his computer memory, not to talk about the _millions_ Internet had to offer, but for some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kurt Hummel’s cock.

He may be promiscuous, but four hours thinking solely about cock was a new record. Yes, he had always loved cock, but he had never been so obsessed with someone else’s cock to the point of raving about it.

Sebastian didn’t get why. He hadn’t even seen it yet, it could be malformed! Or just hideous! He tried to convince himself of this but his over aroused body wasn’t listening, especially not when every part of Kurt’s body was so fucking perfect, why would his dick be ugly?

He shook his head. _Concentrate Sebastian!_

It was only past five o’clock on Saturday and he was trying to sleep at least _two hours_ , while in reality all he could do was imagine Kurt’s cock. The shape of it, the taste of it, the things Kurt could do with it… all the possibilities. Last night he had barely slept at all trying to avoid the thoughts that hunted his mind but it was useless, so he gave himself to it, the same way he had done at the beginning of the week.

And that was the problem. He had already given in. And he couldn’t come back. And maybe that was the problem. He had already given in. And he couldn’t come back.

Monday had been a wild ride, but late at night, and after hours of research about d/s relationships and dom hormones Sebastian surrendered to his fantasies, pulling out mental images of Kurt standing tall before him, but this time he was as naked as Sebastian, cock hard and dripping precome on his bedroom floor, stormy eyes looking down at him and carding his fingers through his hair. He could almost see it, could almost feel it, the pressure of his hair being tugged, soft at first, then a little rougher to coax him to get closer. In his mind Kurt had desire written all over his face, cheeks slightly flushed and mouth just the littlest bit open as his cock came in contact with Sebastian’s lips and murmured ‘ _’open up, baby’’_ and then of course Sebastian would comply and after another ‘ _’Suck it’’_ he wouldn’t waste a second. And when the end were close and the boy above him were completely lost in the pleasure Sebastian was giving to him he’d make sure that Kurt didn't ever have mind for anything that wasn’t his cock and the sensation of Sebastian’s warm, wet mouth around it, sucking happily.

Would he prefer coming in his mouth, so he could see Sebastian taste it, swallow it? Or would he rather pull out and come _on_ him?

Sebastian had made himself come for the first time since this sickness thing started just at that thought. He’d spent the next couple of nights imagining that every single of those beautiful cocks in his computer was Kurt’s and jerking off to it. And it had been one of the best ideas he’s ever had! He was coming for fuck's sake! Repeatedly! Over and over until it didn’t work anymore and god fucking damned he needed the real thing!

And then Anderson happened. And it all went to shit.

He had come back to Dalton, scrambling his way through the aisles of rooms to his own and slamming the door shut, immediately getting rid of his shirt and throwing it someplace and doing the same with the rest of his clothes as he walked to the shower and let the cold water pour over his head. It felt way too good under his overheated skin, but did nothing to lower his anger. He banged his head lightly against the wall of the shower. He was an idiot. How could he have been such an imbecile? This was Hummel he was talking about, of course everything Anderson would have to do was bat his eyes and he would come running. He was small and prudish and innocent and he was a freaking _sub_.

He banged his head a little harder on the wall. He was Sebastian-fucking-Smythe and no one was better than him. Especially not Anderson.

After that he hadn’t been able to stop the wet dreams from coming, most ending with him waking up every two hours in a cold swear grinding against the mattress or the pillow or even his own hand about to reach the orgasm he wanted so much, but being incapable to really achieve it.

By now he was totally exhausted from the effort of dragging himself to class every day, of keeping pulled together in front of his teachers, the warblers… Thank god there were still a couple of months until regionals, maintaining a conversation with anyone was torture. There were deep, dark circles under his eyes, and that along with his constant fatigue had led everyone to think he's got the flu.

Yesterday he had skipped his last two classes, coming back to his room and unsuccessfully tried to sleep like a normal person. When he woke up one hour later it was with a raging erection that had him moaning and whining and barely able to move.

There had been a little, tiny hope that Kurt would come, that he’d come and reprimand him for not being in his position waiting for him, which he knows is ridiculous because Kurt told him he wouldn’t be coming and besides he had never expected that from Sebastian before, so of course none of that happened. Which was why Sebastian refused to touch himself thinking about him, and it also was why right now, more than twenty-four hours later he was clenching his phone in his hands, searching for any dignity he had left in his body and unable to stop thinking about Kurt’s cock.

He couldn’t get any lower.

He looked at the phone; it had been thirty-five minutes since he got it from some place under the bed and twenty since he hesitatingly searched for Kurt’s number. His finger drifted over the Green button on the screen. He felt as if his bowels were all jumbled up and he was sweating even in the cold of December but really, he knew he was just making up excuses. His sickness was not in the least as bad as it had been other days. Yes, he felt like shit, but his body wasn’t on fire… yet. It was still there though, under his skin, the desperate desire he couldn’t run away of. He needed Kurt, with him. Now.

He presses the button.

There's only five seconds.

"Hello?" Kurt’s voice fills his ears and the words get stuck in Sebastian’s throat. There is music coming from the phone, he doesn’t recognize it but it sounds awfully romantic and, even though one part of him knows that he’s been stupid, another part is over analyzing this fact as if it was supposed to be some clear hint that he should evaporate.

"Uh-um, hi, Kurt—" Then there’s another voice, laughs. Sebastian’s pride makes an unexpected appearance, and wrath seems to fill his chest inside out. For the first time in his entire life, Sebastian pushes it down. He’d have time to be angry about it later, right now the other 95% of his body that wasn’t livid _really_ needed Kurt right now.

He heard the boy say a fast _‘Excuse me I just… need a moment’_ and the sound of a door shutting.

"Sebastian, are you okay?" Kurt asks, still in a small voice, and Sebastian bits his lower lip, hard, only not to give him some petty answer.

"Okay. Just… not very good." His own voice came out sounding much more uneven than what he intended to. Kurt let a gulp of air out and he had just started to say something when a loud sound, which he suspected was someone knocking on the door, stopped him.

"Yeah! Just a sec!"

Sebastian felt his stomach drop again. "Am I interrupting something important?" He heard his own voice go flat with bitterness but either Kurt didn’t or he just didn’t care because he continued to talk as if Sebastian hadn’t said anything.

"What happened? Are you feeling sick again?" the fact that the tone Kurt was using was more urgent to what Sebastian had expected made him feel a little better. He had pictured himself having to whine and grumble and bitch for about ten minutes just to get the dom’s attention.

"I’m- kind of," he answered honestly.

"Are you breathing correctly?"

"I think- yes?"

Kurt sighed again. "Bas…"

And as if to remind Sebastian of its existence his cock went up and down, desperate in its own accord for some attention.

"Hold on, I’m on my way,"

"No, it’s not—" it was Sebastian’s turn to sigh. It was almost six by now, in Winter, so the sun was slowly going down already and it was more than one and half hours from Lima to here. For when Kurt arrived and make it back to his house it could be almost midnight. "It isn’t an emergency. I just needed… could you— on the phone?"

"No way, that’s not what you need. Don’t worry I’ll be there as soon as I can."

And he hung up.

…

Sebastian had to admit his selfish side took a lot of pride in having got Kurt to drop everything he was doing to drive almost two hours to Westerville just because his dick was hard.

It was more than that, of course, but that was the part his brain insisted on.

Since he’d called Kurt every minute seemed to last five, and every five seemed to last forty. One time he was almost sure he saw the hands of the clock in his room going backwards. But no matter how anxious he was, just knowing that Kurt was on his way made him automatically feel better. Kurt was going to fix it. He’ll fix everything and in a couple of hours he would be sleeping, his dick soft and hopefully clean.

After the first thirty minutes his phone rang. Kurt was calling him.

Immediately his mind filled with images of Kurt saying he won't make it to Dalton; that it was too late, that he had better things to do, that Sebastian was egoistic just for thinking he would. But none of that happened. When Sebastian answered the phone, as faster as he could to keep more things from coming to his mind, Kurt only informed him that he was almost halfway and asked if he was okay, _‘Do you know if you have a fever, no? Dizzy? Have you drunk water? Are you sure?’_

Sebastian knew it was sort of dangerous; Kurt was driving, on the highway, he didn’t sound totally calm, and if what he told him was true he was driving at least one hundred miles per hour. He shouldn’t be on the phone right now, he should hang up, but his body just won’t let him. He’d missed Kurt. He’d missed talking to him.

Eventually, he had to. It was almost fully dark by now, which only made it more dangerous for Kurt and he forced himself to be the responsible one for the first time in his life.

Another thirty minutes and he was still lying on his bed, breathing as deep as he could, his hands still clenching the phone between them when there was a series of frantic knocks on the door, fast and loud, and Sebastian’s heart raced. Shit. Was he supposed to be doing something specific? Should he have taken his clothes off? He was only wearing some old grey pants anyway. Wouldn’t that be pretentious, though? Like he expected Kurt to…

The knocking came again and Sebastian shook his head, getting out of bed and walking to the door.

When he opened the door Kurt looked at him as if what he’d expected to see was him torn apart all over the room.

"Are you better? I would have stopped by for some analgesics but I didn’t want to take more than what was necessary." Kurt stormed into his room, closing the door behind him and dropping his things on the floor. The first buttons of his shirt were undone and half his clothes seemed kind of loosened, his hair such a mess it looked as if he had been pulling at it, a so unusual look on him that Sebastian felt an urge to take a photo. "Oh my! Lay down. I don’t want you to get sicker."

Sebastian found himself being pushed backwards by Kurt’s hands on his chest, not at all forceful just… insistent.

"I’m… better,” he said after taking both of Kurt’s hands on his own to calm him down. He couldn’t say he was good, his body still ached and his head was a havoc but the dom seemed truly more upset than what he thought he would be. Kurt stopped to look at him for a couple seconds, letting out a breath of relief when he seemed to convince himself that he wasn’t dying. It was a good thing he wasn’t looking down to where Sebastian’s dick was trying to argue about it, forming an obvious and embarrassing tent in his sweatpants, throbbing and moving as to get closer to Kurt. "I'm sorry I pulled you out of... whatever you were doing before. I should… I was a moron."

Kurt was still holding one of his hands, which made it sort of awkward, and also making Sebastian too self-conscious at the moment. "No, no." he shook his head slightly, squeezing Sebastian's hand. "I told you to call me if anything happened, that was what you did, and I’m glad that you did. You’re a good boy, Sebastian."

Sebastian cringed, feeling the familiar warmth filling his body. He always hated that, always hated how much he liked it.

"Anyway you shouldn’t have come, you should have told me to get by on my own, you had things to do…"

"Don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t want to be away when you feel sick-umm bad. Besides, I felt guilty for not coming yesterday, if I'm honest." Kurt admitted, frowning just for a second.

"You didn’t have to. It's my body. I got myself into all of this."

"Maybe, but right now, while you’re still sick, you are my responsibility."

His erection bulged obscenely in his pants, finally drawing Kurt’s attention to it.

"Oh…" Kurt took a short breath and seemed to gulp it down. "You… sorry, I didn’t realize…" he let go of Sebastian's hand. His eyes had been on Sebastian pants for too long for it to be comfortable for any of them.

"Secondary effect." He said clumsily, just to fill the silence.

Kurt nodded, seeming to get out of his trance.

"Do you want me to… take care of it?"

Sebastian’s breath caught. _Please, please oh fuck yeah please, want it, want it so much, please._ He felt the slight taste of blood on his tongue as he bit it, just hard enough to keep his mouth shut.

"That would be… really fucking great." He said, struggling with the words. He still felt stupid, standing there with a boner at a nighty degrees angle from the rest of his body, but starting to beg and roll over on the floor like a dog would be a lot worse.

"Okay." Kurt nodded again, but his body relaxed a bit as he entered what apparently was his dom-mode or something like that. "On the bed."

…

After what seemed to be like five minutes later Sebastian laid on his bed, blankets tangled around his feet, head resting flat on the mattress and his soft cock twitching with aftershocks after what he thought as the quickest orgasm of his entire life.

It wasn’t, he knew it very well, but no amount of logic would take the pout off his face.

It had been too fast. Too frustrating. Unsatisfying. Kurt had gone directly to the point and just made him jerk off on his arms, just when Sebastian thought they had already got over that.

It hadn’t been bad, he couldn’t exactly complain that was for sure but he and his dick were still disappointed. He longed for the torture that their pasts encounters had been, not this kind of torture but the hot, desperate need of having Kurt’s touch so close and having to wait for it, hoping that it will eventually come.

But maybe Kurt just wasn’t in the mood. Maybe Sebastian had really annoyed him, ruining his weekend plans and he was secretly pissed but trying not to show it. Even if he was, Sebastian was convinced he could make it better, if only Kurt would let him. Except he knew he wouldn’t, in fact there was no point in asking, he’d been turned down so many times by now that he was aware of how useless it was to try.

They had been in the same position for a few minutes and from this angle he could perfectly see the need of the dom. And as much as he loved looking at it and knowing it was him who had provoked it he hated that he wasn’t allowed to touch it. He had to stay on his place and keep his hands to himself.

He still wasn’t able to come to terms with Kurt rejecting him to go hide and jerk off in his bathroom. He’d felt so confused and baffled. It made him want to kick the boy’s ass every time he thought about it. He had been naked and horny and totally willing and Kurt had preferred his own hand? Kurt preferred to be in the bathroom, fixing a problem that Sebastian could very well have taken care of. Was he such a bad option for him that it was better to do it for himself than to let Sebastian touch him?

He hadn’t been enough. He wasn’t enough, not for someone like Kurt, someone pure and kind and smart like him would never see him as more than a charity case. And still… there were times when he thought otherwise, times in which Kurt would look at him as if he was good and right and worthy and capable of more than just sing around a bunch of nerds and have sex with strangers.

But those times were brief and ephemeral, like Sebastian’s time with Kurt. Which was probably why he’d been pretending he wasn’t upset about those five minutes. And besides, it wasn’t as if he had any right to demand more. He didn’t want to enter a discussion that would end up with Kurt leaving. He wanted this to last as much as it could because he knew he wouldn't get more, not with Blaine, and school, and fucking friends taking all of Kurt’s time away.

"You alright?"

Sebastian turned his head to look at Kurt who had a slight frown on his forehead but also a little smile on his lips. Sebastian shrugged, arching an eyebrow and pulling out his best smirk. "I just thought you weren’t gonna drive another night at this time of the night from Lima to Westerville."

That got a chuckle out of Kurt. "Right. Guess I forgot." He said with a smile. "But since you mentioned it perhaps next time you could call at a reasonable hour—"

"I told you you didn’t have to come," Sebastian replied with a roll of his eyes. No matter how happy he was Kurt hadn’t listened to him, he didn’t have to know that.

"—and if you asked nicely and said thank you afterwards—"

"Wasn’t as if I planned it!" he shrugged, a grimace on his face. Kurt wore an expression of irritation mixed with amusement and Sebastian wanted to roll his eyes again when he felt the weight beside him moving. _No, don’t go…_

"Which reminds me…" Kurt got out of the bed, trying to discretely adjust himself in his pants. Sebastian made no effort at all to pretend he wasn’t watching, staring blatantly at his crotch the whole time. "I brought something… that… might be useful for this kind of situations…" he said as his hand moved inside his messenger bag, apparently looking for whatever dumb thing he’d get. Sebastian only could hope it wasn’t some stupid self-help book. What he got out of the bag was unquestionably not a book.

"Are those my pills?" Sebastian asked, confused.

"Yeah. I went to a doctor and asked him about them."

He took the bottle of pills from Kurt’s hand. "So I was right? They don’t cause any harm?"

"Well… not exactly," Kurt answered, one eye narrowing more than the other. "Seems like it contains a component that causes erratic mood changes, which explains your behavior those few days, among other side effects. "

Sebastian wanted to feel angry at that insinuation. He didn't remember having mood swings at all, more than anything he just remembered feeling horny, that and Kurt being a prude all the time. "Like…?"

"Headache, slight changes in weight..." Kurt looked away for a fraction of a second. "Erectile dysfunction if used frequently."

Sebastian shuddered. "Bye, bye pills," he said, dropping the bottle and kicking it away carefully with his foot as if it were some sort of virus. "So that old lady at the drugstore lied to me?"

Kurt sighed. "I suppose maybe it helped you suppress some of the discomfort, or maybe just ... delay it, which is the more likely according to what the doctor told me."

'"You went to see a doctor?"

"Yes. Who, by the way, did a very difficult job for me to get this information. I told him I was a sub but he didn't believe me, besides he wanted to make me blood tests, so I had to tell him that my sub had a phobia to the doctors. Anyway, he recommended me to stop being negligent and a loafer and take care of my sub myself."

"You did all that?"

"Yeah… I mean, I needed to be sure it wasn't dangerous, at least not in a serious way, you already had quite a few."

"That’s… I didn’t think you’d do all that. Sounds rather complicated." Sebastian rubbed the skin on the back of his neck.

"It’s nothing." It was, at least, it was for Sebastian, but he didn’t want to turn it into a big deal, knowing Kurt, he would probably do that for anyone. "But, you know, maybe only for emergencies…" he stepped to the place where the bottle of pills had rolled and picked it up. "And it was interesting."

"How?"

"He made me a lot of questions before he let me talk at all and since I had filled the papers saying that I was a sub… as a dom I don’t get the ‘how often you masturbate?’ or ‘on the scale from one to ten, how submissive do you feel looking at this picture?’ it was weird."

Sebastian couldn’t help laughing a little. "What was your answer?"

"It had the form of weirdly shaped boobs so minus three." Kurt laughed in unison. "It was an experience. Reminded me why I stopped wanting to be a sub when I was twelve. They ask you too much personal information to my taste."

"You wanted to be a sub?" Sebastian asked, moving from his position to lean on one elbow and look at Kurt, genuinely interested. For him the idea of someone actually wanting to be a sub was completely absurd. He truly couldn’t imagine why anyone would; it was horrible. Sabastian knows that it wasn't common for someone to reject their designation for so long, and actually the vast majority was fine with it from the beginning, after listening all their lifes that's how things were and that everything was for the best. Sebastian had had enough of that himself. There were tons of reasons to want to be a dom rather than a sub, and he knew some kids struggled with that, for a year or two, tops. Sharing ‘too much information’ wasn’t one he heard very often.

Kurt nodded, coming to sit on the chair next to the bed.

"Well, everyone said since I was little that I should’ve been one, that I certainly looked like one, that I gave out those `vibes´ so that’s what I believed too. It was the most reasonable; I was scrawny, withdrawn, sullen and antisocial, nothing like the other doms kids. I thought it would be easier, that maybe I was one after all." Kurt answered, not sad or happy, just looking nostalgic. "I was really stupid at the time. I thought, if I am a Dom i shoudn’t feel insecure, I shouldn’t seek refuge or feel afraid, subs do that, I am no sub. But you see, we all have wrong ideas about what it means to be a dom, or a sub, or whay it means to be in a relationship."

Sebastian considered this for a second but, to be honest, he didn't want to think too deeply about all this right now. 

"So what did you do?" he asked, leaning closer to Kurt to be comfortable.

"What was I going to do? Nothing. I still was the same. I talked to my father about it, but both he and my mother assured me that there was nothing wrong with my designation and that was the end of the matter for them. Great help." He snorted at the memory. "But can you imagine? Me? A dom? Seriously every teacher had to check with my parents that I wasn’t lying. It was downright embarrassing. And I couldn’t even blame them. There was absolutely nothing in me that pointed I was a dom, and if you think I look like a girl now you should have seen me a couple of years ago, who would want to submit to someone who looked like me? It was a joke."

Sebastian frowned; he didn’t like the way Kurt talked, he didn’t like to imagine other doms seeing Kurt as less than them, or other subs thinking he wasn’t enough, he didn’t like to think about how bad he must have felt, but the worst of everything was to think that he himself had said and thought many of those things. Kurt was the best person he knew, he didn’t deserve any of that.

Kurt kept talking, distracting Sebastian from his thoughts. "If I had been a sub it would have been a little easier, I think. I would still have had problems with my attitude and a prepuber girl face at sixteen never helps but some pervert would have wanted to corrupt me," he laughed, although it wasn’t a cheerful sound.

Sebastian crossed his arms in his chest. Kurt couldn’t imagine how wrong he was, he was... shit Kurt was stunning, from his bright blue eyes to his perfect skin and his hair and his, his hands and hips and god his ass...

It was not necessary to be a dom to want to corrupt Kurt, Sebastian already wanted that.

Damn I wanted it so bad.

"And what changed?" He forced himself to ask, not wanting Kurt to think he had lost attention to his story.

"Well, when we formed the Glee Club in McKinley, it helped me a lot, I realized that I didn’t need to be like those doms they show in magazines that girls fantasize about, I preferred to be just me, even if it was not the big deal. Then I met Blaine. "

Ugh. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked.

He scoffed and Kurt turned his head to look at him more fixedly. Sebastian didn’t care if he sounded bitter, he hated the tenderness in Kurt’s voice when he mentioned Blaine.

"Sure and I guess it was like a fairy tale after that." he said roughly. "The perfect sub that forever changes the dom’s life ah? Typical."

"Not really," Kurt clarified, confused and curious about Sebastian's attitude. "Blaine didn’t look at me as anything more than a friend for months, and when we started dating there were only a few kisses. For a long time, I had the feeling that he didn’t want to submit to me in that way, and I didn’t expect him to, just like nobody else did and when it happened, I got scared, I guess."

Sebastian leaned forward, his nose very close to the line of Kurt's jaw. He wanted to comfort him, as much as possible. "That's why you broke up?"

"No," said the dom, looking at him when he felt skin-to-skin contact. Sebastian couldn’t help feeling disappointed, but he knew that there was little chance that his assumption was correct. He knew Blaine had been Kurt's only boyfriend and knew that he wasn’t a virgin, and even though he could have had sex without involving a serious relationship he wasn’t naive enough to really believe it.

"So?"

"After a couple of months we started to... do things, I wasn’t able to do many of the things Blaine wanted to do, I was too afraid to do something wrong, I felt like I would break him if I let myself go too far and even though I had a better self-esteem than a few years ago, I didn’t feel comfortable with some things. "

"So he broke up with you…"This time Kurt nodded at him, closing his eyes briefly.

Maybe Blaine had been some kind of lunatic who liked being hung upside down and hit with ten different types of whips, because he couldn’t imagine Kurt not being dominant enough to- well, anything.

Of course Kurt was going to worry about hurting him, it was just like when he had stopped three times to check that he was okay before letting himself touch Sebastian's dick, but no matter how many times he rolled his eyes he appreciated every time Kurt looked at him with worried eyes, even ignoring his own needs to see if he was okay. Sebastian had never had that. And, if anything, Kurt's whole contradictory nature only made Sebastian want him more.

He didn’t want Kurt to feel insecure, he was already perfect enough, he didn’t have to do anything else to please others. Nobody.

Especially not Blaine.

"You are ... a very good Dom Kurt." he said, leaving his comfort zone to look into Kurt's eyes, opening after spending a few moments closed. He swallowed, he hadn’t thought much before saying it. He opened his mouth and hoped he wouldn’t end up babbling. "I know I'm not the best judge, since I've only slept with subs but, I've met a lot of Doms in my life, some of whom subs throw themselves at their feet like they are some big deal, and I ... I wouldn’t prefer to explore this side of me with anyone but you. "

Kurt's expression softened, his blue eyes fixing on Sebastian as a tiny smile appeared on his lips.

"And…"He sighed, forcing himself to continue. "You know, I’ve been thinking…" Kurt dropped his smile and blinked at him with big, attentive eyes. "And I made some research and I concluded that I— maybe, would like to… It would be good for me if I…"

"Yes, Sebastian?" Kurt prompted him.

"I— Perhaps I would like to experiment a little more, uh, with that part of myself…"

"Oh. You mean—"

"Yes." Sebastian cut him out. "And I hoped that, if you are okay with that, you could help me… since you are already helping me with this anyway."

"You’re asking me to… Are you sure?"

"Yes." Sebastian said plainly. He frowned and H=he lowered his head a little, looking more embarrassed than angry. "I'm not an idiot, I realize it's not healthy, what I'm doing, I'd like you to help me, properly, not that you haven’t been doing well until now." He said at gesture Kurt makes to the word, he didn’t mean to make him feel bad. "You’ve done just what I needed until now. Thank you... for not asking me more than I could give, but now, yeah, I would like to see what it feels like, to know if it can be something for me or I can just, shelter myself in a Clinic every couple of years for the rest of my life. "

And god, the prospect sounded awful, he’d rather punch himself In the face, but he knew that if he couldn’t deal with what he was that was the only way for him.

"Don’t say that." Kurt told him. "That you don’t like many aspects of a sadomasochistic relationship doesn’t have to be bad, it's not common but... there are many couples who only have vanilla sex, you know, no whips, no gags, no painplay of any kind. Sebastian being a sub doesn’t mean getting tied and whipped on a daily basis. "

"But you... you like that, don’t you?" he asked. Blood seemed to crawl his way up to Kurt’s face and even though he didn’t look away he didn’t give him an answer either. Sebastian supposed he didn’t need one. "Thought so."

"That's not important, no one can tell you what to do, not unless you want them to." Sebastian looked, as if what Kurt was saying was too complex to assimilate at once. Kurt sighed. "And if at the end of the day you really don’t want all this then be sure you’ll find a dom that thinks like you and still can help you through your sickness. It may take a while but—"

"I still have you." Sebastian said, feeling deep in his bones that he was entering a dangerous zone. A point of no return.

"Yeah… sure you do." He felt Kurt’s hand touching his and he let out a breath. "And if you want me to help you, I’ll do it. And I know exactly where to start."

…

It takes 30 minutes on the Navigator for Kurt to get them where he wanted; an establishment of dubious nature on the outskirts of Columbus. Sebastian opened his eyes with surprise and, frankly, confusion. In front of them was a dark gray building with a large neon sign that said in big, gleaming letters "The White Crop" right on the highest part of the building, from where purple, pink and blue lights came out of huge lamps adorning every corner of the place, as well as the entrance, and several places around where people gathered in small groups and talked, many of them smoking and drinking beer cans.

"Let's go inside." Kurt said, smiling encouragingly at him and getting out of the car. Sebastian followed in his footsteps, still unsure and wearing a puckered frown on his face.

As they got closer and closer to the entrance Sebastian could not stop himself from seeing the people around him. It took him a while to realize the strange way in which most of them were dressed. This must be a kind of leather club, if the way his clients dressed meant anything.

Seeing a large bunch of people gathered at the entrance, he wasn’t sure Kurt would have thought this very well. The expression of frustration on his face when he saw all the people told him he was right. "Umh Kurt? I don't think-"

"No, I- I'll fix it. Just wait here, alright?" He was going to complain and say there was no point in trying, seeing the three big guys guarding the entrance but Kurt didn’t even give him time to talk when he was already ten feet away, walking towards the corpulent guards looking at him strangely. They wouldn’t be here for a long time.

Just as he thought, Kurt is back in less than five minutes, but he is leading one of the guards, the redhead one, behind him.

"He'll let us in." Kurt says enthusiastically and grabs Sebastian's hand, starting to pull him through the crowd, the guard pulling away the people blocking their way. "Come on Seb, you aren't that lightweight," he suddenly realized he was shuffling almost refusing to move forward every time Kurt pulled his arm. He couldn’t blame him, the place was intimidating, and feeling all those eyes on him as they passed with the guard in front of them, yes, it didn’t help much.

When they are finally inside and the red-haired guard says goodbye to Kurt- without deigning to acknowledge Sebastian's existence, by the way- he explodes.

"What the fuck Kurt! Did you see that guy? What stupid lie did you tell him? You promised him a pound of steroids or what the-"

"Shut up," Kurt said calmly, but with a thick tone of voice. "I'm not an idiot."

"Then how-"

"A friend of mine worked here a while ago. I told them that I knew him and since they are great friends with him, they agreed to move us to the front of the line."

"Ah- oh,"

"Yes, oh!"

"I'm sorry, I- I do not know what happened to me,"

Just when Kurt narrowed his eyes at him a girl hit him slightly from behind. She apologized quickly, but only that little second gave Sebastian the ability to divert his attention from the boy in front of him. And God, that girl was wearing a leash. Like, a real lash, with a bell and a chain and another much older girl pulling the strap as if she were a dog.

"Hey why are you doing... that," and that was it, now Sebastian was looking in all directions. And it was not something he would’ve expected to see. Never.

The whole place, it was a... huge... dungeon.

Well, no. Not precisely. He had never heard of a dungeon with music, leather armchairs and waiters serving snacks. But the huge wall full of torture tools... yes, it wasn't so nice. And the half-naked men and women dancing on pedestals hanging from the ceiling weren't very common either. Not to mention the man sobbing loudly, tears running relentlessly down his cheeks as he was whipped with a cane on top of one of the main stages in the middle of the room.

Sebastian felt his chest shrink and his jaw fall open, this time in terror itself.

 _No no no no_ **.** No, he wanted to get out of here. Now. He didn't want to stay here one second more. _Get out, get out, get out._

 _That crying._ Please, someone had to help that boy. All these people, they couldn't be so cold.

Without knowing what was pushing him, if the terrible panic filling every cell of his body or the same stupidity that had let him be dragged here in the first place, he was moving to that place before realizing it, dodging all people to his step. He was further away than he seemed from it, but when he was close enough, a group of about ten or fifteen people didn't allow him to move forward. No matter what he did or what he said they just wouldn't move, seeing the blond man sobbing his body off like it was some kind of television show. He would like to say that it made him furious, but instead, it only made him fear more.

"Hey, sexy..." a male voice breathed into his ear. He turned around to face a tall, young man, of about 20 years old, with dark skin and curly hair looking him up and down "You up for a game, darling? I have my own private playroom for the night."

Sebastian swallowed, hard and thick, his breathing getting even more shallow as he started backing up until his body hit something, warm and firm and smelling of the latest Chanel perfume.

He sank himself into Kurt's neck, feeling the slightly lower man hug him around the waist.

"Sorry, he's taken." Kurt's throat vibrated on his cheek, even if the dom's tone was nothing but kind.

"No apologies, man. Tell your boy I didn't mean to scare him."

"It's okay. He's only nervous."

The heart hammering in Sebastian's chest said more than that.

"I told you to stay by my side." Kurt scolded him when the man was out of sight.

He vaguely remembered the words in the back of his mind, he wouldn't know, he was too busy looking at the dungeon he was in. Sebastian unhooked himself from the other man's body, just so he could look at him right in the eye.

"Kurt take me out of here. This place is repulsive. Please, please I swear I'll do anything- I "

"No." He had to admit, he hadn't expected such a strong response. He looked to the sides, only to check the man a few moments ago had really left.

"Please, I won´t give you any more troubles. Please Kurt, this place is… how can you want to be in a place like this?" he accused, not daring to go further, although it would have stressed his point, he was too terrified to be taken away from Kurt.

"Sebastian I need you to look at it—"

"No. It's sick." Change your mind, alright? It's okay just get me out of here," But Kurt didn't listen to him, instead forcing him to turn his body without letting go of his waist and so now was he who was hiding his face in Sebastian's neck, keeping him so tight to his body that he could feel the rhythm of his breathing on his neck.

"I'm not going to ask again, Sebastian. Look. Forward. Would you be good? Just this time?"

He doesn't answer anything, but he looks forward, to the madness that is happening right in front of his eyes.

"Look at the guy's face."

"I don't wanna-" Kurt bites the skin on his jaw, making Sebastian let out a small scream. "Ahh-ah, Ouch!" he said with indignation.

"Do it." He complied. He felt like he was going to vomit at the sight of so many tears; he had already lost count of how many times the woman had hit the cane against the boy's skin. It was totally red from the effort, if not the humiliation, or the pain, and he had his eyes closed to avoid more tears from coming out.

"Do you think he’s really suffering?"

"Yeah!"

"Then maybe you’d want to look lower." Sebastian shook his head. He already knew how the man was looking down there, where the state of his arousal was visible for everyone to see. "No one is forcing him to be there, do you get that?"

"He’s crazy! Just like everybody here!"

"Maybe. But concentrate. Tell me just how much is he suffering. "

Sebastian scowled. The man let out a howl in what seemed like a particularly intense blow "A lot."

"Are you sure?" Kurt let go of his waist and wrapped his arms around his shoulders, bringing them closer. Breathing into Sebastian’s ear, he said, "Would you bet with me ‘bout it?

_More. More, please. Please, harder._

It was what the man's lips said, like a mantra, which he repeated over and over again, as each blow fell into place. Sebastian's eyes moved without his permission, where the man's huge erection was visible in his leather thong.

"No." he said, in spite of himself. Kurt rewarded him with small wet nibbles on his earlobe.

"Good boy."

Sebastian felt his lower body respond. He couldn’t help it. The warmth of Kurt’s mouth sent a hot tingle right to his dick.

Kurt made him watch as the man collapsed on the floor, forgetting his position on all fours. The woman, fully dressed in a leather leotard in contrast to her almost completely naked sub threw the cane of the stage, dropping herself on her knees and wrapping the blonde around her arms. He lost no time in returning the hug, letting the girl spread dry kisses all over his forehead, cheeks, chin, eyelids, and as the crowd that had been watching was dissipating he could see how she dried his tears with her fingers and letting the sub lie on her chest.

"Jackass," Sebastian said as an answer, he too letting his weight fall subconsciously a little into Kurt's, who was now kissing the space between his neck and his nape. Mmh, that felt good.

 _"Thank you, baby."_ he saw the lips of the woman pronounce underneath the music, kissing her sub tenderly on the mouth.

" _Thank you, ma’am_ "

"Is that what torture looks like for you?" Kurt asked, letting his grip loosen so he could move.

"No," he admitted, immediately missing the heat surrounding his neck. "But it was- it didn't seem nice."

"Mmh, maybe you want to ask the victim, how horrible it was?" Sebastian frowned, returning his gaze to the stage to see the couple sharing a kiss worthy of a porn movie.

He moaned in surrender and Kurt smiled tenderly at him. "Okay, I thought it was too cruel too, the first time." Sebastian looked at him. "The first time I saw it, I mean. I came here with my friend, the one I told you used to work here, and some few more friends. "

That, in fact, made him feel better. Although he doubted any of them had tried to intervene in the show. Ugh.

He kind of wants to ask if Blaine had come, too. How had Blaine, the perfect sub, reacted to see something like that on stage and know that it could be him up there. Because it sure gave Sebastian shivers.

Which reminded him.

"Why did that guy automatically assume I was a sub?" He asked, back to his displeased mood. "Do I have the face of being a sub?"

Kurt laughed affectionately and Sebastian felt embarrassed to be so mouthy.

"You say it like it's an offense. You are a sub, Sebastian." He was not going to stick his tongue out, he would not do it now.

"That is not an answer."

"What do I know, maybe the fact that you were so nervous, or maybe the boy just flirts with everything that has legs. Would remind me of someone." Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Now come with me, and do not get away from me this time or I swear I'll put a leash on you too."

Strangely that didn't sound so bad now. Not if it kept all these people away from him.

Kurt took him to a darker area, full of sofas and elegant chairs, with waiters every 5 meters and a lot of people dancing, half of them laughing at their horrible dance steps and the other half practically having public sex at the dance floor.

They walked away from the crowd, Kurt coming to sit on one of the black leather sofas that from his experience he suspected were Italian. He sat down on the chair next to him, waiting to call the waiter but Kurt pulled his hand as soon as he sat down, shaking his head.

"No. Here, I'll give you this," he said, placing one of the chair cushions on the floor. Sebastian looked at him in confusion. "Kneel," Kurt explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Oh," Around them, there were subs kneeling for their doms while they sat in chairs, couches, tables, even some did with their doms standing, except for those who seemed to be alone, who just sat alone, but in general he could say that not a single sub occupied a seat.

Now, that was segregationist.

He got off the couch, but hesitated before kneeling on the pillow. He had never knelt -Not to Kurt, nor anyone else- in public. Of course he knew that no one would care, he wouldn't be the only one who kneeling, after all. But anyway, the fear that someone here could recognize him and see... even if it was unlikely...

"Here, pet." Kurt said and he sank to his knees.

Pet? Since when Kurt called him…? Was that meant to be a kind of…? he wasn´t… not a pet, so…

But from the way Kurt was stroking his hair, he doubted it was meant to be something bad. Maybe, he would ask later.

He opened his eyes from his momentary trance when Kurt stopped his movements completely. A woman had sat in the place that Sebastian had previously occupied, but unlike all the other people - and like them - she was not wearing any leather, just a black elegant velvet outfit.

"I hope you're having a good night," she said addressing Kurt. "I see you are new. My name is Vera, I'm one of the administrators, I just wanted to inform you about some of our attractions, like the chamber, the dance floor in the basement, there's also a restaurant on the same floor if you want something, and of course-"

"Oh don't worry, I've been here before, I know everything very well," Kurt stopped the endless chatter of the woman, which was great, because he knew how long these conversations normally took.

"Oh, excellent, but you don't have a subscription?"

"No. It's not like I come very often, but I'll consider it, thank you."

Understanding the hint, the woman nodded. "You have an adorable sub, I must congratulate you."

Sebastian frowned. He was right there. What was going on with these people? All night long he had only been directed two words from that boy who wanted to take him to- whatever it was called. He didn't know why everyone kept acting as if he wasn't t there or like- like...

"Thanks," Kurt said simply.

"Very handsome, you're lucky."

"I know, thanks." The hand in his hair started to move again, and Sebastian seemed to melt into that _. I know._ He almost purred.

Frankly, he didn't know anymore if the woman was still there or if she had finally left, the hand in his hair felt way too good, almost as good as the kisses Kurt had given him a few minutes before. Mmh he wouldn't mind coming back here if they could do this every day...

On his right side, Sebastian caught sight of a sub kneeling for his dom, the girl sleepily leaning on the man, letting her head fall against his legs as he wrote something on his phone, but always with one hand rubbing her back. Sebastian was beginning to feel drowsy, too...

Maybe Kurt wouldn't mind... they were friends now, weren't they?

He leaned forward and saw that there was a different woman talking to Kurt, but it didn't matter, he let himself fall against his legs, his head moving to rub his nose against the soft fabric of his pants. Huh, it was a comfortable place, there, on his knees, his head resting on Kurt's legs. He shuddered.

Kurt started stroking his hair in a different way, then. Combing his hair from top to bottom of his nape. It didn't bother him, he couldn't look more strange than these people. He opened his eyes a little and saw the girl on his right smile empathically at him in secret.

"Flirting, are you?" Kurt asked amused.

"What?" Sebastian raised his head, only slightly, seeing Kurt from below. He pointed to the girl.

"Nothing." Kurt chuckled. "Maybe you want to take a walk? Know the place?" If he was going to be sincere he preferred a thousand times to stay where he was, but he wanted to see what else he could get out of obeying Kurt, for a change.

"Okay," Like a gentleman. -he rolled his eyes, twice- Kurt helped him stand up and reminded him not to leave his side, starting to walk in a straight line.

It took him to a somewhat strange part of the place. There were several couples leaning on the edge of what appeared to be a rectangular bar about ten or twelve meters long and a meter high, the colored lights decorating it changing every few seconds. It seemed strange to him, especially when he noticed the way that most of the couples there were looking at each other, as if they were completely hypnotized, either by the other or by the bar. It made more sense when they got closer, then it was pretty obvious that the bar was actually some kind of aesthetic railing that surrounded a hole in the floor that left what was happening on basement available for all to see.

Down there were a lot of people, some contemplating another of the club's shows; a girl hanging from the ceiling by the legs and hips the way they do at the circus sometimes, another girl rising up on her toes to kiss her. It reminded him a bit of that scene in the Spiderman, only that here it actually looked romantic and not ridiculous. And if Sebastian was saying that about two girls kissing... ew. He was already reconsidering it.

Most people were dancing, though, couples swaying at a slow pace under artificial lights of muted colors, some of them sharing kisses, hugs and talking in each other's ears. It was the pure image of romanticism.

"What, upstairs is the sex club and the basement the love club? What twisted mind thought all of this?"

Kurt was smiling, although Sebastian doubted that he'd found that last comment very funny.

"Do you want to go down to the restaurant?" Kurt asked instead. "I remember they make really good crepes."

Sebastian shakes his head, almost incredulous. Although he wonders what aspects of sadomasochism would be involved in a restaurant serving crepes. "No, thanks, maybe something to drink though, my throat is suddenly dry."

"Sure, I'll bring some." Kurt said, turning around, but stopping and retracing his steps to face Sebastian. "And don't go anywhere. Stay here. And if someone wants to talk to you, don't look them in the eye. They will go away." He nods and Kurt walks away. He just stares at the couples dancing in the basement while he waits for Kurt.

After a few minutes it started to get boring, though. All these couples smooching and making such a sinister place seem totally cheesy while he's there standing alone with himself is not very nice.

He snorted a little to himself. He didn't understand how it is that he ended up in this place, _he_ precisely, that had never wanted to know anything about any of this, in a sadomasochism club! Absurd!. If only his family could see him now. It would at least get him rid of a couple of those awkward weekly phone calls.

He had to admit, this place was... something else. Maybe because although doms and subs get bound all the time, it's not so common to see them exhibit this type of behavior in public. Although... it's not like Sebastian knew a lot about the real world, neither... That is, since he was almost a baby he has attending day care centers for more than 12 hours, and his short stay at Heritage Middle School, the only public school he'd attended, hadn't gone very well. Direct to a boarding school in France for boys right after that had been like coming back to the same routine, but with a little more of freedom. There Sebastian had learned that it wasn't necessary to be a dom to pretend to be one, and getting anonymous sex was just one of the perks of it.

Being back in Westerville had not affected him as much as he had wanted to make his parents think. It was just more of the same; spend day and night in Dalton and take a couple of getaways over the weekend. That, until his stupid sickness had shown up to ruin everything.

"Hey, you. You, the cute one." A chill ran down Sebastian's back when he saw the man behind him. He had black shoulder-length hair, no shirt on, and the leather of his pants left nothing to the imagination. He wasn't sure if he was imagining things but he thought the man was wearing eyeliner...

Oh, damn.

As soon as he realized it, Sebastian lowered his eyes to his feet.

Yes, the guy was handsome and yes, those pants were a temptation. But he was a Dom, and the only Dom Sebastian could tolerate talking to lately was Kurt.

Kurt, whose boots he could see walking towards him.

"Sorry," he heard a voice say sincerely and then there was a finger on his chin, raising his head.

"Wow, I didn't think you'd listen to me." Was the first thing he said when Sebastian met his eyes.

He couldn't help frowning. "Why? Is it so surprising that I can follow an instruction?"

"No, but I wouldn't be too willing to turn down an offer like that either," he laughed, almost cheerfully. Sebastian didn't understand why that sentence bothered him so much.

"He's a dom," he said as an explanation, turning around to lean again against the wall again. Kurt stopped laughing at that. Sebastian hoped he hadn't noticed the touch of bitterness in his voice.

"I guess you have plenty of options; first the guy from the showroom and now that guy. No wonder why you like to go party," Kurt's tone was tense. Neither of them spoke for a while, looking towards the dance floor on the basement floor until a waiter brought a couple of drinks and handed them to Kurt. Sebastian was already growing accustomed to being ignored.

Kurt handed him his drink and got back to look down at the people dancing. Sebastian searched for something to say when he felt the silence had dragged on for too long.

"No alcohol?" he asked, after taking an experimental sip of the blue drink in his glass.

"Hm?" Kurt muttered, still distracted by his own thoughts.

"The drinks, do they have no alcohol?" he asked again.

"Oh- Oh no, nothing here is served with alcohol. It's part of the requirements to be here. You have to be completely sober. Nobody should drink if they're going to be part of a scene later." he explained.

"I saw some people drinking on the parking lot, I don't think they're exactly 'sober'."

"Well, they can't control what's going on outside these walls, can they? But, they make a good effort." Sebastian nodded. Kurt then leaned a little closer to him and whispered near his ear. "There's a guy behind you who keeps looking at you, blond, green eyes, a horrible shirt. It looks like your type."

Sebastian looked back and turned his head, the annoyance in his voice was much more noticeable now than it had been before. "Dom, remember? Doms are not my type! Besides, that hair?" Justin Bieber is _so_ not my type, and besides, why everyone here keeps assuming I'm the sub?"

"You are."

"Still!"

That makes Kurt smile. "Probably because of how nervous you are... Hey, the first time I came I was like fresh meat for a pack of lions,"

"Braggart," the younger man rolled his eyes.

"There's nothing to brag about; they were all doms. In fact, I had to ask myself the same question as you several times."

"Well, obviously you have overcome that, those fools, clumsy and repressed subs have not stopped looking at you since you arrived." Kurt frowned then. Was he really so blind?

"That's not true," he said, his scowl still present.

"Yeah, sure," Kurt seemed to want to continue protesting but Sebastian changed the subject before he could say anything else. "I'm getting bored watching these freaks grinding at each other anyway. What? I'm supposed to be either doing this or seeing some dude get whipped?"

"You want to see the orgies room?" Sebastian choked with his drink, coughing audibly when the liquid slid down a painful place in his throat. Kurt came to help him, taking the glass out of his hand and giving small blows to his back.

"Are you serious?" He asked, strangling himself with his own voice. Kurt chuckled softly on his cheek but he could tell that he felt at least a little guilty for having caused that reaction in Sebastian.

"No, of course not. Though the bathroom seems very like it." He added as a joke. Sebastian abruptly pulled away from him, puckering his nose in a way that he could not help when angry and embarrassed, and raising his voice more than necessary.

"Why are you making fun of me? I'm done!" Kurt caught him by the waist when he passed by his side to try to make his dramatic exit from the place. Sebastian twisted in his embrace and even bit him on the shoulder trying to break free, which he knew quite childlike, by the way.

"Stop!" Kurt said and when Sebastian ignored him Kurt abruptly slapped him right on his left ass cheek.

Sebastian stopped in his movements to scream in surprise and the ephemeral pain in his backside. "Ow! That hurt!"

No, it did not.

"I said stop," Kurt repeated and Sebastian found himself unable to move in his current position. "Come on, be good,"

"No! I don't want to!"

"I'm sorry," Kurt said, allowing him to turn around and grabbing Sebastian by both sides of his neck to force him to look at him. "I'm sorry."

Not daring to argue anymore, Sebastian looked at the floor, wishing they were in his small room at Dalton, Kurt having Sebastian tell him about his day and tying his hands as if that was all his sickness might need when it was more than obvious that it was not.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Kurt muttered, his face just a few inches from Sebastian's.

"Can we go back now?" he asked, realizing how hot and uncomfortable he felt in his belly.

Kurt frowned, removing both hands from Sebastian's neck and moving them until they were resting on the lower part of his back, taking slow steps forward, making him walk backwards. "Why?"

"I- what are you doing?"

"Let's go dance, maybe it can help your bad mood," Kurt teased.

"I'm entitled to a bad mood! Do you know how much I've slept the last three days?" he inquired, eyes landing on Kurt's smarty smirk. Okay, fuck it. Only Sebastian could smirk like that, Kurt was not allowed to look _that_ hot.

Suddenly Sebastian's ears were overflow with the shrill music of the place. He looked around to realize they had returned to the dance floor from before. He wanted to say no, he definitely preferred to be in his bed, talking quietly with his hands tied over his head, as bored as that seemed to his hormones in constant motion. But then, Kurt's forehead leaned into his and he sighed.

"Promise you I’ll let you sleep all you want after we’ve left." He smiled, closing his eyes and breathing calmly practically on Sebastian’s mouth, he could perfectly taste the flavor of Kurt's breath in his mouth. Yes, he could remember it pretty damn good too; warm, wet, delicious…

No matter how tired he was, the least Sebastian wanted from Kurt was for him to let him sleep.

The hand on his back brings them even closer until his belly and Kurt's are touched, their feet are almost tangled together as they move in a slow rhythm and Sebastian try to forget the way their cocks are pretty much touching but his body wasn’t cooperating. He stops moving, ready to tell Kurt that he wants to go but his action provokes Kurt’s leg to push between his own when he does move. Sebastian groans, his dick giving a strong spasm at the sudden and lovely pressure. He bites his tongue and hopes it hadn't been too obvious but he knows that with their bodies pressed in that way having any hope of it was useless.

He expects Kurt to stop moving, to get all embarrassed and shy and say that maybe Sebastian was right, that they should go; Sebastian needed to sleep, get better, Kurt’ll see him next week, but he didn’t say any of that. They looked at each other. Then they started moving again.

Kurt’s face is now in the space between his head and his shoulder. Sebastian can feel his breath on his ear. The music is not particularly slow but it’s as if either Kurt doesn’t notice or just don’t care. His body guides him so Sebastian doesn’t need to think in order to move in sync with him. It’s warm and comforting and, precisely when he was letting it go, he felt a long lick on his neck.

Sebastian squirmed, the hand on his back bringing them together again as Kurt’s tongue got back to work. "Kurt?" Sebastian asked, suppressing a sound as he felt Kurt’s teeth sank into his skin.

"You smell… confusing." The dom said and okay perhaps that drink did have something because that definitely sounded drunk. "Bad."

That wasn’t much better.

"I hate the smell of cigarette."

Oh. Well, that made more sense. Sebastian probably reeked 24/7. It’s not as if he didn’t know, he hasn’t given up smoking in all this time since his sickness started. He smoked at least three or four cigarettes every mealtime, if not more. It was what hide the smell... or change it, was more like it. He had made sure all his clothes were impregnated with it and though it was kind of gross, it worked good enough.

"It looks like you trynna eat it though," Sebastian meant to sound cocky but his voice faltered when Kurt bite him hard on his shoulder and Sebastian moaned involuntarily when he feels Kurt's cock shake against his thigh.

He doesn't know why a feeling of pride suddenly fills him in the awareness. Of course Kurt is getting hard. He's gay, he's chest to chest dancing a little too tight with a man in a sadomasochistic club, what Dom of eighteen years wouldn't be hard? Even so, knowing that it was he, _he_ , and not any other stupid sub, the one that was provoking this reaction in him made an inexplicable satisfaction that had nothing to do with his cock spread throughout his body.

He had to hold himself back not to start rutting against Kurt’s leg at the mere feeling of it. It felt so good, after every time Kurt had rejected him, having his hands and body and tongue on him. Kurt wanted him. He knew it. Rationally, when he wasn’t feeling like a piece of shit he knew it. Maybe if they weren’t in this situation, if Sebastian was a little less of an asshole, if only Kurt would take him farther, he could do so many things. Kurt made Sebastian want to prove he was worthy, he could make an effort, and fuck he could make Kurt come so hard...

_God I'm so horny right now._

Just as the thought stormed into his head he realized that despite his attempts he hadn’t been able to suppress his wishes because, not exactly surprisingly, he was pressing a little too tight to Kurt’ crotch, searching for all the friction he could get and panting when he noticed Kurt not only wasn't moving away but was complying with the movement, almost hitting Sebastian with his hips.

Sebastian almost slipped in surprise. Was Kurt really- _Fuck_ , he moaned again when Kurt moved them sharply, causing one of his knees to rub against Sebastian's cock.

"You like that?" Kurt's soft voice asked, his nose brushing the back of his neck. One of his hands had to climb up his back to hold Sebastian from his shoulder blades so he wouldn't slip from his arms.

"I-I don't- I didn't, you- I mean, I didn't know you could be so..."

"Dominant?" Kurt provided, he didn't look happy at his own insinuation but he didn't seem particularly annoyed either.

"Sexually unworried, um on public places," he corrected as best he could. Kurt seemed to like this answer better. He spoke almost on Sebastian's lips, the skin on the back of his neck was completely prickled. He could almost feel the moisture of Kurt's mouth on his...

"Oh yes, how did you called me? Uptight?" Kurt did the knee thing again, but Sebastian refrained from moaning in the mix of slight pain and pleasure, having been more prepared for it this time.

"I... was just... am... sorry?" He stammered, all the words echoing in his head. He saw the playful smile breaking through on Kurt's face. If Sebastian didn't know whether or not Kurt knew how he was affecting him, that was very clear by then.

"Are you?" Kurt’s nose brushed his, still smiling, talking over his lips. He didn’t know if he was supposed to answer or not but before he had to make that decision Kurt’s mouth was on his, warm and wet and everything he remembered. Sebastian couldn't respond very well in the first seconds, but once he got what was happening

and his body stopped feeling like a rag doll, he began to move in response. He opened his mouth to let Kurt's tongue in, so Kurt would stop pushing between his lips as if he had to keep them open by himself, his tongue immediately beginning to explore in Sebastian's mouth as the totally new experience it was. Sebastian let him, it felt very good, if a little messy and wet for all the saliva.

It was not at all like the first kiss they'd shared. It'd been nice, just lips touching and the new taste of the other's mouth. This, without a doubt was... more intense; lips, tongue, and even teeth involved.

Kurt's tongue was pushing up on Sebastian's mouth, kissing him slow and slippery and way dirtier than what was acceptable in public. Sebastian loves it. He sucks greedily at Kurt’s lips and tongue and lets Kurt bite and lick and suck all he wants. Sebastian really doubts that what they're doing is considering dancing anymore, with their hips rolling up and down again and again.

And the thing is, Sebastian doesn’t see Fireworks when he kissed Kurt. For Sebastian, it is as if his whole brain turned off, he was just a pile of desire and need and the only thing in his mind was Kurt.

For a few moments while Kurt kept trying to taste every corner of Sebastian's mouth, one of his neurons seemed to rebel at this, seriously making him wonder if indeed those drinks had had nothing in them. He felt rather drunk in fact, and Kurt himself seemed to be, drunk, and wild, rough, and so, so hot.

But Kurt had been like that before, a couple of times, and he had certainly felt that way before, too.

His thoughts were thrown out a window when he felt Kurt biting his lower lip out. Hard.

"You're feeling better?" Kurt muttered once that he had released the now sensitive skin of his lip.

"Don't... shit with me," he said stupidly and well maybe he was drunk after all. Kurt seemed pleased with the answer because he resumed kissing down Sebastian's jaw and down on his neck. It felt good, really, really good, but he wanted to go back to his mouth, he'd barely had time to explore on his own. "Kisme," he said and Kurt laughed, but it didn't feel like mockery, just playful.

He gasped when Kurt began to suck on the same spot on his neck. Fuck, he was going to leave a mark. Sebastian had never felt so good about having someone do this to him, in fact, he had always detested when someone tried to mark his skin, as if he was some kind of prize, as if his body was the toy in which someone puts their name so that nobody else takes it. The skin hurt and Sebastian stopped moving when he thought about all that, then Kurt licked the wound tenderly, his tongue warm against Sebastian's neck. And Sebastian must have been an idiot all his life because this was awesome.

"Do you want that?"

"Yes," it came out like a gasp between his lips. He didn't even know what he meant anymore, he just wanted it, anything, anything Kurt would give him.

"How much?" Kurt asked and Sebastian started to feel the movement of Kurt's fingers under his shirt, caressing the skin on his belly.

"I- I really, really do," he managed to answer and one of Kurt's fingers sank into the space between his skin and his belt, seeking to reach below. Sebastian was soon becoming a desperate mess.

"Enough to beg for it?" Kurt all but purred.

_Oh, crap. That bast- Oh my god does that feel good..._

"Bas… time´s up,"

Sebastian inhales a great amount of air. Okay, he can do this; it is what he wants after all, he can ask for what he wants.

"P-Please..." he said, still unsure. "Please, Kurt... would you- ah"

Kurt interrupts him, tilting his head like he was considering a big problem. "Mh, you don´t seem to want it as much as I thought. Pity. We should stop now, I don't want to do something you’re not completely up with"

"No! I do! I- promise," Fuck the pride, that shit won't get him an orgasm. "Please, please I want it, I want it so bad, It's all I can think of, please touch me, kiss me, please, please-"

He couldn't continue because Kurt was on him again, kissing him like the world would be over at the next minute, his hips doing a sinful dance against Sebastian's. He couldn't form a word, he was too shocked, too turned on and too full with Kurt's tongue to even bother trying.

"Someone got a reward," Kurt muttered when he separated for a moment to get air. Reward hm? That sounded good. Sebastian returned to kiss Kurt but the other man wouldn't let him take it too far, it had barely been a couple of minutes when he pulled away again.

"Kurt—"

"Let´s get out of here," Kurt says, his voice low and heavy against Sebastian’s ear.

Before he can even process the words Kurt grabs him by the shirt, dragging him a little too rough all over the place, stopping two or three times to kiss him again on the way.

They were out of the building in a short time and even when they were outside Kurt kept dragging him energetically all the way through the parking lot, none of the people crowded outside the place watching them strangely when he came out being pulled by the other guy as if he weighed a feather, making him stumble more than once.

He didn't know why that made him feel so good; none of them looked at them as freaks, here he wasn't weird, he wasn't wrong, he wasn' a mistake of nature. It was like the first time he'd been in a gay bar, but it was even better, now he wasn't trying to fake anything, he just had to let go, to let Kurt drag him, letting him take control.

It was like a fucking drug.

When they finally reached the spot where the navigator was parked Kurt gave a strong pull of his arm and Sebastian crashed into the cold steel, trembling slightly. Kurt didn't give him enough time to lament it, though. He lunged at him even more fiercely than he had on the dance floor, his lips were cold when he kissed him and Sebastian took it upon himself to warm them up fairly quickly. The hands of the dom grabbed his hips and he stuck them to his body as if they could merge into one. He could feel Kurt's hardness through the fabric of his pants.

"Do you need help?" _Good Lord, yes_. "To get in, Sebastian" Kurt added a moment later with a sly laugh.

 _To… oh._ Sebastian looked at the now-open door of Kurt's car and was sure that a little color was rising to his face. But that was not what caught his attention more at that moment. That was the door to the back seat.

He didn't have to think twice before falling into the black leather seat and Kurt didn't make him wait as he moved astride above him, closing the door with an agile movement of his foot. Suddenly he was being kissed and touched everywhere, the atmosphere became hot and heavy as the seconds passed, and Kurt's weight made it a little difficult for him to breathe in this position. Kurt realized after he had begun to breathe superficially, and leaned on his legs, leaving Sebastian's mouth to follow his jaw, his neck, the base of his ear, his clavicle...

Then he felt Kurt's hands trying to unbuckle his belt and the babbles of _yes, yes, oh fuck yes_ they kept coming out of his mouth, Kurt must have liked it because he rushed his hands, more confidence in his movements than he had before. He had this look in his eyes, condescending and confident and even a little bit arrogant.

He wanted to see those eyes from between Kurt's legs.

The dom's lips fell on his, just pressing their mouth together as his hands opened Sebastian's pants and reached inside.

Sebastian almost came in his pants right there.

"Shhh," Kurt said, pulling away and putting a hand over his mouth before giving him a peck. "You're being too loud."

Sebastian groaned, his hips rising off the leather surface in his excitement and need. "Fuck it! Just touch me already!" he didn't know where that came from. He froze, ready to apologize, when he heard Kurt laugh. Even in the darkness of the car Sebastian could see his teeth sticking out from between his lips and the sound was the most cheerful he'd ever heard him do. He smiled, glad he hadn't ruined the moment, and contrary to all his assumptions Kurt bent down to kiss him properly this time, at the same time that Sebastian felt the hot fingers wrap his cock.

_Holy fucking shit._

"Fuuuccck! Fuch, fuck, fuck damn fuck—"

"I love how eloquent you are," Kurt said with a smile, lowering his head to nibble a spot on his collarbone.

He still was being too loud, and he knew there were lots of people outside, and though Kurt was still trying to hush him, instead of fearing the possibility of getting caught he was getting a shameful thrill out of it.

"Faster, oh fuck faster" Somewhere in his mind something told him he wasn't supposed to demand anything, much less give orders, but he couldn't help it. He took his hands from Kurt's arms and moved them as low as he could, groping for something more to hold onto and moaning as the hand on his cock moved faster.

"Do you mind if I..." Kurt started, looking at Sebastian as something new and bright, but stopping before finishing the sentence, gazing into his eyes.

"If you... what?" he asked, anxious. The lunges on his cock slowing down now. At first he thought it was a game, one of those that Kurt usually does to calm the hormones of his sickness but when he didn't say anything in return he knew it was over.

_No. No, no, no, no…_

The car door opened and Kurt got out. Sebastian remained there, watching static as Kurt slipped out of his hands, there collapsed in the leather seat, scolding himself for thinking even for a second that Kurt Hummel would let this go on. It was so ridiculous now that he almost wanted to hit himself.

Kurt stayed outside for a long time, leaning over the driver's door. When he turned around he looked at Sebastian from above and smiled briefly at him before closing the back door and getting into the driver's seat, turning on the car as soon as he was up.

He looked at him through the rearview mirror. "Relax okay? We'll be at Dalton before you know it."

His cock completely forgotten by then, Sebastian looked at the roof of the car, wishing he could do something to fix the mess he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I know you probably don't even remeber what this fic is about but im moving slowly. So sorry to leave you in such a cliffhanger but this couldn't be longer. I promise you guys won't hate me next chapter ;)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiii guys, this is so weird, first time in my life I update in 10 days! Can't believe it...
> 
> But I really wanted this to be my Christmas present for you all and believe me I haven't ever written at this pace since I started doing it. 
> 
> As a warning I tell you, this is 8000 words of pure smut so... Merry Christmas!!!

He hardly felt the moment the car stopped moving. The engine was still on and nothing besides the lack of movement indicated they were back at Dalton. Even so, there must have been something that suggested it, though he at the time couldn’t say what it was, because Sebastian felt the sudden need to run away.

When he opened his eyes to look around him the only thing he recognized were Dalton’s large and strong trees, which were one thing he could see from his position. He felt so tired, both physically and mentally. He had already exhausted all disgusting thoughts that crossed his mind to try to lower his erection, but in his opinion he hadn't had enough time, the way back had seemed much faster than it had been the first time. He didn't know if it was his imagination, and he didn't care either, not right now.

He sat up in the car seat and without a single word opened the door and got out of the car. He was going to save Kurt that discomfort; it would be easier for both of them, anyway.

At least the place was near the dormitories; he didn't feel like walking a lot. The only thing he wanted at that moment was a cold shower, his bed and an uninterrupted sleep night of at least 24 hours.

That until he feels a breath disturbingly close to his neck and two hands that held him by the stomach. Sebastian jumped in surprise and only got upset when he turned his head to see Kurt smiling, practically on top of him, knowing perfectly the reaction he had caused. He wanted to break free, he was not in the mood for more games, but Kurt didn't let go, sinking his chin into Sebastian's shoulder.

"Are you mad at me?" Kurt asked, and despite he could not see his expression anymore his voice sounded much more serious than his face had seen.

Sebastian frowned, his hands reaching out to grab Kurt's hands where they were still firm on his stomach. "What?"

"You are angry with me." He stated. It seemed much less of a question now, in fact he seriously doubted it was one.

"No." He shook his head and Kurt's chin moved from his shoulder.

"Then why did you think leaving me like that was a good way to behave?"

"I thought-" he stopped, thinking about how to continue the sentence without sounding as silly as he did in his head. Kurt didn't say anything; apparently interested in the answer Sebastian could give him. "I thought it was over."

"You want it to be over?"

"That’s not what I meant, I just—"

He cut himself again, this time because of Kurt's hands that had begun to move in slow circles around his belly. Suddenly he was too conscious of his back brushing against Kurt's chest, his lips a phantom trail on his ear when he spoke.

"Yes?" his warm breath hit him on the cheek and Sebastian already felt himself melting into the arms that held him.

"I- that feels good," he murmured absently and almost heard the smile burst on Kurt's face.

"We better get to your room, then."

It's less than ten minutes after that they're banging on the door of Sebastian's room, Kurt pressing him firmly against the wood material even though Sebastian has his back turned to him to maneuver the key into the lock.

"Hurry up," Kurt said with a firm voice, his lips brushing against the beginning of his spine and then depositing a kiss there. Sebastian needed two failed attempts to finally open the door of the small room, but as soon as he got it he was practically pushed inside, the door crashing against the wall as his body was brutally turned around and crushed between the cold surface and the other boy's warm body. "You're too slow."

"You're hard to please," he replied, unable to avoid smiling at the boy no more than one inch from him.

"Am I?" Sebastian nodded when Kurt buried his face in his neck, never touching him, just breathing there until he was getting desperate, standing there against the wall with a very hard, very sensitive dick.

"Is everything alright?" he asked when Kurt finally took his head from Sebastian's neck and looked at him, a strange expression clinging to his features. He didn't answer and Sebastian was quickly getting nervous when he felt Kurt's hands tightening more on his waist, though he suspects that was more of an involuntary gesture, and he looked from his eyes to his lips and back to his eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian felt his eyes and lips furrowing at the question, confused. "I- Why do you ask me that?"

"I just want to be sure," Kurt replied. His hands rolled the fabric of Sebastian's shirt in a nervous gesture. He didn't know how such a simple act could seem so hot at that moment. "I don't want to do anything that you don't totally agree with. I'm not your Dom, I can't—" He stopped, a rather bitter expression on his face.

Sebastian felt a strange twinge of disappointment. He knew Kurt wasn’t his dom. Still, the memo sort of killed the mood. He didn't want to have to ask for anything. No, that would be too embarrassing, it'd probably only serve to scare Kurt away. All this would be much easier if Kurt just stopped trying to be so stupidly perfect and ravish his body against the fucking wall. Instead, the prick had to act so damned nice, sensitive and sweet, holding Sebastian as if he could collapse at any moment and looking into his eyes as if he was a pure thing that had to be protected and taken care of. Hell, he was not.

"You can, you do whatever you want with me" He was not even sure that was said correctly, but fuck who cared! Kurt looked him up and down, like a lion stalking his prey before pouncing on him and taking the first bite. Sebastian didn't know the kind of things Kurt really wanted to do to him, but he certainly wouldn't mind fulfilling every single of his wishes and desires and as long as he got to see that look on him.

When Kurt left his thoughts aside and leaned down to press on Sebastian's lips, the kiss was nothing like what he expected. It was more like what his first kiss had been, just lips gently moving against his, the hand on his waist reaching up to cup his jaw. There was something difficult to identify in the action, maybe because Sebastian was so unfamiliar with this kind of kissing to begin with, nobody had kissed him like that since... well, never.

His first kiss had been with a stranger in the middle of a street full of seedy establishments for horny homosexuals in France. The man had been at least ten years older and looking for a quick fuck to take home. Sebastian had made sure he was a sub before accepting. The meeting had been hard, fast and rough if anything. It hadn't been the best night of his life, but at least it hadn't been the worst either.

Every time he saw someone kissing this way, whether in the streets or on television, he would always snort and roll his eyes. He considered it to be downright boring, empty of any passion or meaning. Kurt though, he kissed him like he was trying to tell him something, Sebastian could not decipher what it was, but it made him feel almost safe, as if he didn't have to worry about anything.

Eventually, though, the kiss became almost painfully soft. Sebastian felt desire swirling in his belly as there was nothing to vent his frustration into. He tried to lean a little more to force the kiss into something deeper when a small spark of fear that Kurt would get bored and go away emerged.

Kurt didn't let him, breaking the kiss as soon as he felt Sebastian's tongue brushing against his lower lip. His breathing was more of a panting now as he tried to reclaim Kurt's lips but it was difficult with his arms held by the dom's hands. He hadn't even realized when that had happened. Surrendering, after a couple more attempts he stopped struggling. Kurt had an almost defiant look now and Sebastian was getting upset from so many games. He returned his gaze and Kurt smiled a little around the edges, returning to kiss his lips and opening his mouth instantly for Sebastian.

He didn't waste any time, now taking his turn to explore the other boy's mouth, even if he didn't have much time for it. Kurt didn't seem very good at staying still, but Sebastian could understand that, he was not very good at that either when he was hard and swollen in his pants. When his arms were free and Kurt's hands moved to his hair he couldn't keep his own hands from sliding down to the curve of Kurt's ass and squeezing. Kurt moaned in his mouth. That sound sent an emotion racing through Sebastian's veins like adrenaline and he wanted to hear much more of that. Over and over and over again until Kurt was screaming his name.

He found the edge of Kurt's shirt, struggling to get it out of his pants, wanting to feel at least some bare skin on his hands, preferably, bare skin from Kurt's ass. He had barely managed to get half of the material out when Kurt decided it was enough. He whirled him around and pushed him until he was lying on his back on the bed, Kurt climbing astride above him and pressed their bodies together.

They were kissing again and Kurt was breathing hard on his face. Sebastian’s hands seemed to fly on their own will to cup Kurt’s ass again, getting another moan out of the dom. Sebastian was really enjoying himself until, to his surprise, Kurt’s hands slipped off his sides, caught his where they were trying to get rid of his pants and pulled them over his head, grinding down on him in a way that got Sebastian moaning like a mad man.

"Do you feel how hard you got me, um?" Kurt whispered, rolling his hips against his as hard and fast as he apparently could, his hard cock colliding with Sebastian's own and making him mewl for more. "But then again, you’re trying to do that all the time, aren’t you?"

"You make it quite difficult, don’t you think?" He replied. The grip around his wrist tightened and he raised his head, trying to catch Kurt’s mouth again, failing in more than one attempt.

"You’re a brat, do you know? You’re mean and disrespectful and an absolute insensitive idiot."

Sebastian rose, faster this time, and took his lips. He’d heard it all and wasn’t going to deny it. Mostly he was just afraid of Kurt thinking all that right now, he’d been through too many ups and downs just that night, he couldn’t bear yet another one.

But Kurt wasn’t stopping. He was moving, pressing harder, forward, taking Sebastian’s mouth as if there was no tomorrow.

Under normal circumstances, if Kurt hadn’t been Kurt but anyone else, he would have complained. But in that moment, Sebastian couldn’t care less about not being in charge. He delighted in everything, in being taken like this, pressed against the mattress, tied up just by Kurt’s body, letting his dom take pleasure in his body, demanding, consuming, just taking it. He felt trapped inside a cage, and he loved it.

He longed for more, for touching, for being touched; he was so close already but couldn’t let himself go. Too soon. Always too soon.

One of his hands finally was set free and he didn’t waste time, going for Kurt’s shirt until his fingers found flesh and his mouth followed the trail, lowering until he was groping at the front of Kurt's jeans.

"Can’t unbutton," Sebastian complained. Stupid, impossibly tight jeans.

Kurt groaned. Sebastian was doing a lot of rubbing trying to get his pants off and of course Kurt would appreciate that. "We’ll have to work on your manners,"

"Uh-hu," right now Sebastian would have agreed to anything, would have done anything, but he was no fool, and he hadn’t missed the insinuation, intentional or not, of a next time.

Time was passing and the only success he’d accomplished was getting Kurt’s belt off and unbuttoning his jeans. Meanwhile Kurt had pulled Sebastian’s own shirt off his head and with an admirable ability had undone his pants, throwing them, along with the rest of the clothes, to a pile on the floor, something completely unheard of.

"I don’t have all night, Bas,"

And Fuck, Sebastian didn’t have all night either. How the hell did Kurt get into these pants?

After another minute of pure torture, Kurt was finally, _finally_ , naked. Except for the part that truly mattered.

But as soon as Sebastian was getting his fingers under the soft fabric of Kurt’s boxers it was his, not Kurt, but _his_ cock that was being wrapped by soft, long fingers so fast that he barely had time to notice, fingers that were working fast and hard, picking up the same rhythm they had in the car. He grumbled, both from the too abrupt, pleasurable stimulation and from the pain caused by the dry thrusts in his cock.

"L-Lube?" he asked, hoping that this wouldn’t ruin Kurt's mood. It was not as if the lubricant was unnecessary, Sebastian knew that was not true, especially between two men.

"Where?" Sebastian let out a sigh of relief, though he was considerably less pleased when Kurt stopped touching him. He pointed to the drawer next to the bathroom door and Kurt got up to get it. Sebastian took the opportunity to get his socks and boxers out, it was almost completely done when Kurt came back with the bottle of lubricant.

Sebastian marveled at the look Kurt gave him. He was half naked, probably red and sweating with need but Kurt looked at him as if he was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen. Sebastian half-moaned under the eyes of a rather blue-gray color now and felt the rest of his sanity was ripped out of him.

"I trust you not to come. Not this time. Not until I say so."

Sebastian inhaled, his body tensing. Kurt was straddling him again, reaching to take him in his hand, and was already so close, he could feel his release fighting to let go. But he had already disobeyed before. He couldn’t stop himself from feeling ashamed he hadn’t been able to control himself. That he had come like a precocious child.

And then he had complained about a fast orgasm.

He really was a brat.

Kurt leaned to kiss the right side of his neck and clavicle as he began to touch him again, the smooth texture of the lubricant calming his skin from the previous burning. He was trying, trying as much as he could but he wasn’t going to get anything. And Kurt still wasn't letting him.

"Can’t… Kurt," he breathed out. His eyes were starting to lose focus and if he didn’t come soon he felt like he could pass out.

"Easy, sweetheart," Kurt said, and he whined, trying not to think on the fact that he just had called him ‘sweetheart’, a thing nobody had called him since he was five and his mother sung to him to sleep. "You shouldn’t be too loud, there are more students, remember?"

"Kurt… please… I don’t want to… disobey, please," He was sounding more urgent now, the rest of his will fading away.

"That’s a good boy." Kurt leaned to kiss his lips. "Something else?"

"Please, please let me come…" even though Kurt chuckled and shook his head Sebastian saw, he saw perfectly the way his eyes darkened even more, how this was turning him on; Sebastian’s suffering, his pleadings, the agony and pain he was going through for him. But why was Sebastian so hot for it, too?

Stupid sickness.

"Is that all?"

"S-Sorry? Thank you— I don’t know, just please, please, please…"

"That’ll have to do," Kurt smile was sweet and patient and when his other hand came to cover Sebastian’s mouth Sebastian let out a big moan into it. "Come for me, sweetie."

His brain had barely understood the meaning of Kurt’s words for when Sebastian was already coming, his stomach and chest spasming against Kurt and he was very sure he was screaming.

The aftershocks kept coming and coming, making him feel as if he’d lost his mind, as if he’d never stop coming.

But it eventually ended, his heart having a bad time getting back to a normal beat. He was exhausted, felt like he hadn’t come in ages when it was his second time only on the night.

Thnk- "he said, fighting not to sound like an idiot, but it was too late for that, he was panting superficially with his mouth open on the skin of Kurt's neck, babbling was probably the right word, and it took him more than what he was proud to admit to figure out Kurt was trying to get away.

"Sebastian, come on. You made a big mess, someone has to clean."

"Don’t," His voice was husky and he sounded terrible but Kurt stopped moving away. His fingers traced the way down Kurt’s stomach and found its way to Kurt’s cock, rubbing. "Just let me—"

His hand was taken away and Sebastian complained, half-gone.

"Sleep, stud."

Sebastian shook his head. A gentle press against his lips distracted him though, and a mist took over him at the time, a soft, warm mist that invaded him everywhere, making him feel lost in the middle of a dream. His body felt warm and wrapped in a comfortable cloak, a cloak that smelled like Chanel. "Stay,"

…

Kurt looked at himself in the mirror; at his wrinkled clothes, totally ruined from having spent all night on the floor, at his wet hair from the shower he just had without checking if there was even a hairdryer here, his skin, his face, it was all wrong, all, everything, he needed his things, his creams, his spray, his clean, perfectly smooth clothes, his damn _hairdryer_.

He was making a storm in a teacup, he knew it. He just couldn’t help feeling so… helpless.

And it wasn’t about his clothes or his hair, it was Sebastian. Sebastian and Kurt’s stupid lack of self-control.

He’d been awake almost all night just thinking, wondering, reprobating himself all night. Outside that door there was a sub, a very, very confused sleeping sub, and Kurt was afraid the only thing he was doing was confusing him more.

There were reasons clinics were a thing. Those people were professionals, adults, instructed and experienced doms that knew what they were doing. Kurt was not.

Should he have let last night happen? That was the one thing he was obsessing the more about. And. It. Didn’t. Matter. It had happened. And he had to deal with it. He couldn’t just close his eyes and pretend that it was all good, that Sebastian was just a boy he was helping and that was all. It wasn’t. Kurt cared about him, way too much. And it clouded his judgment.

It was wrong for him to have these feelings. Sebastian was sick, of course he was drawn to Kurt, it was natural, instinct, it was what felt right to him in the moment. And it felt right to Kurt, except when he thought about it.

It was instinct, and he couldn’t fight that back.

Maybe it was time for Sebastian to face his fears and go to a clinic… but no. No. Just thinking that was neglecting. He’d made a compromise, he was only trying to avoid his responsibility and run away from his own fears. And what did that say of him?

Was this affecting him too? Sebastian’s sickness? All those endorphins? He definitely responded to it but he knew as a fact that sickness and endorphins and constant arousal _didn’t_ make you develop romantic feelings or… feelings at all. And he had feelings. Kurt Hummel doesn’t nearly give a handjob to a guy in a car if there’s no feelings involved.

A sound from the bedroom made him sigh deeply. Sebastian had finally waked up, apparently. It was almost noon by now and Kurt had had three hours to pity himself over feelings that he couldn’t help to have and actions he couldn’t change. Now it was time to take a decision; he could be a rational and decent friend, or he could be the dom he yearned to be.

Kurt certainly knew which one appealed more to him.

He turned around and opened the door.

Sebastian’s surprise when he saw him was obvious from the shocked expression on his face. He was picking up the clothes on the floor, all of which were Sebastian’s only since Kurt was already using his. His hair was the messiest he’d ever seen it, his face was appropriate from someone who had just woken up, he was only using underwear and there was a little red mark on his neck and another, more notorious one, on the corner of his lower lip.

He looked like Kurt’s every wet dream.

"I thought you'd left," Sebastian said, his voice was hoarse and his bright green eyes fixed on Kurt on a way that made him remember exactly why all rational thoughts flew out the window when he did that.

"No, I just… I thought of leaving but I didn’t want to wake you up so I took a shower,"

Sebastian was getting closer and Kurt could see determination in his eyes.

Kurt looked elsewhere. "Maybe…"

"No," Sebastian mumbled as an answer, getting his hands on Kurt's forearms and bending his head until he was attacking his neck; lips and tongue painting his skin with saliva and open-mouthed kisses.

"Seb—"

"I want you," Sebastian gaze was a pleading one, one so rare on him, so beautiful. "It was pretty rude of me, falling asleep before my partner was completely satisfied…"

Kurt started to shake his head but the feeling of a hand on his pants, cupping his dick stopped him. Sebastian looked at him as he licked his lips.

"We’ve talked about this before. You don’t have to." Kurt was starting but he hand on his pants was now squeezing and he let out a whimper instead.

"But I want to," Sebastian assured him, giving him a lascivious look. "Let me show you how grateful I am, how much I want it."

"We need to talk about this"

"We can talk after,"

Kurt didn’t know what to do. While indulging Sebastian sounded like the best idea ever he couldn’t just ignore that he would be taking advantage of Sebastian’s state. Was it okay for him to do this, even when he knew that if the Sebastian wasn’t in this situation he would never offer such a thing? But Sebastian had needs right now, right? Real needs with immediate consequences, and if this was one of them… wasn’t it too convenient for him?

"Kurt… please," Sebastian said and it was starting to sound a lot like begging. Kurt loved begging. "Please, I want to do this for you. I want to please you."

Kurt swallowed hard. His cock was already too hard and Sebastian’s words only made a trickle of fluid spurt from it. It was possible, totally possible, that he’ll look back at this moment in the future and consider it a mistake, but dammit he was only human.

"Yes, okay." He said, before he had time to stop himself.                                                              

A slow smile curved Sebastian’s mouth but Kurt had barely time to appreciate it before he sank to his knees.

Kurt could just watch astonished as Sebastian’s fingers worked on his belt, then the button of his pants and peeled the fabric down his legs, not without some effort, revealing Kurt's incredibly obvious dick, hard and desperate in his underwear.

Sebastian looked up at him and Kurt saw the way his eyes flashed with hunger.

"I’m gonna make this so good to you, I promise. So good that you’ll forget your own name, that you’ll want my mouth on you all the time." Sebastian said as he mouthed over the bulge on Kurt’s boxers, caressing the fabric with his nose and lips and making the smear of precome grow bigger at the warm feeling.

He was teasing, and even if it was totally hot, now that Kurt had made up his mind he wanted the real thing. Now.

"Go ahead then." He commanded. At least, he tried to, his voice shaking a little at the start as he struggled to stand straight on his feet.

Sebastian’s lips curled into a smile. "Yes, sir." he whispered under his breath, giving Kurt what could be described as a wolfish grin before he caught the waistband of his underwear and, just when Kurt felt his insides riot at the shameless teasing, yanked them down his hips and the away until his dick sprung up, hard and red and already leaking with precome.

Kurt’s first reaction was a massive desire to cover up. Sebastian was staring at him, at _it_ , his face just five inches from his dick when he was as hard as he could get and the intensity of his eyes made Kurt want to hide away in embarrassment. But it also was so fucking hot he could barely stand it. He breathed in, trying to keep composure.

He’d never felt like this frantic about a blowjob before. While their relations lasted, Blaine had been completely prepared to please all the time, even though it wasn’t as if they’ve done this a lot of times. He and Blaine had practically gone from kissing and make outs to all the way in only one night and with Blaine being so fond of penetrative sex and his own stupid insecurities they had barely had time to explore much more before they were having problems and had broke up in a matter of weeks. This, Sebastian on his knees, willing and even eager was almost too much. Looking down, Kurt didn’t know if Sebastian was testing the waters or was just actively trying to drive him crazy.

His mouth was open, hot on the inside of his thighs, his breath sliding up and down over the length of his cock while his nose was practically nuzzling against it. And he was smiling, gazing up at Kurt through his eyelashes, eyes blown with lust as his tongue darted out to lick gently at the underside of his balls.

Kurt gasped. To say that he was getting impatient would be a euphemism. "You know I can change my mind at any time, don't you?"

Sebastian took his tongue back into his mouth, sending him an apologetic glance that looked _almost_ real.

Getting the hint that this was taking too long to his taste, Sebastian didn’t make him wait one second more. The wet and warm feeling of his mouth surrounding no more than the head of his cock, maybe even less, made him feel like he was much younger, nervous and excited, and getting his dick sucked for the first time. Sebastian was merely touching the tip, but it was so good just with that much inside, Sebastian’s tongue licking insistently at the slit, coaxing more fluid to come out and softly starting to suck. Kurt groaned, unable to contain himself.

Sebastian giggled as he sucked once more before pulling out with a loud ‘pop’ and looked up. "Like that, sir?"

The cocky son of a bitch.

Kurt raised his eyebrows. "If you expect to get to come? Better."

Sebastian pouted playfully and, as if trying to prove a point, his mouth came down his cock, swallowing Kurt to the root and mumbled what sounded like an apology around it.

Kurt’s brain felt like it was doing short-circuit, he honestly couldn’t explain to himself how he managed to last more than fifteen seconds. The sub’s tongue was swirling around the head, making lovely things to Kurt’s spine and one of his hands had reached to his balls, starting to fondle and caress them, rolling them between his fingers. Sebastian almost seemed to be tasting the skin, as if he could not stop doing it, as he was trying to capture the taste. He was moaning just at the thought.

His hands flew to grab Sebastian's hair, barely long enough to hold on to, but much more than it had been when Kurt had met him that first day he saw him singing with the Warblers. _Such a talented mouth..._

"God," Kurt said. He was terribly aware of Sebastian looking at him, lips stretched out around him and a look filled with so many things that he could not find an adjective to define it; amusement, satisfaction, presumption, lust, all mixed in those green eyes that could drive him mad. "Oh, God" he heard himself repeat. Or moan, really.

Sebastian moaned too, right after his pitiful babbling, and the vibration wasn't good for his dignity almost completely destroyed. Kurt loved Sebastian's whimpers, not just for the incredible sensations it gave his dick but because it meant Sebastian liked this, if not as much Kurt loved it, he certainly was enjoying himself. Sebastian moaned again and tried to take even more, even though he was taking him almost completely in. Kurt could see Sebastian's own ignored erection and knew that he should be ashamed to admit how much it turned him on. How aroused he got just at the thought that at that moment it was about him, not about Sebastian's sickness, not about his hard cock hanging hard and dripping, but about Kurt's, being attended, and almost adored in the process. And Sebastian knew that. He had offered, after all.

Kurt growled, his hips moving compulsively upward, his cock banging against the hot wall of Sebastian's throat and making him gag.

"Oh shit, sorry," he said hastily, as soon as he realized what he had done. Sebastian coughed a little around his cock, and Kurt tried to control the pleasure induced by the vibrations enough to pull out. When he did a long strand of saliva formed between Sebastian's parted lips and the tip of his cock. _Focus!_ He reprimanded himself. He was a dom, he was supposed to know how to control himself.

"Are you alright?" he asked Sebastian, who was still coughing a little more. "I’m sorry, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that."

"I’m fine," Sebastian said, his voice slightly hoarse as he readjusted himself on his knees. "I just wasn’t expecting it."

"Sorry, sorry, do you want water? I’ll bring you water," Sebastian held him abruptly before he could start to pull up his pants.

"I said I'm fine." he replied. Kurt looked at him curiously, it seemed as if he wanted to say something, but he was not sure enough. Then his expression eased tenuously. "You want to do that?"

"Huh?" he asked eloquently.

"That," Sebastian waved his hand, as if the answer was right there. "The... the thing, with your, ah... hips and my... mouth,"

_Oh for the love of..._

To complete his embarrassment at that precise moment a long flow of precome came out of his cock, not hesitating to give his opinion on the matter.

"Is that a yes?" Sebastian asked and Kurt could see that he was struggling between laughing or not. He smiled inescapably; the situation was too much to simply act embarrassed.

"Uhh..." fuck this was so weird. "Maybe... just not this time."

He realized the meaning of his words a moment after when Sebastian smirked and took his cock into his mouth again, making a muffled noise of satisfaction.

Too lost in the pleasure of it he just let his hands go for Sebastian’s hair again. He loved how it felt, the strands of thick, silky hair between his fingers, loved how soft it was but mostly, he loved the way Sebastian stared up at him when he tugged a little too hard of it.

He wanted to be touching him to remind himself they were connected, it was not just his cock inside of someone’s mouth. That someone was Sebastian.

And with Sebastian moving increasingly faster, bobbing his mouth up and down over the length of Kurt’s cock he inevitably had to do that more and more until his hands clenched into fists and the sub briefly squeezed his eyelids closed at the mild pain.

It was too much, the stimulation, the heat, Sebastian on his knees, his tongue, his cheeks and roof of his mouth. And Sebastian moaning under him. Kurt thought he might be trying to complain that he was hurting him, except that he sounded far too in love with every second of it, as if it was his cock getting off, as if he wanted to stay there forever.

And Kurt would have loved to stay in that same position forever.

Except that he couldn’t.

He could already feel his orgasm building, the urge to come making itself present as he saw with agitated eyes Sebastian's concentration face as he sucked more deeply, as if he wanted to take every bit of pleasure out of his cock. Kurt thought he could melt in the mix of sensations. He was already so dizzy. The wet heat on his cock, the lips and tongue that worked even as he continued to push against Sebastian's mouth, swirling his tongue and tightening and loosen the pressure, one of Sebastian's hands still stroking his balls from time to time and the other doing a lovely massage on the inside of his thigh. A jolt shot through his cock and Kurt made a noise, something between a whimper and a scream.

Sebastian took that as some kind of signal because he quickened his movements to match Kurt's thrusts and removed the hand on his balls to rub the base of his cock, forming small circles with his thumb and suddenly he knew that was all. The heat, the pressure, the humidity that surrounded him and his sexual needs being practically venerated.

He tightened his grip on the hair between his hands, pulling it as gently as he could in the heat of the moment. Sebastian didn't seem to mind that it didn't turn out to be so soft in the end, he moaned anyway.

"I'm going to come" He said, slightly embarrassed that the word came out almost like a grunt. But Sebastian didn't let Kurt pull out of his mouth, squeezing his lips around him and sucking. He almost came alone from that. "Just— c’mon, Bas."

This time, when he tried to pull out again Sebastian didn't let him move from his place, instead he looked at him, moving frantically now that Kurt's thrusts had ceased and both his hands reached out to squeeze Kurt's ass, bringing him closer to his mouth and taking him as deep as he could without gagging.

"Oh fuck," Kurt thought his heart could stop beating at any second. Sebastian was touching him and taking him and looking directly at him as he moved everywhere each of his movements communicating not only his desire to please Kurt but his own pleasure in doing so. He had never had anything like this before, the feeling of being wanted to this degree, of his body being worshiped...

He clung to Sebastian's hair, this time squeezing his hands on the bristles of the man's hair, and that was the end; Kurt couldn't stop himself one second more. He came.

And oh dear god the feeling of it, of Sebastian swallowing and swallowing over and over and over again until Kurt had nothing to give him. For a precious moment Kurt really thought he might lose consciousness.

When he finally recovered, there was a vague awareness of Sebastian's tongue on his cock, moving softly now, almost sweetly, cleaning the rest of the mess he hadn’t been able to completely swallow. Kurt didn’t know if he should say something. Instead he began to run his hand through the hair on the back of Sebastian's neck, stroking the back of the boy's head, all the poor skin he had mistreated the last few minutes. He loved the feel of hair between his fingers, so soft and thick, now that he thought it was one of the things he liked the most about Sebastian.

"I ... Um, Thank you." he said, feeling stupid, but it was hard to find something better to say.

"Mmmm," Sebastian mumbled.

"You know, a little sensitive now."

Sebastian pulled away and said something under his breath but his voice was too low a murmur for him to understand. Then he was kissing Kurt's hip bone, tongue licking around it, stopping to kiss him over his belly a couple of times. Then he pressed his cheek against the skin on his hip, his breathing still inches from Kurt's groin.

Kurt could feel his heart swelling in his chest. Odd how something like that could instill in him the desire to give everything to this man, everything, anything he could want, to hold him and take care of him, to never allow him to suffer again.

Kurt took him by the face then, awkwardly lifting him until he was at his height and throwing himself to his mouth. To his bewilderment and- okay, a little bit of panic, Sebastian didn't let him, leaning back as soon as he perceived the movement.

"What are you doing?" Sebastian spoke quickly.

"I'm-" He hesitated. "I was going to kiss you,"

His frown intensified. "Why?"

"Uh, because I wanted to?" He didn't know how okay it was for him to admit that but he thought they had already crossed that line, he seriously doubted that he'd imagined last night and Sebastian had been nothing but enthusiastic about it.

"Aren't you disgusted?" he asked, looking disoriented.

"Why would I be disgusted?"

"Because I—" he cut himself off, taking a moment to look at his feet before continuing. "Well, guys don't usually like to kiss after… you know. It grosses them out."

"Oh, so I am what? Just some guy you picked up in a bar yesterday?" he asked, sounding rather bitter. He did not like that train of thought.

"No, no, no, I didn't mean you were like that, I just- I was only—"

"Well, don’t," he said, just before crashing their mouth together. Sebastian was evidently surprised, but he hardly put up any resistance, approaching easily and opening his lips for him. The kiss was unexpectedly soft, melting together, adjusting to each other's mouth, soft and pleasant, Sebastian licking Kurt's lips, breathing air directly from his mouth.

Sebastian's mouth was full of Kurt, his tongue pressing against his palate, the smell of cigarette totally gone by now and he tasted all like come. Like Kurt’s come.

He didn't know which of the two of them had been the first to push them towards the bed but he seriously did not complain when they both fell on the soft surface of blankets. Sebastian climbed on top of him and Kurt didn't mind giving up a bit of control, he was too ecstatic in his afterglow to care. Sebastian was kissing him fiercely now, the sweetness that had been present when he kissed his hip bone disappeared by now.

Sebastian threw himself at his side then, Kurt supposed that because his knees might hurt but it wasn't like he'd spent that much time on his knees. Then he felt the hardness rub against his left leg and everything made more sense. Kurt was still sensitive, but Sebastian needed his own release.

In his mind, Kurt played with the idea of denying it; see how far he could get with it, see his reaction to knowing that Kurt was completely satiated, his cock taken care of and satisfied when his had to remain the way it was. See if Sebastian would get pissed the way he would have weeks ago or if he would struggle to obey.

God, he had to stop that or he'd be hard again in less than five minutes.

Sebastian's tongue seemed to want to sink down his mouth until it reached his throat, moaning and whimpering as he tried to go farther and reminding Kurt that just a few moments ago his cock had been in that exact place.

He was going to get hard.

"Kurt, fuck." Sebastian gasped in his mouth. "You, are… marvelous, and you… fuck you taste amazing, you—" he interrupted himself with a groan.

Kurt pushed his leg between Sebastian's, giving him something to grind against, letting him rub against him. Listening to all that was excessive, he could not bear to participate, he was eighteen years old, but he was not a porn star, he needed time to recover.

Sebastian came, his briefs getting soaked with his release as his hips continued to rub against him even after he had finished. Sebastian panted and growled and sighed, finally letting himself fall completely on his side.

They both laid in a comfortable silence for several minutes, trying to get the rhythm of their breathing back to normal. Kurt was having some problems; after the haze of sex had faded, guilt began to haunt him. He knew it was not as if he had pushed Sebastian to do it, or even asked! He had made it clear more than once that he didn't have to do anything for him. Of course Sebastian was also going through his first sickness, and it wasn't right to do things that could be influenced by reasons he couldn't control. But Sebastian had also been properly taken care of the night before, his hormones should be able to stay well for a few days. Or so he believed. It's not like he's some kind of expert. He had never had to take care of a sub in sickness before. He never thought he would have to, not like this.

"I shouldn't have let you do that," he mused aloud.

Sebastian must have been waiting for it at one time or another because he snorted, it sounded more amused than annoyed, though. "A bit late for that don't you think?" He was smiling, looking at Kurt from his side of the bed, probably happy to have gotten his way.

"No, really, I shouldn't have, at least, not before talking about it, changing our cont- or well whatever the written agreement we have is, it's... it's not right."

"Kurt, it's just a paper!" Sebastian said exasperated, dropping his head on the pillow. "And you can talk about it now, I'll listen. Besides, what's done is done, and there's nothing to repent for. I had the freaking safeword. Fuck! It isn’t like you forced me or something. "

Kurt frowned. He knew that Sebastian was right, it's just that it was hard for him to accept that he had let himself get carried away, even if he wasn't putting Sebastian in any danger he should have made sure. "I can't do that again," he said suddenly.

The skin around Sebastian's eyes tensed as he looked away and pursed his lips, watching his hands move on his chest. His voice sounded flat when he spoke.

"You didn't like it, or is... or is it just me?"

"What? No, no, I mean yes, I mean—" Kurt shook his head, trying to get rid of the confused thoughts. "I mean I wasn't referring to the um-"

"Blowjob," Sebastian complemented, sounding petty, but the ghost of a silly smile was showing between his lips.

"Yes. Uh- I meant the contract, we have to change it. I know you don’t get it but we need something to rely on,” he said, continuing with his explanation. Sebastian nodded, looking in a better mood.

"So... you _do_ want to do that again?" Kurt didn't have to ask what part he was referring to, his whole face went hot just from the perspective of being able to do this again, his brain filling with memories of the sensations of being buried deep inside Sebastian's throat.

Strange that he never felt remotely this way about a blowjob with someone. Well, not that he had tons of experience, just Blaine, and while his few times doing it had been awesome, it had nothing to do with this.

Of course he knew that Blaine's experience could never be compared to Sebastian's. He had been Blaine's first boyfriend, of course he didn't know what he was doing, no matter how much porn he could have seen it wasn't of much help when it came to practice. Sebastian had been with many men, it was to be expected that he was much better at this than Blaine. But it was not just that, there was something much more complex in what Kurt felt for Sebastian than just his great skills in giving head.

The persistent blush on his cheeks was sufficient response. He doubted that the other man needed a verbal confirmation after that.

God, he had just got his cock sucked and he wanted it again already. He wanted it all over again, even the clumsy parts. But he shouldn't only think of himself, after all he hadn't been very kind at almost choking Sebastian with his dick.

"I didn't hurt you, right?" he asked.

"I told you I was fine," Sebastian said, but Kurt could see the look of gratitude in his eyes. He nodded, relieved. On the one hand for Sebastian and the other, because he definitely wanted to do that again.

"Okay, okay I was just checking." He said. "It's just- It was..."

"Hot?" Sebastian offered, sounding mostly petulant, but it wasn’t hard to recognize the contentment in his words, his trademark smirk always present. "Impressive? The best blowjob you’ve had in your life?"

"It was more than that," Kurt mumbled. If he was being honest with himself he didn’t have his thoughts in order yet. He needed some time alone to think. Consider the possibilities. Decide what he’ll do. After all, Sebastian’s sickness will not last forever.

"How?" Sebastian asked, raising on his arm to look at Kurt, almost exigent.

Kurt dropped his head on the pillow, relaxing his muscles as much as he could. He knew that while Sebastian tried to keep a hard exterior all the time, he was mostly like a child avid for affection, affection that Kurt’s inner primitive dom craved to give him.

"I care about you, silly." Kurt said as an explanation and Sebastian winced, his eyes landing momentarily on his hands before he looked at him again.

"Thanks?" He said, doing an act of being offended. "Does that mean I’m not getting a blowjob?"

Kurt couldn’t hold back the fond smile that fought to break free. What was this boy again? Thirteen?

"Not with that attitude, mister." Kurt stated, clicking his tongue, he too trying to look more serious than what he was.

"You doms are so _selfish_."

Kurt laughed at that.

"I’m sure you’ll forgive me one day. Now, I’m sorry but I have to go." He said. He had a lot of explanations to give back in Lima, and if Glee’s weekend practice –he really hated that, now more than ever- started without him he knew of some people that will surely to kill him."I could get away last night because I was supposed to sleep in my friend’s Mercedes house but my dad is probably expecting me soon."

The sub's eyes widened, almost imperceptibly, the muscles of his jaw softening from where they had begun to tighten since his last sentence. "You were at your friend’s house yesterday?" he asked.

"Yes. Where did you think I was?"

"Nowhere." Sebastian crossed his arms on his chest.

Kurt let it go. He’d been waiting since yesterday to tell Sebastian something and now seemed like the last chance he would get.

"Hey." He told him, trying to draw the sub’s attention back on him and away for the oh so interesting roof he was now watching.

"Yeah?" Sebastian replied, Kurt succeeding only partially since his attention has only switched to his own hands. "It’s okay, if you have to go… go."

Kurt grinned; containing himself not to point out that Sebastian didn’t look exactly happy to let him go. "I just… I wanted you to know that uh, my sectionals are on Wednesday. In McKinley. We’re gonna compete against a team called the Unitards and another glee club from our school. Do you think you could come? I mean only if you want to of course."

Sebastian seemed to consider it but just looking at him, Kurt could say there was little to no chance he’d say yes.

"I don't think it would be good if they saw me there. " Sebastian observed. "They would probably think I'm spying or something. I don't have a reason to go see New Directions like you had with the Warblers. And... We all have a meeting with the lacrosse coach that day—"

"It’s okay. It was just a comment." Kurt stopped Sebastian’s expiations. He couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed, he’d really hoped Sebastian would say yes but he was probably right. Besides, It wasn’t as if he had a solo like Sebastian had. It wasn’t that big of a deal, when he thought of it. "I wouldn’t like you to miss something important because of this. And you’re right. About what they would think."

"But I'll see you at regionals, right?" Sebastian winked at him.

That got Kurt smiling again. "We will tear you to pieces."

"You wish, princess,"

They were at most two inches away, no part of their bodies touching despite how close they were. It was late and he had to go, back to his everyday problems but looking into Sebastian green eyes, to his devilish smile and hands tensed at his sides he got the feeling Sebastian was holding himself back not to kiss him. So he did.

He kissed him tenderly, smiling in the kiss, his lips soft and his breath warm. Yes, Kurt could definitely get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it and don't worry, these folks will resolve their problems... eventually. Next chapter is very special for me because I'll pre-introduce you to Seb's parents and explain some things and... yes, you'll have to wait for it. Happy holidays!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to write so fucking much about everything and take so long to do it? *sighs* Sorry guys, second part of this is just a long conversation that I hope doesn’t bore you to death. I'm sorry but I love long conversations. Just wanna inform everybody that this is not the final work. I’m aware that there are mistakes I have to fix and so much to edit since there’s a lot I don’t completely like, but I’m determined to do it after finishing this so that’ll have to wait. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

Sebastian woke up on Monday morning at an incessant, stupidly annoying knocking on his door. For what seemed like a long time he just tried to ignore it, sure that it would eventually go away. When it becomes painfully obvious that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep unless it stopped he could feel himself start to get exasperated. He hadn’t had a night sleep like this in forever… well, yesterday, but that was not the point. He wanted to enjoy such a rarity as much as he could, and he had been doing a good work at it since the last time he went to bed had been at four o’clock in the afternoon.

He grabbed the pillow next to him and grumpily covered his entire head with it. It worked, for about two seconds, then the noises got louder.

"Go! The fuck! Away!" He yelled as high as he could while still half sleep.

"Sebs, come on! You’re gonna miss first period and Mr. Harris said that if it happened again he wouldn’t let you in for the rest of the year!"

"Fuck you!"

"You have twenty minutes!" Nick’s voice was muffled by the door but his amusement was evident enough for Sebastian to grumble. Everyone knew he wasn’t a morning person, never have been, even less lately; Nick must have a death wish to dare to wake him up. What he really needed was coffee. Coffee, sugar, and jerk off. In that order.

But the fucker was right. He needed to get his ass to first period. Mr. Harris was just a senile closet homophobe that hated him just as much as Sebastian hated him back. If it had been a woman all Sebastian would have to do was bat his eyes and act charming, something he was very good doing, but he knew not even the headmistress would be able to help him if the asshole banned him from his class.

He moved like a zombie, dragging his own feet by the room, brushing his teeth and taking a quick shower before putting on his uniform. It smelled like smoke, the same way almost all his clothes did now, smoke and very strong cologne, which helped not only to his purpose but also it made it seem like what he was trying to hide was the smoking and not another entirely different thing.

He knew it wasn’t that necessary now, he smelled less with each passing day his sickness reached his end, but he wasn’t risking it.

When he opened the door of the room Nick was waiting for him and a silly laugh came out of his mouth as he saw Sebastian.

"Where was the hurricane?" Nick asked as he continued to laugh at him. His hair was wet and his uniform a mess, his red tie just lying undone around his neck and his face was most certainly looking as wrinkled as his shirt.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Uhhh someone’s crankier than usual," Jeff’s laughter joined his boyfriend’s and Sebastian rolled his eyes at the sight of the other boy and started walking away.

"Hey don’t leave us. We’re good friends, we just saved you from a lot of trouble and you won’t even thank us." The blond followed after him, pulling of Nick’s arm.

Sebastian remained silent. It was Monday morning, how could anyone be that irritating on Monday morning?

"Jeez, and one would think getting laid would get him at least a little bit more optimistic."

Sebastian stopped as if he’d been petrified, his heart banging in his chest so hard he could now hear it in his head. Could it be possible that Jeff… had he seen him with Kurt? Had Kurt  _told_  him?

"I don’t know what you’re talking about," He said, maybe a little too quickly, then in a smoother, cocky voice he added, "I always get laid."

Both boys went through surprise to confusion to annoyance in the span of a couple of seconds. Sebastian smiled to himself as he continued walking.

"Yeah," Jeff admitted reluctantly. "but you don’t usually bring them here. But this one must be different." He grinned at him, a mocking gesture on his face.

"W—" Sebastian cut himself off.  _Calm down, calm down,_   _he doesn’t know, he can’t know,_  he kept repeating, Kurt  _wouldn’t!_  "Why would you say that?"

Jeff snickered at the question and Nick was beginning to look more cautious than entertained by his sub’s apparent enthusiasm.

"The vampire marks on your neck and lip for a start?" The blond winked at him.

The…  _shit_. Sebastian had completely forgotten about those. They’d barely been there yesterday, little almost unnoticeable pink spots, and they  _should_  have faded overnight. He resisted the urge to get his fingers on them, to pass his tongue by the corner of his lips where he knew one of them was. Suddenly he thought that doing his tie would have been a very good idea. Jeff was talking again and Sebastian forced himself to quit thinking about it.

"-course you should not feel ashamed. I mean not a lot of doms are into letting themselves be marked like that, which If you ask me is pretty stupid and narrow minded, like ‘Oh yeah I’m a dom so being marked by a sub downgrade me in some dumb way’ Like, if you like it just do it dude. So I’m pretty surprised that you aren’t like that because if I’m being honest I never would have expected you precisely to be—"

"Jeff, leave Sebastian alone." Nick interrupted his boyfriend. Sebastian felt relief flowing through his body. Jeff didn’t know. No one knew. They didn’t even suspect there was something off, otherwise they wouldn’t be telling him anything. It was all good in the world again and Sebastian was safe, safe where no one could touch him.

"Why? I’m just saying—"

"You know you’ll only get him mad if you go on."

The other two boys were arguing at his back but Sebastian couldn’t care less. They were only talking about him and some faceless guy, some faceless  _sub_ , a pretty energetic one but still. He’d have to be more careful in the future, make sure to act as much as a dom as he could, just little things, nothing for what his sickness would get worse but enough so no one would even fathom that he wasn’t a dom.

"It’s not fair, he makes fun of me all the time."

"That’s him, not you."

"I mean it’s not my fault that he and his sexual conquests don’t know how to be silent, we were just watching a movie and heard sounds, not  _that_  sounds, but totally—"

" _You mean_ , that’s enough. Besides you’ll be late for your class if you don’t rush." Nick stated, crossing his arms over his chest and looking from Jeff to Sebastian and back to Jeff. Sebastian raised an eyebrow at the dom, Nick was usually all for Jeff’s ridiculous chitchats, and he didn’t see a reason why he’d decided right now was the moment to start being considerate. Jeff frowned but with a last glance at his dom he turned around and walked away.

Nick kept his place at his right side all the way out the dormitories and towards their classroom where they both shared first period.

Normally, if not always, Sebastian preferred to walk alone so he could enjoy his last moments of peace, Nick, Jeff and, sometimes Trent were the only warblers that insisted on trying to make him their ‘ _pal’_ , ‘ _bro’_ , or whatever and sometimes, like today, it wasn’t so bad, at least they’d gotten him to wake up, but he had always had to pay by having to put up with them talking to him about their problems or joking or anything really so the unnatural silence of today made Sebastian felt uneasy.

Nick wasn’t as loud as his boyfriend. He wasn’t quiet either but he was calm, composed, and when he wasn’t pining over Jeff even a pleasant company. Not that Sebastian wanted to spend more time than the necessary with the dom. Nick, however, had always something on his mind. And if he wasn’t talking about it…

"You heard something?" he asked out of nothing, looking ahead of himself to the hallway already crowded with boys in their Dalton blazers.

Nick didn’t pretend not to know what he was asking which, again, calmed him.

"Not really," Nick shrugged. "Voices in the corridor, that’s all."

Sebastian nodded. "You sure?"

"Yep."

He could tell Nick wasn’t telling everything, there must be something, why did Jeff sound almost excited? Why had Nick stopped his ranting about Saturday night? But he was sure asking for more information would seem suspicious and that was the last thing he needed. Not to mention, he didn’t want to start being paranoid. "Whatever." He said with a roll of his eyes.

"Of course…" Nick pointed out raising one finger as if he had just remembered something. "We went to Jeff’s room after that. We didn’t want to risk listening to something that might traumatize us for life."

Sebastian snorted. "Please. As if I could do more damage."

"Mmm," Nick mumbled and one of his hands reached for Sebastian’s neck. For a fraction of a second he thought he meant to touch the red spot just above his collarbone and felt the absurd desire to bite that hand away. In the last moment though, the fingers moved to get a grip on his red tie and playfully slap him with it. "You better tie that."

"Don’t say anything more." Sebastian warned him. They were less than a minute away from Mr. Harris class and wanted to spend it in serenity. He began to make his tie all the same, no matter how he would have enjoyed the face his teacher would have done at the sight of it.

"I wasn’t going to." Nick chuckled. Serenity only lasted three seconds. "I’ve got a few too, you know."

Sebastian emitted a low grumble in the back of his throat. "I told you–!"

"Nothing comparable to him but—"

"Fucking stop!"

"Language Mr. Smythe." Mr. Harris’ voice said next to him and both Nick and Sebastian looked startled at their side to see the teacher passing them to enter the classroom. He was, to Sebastian’s delight, in a very bad mood.

…

Later that night Sebastian is marveling in the advantages of going to a first-class school with a ridiculously expensive tuition that would make some his ex-classmates at his old boarding school at France gape at the bill. Not only did he have a room to himself, something he’d always appreciated, he also had his own parking place and the fastest wifi Ohio had to offer with total freedom to download as much porn as he liked. But having his own bathroom on top of that, where he could spend the entire day taking hot showers or just jerking off without no one bothering him, was a plus.

And the tub, yes. He’d never thought he would miss the huge tub in his bathroom back at home so much, but Dalton’s significantly smaller one made a good replacement, he thinks as he sinks down in the warm water, his neck now completely submerged leaving only his head free of any slippery liquid.

He sighed. All his limbs going loosen and his eyes closing. Jeff had, evidently, been more than right. Getting laid  _did_  get him in a much better mood. That and Mr. Harris expression at the mark on his lower lip. Fucking priceless. All day had passed in a bliss and Sebastian couldn’t find a rational explanation for it. He was still sick, still in the same garbage can that was Ohio and still failing to pay full attention to any class, but he was improving. Better, he realized. The itch under his skin was still there but it was noticeably less, he didn’t have tremors or nausea anymore and his crotch didn’t hurt nearly as much as it used to.

He hadn’t even noticed up to that moment his hand wandering through the water down his own body, searching for his quickly interested dick as if it had a mind of its own. He sighed again and gave himself to it, not bothering to try and stop it, it felt too good and he was just in the mood.

His mind didn’t take long to go where it always did now; to pale, perfect soft skin and firm muscles, brown hair and blue eyes and that goddamnit pornographic voice. Teasing him, whispering in his ear as he grinded down on him, letting him feel him, letting him come, letting him  _make_  him come, making those involuntary sinful noises as Sebastian took him into his mouth.

He didn’t even need to go to his hands and fingers and lips and ass and cock before Sebastian had to slow down to prevent himself from coming too soon.

He thought back to days ago instead, though it felt like months ago, to Kurt seating just behind him right here, with him naked underwater, every inch of his body visible for him to look at, his long and talented fingers massaging his back and neck. Sebastian imagined him here now, watching as he touched himself and dragging the moment as long as he wanted, not because Sebastian’s sickness needed him to but because it fucking pleased him, because he wanted to torture him out of his pure enjoyment.

Sebastian moaned.

Maybe instead of the massage he would be washing his hair, making sure his good boy was clean and well taken care of.

He whined and choked after accidentally ingesting water from the tub, his cock pulsing in his hand. Had he really went there? Oh god.

It had been  _one_  blowjob. One blowjob, a pretty face and basic human decency and he was already losing it? Unbelievable. He was getting too deep, too fast. Best fucking blowjob he’d ever given? Yes, without contest. Hell, best fucking sex he’s ever had. And he didn’t even come! What did it say of his sex life, which he used to think it was as good as it gets?

What he and Kurt had done? It was just a glimpse of what it could get to; it made Sebastian’s brain go batshit crazy with the possibilities. That was something he had never experienced before, he’d never thought of sex with that need, that urge, never felt that anticipation just letting his mind wander.

Sex was just… in and out. Get friction, feel good and go home. It’s a mean to an end. And a good distractor.

Was it normal to feel like a privilege to get another man’s dick into his mouth? Was he a weirdo, had he been brainwashed? It’d always been nice and he enjoyed it but for some reason with Kurt it just felt like some sort of achievement. And he supposed it was. It was what he’d wanted, right? And it was way better than anything his delirious head could have come to.  _Fuck, the taste and the smell and the tugging of his hair…_ Then why couldn’t he accept it?

So yeah, the sex was insane, big deal.

And it wasn’t just that. As much as he wanted to let it go he just couldn’t.

_I care about you._

Sebastian believed him. He did. He tried to.

 _Do you actually think someone’s gonna care about you? Someone’s gonna waste their time and energy in you for more than a quick fuck? That’s what you’re for. That’s what you all are for. Subs like you? Can find them in every corner. You’re not special! You’re just a little shit who can’t keep his damn mouth shut and behave like what you are. A_ Smythe _. You don’t deserve it, to be called that used to mean something. You’re a mistake. You weren’t even supposed to be born!_

He shakes his head. He hated when his thoughts flown to that. It had just ruined his masturbatory session.

Anxiety is fighting to retrieve his body and Sebastian suddenly has an urgent craving for something to smoke. He worries that he may be developing a dependence on it; he didn’t use to smoke more than once or twice a month and he wouldn’t want to come out of this with a new addiction.

His phone ringing draws his attention away from nicotine. He only would have needed to stretch his arm to get it from where it was on the floor next to the tub but from this angle Sebastian only had to tilt his head to see who was calling him. He groaned out loud.

Unfortunately, he had to do this pretty much every couple of days to prevent bigger problems, so he took the phone and sighing he answered the call.

"What do you want, dad?" He said, his tone irritated  _and_  boring obvious to anyone with half a brain.

"Son are you—"

"No!"

"Would you at least let me talk?"

"Why so you can tell me what a bad son I am? What a disappointment?"

"This is not—"

"No, it isn’t. No, I won’t let you talk and no, I don’t want to talk with mom either and frankly I doubt she wants to anyway. Just… Holy fuck, dad. Leave me alone!"

He hung up. Well, it was done. And in just twenty-five seconds, that had to be a personal record.

He knew that eventually he’d have to face the consequents of his actions, but the later the best. He didn’t remember his dad calling him so often since he was like six and home alone with the nannies. He’d been given warnings, threats and a lot of crappy emotional blackmail about his mom who, seriously, must be the least interested in what happened in his life.

But of course they wouldn’t come to Dalton, no matter how many times his dad claimed that if things didn’t change soon along with his behavior he would. Sebastian knew he  _won’t_ , no matter what he shouted at him over the phone.

His phone rang again maybe ten or fifteen minutes later. Sebastian swore under his breath while his hand moved on his own to find the phone where he’d tossed it after finishing the call. He’d been just falling asleep despite the water growing increasingly colder with every minute and was more than ready to yell at his father to leave him alone once and for all when he became aware of the sound stopping.

He looked at the screen of the phone and saw that it was not a call but a message that had disturbed him. A message from Kurt.

 **From Princess (19:51):**  Hi, hope you’re doing okay. Sorry, I forgot to mention I won’t be able to be there tomorrow. I’ll call you to agree on another day, maybe Thursday? My sectionals are on Wednesday so I can’t that day either. But if you feel bad call me, I’ll do what I can to go.

Sebastian tries to set aside the anger he feels after reading the message ( _Again?_ ) because really, he understood. Kurt was doing this for him without expecting anything in return, and he has no right to make demands, he told himself not for the first time. Kurt had a life of his own and a competition in two days on top of that, he needed time for practicing he supposed.

So he had no plans for tomorrow. Christmas was just around the corner and since he would  _not_  be getting anything for his parents he had a budget available for him to spend on stupid and pricy things that he did not need, so he might as well take it as his relaxing day and shopping online until his credit card made even his father have nightmares. And he knew there was certain someone who deserved Sebastian to be considerate so, that too.

…

Everything was going perfect, honestly. Even with nothing to help him ease his perpetual arousal, even with his grades close to free fall, his position as the captain of the Warblers at risk and his family situation worse than ever, it was being a good day. That, until Sebastian's stupid fixation on coffee brought everything down right to hell.

The moment Sebastian enters the Lima Bean he can see them. Sitting at a table on the opposite end of the establishment it’s impossible for him not to recognize the slim figure of the brown-haired boy smiling and laughing out loud with bright blue eyes illuminating his face and everything around him. He wasn’t looking at Sebastian; his attention was too occupied by the person in front of him. It wasn’t difficult to imagine who it was, even though he was completely with his back to Sebastian, the green short-sleeved shirt, the brown shoes without socks and the black hair combed back with an exorbitant amount of gel left no doubt.

Sebastian has the sensation to be having an episode of dejavú, but he knows that’s not it, it’s just that this keeps happening and happening and he feels his hands forming fists at the sides of his body. He takes a long breath, seeking to calm his temper.

He’s starting to feel like a fool standing there next to the door without moving, a couple of people beginning to look curiously at him, so he forces himself to get under control and put on the calm, indifferent and arrogant look he had perfected the last five years.

When he was less than ten steps from the table Kurt looked up and his eyes landed on him, his smile falling as soon as his eyes had reached him. That made his heart give a painful blow inside his chest but he put a smug smile on his face and concentrated on being the Sebastian he knew, not the one Kurt was trying to convince him he was.

"Hello, Blaine." He said presumptuously, seeing the other boy's head spin to him, his face turning into a startled grimace and giving him a doubtful grin. He didn’t care, he wasn’t there to please the idiot. "Hi Kurt," he continued a long moment after in a dismissive tone of voice, barely granting the crossed-armed dom a fleeting glance before returning his eyes to the stunned boy before grabbing an empty chair from the table behind and sitting next to the other sub.

"H-Hi—"

"Sebastian, what are you doing here? Are you always here?" Kurt asked, looking more pissed than what Sebastian thought he would get. Of course, that could have had more to do with the fact that Sebastian was hardly looking at him, instead focusing entirely on Blaine, giving him a seductive smirk he could see was making the boy nervous. "Sebastian!"

"Oh, don’t get your panties in a twist, Hummel. Why do you guys get so surprised all the time? I’m doing exactly the same as you. Or what? A guy can’t go out for coffee once in a while? Jesus…"

Kurt’s eyes narrowed in obvious anger, all trace of humor gone from his features. Sebastian smiled wider at Blaine, the man’s cheeks coloring instantly.

Kurt snorted. "I don’t see you bringing any coffee with you."

"Well, I just got here. Maybe you should bring me some, huh princess?" Sebastian said, finally deigning to properly look at him.

Kurt was looking at him strictly, it seemed like he was scolding him with his eyes, and he was furious, Sebastian could see that from miles away just taking a brief look at his face. That didn’t stop him from smiling haughtily. He was experiencing a new, weird and contradictory feeling in response to the exchange. As if something inside him knew that he wasn’t allowed to do this, but at the same time there was something so thrilling and magnetic in Kurt’s anger. It meant that all his attention focused on him,  _only_  on him, and that, at the moment, there was no place for anything else on his mind but Sebastian, the same way there was only Kurt in his.

The dom’s fists trembled on the table. "Screw you, meerkat."

Sebastian’s lips curled into a satisfied smile.

Blaine, despite Sebastian’s lack of manners, didn’t seem inclined to leave and was watching between them with a newfound interest. Sebastian, it is not necessary to say, took advantage of this.

"A little bit aggressive today, aren’t we? Or did you just wake up on the wrong side of the bed?" He said with a wry smile. Sebastian didn’t know anymore the things he said until after they left his mouth. It was as if he was not able to stop it, as if he were on autopilot. His posture was cocky and disdainful and as dominant as he could handle.

He forced himself to take his eyes off Kurt and looked at the boy next to him, well, ogled was a better word for it. He looked at him up and down, sure that with every look Kurt got more and more furious. Blaine hadn’t said anything since Kurt had interrupted him the moment he arrived, Sebastian supposed it was because of something about respect, about letting two doms insult each other or something like that.

Sebastian played with the idea of offering Anderson a ride home. Nothing he hadn’t done before, anyway. Just to irritate Kurt.

Except he wasn’t there for that. And besides, he had no desire to spend any more time with the hobbit.

"So, Blaine… How have you been?"

"Ahh, good I—"

"I don’t think that’s any of your business…" Kurt’s voice almost came out like a hiss. Blaine, for fuck’s sake, looked utterly mortified that the usual initial fight didn’t seem to come to an end, and Kurt seemed less and less happy with every word that came out of his mouth, almost looked like he would start to growl soon if he didn’t stop and Sebastian’s impulse to shrink himself was growing proportionally to Kurt’s anger. He didn’t want to fight… Sebastian was sure he was going to lose… but he wanted Kurt’s attention on him enough to ignore it.

"Ah! But it is, I just asked!" he forced a smile. "What it is none of  _your_  business is what I ask, just as it is none of my business how dreadful those pants are. Seriously, not even a homeless man would wear that if you paid him for it." It wasn’t true, of course. Those pants made Kurt’s legs look magnificent, tight in all the right places, which in the case of Kurt’s legs was, everywhere. But they were of a white and beige pattern with some purple stitching visible on the sides and they were eccentric enough that any comment about them would make Kurt rage.

"Would you shut up? Every thing you say is more stupid than the last."

Sebastian pretended not to care. He glanced at Blaine, who seemed now downright flattered to have two dominants fight over him. Sebastian straightened his shoulders, turning his body to him and putting his arm around the sub’s chair, moving closer to say something directly into Blaine’s ear but just as the first sound had left his lips his word were cut short.

"It’s enough Sebastian!" Kurt exclaimed before Sebastian could say anything. The stern and commanding tone left no room for disobedience.

He fell silent.

Sebastian fought, he didn’t want to give in, he didn’t want to be weak, he didn’t want to let Kurt win. But he wasn’t so strong. He looked away and said nothing more. His stomach hurt and so did his head but he kept a straight face.

"We should go." He heard Kurt tell Blaine and his lips tightened and his teeth began to shake with embarrassment. He got up and walked all the way to the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him and running to the sink to pour water on his face.

The cold liquid dripping from his face did nothing to mitigate the feeling in his stomach. He felt terrible. Idiot, pathetic, like a piece of shit. Why couldn’t he behave like a normal person one day in his life?  _A dom doesn’t act that that way, Sebastian_. No matter what position he adopted or with what tone of voice he spoke he still acted like a spoiled twelve-year-old boy. He didn’t even know what he wanted anymore, he just wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole so he never had to see Kurt’s face again.

For a second he imagined that the universe didn’t have something against him and he let himself fantasize about the possibility of escaping through the window and take the next flight to the moon, as absurd as that was, it was the first image that came to his head.

It just… it bothered so much. Why had he to be the one that turned out wrong? Why  _precisely_  him? Why not Jeff, Trent, Thad, that asshole sure as hell deserved it. And Blaine? What made him better than Sebastian? With the great amount of gays in Dalton it was no surprise that Kurt hadn’t managed to leave without a boyfriend, Blaine wasn’t that special, it could have been anyone.

But it had been him. Blaine, the kind of guy that would write songs and give flowers and go to school dances, and wait to share their first time and treat Kurt like a king. It infuriated him.

Then he raised his head to look at himself in the mirror and he remembered that universe did have something against him.

"What’s wrong with you?" Kurt’s reflection exclaimed through the mirror. Not only did he look angry, but totally hysterical. "Who do you think you are? What do you think you were doing out there? Answer me!"

Sebastian can’t help his legs from shaking at the demanding tone. He truly, truly didn’t think he’d have to confront Kurt so soon and seeing the reality of what his actions caused he can’t stop his features from contorting into an ugly frown. Shit, all he wanted was to fall at Kurt’s feet and hear him say that it was okay, that everything was fine. But where would that leave him? Where would his self-respect be? His dignity?

He turned around to face the other boy. He was closer than what Sebastian expected him to be and he was looking directly into Sebastian’s eyes. The fact that he was slightly taller than Kurt did nothing to make him feel more in control, on the contrary, it felt like a flaw, like yet another thing he didn’t do right. One part of him wanted to surrender, to bow or kneel or do anything to be smaller, but the bigger one, the pretentious, self-important one wouldn’t let him even consider it.

He had crossed a line, Sebastian knew, but he never thought he would ever see Kurt this furious. Sweet, patient Kurt, he didn’t want to believe he’d reached the end of his kindness, that he had abused it so much. He refused to look at him any longer, lowering his eyes to the sink, avoiding at all cost the tears in his eyes from coming out and trying to maintain the little pride he had left.

"Kurt I, I didn’t— I was just…" Okay, no, nu-uh, bad start. "I didn’t mean to annoy you."

Kurt’s eyes widened and Sebastian groaned to himself. What was wrong with his mouth? He said the stupidest things. Of course he’d wanted to annoy him!  _What it is none of your business is what I ask, just as it is none of my business how dreadful those pants are._  Really? He’d managed to insult not only Kurt but also his clothes?

"I mean I was, but… not like this," Sebastian mumbled vaguely and pulled away from his place, startled when Kurt took two big steps towards him. Sebastian moved backward awkwardly but quickly until he was leaning against the door of one of the three bathroom stalls, breathing unconsciously through his mouth and being forced to face Kurt. He still didn’t look in a better mood. And he can’t blame him, not with all the idiocies that Sebastian kept saying. "Kurt stop! You’re getting out of control."

" _I’m_  out of control?!" Kurt asked indignantly. He wasn’t screaming and his expression changed to a much more intimidating one. "I’m out of control when you came here with the sole purpose of ridiculing me and making me feel like crap since you first opened your mouth?"

Sebastian started to say something but he stopped almost immediately. He wanted to say it wasn’t true, but it was exactly what he’d done ever since he entered the Lima Bean.

"Do you any idea of how it feels? Having someone I’ve dominated challenging me out there that way? In front of all those people? What did you expect to achieve? Assert your manliness? Prove that you’re better than me or what?"

All of a sudden he feels a stream of bitter anger spread through his body, because it’s the only coping mechanism he knows and if Kurt won’t accept and won’t even hear his apology well then what the fuck is he supposed to do?

"And what did you want me to do?" He snaps, trying not to raise his voice too much because he seriously doubts the walls of the Lima Bean bathroom were noise-proof. "Sit there like we’re all good friends having tea? No of course you would’ve preferred if I just let you having your little date with Mr. Immaculate sub shithead and go fuck myself somewhere else. Well, I have you news! I can say whatever I want, whenever I want and I don’t care if you like it or not!"

"What, are you really playing victim? You have to be kidding me! Am I not  _permitted_  to have coffee with people? Do I have to ask  _you_  for permission? And on top of that I have to endure you throwing ridiculous fits whenever I see you in public?"

"Oh you don’t like my fits? Do you not want me to throw one right here, Hummel? Because I will." Sebastian claimed, sure he looked for all the world like a petulant child. "You will not ignore me. "

There is a pause in which both of them look at each other without saying a word, Sebastian struggling to keep his rage on top of his guilt and Kurt seeming to be deliberating something in his mind. Whatever it might have been he is the first to talk and when he does he appears to be noticeably calmer. For a single second Sebastian thinks this might be it, the ‘Whatever, but don’t do it again’ but it’s only a faint wish because Kurt’s eyes still show him the same disapproval they’d done out there.

"You think you can get away with anything, don’t you?" He asks and Sebastian doesn’t answer, just looks ahead with clenched teeth and tight lips. "Well I’m sorry if I have any fault in that, but what I won’t do is take your shit anymore. This is not the first time this happens and I’m not letting you off the hook this time."

Sebastian inhaled, Kurt was  _not_  any of his parents, he had no right… "Oh please, drop it. Don’t you have to go back to the hobbit?"

And yes, there it was. He saw hesitation in Kurt’s expression.

"I told him to wait outside, that I had something to do." Kurt comments easily as he crosses his arms on his chest.

"Ugh, and of course he didn’t even question what you had to do in the Lima Bean men’s bathroom. That’s how you like them? Brainless?" He asked irritably, his gaze fixed on a point in the wall.

Fucking Blaine, always so good, so perfect, why couldn’t  _he_  get swallowed by the ground?

"At least he respects me."

Sebastian snorts. "Sure he does. What were you doing all that time you were ‘practicing’ for sectionals huh? Fooling around with Anderson like he’s your private boytoy?"

"This is not about Blaine."

"Of course it is."

"So it is about Blaine then? What are you Sebastian, jealous?"

Sebastian gapes at him, surprised not only at the question but at his own words. It takes more than he’s proud to admit for him to be able to form an answer at all. "Owh— No! No, it’s not— he’s stupid," He struggles to get the words out of his mouth, he was too stunned he could hardly think correctly. He felt so bad, he didn’t want to fight anymore, he just wanted them to forget about Blaine and forget all this ever happened and that he was a total jerk and just forget everything.

"Well if you are or not I don’t care!" Kurt looked intently at Sebastian, pitching his voice low. "I’m not a fucking tool and I won’t tolerate you to treat me like one. Especially when you’re the one-" Kurt didn`t finish but Sebastian could deduce the rest of the sentence for himself.  _You’re the one who needs me._ And it was true, he knew, but it was as if his brain had not yet come to terms with it. He hadn’t needed to, Kurt hardly mentioned it and he didn’t have much practice thanking for things if he was going to be honest.

He looked down, too embarrassed to say anything, the only thing in his field of vision being the material of his shoes. He stayed that way while Kurt was still looking at him, scrutinizing his expression. He knew there was a pout on his mouth but he didn’t fight much to get rid of it, Kurt had already seen it anyway and it wouldn’t do any good to try to hide it.

Kurt sighed loudly but Sebastian didn’t dare look up, didn’t want to see how disappointed Kurt really was. "You’ll stop treating me that way in front of anyone." He said, the ultimatum present in his tone of voice. "And if you want this to continue you’ll see me as I am. I’m a dom and I’m a person, not your servant for you to call me when you need it and then forget about me when you’re better. Tell me if you understand."

Sebastian gulped, surrendering. "Yes, Kurt."

The accumulated tension in the air was almost palpable. Neither of them moved an inch in the following seconds, only the sound of their breathing in the room. There was unmistakable sound of someone slipping and cups falling to the floor and breaking into pieces on the other side of the door and Kurt let out a defeated sound from the back of his throat.

"I have to go back." He said, letting his arms fall to his sides. "I’ll see you in your room in two hours."

Sebastian opened his mouth but nothing came out. His heart was pounding fast in his chest and his mouth was dry. "But I thought…" he cut himself, he didn’t know what he thought.

"We still need to fix this. And we’re doing it today." Kurt stated, and it was more than clear from his face that no amount of complaining would change his mind.

"But then why-" he cleared his throat. He was still startled from Kurt’s decision so it wasn’t that easy to link words in his mouth as it was in his head. "Then why don’t we go back together?" he asked, uncomfortable under the inquiry that Kurt was giving him.

"Blaine’s waiting for me." He recalled, as if that was all Sebastian needed to know. "I brought him here so I have to take him back to his house." He moved back on his feet to the bathroom door.

Sebastian extends a hand, surprisingly grabbing the dom’s arm, a flow of something desperate and needy in his gut forcing him to do try to stop him. "Wait…"

Kurt looks at him and the watches the hand on his arm and his eyes soften, putting his own hand on his. "I want you on your knees, showered and waiting for me when I arrive. The key of your room under the flowerpot on the console of the hallway. I’ll be there soon."

And with that he was out, turning the doorknob and removing the lock Sebastian hadn’t even known was on.

…

"Are you okay?"

Kurt took a long, deep breath before replying, if not, who knows what nonsense he would have let escape. He stared at the road in front of him, what he really wanted was to smash his head against the wheel. No, he wasn’t okay. He needed to do his job, he needed to go take care of his sub.

Which Sebastian wasn’t, he remembered himself.

His stomach moved uncomfortably. That didn’t matter, he was responsible for the immediate physical and emotional health of the sub and that meant he had to think twice before doing everything.

"Kurt," He heard Blaine’s voice speak to him again but he almost didn’t notice it, he was too lost in his thoughts.

"I’m fine," He said. "Sorry I can’t take help you with your Christmas presents today, but I’ll make space somewhere and let you know."

Kurt turned his head for a second to smile briefly at Blaine. He was concerned, Kurt was aware of that but there wasn’t a lot he could do about it right now. It made Kurt feel a little guilty. It was unreal how well they got along, even after all the time they’ve been apart these months, Blaine was the easier person to talk in the world, he was smart and funny and thoughtful and they had so much in common sometimes it was a little hard to believe.

Why Sebastian had to be so… so… so frustrating.

All this time Kurt had really tried to understand him, to try to imagine his conflict and work with what he had. He knew Sebastian was stressed, he had every reason to be, and so Kurt had tried to be thoughtful, but today had been just the last straw, he was no saint, and watching Sebastian  _enjoy_  it…

He’d thought about calling it over, telling Sebastian he wasn’t gonna take it anymore and that he was out, so the sooner he found a clinic the better. He’d been so sure of it for a couple of moments, but leaving Sebastian to his fate wasn’t the answer. He already didn’t have a lot of people to rely on, abandoning him that way just because Kurt didn’t have the guts to go along with what he knew had to be done, because he worried, because he was afraid of all that could go wrong if he let himself go too far. So alright, Sebastian wasn’t his boyfriend, but he too needed those things, it wasn’t Kurt just being selfish.

And that had been the problem, Kurt thought. He’d been trying to be so careful not to cross any of Sebastian boundaries that it hadn’t occurred to him to push them, just a little.

It wouldn’t have gotten this far if it had, now what was his excuse for letting it happen? Incompetence? He had to attend his sub’s needs, and his own. How could he want Sebastian to trust his instincts when he himself wasn’t.

How could Sebastian still choose him, when Kurt was making so many stupid mistakes? He was just the worst Dom ever, he was careless and naïve and dumb and—

But not anymore. He was determined not to question himself any longer. He will do what he had, the same way Sebastian had.

"You’re angry."

He moved his head again to glance at Blaine, who was eyeing him cautiously.

"What, why?" He asked. Then he realized he was squeezing the steering wheel too harsh. He tries to relax his hands and he frowns when he’s incapable of doing it, but he quickly tries to compensate it with a smile.

"I can tell." Blaine assured without taking his eyes off him. "Did you do what you had to in there?"

"Uh, something like that." Kurt murmured softly, he didn’t really wanna talk about it, didn’t want to come up with excuses or reasons or nothing at all.

"It’s because of Sebastian, isn’t it?"

The muscles in Kurt’s back and arms tensed. Could Blaine know? He hadn’t said a word to anyone, not even Rachel or Mercedes, and there was so little to associate him to Sebastian. He doubts their constants fights could do anything to give them away. They were so apathetic to each other, it was completely impossible, he was sure of it, yet his heart was pounding as if he’d been caught red-handed, his fake nonchalant smile gone as soon as the name had come out of Blaine’s mouth.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about." He mumbled with such a serious expression he couldn’t have fooled the most credulous man alive.

"Kurt I swear to you, I don’t like Sebastian." Blaine said, causing Kurt’s eyes to open wide, his brain not fully finishing to process what he’d just heard.

"What?"

Blaine inhaled quickly. "I mean at first I might have liked him a little bit, and I was flattered by the great amount of compliments he threw at me but, he’s not what I want."

Kurt’s expression cooled ten degrees all at once. "Yeah, only because he didn’t keep chasing you." He said, seeing the surprise reflect on Blaine’s face.

He couldn’t explain the absurd wave of jealousy and possessiveness that was crawling all over his body. It was as if it was consuming him from inside. If Kurt were an animal he was pretty he would be growling.

Just the thought of Blaine and Sebastian…

But that didn’t make any sense, he didn’t want Blaine anymore, at least he didn’t want a relationship with him anymore, so, does that mean…

"I-I promise you, It’s not like that." Blaine told him. He tried to take one of his hands, but Kurt took it away, grabbing the steering wheel with both hands again and looking deep into the road.

Oh, right. Blaine still thought Sebastian was a dom. Of course he hadn’t even considered the possibility of them being anything more than natural enemies. The idea sometimes shocked Kurt himself. And he had to change that. He had to tell Blaine. He had to tell everyone. He had to scream that he and Sebastian weren’t enemies, they were, they were… something else.

But he can’t.

"It’s okay, I believe you." He said in a sigh, giving it up. He’d have to fix this by himself, in the infinite space in his head. He couldn’t hurt Sebastian anymore, and reveal the secret he’s been keeping for years would surely not do much to improve his perception of Kurt.

"Really?"

Blaine looked so happy, so full of hope when he looked at him that Kurt had to smile, even if it was a poor attempt at it. "Yes," he said. He tried to look serious then, after all the last thing he wanted was Blaine to start to be suspicious. "But it's not like you have to give me explanations, I'm not your dom anymore."

The sub's lips shook in an uncertain smile, which Kurt didn’t see, and his fingers tightened around the material of his thick sweater. "Right."

…

Sebastian concentrated on breathing, in and out, in and out, in and out, for what seemed like a big period of time. There were so many things in his head he had to focus in just that one in order to compose himself. The pressure inside his chest was so bad, he’d tried to get it out through his breathing, to ease it a little by ignoring it or push it with the rest of the things he had to put up with on a daily basis but it wasn’t working.

Was Kurt still in Lima? In his own house? With Blaine? On the road to Westerville? Was he still even coming? It’d been two hours, he was pretty sure… or so he thought. Perhaps he’d changed his mind, perhaps he’d decided that Sebastian just didn’t worth his time and… No. No, stupid sub brain talking. Kurt would be here, just as he said he would.

Lips pursed together, he shifted on his own weight on the floor. He’d been kneeling for god knows how long and his legs and knees hurt from supporting his body, the pain was good though, even at the times he wanted to give it up, to bend forward and just lie on the floor for a couple of minutes the same pain that prompted him to want it also reminded him this was were he was supposed to be, what he was supposed to be doing and, more importantly, that Kurt wanted him to.

He’d done everything the dom had told him to the letter. Even in his frustration, he knew he had no other choice. If Kurt wanted his knees to hurt from waiting for him, then they’ll the hell they will.

The cold shower he took had been long enough to let most of his rage wash off. That, of course after some good twenty minutes filled with images of Kurt’s disappointed eyes directed at him, of the tentative smile he’d saw him give to Blaine, leaning on Kurt’s black navigator on the Lima Bean parking lot only one minute after leaving Sebastian in the bathroom. Kurt had told him something he hadn’t been able to hear but it had made Blaine smile back, walking to get to the passenger side and climb into the car. The same car Sebastian had been pressed and kissed against, the same car he’d been pushed into and had it’s owner's hand on his dick, stroking him until he was a sobbing mess. And Sebastian stayed there, watching the car disappear down the road, wondering if Kurt continued feeling as angry as he was minutes ago and imagining how willing Blaine would be to change that.  

The nausea had only worsened from there on.

But eventually he felt just tired, and after another ten minutes under the cold water he just wanted to try find a way to lower the resentment he felt at the other sub, it’d been, after all, why it all had started for, his stupid self-sabotaging tendencies and his unhelpful that got him nothing but trouble.

He got out of the shower and slipped into underwear, soft grey sweatpants and a plain white shirt. Was he supposed to kneel naked or something? He didn’t think so, it wasn’t as if he thought they would be doing nothing very fun anytime soon. He didn’t feel like waiting naked would be a good idea, it seemed too much… exposure. This would have to do.

He’d already left the key where Kurt told him to and made sure to clean up a bit (He knew Kurt didn’t especially care for the mess,) and as he sank to his knees he started to freak out.

It had taken a while for him to go back to his senses, thoughts like ‘ _What I have done? Did I screw everything up, didn’t I? Shit I bet he’s so mad. Couldn’t I just have just walked out? No, I had to go there and ruin everything. If just the goddamn hobbit wouldn’t have been there, didn’t his sorry ass have anywhere else to be? And did Kurt not know any other coffee shop anyway?’_ didn’t leave his head until he didn’t have anyone else to blame and he’d explored every possibility for a different outcome of the argument.

Next he started searching for something in his mind that could save him from this, recalling to himself the endless pages and pages of information he’d read just last week, but there being so much of it he had barely got a grasp of the whole picture. Mainly, he’d settled for some basic things and every time he got a little bit deeper into it he got kind of horny and forgot it in order to jerk off. Needless to say it wasn’t of much help. He thought about all and every excuse his brain came up with and none of them would do any good to his case.

His imagination flashed with everything he would tell Kurt, everything he wanted to tell him, to defend himself, to make Kurt see things his way, some of them lies and some other truth and none of them worked out well, not even in his own mind. In the end he knew it was ridiculous.

But in spite of his frantic pursuit of an outlet, deep inside him he knew that he deserved it. He deserved it all. He’d upset Kurt. Kurt, who was good and kind and the only real friend he’d ever had and who should always be happy and… damn.

It was a monumental disaster. How did he manage to always fuck everything up?

He couldn’t be a dom, he couldn’t be a proper sub… he’d know it all his life but it’d never feel quite like this, like such a loss.

Maybe… maybe he didn’t need to come up with some big backup plan, maybe he could just apologize, accept his failure, just say he was sorry and… and promise he would do better next time, he’d do his best… yes, yes, he still got time.

Then why didn’t that feel quite right either?

Apologizing… it did feel better, but it wasn’t what his body wanted. He just didn’t understand what was that it, not so subtly, was trying to tell him was missing. That, combined with his unmistakable anxiety and the tension and mild-pain sought to strangle him and Sebastian wasn’t very certain he could keep up like this for much longer

Whether or not he could have he would never know because at that moment he heard the sound of the key entering the lock on the door.

The tempo of his breathing sped up as he tried to gather himself. He was in a position in which he was facing the door, his knees pressed together with his hands on his thighs and he lowered his head as far as it would go. He winced to the floor, imagining how he would look, prostrated there like this before someone else, little and meek and waiting for a word or any signal to indicate him what to do. Like a servant. Like a slave.

The door clicks shut and Sebastian can hear the sound of steps across the room. They’re soft and delicate, slow and calm and that, along with a heavy sigh are the only indications of another person here with him.

It was nothing like what Sebastian had pictured these last hours, in his mind he’d seen Kurt raging, throwing the door open shouting and threatening and livid. This silent, composed being makes him much more uncomfortable, but he tries to focus only in kneeling.

He can see Kurt’s shoes now as the boy stands in front of him but he still doesn’t lift his gaze. He needs to show he can be good, can be pleasing. He sort of expects to feel the hand on his head at some point but it’s clear he doesn’t deserve any of that right now. Kurt stays there for almost an entire minute, and then he speaks.  

"Straighten your back. And spread your legs a bit."

Sebastian didn’t hesitate before moving as the dom directed. His legs shifted without much effort, it was in fact easier this way, but his back did put some resistance. At least his muscles seemed to adapt better to the posture than they had before, even if it was still much harder than what he thought it should be.

"And kneel on this. You’re going to hurt yourself."

He saw one of his pillows fall in front of his knees. It wasn’t quite a command, the tone acquiring a tired ring to it, but Sebastian still hurried to comply.

It was an instant relief to his knees, although it was a bit more difficult to maintain the position like this, balancing the weight of his body to keep his legs and back in place. It’s puzzling as well as calming to think that Kurt cared enough about his physical discomfort in such a situation as he did any other time but he can’t help wishing Kurt would just shove him and scream at him and insult him and fucking act as mad as Sebastian knew he was. Take it out on him however he needed. He shouldn’t be bottling all that up.

"Have you eaten something?"

Sebastian rushed to answer, the same way he’d done kneeling on the pillow, happy to finally have something to say. He still couldn’t see Kurt at all but he could see his shadow on the floor, thanks to the light coming from the window. He was static, almost as much as Sebastian himself and had, apparently for the look of it, his arms crossed.

"Breakfast. Like, at eleven. I had eggs, and bacon and orange juice." He stopped, his mouth opening and closing with the urge to keep talking, but there was nothing more to say. He never got to buy that coffee, after all.

Kurt inhaled and exhaled loudly and for long seconds Sebastian could almost hear him thinking.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" He asks before he can regret it. "I was so mean to you, I’m so mean—"

"I’m-" Kurt says, heated and loud, before pausing and sighing again. "-not being nice. I’m being decent." He doesn’t sound calm now, and Sebastian cringes. Kurt is obviously doing a great effort not to shout, by the tone of his voice. When he speaks again he seems to have regained control of it. "In fact, I’m trying very hard not to be angry. I spent thirty minutes inside my car in the parking lot just making sure I was composed enough to do this."

The shadow before Sebastian moves on the floor and soon is not the shadow but the real Kurt he’s seeing. He looks up hesitantly and ‘composed’ is just the right word to describe Kurt’s features right now.

"I suppose I don’t have to elaborate in how I feel. How… _disappointed_." Sebastian doesn’t move in reaction to the heavy words, to the tiredness surrounding not only the tone but the whole face of the dom, he just bites his tongue and lets his eyes burn with tears he refused to let escape. There was it, all of Sebastian’s fears contained in that little word. He failed, he failed Kurt and himself and the trust there was starting to grow between them and he could not stand it. He’d give up everything he had just to go back in time and never enter that coffee shop today, to see Kurt’s warm eyes and gentle smile and kiss those plump lips until he couldn’t feel his face anymore.

"No, sir." Sebastian bowed, hoping Kurt could see this what him backing down. This was he giving up everything he knew to surrender to the man in front of him, submitting, to the extent he’s capable of, to his dominant.

He could almost feel the weight of the hand hovering over his head. So close, so damn close. He longed to for the tenderness of the fingers playing with the strands of his hair, the approval it implied. But it was gone too fast, too suddenly and he wanted to whimper at the loss.

"I’ll give you one, and just one chance to explain to me. Really explain, honestly, what happened. Whatever you say won’t affect what you did but I want to hear your reasons."

Sebastian licked his lips, looking for something to say.  _Honestly_. He did not have an honest answer, all he had were stupid excuses and pitiful made up stories. But he wanted to be honest, he just sometimes didn’t understand himself either, didn’t know why he did the things he did, he just knew he wanted Kurt to be proud, to be someone Kurt could be proud of.

Kurt raises an eyebrow at him. "Well?"

"I... I don’t know." He keeps his eyes low as he says this. Kurt’s shoes feel like the only right place to look at the moment.

"I don’t believe you." Kurt says plainly.

Sebastian clenches his eyes shut. Then, in a clear act of submission he bows further, keeping his posture as much as he can. "I’m sorry, sir." he hears his own voice, low and slightly sweetened to try sooth the dom and a knot forms in the back of his throat.

Who is this new person?

Kurt takes a step backward and grabs his desk chair, sitting on it and leaning forward, resigned, as if getting ready for this to take a while.

"I’ll only ask this twice. Why you did it?" Kurt eyes him sharply. It sounds so little like a question and so much like a command. Kurt isn’t being cold but firm and Sebastian finds it may be just easier to let it happen.

With every nerve he got, he says. "I was pissed. I wanted to rile you up, to irritate you, to show you… I don’t know what I wanted to show you."

"Well, from my perspective, it looked like you wanted to show me I don’t know you at all, that you’re still the same idiot I met a month ago and that I held no power over you. Am I right?" Kurt’s words were hard, but they also gave away sentiment. Sebastian was more than sure that Kurt didn’t intend for it to show.

He nodded, not totally over his shock yet, because yes, that sounded like him and no, he would not let himself crawl at Kurt’s feet and beg for forgiveness.

"And what, exactly, did I do to earn that?"

For some reason, he can’t make himself answer, multiple times his mouth opens with the start of a sentence but it dies before he can even pronounce a sound. At least he thinks Kurt knows that he didn’t mean it like an act of rebellion, or even resistance, he truly, truly wanted to obey but his brain was making all this much more difficult.

"Sebastian…" Kurt’s voice was close and he concentrated on him. "Were you jealous of Blaine?"

"Wha-? I-" Sebastian mumbled incoherently. His face felt faintly warmer and as he looked up at the surprisingly gentle grimace in bewilderment and his lips parted, ready to deny it all. Except he couldn’t. The words won’t come out as his body fought with his mind. Why was it important anyway? He remembered Kurt saying he didn’t care not three hours ago, then why was he asking again? Had he changed his mind? Not that it made any difference. He wasn’t jealous. Sebastian Smythe didn’t do jealousy.

"Is that why you said all those stupid things on Thursday, too? Five days? Is that how often you’ll start doing these displays of psychosis?"

"I’m not… jealous I just— I don’t like him. I don’t like the way he looks at you. I don’t want you near him." Which, he realized, could be the description of jealousy, and didn’t make a lot of sense.

If Kurt realized that, if he was affected in the least by his crappy arguments he didn’t show it.

"Well, too bad because I’m going out with him tomorrow." He said, undaunted.

"Again?" Sebastian asked disbelievingly, unable to stop. "Aren't your sectionals tomorrow? For which you told me you were practicing today? And I mean, yes I got a little crazy but it’s not like it’s the first time this happens Kurt, I—"

"Could be the tenth time and you still shouldn’t talk to me like that." Kurt cut off his little tantrum. He enunciated every word carefully, precisely, preventing him not to dare let his tongue slip again.

The sub lowered his eyes sheepishly, wincing at his own behavior. "I know."

"You do?" Kurt sounded incredulous at best. Ironic was a more appropriate word for it. Sebastian couldn’t blame him; his actions indicated the exact opposite. He stayed quiet, allowing Kurt to see he wasn’t defying him, not anymore. He’d accept everything Kurt had to tell him and after he would feel better, he trusted. Kurt will make it better, he always did.

"Eyes up." Kurt demanded, and of course, Sebastian did. "Blaine’s helping me with my college application and I’m helping him buy Christmas presents for his parents. I didn’t tell you I’d be practicing today, you assumed. Those were the plans for today and if I had to move them to tomorrow you can thank yourself for that." There was a pause. Kurt arched his eyebrow at him and waited until Sebastian nodded before continuing. "And in any case if you ever come upon us in the future you won’t open your mouth without thinking beforehand. You’ll be respectful to him and any friend I happen to be with. Especially myself, needless to say."

Sebastian nodded again, almost eagerly. The prospect of encounter himself once again in the same scenario than today, frozen as he saw Kurt cheerily chatting and laughing with Blaine made him wanna puke, but he would never, never repeat the same mistakes from today, regardless of how much it upsets him.

"Very good." Kurt’s now softer voice muttered as he finally, finally touched him. His hand rose slowly from where it was on the armrest of his chair and came to cup his cheek, fingers sliding all the way from his chin to his cheekbone and using his thumb to caress the skin there. Sebastian nearly whimpered, nuzzling closer to the heat of Kurt’s hands and permitting the praise to fill his body with a sense fulfillment.

Kurt let him do it, never taking his eyes off him. "You’re so beautiful like this." He said, and Sebastian wanted to whimper again. "Devastatingly beautiful. Can’t believe my eyes when I look at you. It makes me wonder why do you resist so much to show this side of you."

Sebastian frowned. "I don’t." he replied instantly, but didn’t draw back from where he was.

The dom let out yet another sigh. "I saw you. Back in the Lima Bean." He said, and his face showed so much compassion it made Sebastian want to look away. Kurt’s fingers still holding his face stopped him from doing exactly that. "I see you. Day after day, trying to be something you’re not."

"No, you’re wrong. That isn’t true. I don’t have to try for anything… I—I’m not disciplined, or well mannered. I’m rude and short-tempered and lustful and crude, I am the goddamn epitome of what a sub should not be and you…" Sebastian kept shaking his head as much as Kurt’s hand allowed him to but he didn’t know what more to say to make Kurt see.

"Don’t get me wrong, I know you are all of those things. Is that why you feel the need to disrespect me? To demonstrate how un-submissive you are?"

Kurt’s hand lifted his head, ensuring he could not avoid the dom’s gaze.

"Kurt—Your not my therapist. No!" Kurt didn’t look pissed any more than he did a moment ago, simply firmer, unwavering, as if he was so sure of every word nothing Sebastian could say would change his mind.

"Do you actually want me to think you want to be a dom?"

"No. I don’t. I was just pointing out that I’m not pretending."

"I think you are." Kurt said fervently. "At least with me. Most of the time, that is. Especially today. You were trying so hard to be who you think you should be, just as you are now."

Sebastian was preparing to deny again, to raise his voice if he had to in order to be heard, when he noticed. His body had gone stiff with strain, a heavy burden settling over his shoulders and making his posture deform awfully, his jaw practically shaking.

He felt himself deflate, reassuming the correct position on his knees and letting the air he didn’t know was holding in his lungs go. His temperament always brought out the worst of him and it was so hard to placate, the smallest aggravation and he was on edge, searching furiously for something to shout back. It was exactly what he was trying to tell Kurt but he just didn’t see to understand.

"That’s it." The other boy murmured, making Sebastian's eyebrows furrow. "Don’t you feel better now?"

The words hung between them. Sebastian half wanted to spat back at him and tell him that no, he didn’t feel better in any way, his knees and back hurt and his head was becoming more of a mess the longer Kurt talked. The other half just wanted to snuggle up against him and nod.

At the prolonged silence Kurt hummed. "It’s okay if you can’t answer just yet. I know that, for some reason I still cannot fully comprehend, you’re determined not to let yourself feel your instincts correctly. To block them, even. I can see they do exist, I see it in the way you shiver when I touch your hair or your hands, and I see it in the way your body relaxes and your eyes sort of shine when I give you small orders. When I call you a good boy."

Sebastian fidgets, and Kurt’s hold vanishes from under his chin.

"Look, it hasn’t been easy for me either, you know. Maybe not to the same extent as you but do you know how it is to be pushed and called names and throw into dumpsters day after day? Knowing that I am constantly laughed at for looking girly, for talking like I do, for expecting someone to want me, to submit to me…" Kurt took a deep breath and leaned on his elbows. "But I face it every day and yes, I may be girly and stereotyped but this is me. And I’ve learned to accept it. You should too. Believe me, it’s easier than hating yourself for things you can’t change."

Sebastian just looks, not knowing what to say to that or if he should say something at all. Soft eyes stare at him from above and he marvels at how different this creature is from the tense and edgy one he’d been minutes ago. He isn’t sure if it’s only because talking and getting all that out of his chest relaxes him or if it’s just the response to his own behavior.

It’s strange. Kurt’s the dom, thinking that he can influence his emotions like this, can hold this little amount of power, to calm him and give him this balance just kneeling and listening is oddly gratifying.

But he can’t let himself think much about it because Kurt is talking again, so much showing in his features, so much passion, so much conviction Sebastian _has_ to pay attention. " I'm pretty sure I've told you this before but being a sub doesn’t mean you can’t have your own thoughts or beliefs or a personality. A sub isn’t a mindless robot to serve and bend over for a dom." Kurt’s cheeks turned faintly pink, but he didn’t let that stop him from continuing scolding the sub. " What you think being a sub means… it retrograde. I don’t know if your parents…" He paused, eyeing Sebastian before asking. 

There was the smallest of pauses and Kurt shook his head as if to clear it.

"You are entitled to your own life. I get that there are still imbeciles that think otherwise but the good news is that most of them are going to die in the next two or three decades and lot others will grow up. Even if they don’t, there are still more good doms that bad ones. And I’ll have you know that if you had attended sub classes when you had to you'd know all of this."

The criticism is rather clear in that last sentence and Sebastian strives not to shrink.

"Seriously, what about Nick and Jeff, do you think their relationship is as bad as you think every other is? You think Nick is some crazy asshole who abuses subs in his free time?"

He shrugged, uncomfortable. "They’re just like puppies in love, I hardly think they count."

And really, the mental image of those two sharing anything more than cheesy words and pecks between classes made him nauseous on his best days.

Kurt looked up at the ceiling, inhaling sharply. "Why do I feel like everything I say pass through one of your ears and out the other?"

Sebastian opened his mouth to assure Kurt that no, of course he was listening, but a palm lifted stopped him.

The dom took his time, moving his eyes from Sebastian to his own hands to Sebastian again. "But that’s not entirely your fault… I- I guess it’s my fault too. I haven’t been… strong enough for you. You’re  _nothing_  close to docile, and I’ve been too soft… It had always been a problem of mine…"

The weary voice went straight to Sebastian’s chest. Kurt had to be happy. He had to make him happy.

But instead it was Kurt who reached to reassure him, hand back to his cheek, rubbing softly below his eye. Sebastian let his head fall under the hold of Kurt’s hand, leaning against the grip. "You’re not soft, you’re…"  _Perfect_. Sebastian licked his lips. Rationally, he knew it wasn’t true, no one was, but right now his mind wasn’t in the best state to be rational.

"Listen to me." Kurt told him, speaking low but clear. "I don’t mind if you're mouthy or sarcastic most of the time but I can’t let you go on like this. And I know you’re too impulsive and willful to even think of what you’re doing half of the time but that’s exactly the problem." 

Something turned in the pit of his stomach. He doesn’t like where this all is leading, doesn’t like the determining way Kurt is talking. Something’s coming, something he’d definitely don’t like.

"And you were right before, it is the second time. Second time you insult me like that. First time was last week, Thursday, I’m sure you can remember." And oh if he could.

_Do what you want but you could have at least the decency to be sincere and say that you won't come because you will be too busy fucking your ex!_

He’d been so damn mad, had felt so damn _betrayed_. Kurt was reconnecting with Blaine, leaving him aside. And between the two of them, Sebastian knew who was the smart choice.

"I do, I’m sorry." He said, almost absent.

"And today… Your immature outburst only made me see there is something utterly wrong in all this. "

A little bubble of panic was growing deep inside him, his position was losing form and there was wetness filling his eyes. He felt dumb and clingy and lame and he could see from Kurt’s look how pathetic he must look.

"Stop that." His thoughts were cut by Kurt, who was now frowning. "Stop being so scared of your own self. You don’t need to. Your instincts are good. They’re part of you, and you don’t need to run from them."

Feeling bold, he said. "Maybe you should follow your own advice."

Kurt evidently wasn’t expecting an answer because his eyes wide and his eyebrows lift just a little bit. Sebastian isn’t prepared for what comes out of his mouth next. "I am. That’s why I’ll have to punish you."

It’s like a struck across the face. Or as having a bucket of ice poured over him. All those words, all the things Kurt just said to him, and all were leading to this. Of course, he should have seen it, it was the logical thing, predictable, even. Why was he shaking then?

"Punish…" he lost his voice somewhere along the word and coughed, swallowing back the lump growing in his throat. "No, no I… That’s not necessary. I-I promise it’s not."

"I’m afraid it is." Kurt stated, and he’s so fucking calm.

"But I- I thought we—" Kurt let him stumble awkwardly over his words, watching him slowly going insane _just_ with the idea.

"You told me on Saturday that you wanted to try more." Kurt said when he didn’t finish, lowering his head to get closer to him. "Punishment is a normal part of a d/s relationship. It happens. And it doesn’t have to be something bad."

"I didn’t mean that. I wasn’t referring to-"

"You were referring to sex. I know. But I wasn’t. Until now, I’ve done everything to respect your limits, but I think you need new ones. Or reconsider them, at least."

Sebastian shook his head, Kurt didn’t understand. "I- I can’t!"

"Okay. Tell me why."

"I’m not ready."

"Are you really not ready, or are you just afraid?"

His heart is pounding in his ears and his mouth is suddenly _so_ dry. He can see the way he’s becoming hysterical but he can’t stop himself from freaking out, looking nowhere and everywhere, trying to find anything to save him from his fate.

And despite his body’s better judgment he feels his bitter attitude returning.

"You can’t make me." Words escape him in a rush, the apple of his throat swaying heavily as he saw Kurt stare intently at him.

"You’re right, I can’t. And I don’t want to."

Relief attempts to flood through his body but Sebastian doesn’t quite let it. Knowing Kurt, this had very few possibilities to play off as he wished.

The dom waits for his shakings to slow down, still calm, still quiet, as if they had all the time in the world.

"Tell me something," he says casually, "What would you do if I… ordered you to… go straight to the headmaster and tell him you’re a sub, tell him you lied and falsified your documents, will you?"

Sebastian blinks at the absurdity of the question. He didn’t have to think about it at all, the answer was on his tongue as soon as he registered the words.

"I- I wouldn’t. Never. Not in a million years." It was a nightmare to simply imagine it. God, he almost could see it, the shame, the mockery he’d have to go through, the jokes and laughs at his expenses. He couldn’t bear it.

Kurt hummed in agreement. "Control is not something I can take away from you. But you could choose to give it to me, if that’s your wish. If it’s not there’s nothing I can do about it, sickness or not."

He has to echo those words in his head before he can convince himself they are true, but even before that he can’t manage o relax completely. Kurt, so kind, so good to him, would never hurt him. And that was the only thing he fully believed.

His muscles unwind considerably and his thighs, which he hadn’t noticed where shaking along with his fingertips stop. It’s painful how much he needed to hear that. Kurt was a dom, not a puppet master.

"So, you’re saying that you won’t punish me?"

But he already knows the answer. It’s just stubbornness talking, trying to delay the inevitable.

"I’m saying that is your choice. If you say no I won’t threaten you with not helping anymore but I won’t pretend that I’m helping you beyond going through your sickness." Kurt said, serious.

And that doesn’t sound like all that bad, at least not to the Sebastian from three weeks ago, or the anxious one trembling at the mere thought of punishment. But there’s a point in between, a part of him that the only thing it wants is forgiveness, but it also wanted to earn that forgiveness, not got it chickening out or just ignoring the subject. Punishment not only scared him, it terrified him. Not just because of the pain it may entail, but because of all of the other implications of it, the sheer indignity of it. And that little part of him that had been growing and growing through the last days, weeks, wanted it. Wanted Kurt to take his fury out on his body, to use him for it, to grant him the chance to prove he could be more, to be good and as perfect as Kurt was to him.

 _It’s the sickness, it’s the sickness,_ he repeats for himself, over and over. That was the only reason he had those desires, it had to be, he’d never before… not since he was so little…

Was he a coward? Was he so reluctant towards punishment because he was afraid to _like_ it? Was it just the actual punishment? Or was he just another subphobic Smythe?

"I think we both need this, I as much as you, maybe. But I’ll never, ever do anything that you don’t want me to do. You have to know that."

Sebastian heard Kurt’s voice close, closer than what he remembers him being. It occurs to him that he could very well say no, just as Kurt offered, ignore that part of him that screamed – _do it, do it, do it_ – and face Kurt methodically helping him out of his sickness, no kisses, no blowjobs, no nothing. And it’s bad, but he could do it, all in name of a fragile sense of security.

However… that would mean he’d never get what he so, so secretly wants, what he _craves_. Or he could have it, in exchange for the rest of his superiority complex.

Kurt’s finger under his chin lifted his head again, slow and steady, and Sebastian let out a breath. Kurt smiled, as if already knowing the end of this.

"It won’t be as bad as you think. Scening, punishment included, should represent a safe space in which you are free to be and want anything and everything, because if you did trust me you’d be able to let go and let me—" Kurt’s eyes fell shut, exhaling sharply, and shaking his head. "And you’ll still have your safeword. You always have that. And after everything’s done and over, we’ll remake our agreement. What do you say?"

And what point there was in thinking more about it, Kurt knew, Sebastian knew, he wasn’t fooling anyone.

"F-Fine." The words came out of his mouth as a whisper, his lips numb from being purse together for so long. "Fine. Do it."

Fingers tenderly caressing along his jaw, Kurt bites on his lower lip. "Are you sure?"

Sebastian nods, before he can start doubting himself again.

"Then you have to ask for it."

He stills, his teeth clenching in his mouth. _He wants this,_ he thinks, breathing deeply. _He wants to obey, wants to do as he’s told, he wants to kneel and please and be…_ And there was a reason for that, because Sebastian _was_ a submissive. As much as he’d tried to deny it for years, he can’t run away from it, not anymore. He only had to do what Kurt said, and he’ll make it better. He always did.

His lips parted, mouth dry and voice small. "Would you punish me, sir?"

He half expected Kurt to make him go further, to make him beg for it, but the minute the words are out his mouth there is a hand in his head, fingers carding through his hair.

"Yes, sweetheart. Thank you for thinking that through, I know it mustn’t have been easy for you." Sebastian feels like _purring,_ greedily arching on the touch. Kurt’s eyes were careful and attentive and his lips curled faintly. The hand fell away, tangling with the other on the dom’s lap, a neutral and controlled expression back to his features. "Normally I don’t think of spankings as good punishments but this time, and because it’s you, it may be a good option."

He doesn’t know what that means, whether it’s good or bad, but he doesn’t linger much in the matter. Immediately an image of Kurt bending him over his knee and pulling his pants down to bare his butt appears in his brain and it’s like that originally small part of him it’s becoming bigger, heavier and harder to contain as his dick twitches weakly and a throaty moan escapes his mouth.

"Do you agree?" Kurt asks and Sebastian knows he’s intentionally no reacting. For Sebastian’s sake.

"Anything you want, sir." He says and _fuck_ , his own self from a month ago would punch him on the face if he heard him, hit him until his balls grew back.

"Very good. Stand and take your clothes off."

He did, slowly but resolute. One of his knees cracked a little as he got up on his feet, aching at the movement. It felt almost more painful standing than being on his knees now, the raw sensations of the tingling pain monopolizing all of his attention for a quick moment. He didn’t have time to weep over something so minor as that though, not when he had a command to follow.

He grabs his shirt and takes it off, the white, clean soft fabric slipping from his body easily and Sebastian feels a chill run down his spine that has nothing to do with the cold weather outside the building, Dalton’s thermostat was nothing if not effective.

He isn’t completely sure why he feels that way, undressing in front of other people has never been a problem, but he feels inexplicably so exposed. Maybe it made sense, though… After all, he wasn’t undressing for sex, like all those times with other people, or because he was sick and the clothes were too uncomfortable. It was because he was being punished. A sign of utter submission.

Pleasure and shame rolled deliciously in his belly, mixed together and sending shocks of arousal to his lower body, waiting for him to continue his work.

He took the waistband of his pants and lowered them, quickly doing the same with his underwear and folding everything out of pure paranoia, setting them on top of the bedside table.

Kurt rises from his seat, where he’d been watching as Sebastian undressed himself, never touching, -to Sebastian’s disappointment- restricting himself to just look even though they were so close that just stretching his hand would have been enough, and he moves to his side, examining his now naked body.

"Still." Kurt paces to his side and off his sight view. He can hear the dom moving things behind his back and he struggles to be obedient and not move to peek what he’s doing. It was possibly only seconds but for him it felt like hours. He started questioning the whole thing. Would it be painful? Was he making the right decision? And what if Kurt had brought with him something really bad to hit him with? And oh god, what if someone heard?

"Nick and Jeff." He blurted out without thinking. Somehow he still managed to keep his position.

"What about them?" Kurt’s voice was low and inquiring, it also was very close.

"They heard. Us. Saturday night. They could be here, they could hear."

No answer. No sound at all. For long seconds he just stands unmoving, until a hot pressure at the side of both his upper arms makes itself present. Kurt’s hands rub over his skin, calming.

The, he whispers. "Then I guess that you’ll have to be extra quiet, don’t you think?"

Disillusion strikes him hard, but he has to admit he didn’t actually believe that was going to change anything.

"Stop that. I want you to really let go. Stop trying to be dominant, stop trying to control things, to control me."

"I wasn’t…"

"Unconsciously, maybe. But you were. And it isn’t healthy for you to do that all the time." Kurt breaths in his ear, words soothingly warm against his skin. "I want you to feel safe like this. I want you to trust me to make you feel safe. Not a lie."

A shudder passes through him. He wants that. He wants it so badly.

"It’s just… I’ve never done this."

"That’s pretty obvious. Don’t worry, I’ll guide you."

Something pointy nuzzles in the space between his ear and his neck and takes him a great load of concentration before he realizes it’s Kurt’s nose. It’s gone as soon as he recognizes it, along with the fingers on his arms and he’s standing there in the middle of the room alone for a few moments more.

"Ready?"

Sebastian nods, restless.

"Use your words."

"Yes, sir."

"Turn around."

And he does. Quickly he spins on his feet and the sight of the bed meets with his eyes for the first time in an hour. There is nothing in particular for him to look at, nothing big or scary or new. Just his bed, stripped of any covers and looking just empty, only the light grey sheets covering the mattress and one single pillow resting on the center. The biggest, plumpest one he never uses and had got on a whim because it was really nice.

And that was all, really. No ropes or gags or anything of the sort. Kurt gave him a moment to assimilate what he saw and then said.

"You’re going to lay face down on the bed, the pillow rising your hips and your hands on the headboard." Sebastian looked at him, blinking in confusion. "Go."

His gaze shifted away from the dom again, starting to take a step towards the bed.

"No." Kurt said all of the sudden. He didn’t sound hesitant but his tone was a little bit different. Cautious. Excited. "Crawl."

Sebastian swallowed a lump in his throat, recalling his previous urges to crawl at Kurt’s feet and beg to be forgiven. He knows Kurt is probably expecting him to refuse, which is why he feels an unexpected surge of pride as he lowers himself to the floor again, but instead of kneeling he gets on all fours and starts to move, very slowly because he still cannot totally believe he’s doing this, toward the bed. He feels Kurt’s eyes on his back all the way to it, all his attention put solely on him and his breath lightens just a bit.

Once he gets to the bed he climbs onto it and tries to comply with Kurt’s command as best as he can. He lies over the pillow, the soft material pressing against his also mostly soft dick, and placing both hands around the slats of the headboard.

It’s more awkward than he’d predicted. The right side of his face was completely pressed to the mattress, his stomach felt weird and his jaw was surely going to hurt after all of this. Being honest, he’d never imagined himself in a position like this, ass up in the air, waiting to be beaten and oh, so _vulnerable_. His hole felt sensitive and exposed and he’s suddenly so self-conscious about it.

"Spread your legs." Kurt said, impassive. "More. More. Good enough. Now move a little up. Like that, yes, only your ass on the pillow. Perfect."

The ghost of a hand trails over his back, then it becomes a single finger running down his spine then up again to his neck and hair and arms and lastly his hands on the headboard.

"I won’t tie you up, because I want you to stay where I put you all by yourself, do you understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"I’m going to give you twenty slaps on your ass with my hand. You’ll count after each one."

By hand? Sebastian had expected some kind of… special thing. Probably for the best since the probabilities of him coming out injured reduced radically.

Incapable of keeping his mouth shut, he asked. "Why do I have to keep count?"

"Because it’s part of your punishment and it’s so you don’t go too far into subspace." Kurt answered effortlessly. Subspace? Was he serious? The feeling that he was not ready for this came rushing back to him. Sebastian wasn’t familiar with the concept of subspace, he’s heard of it, the way everyone’s heard of it, had always seemed like an unreal though, especially if he thought about _he_ having anything to do with it. "You can safeword at any moment if you think you can’t go on, and if you have any important question you _shall_ ask. Color?"

"Green." He says instinctively. _Focus, Sebastian. Focus._

The surface of bed sinking under Kurt’s weight as he sits at the side of his feet is enough. He closes his eyes, waiting for the first blow to come and cringing when he felt Kurt’s hand on him, rubbing the skin of his lower back. After some time of this and none of them saying anything Kurt’s hand finds his way to Sebastian’s hair and the warmth of a kiss is left between the sub’s shoulder blades. "Relax, Bas." Kurt whispers there.

 _I’m here._ Kurt doesn’t say but that’s what Sebastian hears and he automatically feels his limbs unwind, even if he’s still too nervous.

"Remember to count."

Sebastian meant to hold his breath but Kurt didn’t give him enough time, his hand coming down on him fast and hard and leaving a trail of heat and sting behind.

"O-One."

The hand that wasn’t hovering over his ass stroked his hair. "Good boy."

The approval is pleasant, comforting, and he feels himself naturally seeking the touch.

It should have felt so humiliating; he was ass up in the air being spanked by hand like a toddler and having Kurt messing up his hair and calling him a good boy for taking it. And it was, sure as hell it was, but that wasn’t what concerned Sebastian, what really bothered him is that he felt himself starting to get hard just by it. But nobody could see him, and Sebastian tried to shelter himself in that and… god. What would other people do if they saw Sebastian like this? Offering himself for it. Anyone with a key could open the door and see him, the principal or one of the directives or the prefect if he really wanted, it was just luck that they hadn’t been caught until now. What would the school say? The teachers? What would the Warblers say? Nick, Trent, Thad? His parents… His father’s look of disappointment was always present in Sebastian’s mind as it was his mother’s severe glare.

_Smack. Smack. Smack._

Tree more fall on his other cheek and Sebastian makes a little, whimpering sound. "Two, three, four."

"Deep breaths."

He tries. He does, but they come in superficial even taking as much air as he can into his lungs he feels like suffocating.

"Concentrate on me, Bas. Here and now. Deep breathes." Kurt repeats and Sebastian manages to get one proper breath before the next blow comes down.

 _Smack_.

"F-Five."

"Here and now, are we clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Beautiful."

_Smack._

"Six." Sebastian breathes out, burying his head in the mattress. His ass burned already and they weren’t at the middle yet. His cock was still sort of half hard and he told himself it was because he was naked and had Kurt’s hand on his ass but it was a feeble thought, mainly because Kurt was murmuring things behind his ear, his lips touching the nape of his head now and then as he talked.

"If you could see yourself, you’re breathtaking, such a beautiful sight, such a good boy, so good for me."

 _Smack_.

"Seven"

"Fucking gorgeous."

_Smack._

"Eight."

Sebastian couldn’t hold back from whining, small sounds coming out his mouth at every blow. Kurt kissed his head every time and that seemed to encourage Sebastian because they kept coming. Incompressible babblings and whines and cries of strange pleasure overwhelming him.

Fuck, his cock was getting harder and harder just from listening his _own_ whimpers and he suspected he was leaking because the pillow under his hips felt suddenly damp and he had to remember himself to keep still not to hump the pillow. Kurt’s hand kept going down and down until the heat that surrounded his ass seemed to travel to his balls. He was starting to get light-headed and only the thought of subspace made him shake his head, repeatedly, and keep counting.

_Smack._

"Ow-" This had been a particularly hard thwack and it made Sebastian almost hiss in pain but also in arousal. He wondered if there’d be mark later, it was very likely by the feel of it and _fuck,_ Sebastian wanted it, he wanted to be bruised from this, to have something real to remind him what he did, was he was capable of going through. "T-Twelve."

"That’s it. Almost done, sweetheart."

"Kurt, sir…"

Kurt’s hand rubbed his back, making him tremble and moan when Kurt kissed his head again. "Shh, it’s okay. I’ll take perfect care of you."

Sebastian groaned, feeling the ache in his nose from the contained tears goes away and he doesn’t understand why until the salty fluid slides into his mouth. They’re just a few, nothing dramatic, but he doubts the heavy tears had passed unnoticed to Kurt’s attention. He can’t care less if he sees it or not, though. It doesn’t matter, not here, not now.

Because for the first time in his life he wasn’t fighting. He accepted, he received, even welcomed the painful thwacks. He was sick of fighting it, sick of play-acting everything, to have to guess what someone else would do in his place. Kurt was right about that, was always right. He just wanted to stop having to think and guess. He wanted his punishment to end and be able to look at his red ass and not feel ashamed of this, wanted Kurt to keep him right in this position for hours while he pounded into him again and again until he couldn’t walk in a week.

He’d let it happen, Sebastian realized. He’d let Kurt fuck him, he’d bottom for Kurt. Right here, right now, if Kurt would just have him…

_Smack. Smack. Smack._

Sebastian moaned, somehow feeling the stimulation all the way to his hole and something in his belly twisted and send shocks of pleasure to his cock. He could totally see now why Kurt wouldn’t consider this a punishment.

Kurt hummed in satisfaction and Sebastian felt his head spin at the sound.

"Fifteen. Sixteen. Seventeen."

They all came fast and punitive, and he couldn’t get over how good and bad they felt at the same time. His skin was already badly battered but the blows kept coming making it hurt so bad but so _right_. Brilliant and beautiful and so _hot_. Just three, three more and it’d be everything.

_Smack. Smack._

"Eighteen. Nineteen."

His ribcage almost hurt with the beating of his heart. One. One. It took so long to come, so long, he couldn’t wait for it anymore.

"Please… please, sir. Twenty, twenty please."

_Smack._

He made a loud, satisfied noise as the last of the blows hit his left cheek. It was probably the hardest of them all and it made the vibrations follow through his upper thighs and –exquisitely— to his balls. His ass felt twice its normal size now, the skin burning hotter and harsher now that he knew there were no more hits to come and he could only imagine how flushed it must be, wondering if there was any chance his actual face was in fact redder.

He let the air in his lungs go, let his head fall peacefully on the bed and immediately a hand was placed on his back, warm from slapping his ass over and over, drawing small circles over his spine.

"There, perfect."

Everything felt… so right, somehow. Serenity, like he’d never felt it before filled his body, making his limbs feel heavy and lethargic, as if the weight of the world had been took off his shoulders and he finally could rest.

"Humm, has my little rebel been spent?"

Kurt’s voice was so self-satisfied, so utterly pleased. Sebastian wanted to wrap himself in it.

"So good, you were so good. My good boy. Everything’s perfect now, you’re perfect." Kurt is kissing his temple again, murmuring soft words as he feels how the pillow under his hips in gently yanked away, letting him lie flat on his stomach on the bed.

Sebastian barely kept himself from preening at the constant praises whispered in his ear. Was this even real? Sebastian wondered in the back of his mind, he felt too good, too comfortable, his chest felt light at last after he isn’t sure how long, days, months, years… he didn’t want to move, he didn’t want this to end to go back to his everyday misery, he wanted to stay here forever.

"Look at me, Bas." Kurt’s voice was the only thing he was aware of besides his own bliss and a few moments later, arms wrapped his shoulders, spinning him just enough so he was lying on his side now, his ass carefully not touching anything. The blue of the dom’s eyes met him and Sebastian felt his body quiver, urging him to touch.

"Sir…" Sebastian blinked forcefully. Kurt. It was Kurt now, wasn’t it?

"What is it, sweetheart?"

For some reason he can’t bring himself to say the words, static as he was by the look that was being given to him, he still couldn’t think properly, and wasn’t sure how really okay they were right now.

"Bas, I don’t want you to be afraid to ask for the things you want. Anything’s in your mind, you can always ask."

Licking his lips, Sebastian moved closer and with a voice that sounded pleading even to his own ears, he asked. "Kiss me?"

Kurt’s eyes opened, wide and startled. His lips parted, a question lingering in the tip of his tongue, Sebastian recognized, but he froze in the middle of the first syllable. He felt the need tighten in his chest when Kurt leaned the tiniest bit and then a little more, until his lips brushed the sub’s in a shivering kiss. It was slow and relaxed where he wished it was rough and desperate but he’s learning to cherish this kind of connection too, amazed by the way his body responds to it, the way his heart flutters at the pleasant and familiar contact, making him keen helplessly against the other boy’s lips.

When Kurt breaks away his lower lip is shinning bright and Sebastian feels high in his own endorphins.

"This was… it wasn’t so horrible."

"No, for the look of your boner it wasn’t."

He doesn’t let himself feel embarrassed, it’s like he can’t, not right now and he’d like to always feel like this, so free, so protected.

"At the beginning I thought it would just feel like I’m playing a part. But that’s what I do every day. With you… that’s not at all what I feel."

It was hard wrapping his head around it, accepting he’d been wrong all along, accepting he’d been so afraid of this.

Kurt chuckled. "It sounds like you’re going through puberty." He felt his frown furrowing. Kurt gave him a small reassuring smile. "Come here." He said, opening his arms to him.

Sebastian took it as a command and made himself push away from the bed and into Kurt’s arms. He felt small there but so, so right, like he belonged. If he hadn’t been so absorbed in the feeling he would have yelped at the pain that struck his ass when he sat up. It wasn’t so bad, though. He loved the sore feeling of his muscles after a especially rough exercise and this wasn’t that much different.

He had just taken his first punishment, and he couldn’t be happier. He didn’t feel like a disappointment any longer, Kurt was still here and he was holding him and making him feel in a way he didn’t know it was possible to feel. Light and cared for and whole and worthy.

But for how long?

Weeks?

Days?

His sickness wasn’t the only one with an expiration date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it, folks. We're getting close to the ending of this story (finally I guess) and I need you to keep me motivated so leave a comment to let me know what you think pleeeease....


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